by Jade Waltz
Until now—until he had met Selena.
She had taught him not to stereotype and not all females were the same. Perhaps it was because she was an alien race. Or maybe it was her resilience and optimism, despite her years of abuse. Kaede had told Odelm a few details about Selena’s past when they had eaten lunch together, and even those few had horrified him. She was so kind and interested in others—remarkable given her limited exposure to others as a Yaarkin prisoner.
Odelm was simply grateful she had directed that kindness toward him and had persisted, despite his attempts to push her away. As Odelm worked his hands and tentacles across the Ulepo—a multi-tiered organ developed by another species in CEG—he was glad to be counted her friend and determined to deserve it.
To deserve her.
Conversant in many styles of music, capable of playing a multitude of songs from memory, and with a natural talent for improvisation, Odelm closed his eyes and lost himself in the music.
As he drifted with the music, he marveled over Selena’s acceptance of his past, her anger and hurt on his behalf, that she was not disgusted by him as a severed male. When she had touched his hands, her emotions had flooded him.
Shock. Dismay. Heartbreak.
Awe. Inspiration. Sympathy.
She stunned him—precisely why he needed to keep distance between them. He didn’t trust himself with her. She brought out thoughts and feelings he had not felt in ages.
Odelm opened his eyes and peered across his Ulepo to the booth where he had left Selena. She leaned back in the booth, her intriguing blue-green eyes closed, swaying to the music. Her expression was serene, clearly lost in the music. Her silver hair fell in a sheet, covering the uppermost of the white spots that patterned her bronze skin.
Those spots fascinated him. He had tried numerous times to connect the spots to find their pattern—when her arms were exposed by her halter as they ate in the café, when they had spent time in the terrarium pond swimming. He had yet to find a pattern. Her body was a living piece of art, one he could get lost staring at.
Pulling his gaze away with an effort, Odelm tried to clear his inappropriate thoughts. She was not his nestqueen and such thoughts were dangerous. He would not ruin the friendship she offered with the fantasies and urges he knew were a result of his changed biology, his instincts—the urges and instincts that never left once a court bond was formed. Being severed did not allow a male to return to asexuality.
With Selena, the blind anger at the females around him—that usually shielded him from sexual thoughts and prevented any unrequited attraction—was fast vanishing.
All right, he acknowledged—had vanished.
Selena was so different from Circuli females, both mentally and physically, he could not help his attraction.
These thoughts, and many others, plagued Odelm as he played.
Odelm’s gaze, of its own volition, drifted back to Selena. He almost made a mistake in his playing—something he never did.
She had fallen asleep.
Her head leaned against the cushions of the booth, and her hair had fallen across one eye. Her lips were parted, and he could see the evenness of her breaths from the stage.
He immediately felt guilty. Had he known she was tired, he would never have asked her to stay and listen to his performance. Now he was the one who was not taking care of her properly.
Glancing at his wristband, he noted with relief his scheduled performance was almost over. He focused on the remainder of his set while keeping a close eye on her booth. As the last note faded, Odelm was already pulling the cover over his Ulepo.
He hurried over to Selena.
“Selena?” he whispered.
He waited a few moments for a response that did not come. Leaning closer to her ear, he cupped her shoulder and gave a slight squeeze. “Selena?” he said, a little louder.
She still did not respond.
Warning bells went off in his head. Was she okay? Or was her unresponsiveness due to her pregnancy? He knew nothing about humans, but this did not seem normal.
Odelm carefully picked Selena up in his arms, using one of his tentacles to grab her tablet while the others helped secure her to his chest.
But where to take her?
He thought for a moment and decided waking in the infirmary might frighten her, so he would take her to her suite and call Xylo en route. He could meet them there and check on her.
As he left the café, Odelm sent an urgent mental knock to Xylo’s shields.
“Yes, Odelm? What has happened?” Xylo demanded, mental voice concerned.
“Selena fell asleep in the café after lunch, and I have been unable to wake her. I am worried something is wrong. I am carrying her to your suite now. Can you meet us?”
His relief palpable, Xylo replied, “I suspect it is her pregnancy and nothing to worry about. I was unable to rouse her last night either. I will be there shortly. Thank you for letting me know.”
No one questioned him as he made his way through the crowds and up the lift to the topmost floor. Nor did they offer to help.
As he approached Selena’s suite, he was surprised when the doors automatically opened for him. He had not needed to place her hand on the door scanner to open it. Walking in, he eyed the room. Odelm had never been on the top floor of the ship, much less in either Royal Suite. He was not important enough for the privilege.
And yet, here he now was.
Taking in the layout, he selected a navy couch and gently laid Selena down, dropping her tablet on the nearby table. He could not resist brushing her silver hair back from her forehead before turning to search for a blanket.
Nothing.
He did another sweep of the room before deciding there must be one in the master bedroom on the nestbed though he knew he should not enter.
He shrugged. He would risk being scolded by her or Xylo if it meant he found something to keep her warm on the couch.
Odelm took a calming breath as he entered. This bedroom was Selena's clan domain and should not be in here.
He had crossed a line.
He started to step back to look elsewhere for a blanket, but as his eyes roamed the room, he was shocked at the gigantic size of her nestbed. It was nearly the size of the whole bedroom and had enough bed slots for fourteen nestmates! That was unheard of... he could not fathom how a nestqueen would want or be able to handle enough nestmates to fill this nestbed.
Then his eyes fell on two silver blankets on the central sunken bed.
He scanned the room again, but no others were in sight. He willed himself to walk up the stairs of her sacred nestbed—knowing violating this space could create a rift between them if she was offended. He was not a part of her clan.
Oh, Fates have mercy on him.
He scooted up the stairs, grabbed one of the silver blankets, and hurriedly left the room. As he reentered the common room, he stopped in his tracks.
Selena was sitting up, leaning over on the couch with one hand on her slightly round stomach, the other on her forehead. She glanced up when she heard her bedroom door close.
He rushed across the room to her and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. “Are you all right?”
“How did I get here?” She rubbed her eyes and blinked.
“You fell asleep while I was performing and would not wake up. I carried you here. Xylo should be here soon.”
She pulled the edges of the blanket tighter around her shoulders and smiled up at him. “I’m sorry. This pregnancy seems to have begun taking its toll. We’ve been wondering when it would happen.”
“Is there anything you need?”
She paused for a long moment, looking at him, then bit her lip.
“You.”
Odelm blinked several times, trying to make sense of her statement. He refused to allow the dangerous leap his thoughts had taken. He must just be thinking that because he had been thinking along those lines while he played...
“Umm... what?”
> She stood, allowing the blanket to fall to the floor and cupped his face with both hands. She lifted herself on tiptoe, licked her lips, then leaned into him.
Her lips covered his.
Shock ran through his body at the contact, and his eyes closed at the flood of emotions and sensations. Selena’s lips were soft against his own.
He gasped as the hollow in his mind filled—her emotions flooding into the void. He felt the courting bond form and saw its golden thread link them together.
Caring. Acceptance. Thankfulness.
She leaned into his body and slid her arms around his shoulders. Odelm opened his eyes and raised shaky hands to caress her cheeks as his tentacles instinctively wrapped tightly around her, holding her to him.
He leaned his head away to stare into her unusual eyes.
“Why?”
She searched his face as she stared back at him in wonder.
“It hurts me knowing what you have suffered through no fault of your own. You can’t control how you look any more than I can control how I do. You’ve been there for me since I arrived though I’ve had no right to expect it. Odelm, you’re a caring person and deserving a nestqueen. And I wanted you to be healed, to erase the hollow feeling you’ve described. Even if we never fall in love with each other, you are my friend, and I wanted to help.”
She leaned back against his tentacles and slid her arms from his shoulders to place her hands on his chest.
“I’m sorry I did not ask you first. I should never have made such a decision for you.” Selena looked down from his face to his chest. “I’m often too impulsive. I didn't think to give you a chance to decide whether or not you wanted another nestqueen. Even if you did, whether you’d want me—a human—to be yours."
A flood of doubt, fear, and sorrow overwhelmed him. She thought he would be angry or hurt by her actions.
By her gift to him.
Cradling her chin between his thumb and forefinger, he forced her eyes to meet his so she could see his sincerity.
“No doubts, Selena... your kindness astonishes me. Thank you for honoring me with this blessing. I will not fail you nor make you regret your gift to me.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Selena
“You aren’t angry with me? For what I did?” I murmured, feeling my eyes welling up.
“Angry? Absolutely not. I will be honest and say I am surprised. I never expected you even to consider me.”
He slid his hand from my chin, cupping my cheeks with both hands. Using his thumbs to wipe the tears from my eyes, he looked at me like he could see my soul and whispered in his light tenor voice, “I never considered I would have a second chance, nor did I want to have to deal with another nestqueen, fearing they would only reject me again.
“When you complimented me, I thought you were just like all the other females. I was pretty to look at but not good enough to have. When you came to talk to me and offered to be my friend, I was skeptical and thought it was some sort of trick. But as I got to know you over the last few days, I realized how wrong I was. I started thinking how wonderful it would be to have you as my nestqueen. My instincts to protect you kept nagging me. It frustrated me because you were not mine.
“I convinced myself it was all because I was a severed male, my body punishing me for never giving my bonding spores away. I refused to let myself even consider it might be because of you. Selena, please believe me when I say, you have honored me beyond measure. If you decide to make this bond permanent, my mind will be at peace—even if we remain no more than friends, and I never become one of your Favored.”
I closed my eyes and leaned forward, resting my forehead on his chest again. He wrapped his arms back around me with a sigh.
“Odelm, I want this to work out. If I’m going to accept your bonding spores and make our bond permanent, I need you to accept what Xylo calls the rules of my clan. Open communication is important to me. We all need to know what is going on—with me, with my pregnancy, with Aldawi and CEG, everything. And you and Xylo need to respect one another. I won’t have constant strife or judgment in my family.
“As much as performing music is a part of you and too important to you to give up, so it is with Xylo and his research. Not to mention how critical his studies will be for my health and the wellbeing of my children. I am not going to prevent either of you from heeding your callings, just because I am now your nestqueen. Can you promise me at least this much?”
Odelm’s arms tightened around me. “Even though I may not fully approve of you being alone while pregnant and new to this ship, I understand you have other priorities for your nestmates, and I can respect that.”
I groaned. “And we need to speak to Xylo as soon as possible.”
Silence fell between us as he held me to his chest, and I listened to his heartbeats. I took a deep breath and his salty, musty scent flooded me. It reminded me of the aroma in the densest part of the terrarium forest after they had sprayed the trees in the morning.
Thoughts about our time together—the swimming lesson, his rescue from the three unmated males, even his earlier interruption when I was studying—slid through my mind.
I still couldn’t believe what I’d just done.
Again.
I had to get a handle on my impulsiveness. I certainly didn’t regret it, but I should have asked. And I should have spoken with Xylo first. If I didn’t start thinking before I acted, I would end up court bonding myself to all the unbonded males on the ship.
I snorted.
I’d need to thank the princes the next time I saw them. They had clearly been proactive in protecting me from myself. Their announcements to the crew were probably the only thing that had prevented more awkward situations.
The sound of the suite door opening pulled me from my thoughts. I turned my head as Xylo and Kaede walked in.
Kaede looked at me though I could not see his expression behind the visor and drape.
“Don’t let us interrupt,” Kaede said, sarcasm dripping from every word.
Odelm released me and pulled away.
I looked nervously at Xylo.
A mental caress brushed my shields. Xylo nodded at me and smiled as he turned toward Odelm. He crossed the room, leaving Kaede by the door. Xylo stopped in front of Odelm and held out his hand.
Odelm looked down at Xylo’s hand, then returned his smile, clasping his hand in a firm grip. He wrapped one of his tentacles around their joined hands. Xylo slid one of his vines free, and it wrapped around the knot of hands and tentacle.
“Welcome to the clan, nestbrother,” Xylo congratulated, his smile widening.
Odelm nodded. “Thank you. Though I am not sure it has had time to sink in. I never thought I would have a second chance, nor did I consider Selena would be willing.”
“What is happening?” Kaede asked from the door, his voice laced with confusion.
I turned from my nestmates to Kaede. “I accepted Odelm to my clan. I’m assuming this is some Circuli Clan Welcoming Ritual.”
“So, there isn’t going to be a fight? Xylo is completely fine with this? No dominance testing?”
Xylo and Odelm moved to flank me on either side. Each wrapped one of their appendages loosely around my waist, above my increasingly pregnant stomach. I was surprised by how comforting the gesture was.
“I read from Selena what happened. I knew what we were walking in on. And we had already discussed her adding Odelm to her clan—I just did not realize it might happen so soon. She has already stated she wants this clan to be different. I will not fight Odelm unless she decides she wants her nestmates to establish a pecking order. I am not sure whether she will want that, as some nestqueens do, or if she will prefer to choose on her own.”
Shocked by this news, I looked between them.
“No fighting. Xylo, you know I refuse to have a Prime or Second. No Favored. I want equality in this clan. There won’t be a pecking order.”
“But who will lead your nestmates
?” Odelm asked, his voice filled with confusion.
I turned to him. “Do you need someone to micromanage you?”
“What she means is she wants us to coexist with each other in a familial environment. To raise her children as co-fathers, no matter who sires them. For this to work, we must be open-minded and respect each other as well as our cultural differences. We may not always agree with certain things, but arguing and fighting among ourselves is prohibited,” Xylo explained.
“Truly?” Odelm questioned in disbelief.
Meeting his eyes, I tried to read him.
“Yes, truly. I know I’m socially awkward and clueless about the cultural differences between our species. Even what I know of my own species has been learned from history texts. So, I need open communication and understanding because I will screw up. We won’t always agree. I’ve always dreamed of a large family though I had no idea it could look like this. I want to make this work. And now there will be still more unknowns when we arrive at CEG HQ. Having no idea what to expect or how to behave? That frightens me. I don’t want to offend someone in ignorance—nor accidentally bond with anyone else...”
I could feel tears forming, covering my face with my hands. A growl of frustration escaped. I hated how my pregnancy hormones were causing my emotions to go from one extreme to another.
Arms wrapped around me from behind, and I felt Xylo press himself against my back.
“It’s okay, Selena. We can continue this discussion later. I believe both Odelm and Kaede understand what you are trying to say,” Xylo whispered into my ear.
Hands grabbed my own, pulling them away from my face. His thumbs traced the backs of my hands in understanding.
“I can feel the confusion and worry rolling off you in waves. There is no need. I completely understand what you are saying. Listen to me when I say the way you want to run your clan feels like water on my skin. The freedom. Your vision for our clan. For a family. You are a gift from the Fates,” Odelm said as he let go of my hands and used his thumbs to wipe my tears away. “Be easy. Do not leak—no need for your crying...”
