by Jade Waltz
The healers froze as we entered and eyed Odelm in shock.
“Another?” Chyox exclaimed.
I smirked and turned toward Odelm, reaching a hand up to his shoulder to pull him down to me. Standing on my toes, I leaned in and kissed my mark on his neck. He shivered under my lips. As I pulled away, I licked at the white ridges of my bite before releasing him.
Turning back to Chyox, I growled, “He’s mine.”
He looked shocked, bumping into the bed behind him as he tried to back away.
I giggled, then squinted and met each of the healers’ gazes. “I’ve claimed both Odelm and Xylo. They are mine. Now deal with it and stop acting like this is new or surprising. Got it?”
All three nodded.
“Good. Now, I’m here for my morning checkup.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Selena
I paused outside the main door to my suite, steeling myself for what was sure to be a heated discussion with Kaede. I wasn’t in the mood—or ready—to face him. But if this could help when we got to CEG, it needed to be done.
Squaring my shoulders and taking a deep breath, I opened the door. Kaede sat where we’d left him, a variety of drinks and snacks laid out on the table.
“I’ve been waiting for you to come to your senses.”
“And here I was, hoping you’d stop acting like an ishing frax.” I rolled my eyes.
Laughter exploded from him. “Ishing frax?!”
“What of it?” I snarled, crossing my arms.
He chuckled, and I just knew he was smiling under that face drape of his. “Where’d you learn that?”
Walking toward my bedroom door, I retorted, “Asked Xylo for swear word translations. He said that was the closest to ‘fucking asshole’ in Galactic Common.”
“Yep”—he laughed again—“I’m just shocked to hear such words from you.”
I growled and allowed the door to close behind me, cutting off his laughter.
Grabbing my tablet off the chest and scooping up a blanket, I sucked in another deep breath and reentered the common room.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked as I dropped onto the couch opposite Kaede. I spread the blanket over my lap and leaned back against the armrest, my legs tucked beneath me.
“Explain what you think I’m doing.”
“I get that it caused problems and scared everyone when the princes read me. We should probably have thought it through more—but it didn’t occur to us that it might cause any issues to anyone other than us! It was an accident. I am thankful you stepped in and got the Destiny and her crew functioning again. But what you said about Xylo? That was completely uncalled for—and cruel. And threatening to follow me everywhere? I thought we were supposed to be friends. You’re acting more like a power-hungry frax, like my prison guard instead of my Head of Security—or a friend.”
He fell silent.
I eyed him, uncertain of his response. Glancing at the table, I noticed a familiar light green hot beverage and smiled to myself. Grabbing it, I took a fortifying sip, comforted by the reminder of Xylo.
The couch cushion dipped beside me. I looked up to find Kaede sitting next to me, unreadable behind his impenetrable visor.
“Selena...”
I didn’t want to hear any more criticism. I couldn’t.
I broke in, “No, Kaede. You hurt me. I don’t know how to get that through to you. You’ve been treating me as if I were a child. I know I haven’t had much experience interacting with people and I have a lot to learn, but Xylo, Odelm, and everyone here has been helping me learn. Not trying to shove me in a cage as though I were incapable of figuring things out for myself. I know I’ll make mistakes, but they are mine to make! It isn’t my fault that I don’t know what’s going to happen once we arrive at CEG HQ—it’s yours, because you refuse to tell me. I’m doing everything I can, and I’m glad to have both Xylo and Odelm as a permanent part of my life, but...”
I choked back a sob and Kaede reached out to touch me. I threw up a hand to hold him off, unable to bear his touch right now.
“I may look like I’m happy and carefree—but I’m not. I’m fucking scared. Scared of what the future holds. Scared of my cubs being forced to endure what I had to... Scared of being put back in cage. And you doing precisely that? Not helping. Nor does you acting one way when we’re alone, then entirely different in public or when things don’t go your way. Who exactly are you, Kaede?”
His black-gloved hands gently took the cup out of my shaking hand. He set it on the table as the lights in the room dimmed—only the light streaming in from the glass wall behind Kaede remaining, casting him into shadow. Reaching up, he removed his visor, setting it on the armrest.
He turned to face me, black-slitted neon eyes meeting mine as he gathered my hands in his. Blue-black eyebrows scrunched in deep thought. His thin black lips turned down in a frown, making his fangs more prominent.
“Do you truly believe this?” Kaede whispered, voice laced with sorrow.
“See... this is what I mean. What happened to the attitude you had earlier? Who is this Kaede? And is he the real one? Or is the asshole?”
He squeezed my hands and turned away.
A sigh escaped before he responded, “Do you understand how hard it is to let you see me like this? I have no experience with this. I could never afford to let anyone close. In the Aldawi Empire, they say I bring death wherever I go. Everyone aboard the Destiny knows this—which is why they’ve all cooperated. People fear me, Selena. I need people to fear me to do my job. And that doesn’t leave much room for softness.” Kaede turned his head and his soulful eyes locked onto mine. “I don’t know how to act around you. You don’t treat me like everyone else. You respect me as a person. You aren’t afraid of how I look. I want to be your friend. But I’m going to screw up. A lifetime of isolation and killing...”
He paused, taking in a deep breath then letting it out slowly. “Does the knowledge that I kill truly not scare you?”
I searched his eyes. This was the fragile and vulnerable Kaede I’d seen two days ago. As if his world hinged on my acceptance and opinion of him. But could I believe it? Why would I have power over him? Why did what I thought about him matter so much?
I thought about his question.
“How many?” I whispered.
“Kills? Myself? Or my crew included?”
I could see the panic. It made me wonder if Kaede had always worn the visor—had no experience learning to control his expressions around others. I tugged my hands free with a sigh. A devastated look crossed his face as he released me.
Picking my drink back up, I took a sip, finally answering, “Yours. Your crew. Missions with the Aldawi. All of it. Whatever is relevant to learning more about you, Kaede. You’re a mystery to me. I’m sure that’s useful in your work for the Aldawi Empire, and possibly just a part of who you are. But if we’re to stand a chance at being friends, I need to know, to understand—to trust—the male who’s going to be protecting my family.”
He watched me another moment as I took a sip of my tea, his eyes following my tongue as I licked my lips.
“Are you sure you want to know? You can’t unknow, Selena.”
“Yes. I need to know who you are Kaede. And would you rather me accidentally find out about this dark side of yours from others? Or would you rather tell me yourself?”
He nodded. “No. You’re right. I’d rather tell you myself. I just hope you don’t fear me once I do.”
Lowering my cup, I rolled my eyes. “Your horns, eyes, fangs—those didn’t scare me off. Your scars simply show the strength it took for you to survive.” I paused to take another sip of my drink. “How about a promise that I’ll hear you out? And honestly, you can’t be as bad as the Yaarkin customers—or the Yaarkins themselves.”
After a few moments of continued silence, I sighed.
Setting my drink down, I leaned back against the armrest and kicked my shoes off. I placed my feet on his black
armor-clad legs and wiggled my toes.
“If you’re just going to sit there, you can be useful and rub my feet. And hey, plus? You’ll have my feet, I can’t run away.” I groaned. “Stars, I can’t wait to get my body back. It’s like this pregnancy has taken over. Between my back hurting, random gut punches from the cubs, my breasts being sensitive and achy, and my feet swollen and stiff I feel ancient.” I grinned at him. “And maybe... if you’re good enough, you can do this while I study.”
Kaede grunted, a look of shock crossing his face as his mouth fell open in surprise, exposing his thin black-forked tongue. His tongue flickered a few times before tracing his thin black lips. He looked down, then picked up my left foot in his gloved hands and started to massage.
I groaned loudly. Oh Stars. He was better at this than even Odelm or Xylo. Not that I’d ever tell any of them that.
Kaede cleared his throat then started, hoarsely, “Between my crew and I, we’ve killed over a million, though I doubt I’ll ever know the exact number. Personally? I account for 257,391 of those kills. That number is etched in my brain—though there have been so many, the faces have become a blur.”
I swallowed hard. I’d never considered the number could be so impossibly high. I wondered how he could live with it.
He stared down at his hands as they massaged my feet with a sad smile. “My crew and I are unique. We were designed to take over computer systems, control hundreds of drones—to control all technology—as well as with natural abilities to enable us to win in most hand-to-hand combat. There are only six of us. They’re all my half-sisters. We share the same mother, but each sire was chosen to provide a different set of genetic abilities. So, we’re all family, but not alike.”
“What do you mean designed?” I whispered.
He hands paused as his intense stare met mine.
“We each have an advanced artificial intelligence—AI—installed in our brains. It’s as high-tech as the nanobots that give you the ability to adapt. And both—our AI and your nanobots—have the ability to repair and enhance themselves and us using nutrients in our blood. Where we differ? We were designed to be the perfect soldier, whereas you were built to be the perfect survivor. To adapt. Your nanobots manipulate the DNA of each unique species encountered to ensure compatibility, adapting characteristics needed for survival and procreation.”
“Wait... you’re saying the more unique species I have sex with, the more abilities I’ll take on?” I asked, surprised.
“From what I’ve understood of your medical files? Yes. Or that was the Yaarkins’ goal anyway—they were never able to trigger it in all their years of introducing foreign DNA to your bloodstream. We won’t know for sure until it happens. But that doesn’t mean to run off and have sex with every different species you come across!” Kaede shot, his usually melodious voice laced with anger.
I kicked at his hands and yanked my foot away. “You really think that of me? You believe I would randomly have sex with others just to see if I gain abilities from them? Stars, what a low opinion you have of me!” I pulled away as far as I could, tucking my feet back under my blanket. “I guess I should be glad I’ve learned this now.”
Kaede raised his hands in surrender. His eyes locked on mine. “Of course not! Though... I have wondered why you took on both Xylo and Odelm as nestmates on so short an acquaintance.”
I sighed again, struggling to push my anger aside to explain. “Kaede. Your death count? Your worry that I’d reject you because of your job or your looks? I didn’t, did I? I accepted them as part of who you are, certain that there were things I did not know that explained it. Your job, your past. Something. But I trusted you had a reason. That is part of friendship. Trust.
“But you can’t find a way to trust I have one in bonding with Xylo or Odelm? Or barring that, at least enough respect to ask me—to listen? I bonded with them because I felt an immediate connection, even if I did not understand it at the time. And that connection has only grown as I’ve gotten to know them. We’re kindred spirits. We’ve all been rejected by our respective species. Yet they accept me, wholeheartedly. And I them. We understand one another.”
Kaede paused a moment, thinking.
“No, I don’t buy it. You can’t just trust someone like that. Just shrug and be okay with how much I’ve killed... or even connect with someone instantly like that. I mean, come on, Selena, you bonded with Xylo almost the moment you woke up on a strange ship! Are you sure you didn’t just jump at the chance to get close to the first person who was kind to you—”
I shoved him away and leapt to my feet, throwing the blanket in his face, so angry I could hardly speak.
“If you’re going to keep insulting me, you can leave. It’s clear you won’t listen, can’t trust me to know my own mind. You really think lowly of me,” I spat, and spun on my heel.
I ran to the bedroom and locked the door behind me then collapsed on the couch by the terrarium wall. I stared blindly down at the trees as my eyes filled with tears. Yet again.
I growled, scrubbing at my eyes. I was sick and tired of being pregnant. I was sick and tired of feeling out-of-control. I didn’t know if my mood swings were due to pregnancy hormones, or to this adaptation ability Kaede said I had finally triggered, or it was just all the change in my life. But I was fucking sick of it.
And I was done with being hurt by Kaede.
For someone so smart, he was terrible at communication. Looking at it objectively, I guess I should be disgusted by or maybe scared of Kaede. But for some reason, I wasn’t. Instead, I felt safe. It was that same instinctual urge to trust him as I’d felt with both Xylo and Odelm. Even felt with him.
Sure, Kaede was dangerous—and that could be lethal if he ever turned it against me. But some subconscious part of me was drawn to him. Perhaps his very danger made me feel safe, knowing he was protecting me. And I yearned for us to become friends. But I couldn’t keep riding this emotional pendulum with him.
Reality was... He was employed to protect me, and in the end, I was afraid that would trump any friendship we developed. I needed to remember that. To keep my heart protected against his inconsistency—and against possible betrayal if his employer demanded something that might hurt me.
The door swooshed open.
Keeping my eyes on the terrarium, I knew instantly that it wasn’t Odelm or Xylo. I could feel they were still on the lower decks. It had to be Kaede using his control of the ship.
“Go away!”
Weight settled beside me and a pair of strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a hard chest.
I tried to pull away, but my struggles were ineffective. I burst into tears, sobbing, as my hands pressed against his chest.
A hand stroked my hair and I felt his warm breath tickling my ear as he whispered, “I’m sorry. I was out of line. I don’t think lowly of you, Selena—quite the opposite. And I do trust you. I know you can’t control who you are any more than I can control who I am.”
“Then why do you keep harping on my lack of judgment, on my relationships? Even if they were a mistake—which I definitely do not believe—they’re a part of me now. Nothing can change that, other than death,” I sobbed.
He sighed, his arms tightening around me.
“After spending years helping my client search for you, I’d hoped once I found you, we’d get to know one other. You talk about kindred spirits? We have so much in common, Selena... I’d hoped that being your Head of Security, you’d learn to trust me, that we’d become good friends. Instead, you attached yourself to Xylo. Then to Odelm. You gave them the one thing I’d wished for all these years—your trust and friendship—instantly.”
He squeezed, then rested his cheek against my forehead. His silky hair fell in a curtain of black over half of my face. He sighed again. “Jealousy, Selena. It made me jealous. And it seems each time we talk, I mess something up between us. I may be good at my job—politics, missions, I never fail—but it seems I’m terrible when it comes to
establishing friendships with others. I’m used to people pushing me away.”
I leaned into him and felt him tremble.
“The only ones who respect me are my crew and my client. Even the mercenaries I’m currently working with fear me--joking about how everything I touch dies. I don’t want that with you. Here you are—not afraid of what I look like or my history—and I can’t stop lashing out defensively. I keep saying things before I think. I’ll try to do better. I promise. What can I do to make it up to you?” Kaede begged.
“Stop questioning my relationships. You know what I’ve been through. Be happy for me. Be supportive. In attacking them, you’re attacking me. There’s not a competition. My having them in my life, bonding with them—it doesn’t preclude a friendship with you. If you want to be friends with me and you want me to trust you, then you need to stop the cruel, jealous, mean-spirited jabs. You need to trust me, if you want me to trust you.”
He took in a deep breath and pulled away, looking down into my eyes. “Is that it?”
I rubbed my eyes clear of the last of my tears and nodded. “I hate fighting. I grew up surrounded by anger, hatred, and casual cruelty. I don’t want that to be a part of my life ever again. And I refuse to subject my cubs to it. I know I won’t always see eye-to-eye with my nestmates, or you, or my cubs’ sire. That’s a part of life. But I won’t allow disrespect, jealousy, or resentment in my family.”
“Tell you what.” I laughed and looked at him mischievously. “You promise to stop attacking my relationships and to listen—and give me foot massages whenever I want—I’ll forgive you.”
A confused look crossed his face. “That easy?”
“I doubt it’ll be easy, Kaede. But you now know what I want. If you’re going to be my Head of Security, I don’t want awkwardness between us. I want a chance to be your friend. I don’t have many of those... Perhaps you could introduce me to your half-sisters sometime?”
