by Brea Viragh
We were a pair built of flames and stardust.
I saw all of this in the flashback and more, my mind taking me back through the night of the Grand Ball as though I’d become one with a reel of film.
I moved away from the mirror at last, selecting an assortment of jewelry I deemed adequate and slipping on a pair of gold-detailed high heels that added an extra few inches to my slender frame. Now I would stand nearly as tall as the prince, with whom I normally came to shoulder height.
At last satisfied with my appearance, I slipped out of the room and down the main staircase toward the ballroom, toward the noise and the life and the celebration waiting for me.
For me.
A celebration of the fact that I would soon land the most eligible bachelor in the kingdom and solidify our union in the eyes of the people.
A prince. The future king. And I hadn’t had to use my magic power to do it, although it might have made the courtship a little easier. He hadn’t exactly been easy to convince of the sincerity of my intentions. In fact, he’d always seemed to be a step or two—or four—behind me in terms of desire. Not physical desire, no. We’d never exactly lacked in that aspect.
But he seemed in no hurry to marry. He’d been an indulged royal for so long, enjoying anything and everything his exalted position afforded. While I had an eye on the future, it was true, nothing could take away from how I felt for him. I was madly in love with him.
I made my grand entrance as planned, basking under the warmth of the overhead crystal chandeliers and the applause from the attendees. Merek separated from the crowd and came forward to claim me, looking like an angel carved from stone. He was so handsome in his courtly costume, his bright eyes glinting under the brilliance of the chandeliers. Tonight, he wore perfectly tailored dress pants and a jacket set in the same navy and gold tones as my dress. We were complements to each other. The perfect match.
Current Me could hardly believe what I was seeing. This was the Beast? The man I had cursed to his own hell? He was gorgeous! How could I have—
And then I realized there was more. The darkness in his soul was a perfect mirror to mine, and our faults reflected back on one another the same as our merits.
My prince held out a hand for me to take. I placed my palm in his and he reached up with his free hand to push a lock of hair off my shoulder, running the strands between his fingers.
“You look wonderful tonight,” he murmured. “I expected nothing less from you but you have dazzled me.”
“I feel the same, Your Highness.”
The applause died down and I allowed him to lead me toward the dance floor. The twelve-piece orchestra struck up a lively melody and Merek took charge of the waltz. Our movements flowed together seamlessly. All eyes were on us and I relished the attention. The feeling of his hand on mine, his arm around my waist, his body pressed close.
Our breaths and heartbeats matched in perfect synch with one another, the pressure of his chest against the swell of mine as he dipped me, guiding me around the dance floor. Merek put the rest of the men in attendance to shame. Emerald eyes captured mine, accented by the soft wave of his gleaming chestnut hair. I squeezed his shoulder with my free hand.
Oh yes, we knew each other well. I felt the hunger radiating from him as he pulled me closer, the heat enfolding me in a slow sizzle. My body responded to him instantaneously. His hand grazed the side of my breast and brought blood rising to the surface in an alarmingly fast reaction. I wanted to lean close and whisper in his ear all the things I planned to do to him once we were alone. Wanted to listen to his silky baritone voice saying the same things to me. He always managed to undress me with his words before claiming my body completely. One of the many things I appreciated about him.
Merek leaned closer to press his lips to the skin at the base of my neck. “Later I should like to have a moment alone with you,” he murmured. “There are private matters for the two of us to discuss.”
Heat pooled in my lower abdomen. “Whatever you wish, my prince.”
A lock of hair draped seductively across his forehead and I licked my lips. His arms pinned me in place for a moment before releasing me after the dance to mingle with guests.
There were many guests in the castle I’d never seen before and I wisely divided my time between them. Offering a smile to some and a kind word to others. I wanted them to like me, to accept my suitability for Prince Merek.
But time went by and I hadn’t seen a glimpse of Merek since our dance. When the company of others grew boring, I made my exit from the party, leaving the music and laughter behind me. Let the others enjoy the extravaganza. They were there for a party and by God we would give them one to remember.
Next to the excitement of the ballroom, the rest of the castle corridors felt heavy with their silence. My footsteps resounded back to me.
“Merek?” I called out.
When no one answered me, I went toward his favorite room: the rear study with wide windows overlooking the valley below. It gave him a view of everything he considered to be his realm once his parents died and he inherited everything.
And soon, it would be mine too.
I couldn’t help the sliver of pleasure I felt at the thought. Though I loved Merek with the whole of my heart, I knew it wasn’t the only reason I’d been drawn to him. Power became its own currency, and although I possessed magic I knew this strategic marriage would secure a future for Thomas and my mother in a legitimate way. If I had the respect of the kingdom and the authority of the crown, I could do anything I wished.
Shadows deepened and the air felt cooler the farther I walked away from the ballroom.
I approached the closed door. Our special spot, the small office overlooking the gardens which his father had once used as his own personal space. We used it now for our own escapes. Sometimes, even in a castle of this size, one needed privacy, to remain hidden from the prying eyes of the staff and the ever-present courtiers. Though the atrium remained my clear favorite, this too held a special place in my heart.
My cheeks warmed. That’s where Merek had gone, I was sure of it.
“Are you in there?” I called out. Without waiting for an answer, I pushed inside the room. Inside his manly domain. Though family portraits and photographs lined the walls, and hefty masculine furniture created comfortable spots for conducting the kingdom’s business, I knew Merek preferred to relax in the large leather chair behind the desk, gazing into the fire across from him.
But that wasn’t the picture I found when I entered. Not even close.
I froze at the sight of the man I loved with his arms around another woman and their lips fused together. His powerful hands were on her bare arms, while her fingers burrowed into the silk of his hair.
No.
It couldn’t be.
“Reila!”
Merek broke his hold on the woman and drew apart from her in an instant. I didn’t recognize her. I didn’t need to recognize her. The desire to fight rose up and I marched toward them, a storm brewing inside of me. No one was allowed to touch him or hold him the way I did. A ripping sensation tore through me, pain invading my body at the sight of them together.
“Why?” I screeched, holding out an unsteady finger to point at the vixen. “Why would you do something like this to me?”
Fury and hurt raged for supremacy and I went with the first because it felt easier to embrace the fire than try to be reasonable. I tasted blood in my mouth.
“It’s not what you think,” he hastened to say. He took a large step away from the woman, his hands out to me, pleading, placating. “This isn’t my doing.”
I barely heard him speaking above the pounding of my heart. “Isn’t that what they all say? Try to cover up their mistake by casting the blame on the other person. Making it seem as though it is all in the victim’s mind,” I shouted.
Merek hung his head, abashed. “My love, I am simply trying to tell you the truth. Lady Sinclair followed me from the ballroom. It was n
ot my intention to entertain her though I did not wish to be rude.”
The woman—Lady Sinclair—no doubt unwilling to be in the middle of this, slunk past me and it was only my focus on the prince that kept me from turning her into something small and squishable.
And I could do it, if I wanted to.
I seethed as Merek poured himself a snifter of brandy and rested his arm on the mantel. “She was the one who kissed me,” he explained, downing the drink in a single gulp. “I had no part in it.”
“No part? So those weren’t your lips attached to hers?” I saw red. “What were the two of you doing here in the first place? You left the party ages ago and I have not seen you since. Because you were here, with some whore throwing herself at you.”
“Please don’t call her that.” He sounded half confused and I had to wonder whose side he was on. Certainly not mine. “She made a mistake, yes, but I don’t believe her to be a whore.”
I found his response disappointing and ridiculous. He’d disrespected my love. He’d chosen to dally with another woman on the night of what I thought was our impending engagement. And oh yeah, was this the reason why he’d wanted time alone with me later? To tell me he’d found a replacement for me in his heart? To warm his bed? My insides began to sizzle, magic crackling in the air. “How could you do this to me?”
“Sweetheart, I didn’t do anything! She followed me. I will admit that I perhaps wasn’t as adamant about the inappropriateness of it as I should have been, but she is a distant cousin. A relative. I couldn’t be impolite to her. Until she kissed me I didn’t suspect she had a motive for seeking to be alone with me. She isn’t the first to attempt to engage my attention, hoping for a match, an alliance. But none of them knew my heart is already given. To you. I swear I would never cheat on you. Never.” He took a step forward, halted when he saw the sparks flying around my fingertips as I raised my hand.
I didn’t want to hear any of it. Not anymore. “I should have known you wouldn’t be faithful to me. You’re just a despicable playboy and you’ll never change. You never loved me.”
“Now that isn’t fair. To my dying breath, I am yours, and I have made it painfully clear to you on multiple occasions—”
“Not fair?” My eyes bulged. “You think it is not fair of me to call you out when I saw you with my own eyes?” Darkness crept toward the edges of my vision and from deep inside of me came a feral howling without end. A power I could not control. “I will not be humiliated,” I insisted, gritting my teeth.
I gathered up the skirts of my gown, whirled on my heels, and stalked out of the room, my spine ramrod straight. Tears of anguish burned my eyes as I strode toward my own room in the castle. A scream rose in my throat and I stifled it down, shoved it so far down inside of me that it lodged and became a part of me. My pulse hammered in my temples, my chest. Hard enough to shred my insides as I struggled to draw power to me.
Disoriented, panicked at the thought of losing the only man I’d ever loved, something irresistible pushed me toward an outcome I knew would not be good.
Oh honey, no. Don’t lose yourself. Stay strong!
Watching the scene now, through her eyes, felt surreal. As though I’d plunged deep into a dream with no way of waking up again. Although seeing it now with my own eyes, through hers, I was convinced Merek had been telling the truth. No doubt every eligible female took her chance with him. The reward for the winner was great indeed.
But at that time I’d felt gutted. Betrayed. I’d been mad to think it would work between Merek and myself. A man of his stature, of his good looks, would always have women throwing themselves at him. And I would forever be different from them all.
Just as I was different now from the foolish girl I’d been then.
She—I?—would make him pay, make him suffer to make up for the wretched sadness that consumed body and soul.
Think of what this will do to you. Think of your family. Think of Thomas being bullied at school. Don’t do this!
My whole body shook as the power of my magic swelled higher and higher, and by the time I made my way back to the ballroom, I’d made up my mind how to punish him so that no woman would ever want him again. I found him in the crowd, talking quietly with his parents, and I don’t know if it was the sudden hush as everyone turned to stare at me that drew his attention, but he looked at me with such a sorrowful expression that I almost had a change of heart.
Almost.
“I will not be humiliated!” I screamed again, and focusing all my power I unleashed the curse.
And when it was done, when Merek transformed into a monster right before my eyes, I then cursed myself. Wanting to forget the betrayal. Wanting to forget the heartbreak.
Wanting to forget everything.
Chapter 18
Blinding pain in my head greeted me when I opened my eyes at last and I fell back into present reality, settling and anchoring amidst the torn sounds of my breathing. My heart thudded and I swallowed over a lump in my throat before pushing sweat-dampened hair away from my face. Only then did I notice the tears trailing down my clammy cheeks.
I wasn’t alone. Merek stood there, glaring at me with his beastly brow furrowed and his fur sticking out in tangled knots.
Uh-oh.
I tried to bolt but he gripped my shoulders before I could move. His eyes flashed and my heart beat a rapid tattoo that made my vision blur. He slowly came into focus although his outline remained hazy.
I saw enough to recognize his fury, though. And everything came rushing back at once, all the memories I’d worked so hard to restore, all returning in one fell swoop. My head wanted to split open and just spill my brains on the floor between us.
How long had he been there? Did he know what had just happened? Moaning, I collapsed against him, his hold on me the only thing keeping me from sinking to the floor.
“Did you have a nice nap?”
Oh boy. I think he wanted to kill me. Again.
Were his memories of that night the same as mine? Did he remember how I’d lost control of myself, with the vicious clarity I now did? I’d deserved to lose him for the way I’d reacted. Self-disgust tangled in my stomach.
“Please don’t do anything rash,” I pleaded, clutching my chest as my head swam. “I didn’t know what would happen when I came in here.”
“Rash,” he repeated. Displaying exquisite control, he held me at arms’ length, his grip on my shoulders keeping me upright but his claws didn’t extend. So that was something. But his eyes…his eyes still held the same contempt, if not more.
Being this close, I cowered beneath the censure of his gaze. I really was a beast. A monster. I believed he had cheated on me, but I should not have reacted the way I did, using my magic in such a disgusting manner. It was unforgivable.
At once my lungs seized and a great weight pressed down on my chest. The longer I stared at him the harder it became to draw air. A fierce blush rose on my cheeks, muscles twitching, eyes burning.
“Take a deep breath.” His fingers tightened and held me steady through the pain of my returning past.
“I can’t. I can’t…breathe.”
I’d lost complete control. I could do it again, I realized with shock, if I ever felt overwhelmed, if I ever gave in to the growing longing I had for him. Heaven forbid anyone make me mad. I might send this entire spit of land straight into the ocean.
My knees gave way. I felt dizzy, with only the prince keeping me upright.
“In and out. Come on. You’re turning red. Listen to the sound of my voice and do what I tell you. Inflate your lungs. Now push the air out. You can do it, Reila.”
Too close, I thought. The current situation overlapped with the memories of the last time I’d been in this room, with him, his proximity bringing with it both pleasure and pain. That woman’s expression of surprise blazed through my mind and I shoved him away from me the moment I broke out of my paralyzed state.
“Please don’t touch me!”
Part of me wanted to continue to hate him for what I thought he’d done. But I couldn’t do it. I saw his remorse, his innocence more clearly now, and if my magic power reacted in any unpredictable way to my returning memories, I didn’t want him this close. He might get hurt. Again.
“Fine,” he answered slowly. “You take a moment to find yourself again. I understand.”
Merek released me abruptly and I lost my balance, tumbling back and knocking my tailbone against the marble floor. He was a moment too late to catch me, though he did try, scrambling forward, and for a time we sat together on the floor next to the wall of portraits. Both waiting for the other to speak first.
“You shouldn’t have come into this room, Reila.” He shook his head, his words soft and gentle. “It would have been much easier for everyone if you had left well enough alone. Why did you push it? How did you even find this place again?”
“I have every right to be here, Merek,” I said staunchly. I straightened my back when tears threatened to resurface, knuckling my eyes the moment they did. “I deserved to know. I deserved to know about everything you tried to hide from me. About us.”
He stared at me, and some of the pain slipped away under the unrelenting heat of those green, green eyes. Then he exhaled in a rush of air and sound and his claws were back, pawing through his hair.
“No, you don’t deserve to know. You lost that right a long time ago. You lost any right to me the night you decided to trust your eyes instead of me and took your jealous anger out on me.” He leaned into the wall, staring up to the ceiling through the thick fur that fell over his forehead.
Pushing up to my elbows, I winced at the ache in my rear. “My anger that night is not something I would wish to talk about even had I remembered it. And now, being here and seeing all I’ve done to you and this place, all I’ve done to myself—” I broke off and exhaled sharply. “I’m not sure I will ever be able to atone for the way I acted.”
