by Jade Waltz
“But Circuli do not kiss,.” Odelm protested.
“I know, but I grew up in a lab, instead of among other humans. In all my readings, humans constantly touched each other for affection and comfort—holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing, even during sexual relations.”
The doors opened, and I walked out. Kaede and Odelm flanked me in silence as we walked to the terrarium entrance. Stopping before we reached the door, I turned around to face them.
“Look. I read when humans were in a relationship, they kissed before saying goodbye when one was leaving. I just felt like it. I don’t know. But if my attempts to show affection are going to offend anyone, I’ll put a stop to it. I’m just trying to figure things out. Find out who I am, where I belong in all of this.”
I looked away.
Kaede grabbed my hand in both of his and looked down at me. I could picture his neon-green eyes intent on mine behind his visor.
“Selena, I’ve been in your shoes. Do whatever feels natural. Yes, it’s true humans are a highly affectionate and expressive species. Most of their gestures to provide love and comfort are harmless to others. They may be startled at first, but they will adapt. There are many different species within CEG, and they’ve all learned to get along. Holding hands for humans is the equivalent to entangling vines or tentacles for Circuli. Don’t allow others to prevent you from exploring your human nature.”
I nodded in agreement. “Thank you for understanding how I feel, Kaede. You helped to put my thoughts and feelings into words.”
He let go of my hand and stepped away. “Message me when you want to meet up for lunch. I am going to go work on a few things.”
Kaede walked off before we could respond—back to professional mode. I was more shocked by his compassion and forwardness. It seemed our conversation last night had changed something in him.
Once Kaede was out of sight, I turned to Odelm and grabbed his hand.
“Ready for another swimming lesson?”
He looked down at our clasped hands before meeting my gaze.
“I am ready when you are.”
Throughout the swimming lesson, Odelm hovered.
His tentacles stayed just out of reach, directing me, almost as though he was afraid something would happen. Though I didn’t have the extras he had—blades, tentacles, or the toe webbing I was completely jealous of—we were able to figure out the basics. While I knew I’d never swim as well or as fast as he did, I was relieved to feel the beginnings of competence. It lessened my worry about how I would fare planet-side; I’d been stressing about what I’d do on a world with a lot of water.
Plus, I was enjoying just spending time with Odelm.
Stepping onto the black sand beach after I’d begun to tire, I twisted my silver hair to squeeze out the water. Odelm held my clothes out to me.
“Shit. I forgot to grab a towel from the suite before our lesson again! We really need some sort of box here with a few towels. I keep forgetting to bring one, and I don’t want to drag on clothes all wet, especially not before lunch.”
“Oh, I had not even considered that, since we do not have that concern. I am sorry, Selena. But I will see if it can be arranged for tomorrow.”
I glanced speculatively at Odelm’s tentacles before meeting his gaze.
“Think you could dry me off like you guys did before?”
His mouth dropped open in surprise, his eyes tracing the water dripping down my body. My clothes fell, forgotten, to the ground as his body pressed against mine. I gasped at the suddenness of his movement.
Odelm’s hands gripped my hips as his tentacles engulfed me. I leaned against his rubbery yet soft, violet chest as I felt his tentacles trace every inch of my skin, absorbing every drop of moisture. His anemone hair trailed across my shoulders as he tilted his head closer, checking my back. I closed my eyes at the sensual sensation, his tentacles’ strokes gentle and arousing.
A shiver traveled down my spine.
I gasped as something wet traced the edge of my jaw, then tilted my head to the side to allow it access. It caressed the side of my neck, following its line down to my shoulder, then disappeared. I opened my eyes to see Odelm’s head resting on my shoulder, his breath heavy against my neck. He held me with his eyes closed as his tentacles unwound from my body.
“You two putting on a show? If you thought these folks were confused by your kiss earlier, that’s nothing compared to now. Hey, Odelm! If you’re hungry, we’re about to go to lunch. No need to make a meal of Selena in front of everyone.”
At the sharply spoken words, Odelm jerked out of his daze and thrust me behind him. He lowered himself into a defensive crouch, his tentacles spread out between me and the perceived threat.
Kaede stood a short distance away with a mocking expression, holding his hands out to the side in a non-threatening gesture.
“You’re making a spectacle of yourselves. I just came from the café, where a crowd was lined against the glass wall, staring into the terrarium. As soon as I realized what they were looking at, I came to get you.”
I could feel my face flaming with embarrassment.
I knew many community spaces and cabins overlooked the terrarium, but I’d never considered anyone actually paid attention to what went on in here. Xylo and Odelm had dried me off just a few days ago, and no one had seemed to care.
“What’s the big deal this time? No one seemed to care the other day,” I muttered, bending over to grab my discarded clothes.
I scrambled into them, then turned to see Odelm hadn’t moved. He still crouched defensively between Kaede and me. I squeezed his shoulder.
“Odelm. What are you doing?”
He shuddered, then gradually relaxed. He stood straight again, wrapping his tentacles back around his torso as he turned to me.
His intense pale green eyes searched mine. “I am sorry. I do not know what came over me.”
“Kaede isn’t your enemy. He came here trying to protect my dignity. But can someone please explain why everyone is suddenly interested in what we do?” I demanded.
Odelm answered, frowning, “I do not know. It is common for nestmates to help dry their nestqueen. I can only think they were curious because you are not Circuli,” Odelm explained sincerely. He glanced at Kaede. “I am sorry for my reaction. I do not know why I went into attack formation at your presence.”
Kaede chuckled as he lowered his hands. “No worries, Odelm. I could’ve taken you. I just didn’t want to alarm Selena.”
“Really?” Odelm questioned, smugly crossing his arms. “With or without your drones? Circuli are natural fighters with our weapons a permanent part of our form. I cannot say the same for you... except perhaps for your horns?”
“Looks can be deceiving. I’m not worried about anyone on this ship. The drones are only there to ensure a situation can be defused with minimal bloodshed. If I wanted someone dead, I could kill them easily—without aid.”
I stepped between them before this ridiculous argument escalated further.
“There’s a term I read about in my Earth studies that never made sense… until now. Probably has no direct translation to Galactic Common since it’s named after an extinct Earth bird—the peacock. Apparently, male peacocks used to strut around, flaunting themselves to attract a female. They called it ‘peacocking.’ If either of you believe it a good way to impress me with your manliness, allow me to disabuse you of that notion immediately.”
I spun toward the door and stomped off, tossing over my shoulder as I pushed through the crowd that had formed, “Now who’s creating the spectacle?”
They called after me, but I didn’t stop. I was far too irritated. They knew I hated fighting and posturing.
“What is wrong, Selena?” Xylo’s deep mental voice asked.
I stalked out of the terrarium, feeling the weight of stares on me as I made my way to the lifts. I pushed the button for the topmost floor and watched the doors close, cutting off all the curious glances—and two
offending males.
“Peacocking.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Selena
As the lift doors shut, I leaned my head back against the wall in frustration. Stupid males. I was grateful Kaede had come to warn us we were being watched, but did he have to be such an ass about it? I thought we’d connected last night, gotten past the need for the defensive sarcasm...
My mind slid to an image of all the people standing around the terrarium, staring at us—what it must have been like in the café with everyone watching from above. Why couldn’t they mind their own business? Xylo had said it was normal for nestmates to dry their nestqueen!
My cheeks burned with mortification as tears clouded my vision.
I thought I’d been doing a good job adapting to the Circuli’s social norms—looks like I’d been wrong. I’d always be an outsider. Were all my struggles to fit in a wasted effort?
The lift dinged. I ran out as soon as I heard the doors whoosh open.
And straight into something hard.
Hands steadied me, gripping my waist. I hastily dashed the tears from my eyes in embarrassment.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going…”
“Selena. Is everything all right?”
Oh, Stars. I’d run straight into Prince V’dim.
I tried to back away, but his hands still held my waist. Not wanting to look up at him, I slid my eyes to the side, only to meet the compassionate gaze of Prince Z’fir.
He sent me a soft smile. “Are you okay?”
Glancing between the princes, I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I closed it, swallowed, and tried again.
“I’m sorry, Sires. I was in a rush and didn’t see you there.”
Prince V’dim slid his hands from my waist and stepped back as he scanned my face. “No harm done. Now, tell us what is wrong and who upset you so much you did not see us right in front of you.”
“I just needed to escape peacocking males and all the stares. I was heading to my room to be alone.”
“We were on our way to get something to eat at the café, but I think this is more important. Would you join us for lunch? We can have a quiet meal in our suite, and you can relax. Plus, we have not had a chance to get to know you,” Prince Z’fir offered, his warm emerald eyes locked on mine.
“I don’t want to impose,” I murmured as I tried to think of a polite way to excuse myself.
“Truly, it is no imposition. We would enjoy the company. And it seems like you could use someone to talk to,” Prince V’dim assured me.
He wasn’t wrong. I could use someone outside my small group to discuss things with. An unbiased sounding-board. But...
Just as I was about to demur once more, I felt a blanket of calm envelop me. I eyed Prince V’dim with suspicion.
He smirked.
I chuckled, giving in. “Okay, okay. Lead the way.”
A short walk later—and a quick detour to grab my tablet—I was seated on their loveseat wrapped in a navy blanket. The princes sat beside one another on the opposite couch.
I felt considerably calmer and eyed Prince V’dim, wondering if he was still manipulating my emotions. Xylo had told me he was the most powerful empath on the ship—including the nestqueens—but I wondered just how far he could take his emotional manipulation. Could I prevent him if I wished?
“Selena, you have nothing to worry about while alone with us. I can tell you are still uneasy, but neither of us will do anything against your will. Indeed, the strength of your mental shields would make that difficult. We just wanted to give you privacy to recover and get to know you over lunch. You are free to leave any time,” Prince V’dim said gently.
I stared at Prince V’dim’s chest, afraid to meet his gaze.
“I don’t know how to act around you. I’ve never been around royalty, but I read about all sorts of rules of etiquette when studying Earth culture. It’s all so confusing. I mean, how do I even address you? Half the time people call you ‘Sire’ or use your title—sometimes, even adding a bow or salute. Yet other times, they call you simply by your name. You are clearly far above me, so I don’t want to offend either of you.”
“That is simple. V’dim and I are not fond of the traditional, rigid formality of the Circuli. We have known this crew for a long time, both on the ship and fighting alongside the Aldawi for many years before that. We may be the highest-ranking people here, but we are not fond of the distance that creates. So, we use titles in professional formal situations—in public—but in social situations like this one, we would prefer informality. Nor would we take offense if you were to forgo our titles accidentally. We both understand how much your life has changed, how much you have to adjust to and learn.”
V’dim interjected, “You have done very well so far, adapting to everything. And we would like to become friends. So, we would be happy if you called us by our names when in private like this. You are also forgetting, you are an honored guest of the Aldawi, and they asked us to escort you. That pretty much puts you on even footing with us.”
“Selena, it gets tiring when others see us only as their princes. Nervousness and discomfort leaks into their thoughts and feelings. That puts a strain on us over long periods of time. Having everyone relaxed around us in social environments gives us a break—and allows them to relax. It makes life easier for us all,” Z’fir explained.
“You have been a huge boost for crew morale. We have been together a long time. It has been a monotonous journey—no guests and little interaction outside the ship for five years. Everyone has gotten a bit discouraged. They are excited to meet a new species and are thrilled to travel to CEG HQ. It will be the first visit to the space station for many of them.”
Z’fir added, “And from what we have heard from Kaede—and from Prince Zirene Darcaw’s aide—we may be docking there for quite a long time.”
Finally meeting Z’fir’s gaze, I nervously asked, “Why is that?”
He exchanged a glance with V’dim before focusing his pupilless emerald eyes on me. “The Aldawi Prince is worried about how news of you and your cubs will be received by the rest of CEG. You are sentient, so you have rights, but precisely how CEG law applies still needs to be ironed out. The situation is going to be fragile until everything gets settled. You and your cubs will be provided full-time security. They told us once we dock to expect an extended stay until your future was determined.”
“What do you think is going to happen?”
“We cannot say for sure, but Prince Zirene told us the ultimate goal is to have you stay with the Aldawi. Which means your journey with us will end once everything gets settled,” V’dim admitted.
That was what I’d been afraid of—that I’d have no say in my future. That others were planning my future for me without my input, without even asking my opinion—as though my feelings didn’t matter.
That hurt.
Did they think me incapable of thinking for myself? Was I just property being transferred from the Yaarkins to the Aldawi? What if I wanted to stay with Xylo, Odelm, and the Circuli as we looked for a new planet to colonize? It seemed I wouldn’t be given that option. And now that I’d bonded with both Xylo and Odelm, they were as stuck as I was.
I turned away as my eyes filled with tears. Unable to stop their fall, I swiped at them with both hands as I stared at the ceiling, willing myself to calm down.
There was the sound of movement, and a cool hand touched my cheek, tipping my face back down. My vision blurry, I peered up to see V’dim, his head tilted toward mine, his eyes closed. A wave of calm blanketed me once more, and my tears dried.
I sighed.
“Selena. Why do we feel so much anguish? Almost panic...” Z’fir whispered near my ear.
I gasped in shock. I hadn’t even noticed he’d moved to my other side.
“My future. My past. So many things... Am I doomed forever to be property? Will I get no say in my own life? It is all so overwhelming... and I bar
ely know who I am and...” I sobbed, eyes closed so I didn’t have to look at either of them. Though I couldn’t turn away—V’dim cradled my face in his hands.
“Explain it. Please. Perhaps we can help,” Z’fir pleaded.
I shook my head. “I don’t know where to start. There is too much... and I don’t want to go through it all again... don’t want to relive... I can’t go through it again... and my cubs—” I hiccupped disjointedly.
“Will you trust us, Selena?” V’dim asked gently.
I studied my hands in my lap, highly aware of the princes on either side of me. I knew I should trust them. Both Xylo and Odelm trusted them, and they’d know if anything was amiss. Unless the princes had a way of blocking my connections to them? But no, Kaede would tear the ship apart if I went missing. He was probably keeping an eye on me even now.
I relaxed as that thought brought a measure of comfort.
Truly, I didn’t believe the princes wanted to harm me. They had been nothing but kind and caring with me though I had seen their stern and authoritative side with others. So, maybe I wasn’t ready to fully trust them, but I trusted they wouldn’t harm me.
“Why do you ask?”
“With your permission, we can read you. Your past. Your doubts and fears. We would be able to understand what you have been through and what you are worried about without you needing to relive any of it. That insight into who you are might show us how we can help you,” V’dim explained, his thumbs stroking my cheeks.
“What would I have to do?”
“Drop your mental shields and give yourself over to us.”
“I’d have to have sex with both of you?” I choked.
“N-no. No!” Z’fir stammered. “That is not what he meant.” He glanced at V’dim with a wry chuckle before his focus returned to me. “No. We would never be so bold as to ask such a thing of you. Certainly not for such a purpose! What V’dim was trying to say is we would need you to relax and drop your mental shields, allow us into your mind.”
“Would it hurt?”
“No. It can, but only if you resist. The greater the resistance, the greater the pain. But we do not do that. We would not violate someone’s privacy like that without extreme need—such as the investigation of a crime,” Z’fir explained.
