During my search for food, some teenage boys antagonized me, offering me money for a blow job. I told them to go away, but they continued to ridicule me. After they’d finished drinking their sodas, they tossed the cans at me, telling me to get a life.
I ran up to them and smacked the biggest one right in the face. The boys freaked out and got on their bikes and took off, shouting what a crazy fucking bitch I was.
A moment of hitting rock bottom, I’d become totally hopeless, being perceived as a hood rat whore, cringing like my life was over, nothing left for me.
My feet ached, and my body had become fatigued, feeling as if I might collapse at any moment. Hunger pains stabbed at me, my stomach growling mercilessly. My lips were dried and cracked, my throat burning every time I tried to swallow, worrying as if I didn't have any hope left, and the end was near. I was running out of options, so I was looking for a way out, any way out, on the brink of desperation.
When I got deeper into the city, I squatted in an abandoned building until I could figure out somewhere better to go. I looked over across the city at a bridge. My chest tightened up, and I began hyperventilating, feeling like collapsing, sipping what seemed like my last breath. I’d become light-headed and stumbled toward the bridge entry. Before I was able to get there, I collapsed to my knees, putting my face in my hands, crying harder than I'd ever cried in my life. While weeping, I thought about how ashamed I was of myself for thinking the thoughts which were going through my mind. When I closed my eyes, I saw an image in my mind of me sitting on the edge of the bridge contemplating jumping and ending all of my problems. My emotions stirred, realizing I wasn't thinking straight. A black cloud hovered over my head, and I couldn't get myself out of the gloom and doom of it all, feeling so helpless and vulnerable.
Getting colder and darker outside, I shivered, my mind consumed with my problems, staring at the water under the bridge. It seemed like a means to an end. I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore. Nobody would miss me. Nobody.
"Go ahead and do it," a raspy female voice said. "Shit or get off the pot."
Chapter 14
Feeling ashamed that someone had known what I was contemplating on doing, I sobbed harder. I turned around to see who’d spoken to me, grimacing at her appearance.
The woman grinned as she stroked back her gray, brittle hair into a ponytail. She smiled at me, her yellow teeth rotten, appearing as if they might crumble at the touch. The skin on her face was flawed like a weather-damaged leather couch. Her nightgown was covered in what appeared to be chocolate. At least, I’d hoped it was chocolate. A tag barely pinned to the fabric on her chest read, “Roberta.” She wasn't wearing any shoes, so her feet were black as coal on the bottoms, skin looking cracked and callused. She pushed a grocery store buggy, rattling and clacking due to one broken wheel that continuously spun in circles as she struggled to navigate. The buggy was filled with returnable cans and empty booze bottles. In the top area, there was a giant-sized plastic zip-lock bag filled with half-smoked cigarette butts. Rolling her eyes as she mumbled, she weeded through the bag, pulling out one of the butts, lighting the shattered tip with a matchstick. She took in a deep drag, smoke billowing from her mouth and nose holes like an evil dragon.
"Crying isn't going to fix shit," Roberta said. "Ain't nobody gonna care anyhow."
I thought about what she’d said, and she was probably right. I also thought about how important Chloe was to me, and how I needed to protect her. Feeling so selfish and helpless, during my moment of weakness, daydreaming, I saw an image in my mind of my baby Chloe smiling. Tears bursting all over my hands, I'd finally come to my senses. I didn't know whether I'd lost my mind or not, but seeing Chloe seemed so real.
"Come to mommy, baby," I said as I reached my arms out. "Mommy loves you."
A loud car horn blew, snapping me out of my delusional daydream of hope.
"What the hell are you talking 'bout?" Roberta asked. "Damn! I thought I was crazy, but you take the cake. You're nothing but a damn fool."
I cleared my throat, my hand tightening, fighting back the urge to reply.
"I saw you sniffing 'round my houses," Roberta pointed at a string of abandoned buildings.
Oh no, I can't believe she’d been watching me.
"I wasn't going to take your houses."
"Now, I knows me some bullshit when I smell it."
Roberta walked off laughing.
"If I see you messin' wit my houses again, I'm gonna snatch you bald headed. You hear?"
Her voice cackled.
"You know what I'm sayin'?"
She smirked at me, and for a moment I thought I saw kindness in her eyes, but I’d been mistaken.
"Here you go, darling."
She reached her arm forward, flicking her lit cigarette butt at me.
My first impulse was to go smack her across the face, but I resisted the urge because I figured she had nothing to lose, and I wasn't sure what she might do in retaliation.
I’d stumbled away from the old woman and mistakenly walked out into the street, cars screeching, horns blaring, drivers shouting, cussing coming from what seemed like every angle, backing up traffic. When I thought about the image of Chloe I’d seen in my mind, I cried hard, sniffling, regretting, realizing I’d made a mistake leaving Chloe with William. I’d become delirious, probably due to the lack of food and water. It had been days since I had anything to eat or drink at all.
After my encounter with the awful lady, I realized it was time to find a safer place to stay. The city so cold and empty, I wanted to get back to the area I was most familiar with, the suburbs. I needed to get back to the park, so I could get my thoughts together.
After walking all night long, I’d finally figured out how to get back to the park. I sat down on a bench, trying to determine where I’d sleep for the night. I cried in my hands, feeling helpless and vulnerable.
Then I smelled something delicious, a waft of loveliness in the air. My stomach cramped up as I breathed in and took a stronger whiff. I got up, moving in the direction of the scent.
Chapter 15
The delightful aroma of grilled onions led me to a bench just down the path. Some teenagers were having a makeshift party on one of the park benches, two guys and two girls. When I walked up, one of the girls grabbed a brown paper bag from the guy next to her, throwing it into the trash, acting as if she didn't. The bag appeared to contain booze. I could tell because I recognized the shape of the neck peeking out of the top. He got upset at the girl for taking the bag, complaining, asking her if she’d lost her mind. I heard her whisper to him that I was watching, and she was afraid I might tell her parents. I couldn’t believe it. The girl was Jenny from down the street. All the time I thought she was well behaved. I also recognized the others from the neighborhood but didn't know their names. She made some excuses and said they had to go, as she also threw the other bag into the trash.
Jenny, whose parents lived a couple doors down from us, whispered, begging me not to tell her mother that I saw her out. It was late, and she’d obviously snuck out to hang out and party with boys. She was just like me when I was younger. I resisted the urge to give her shit, even though I wanted to save her from heading down the path I’d taken. Who was I to give her advice? I told her she had nothing to worry about, and I’d never tell a soul I saw her, although I wanted to give her an earful. I wanted to help her prevent making the mistakes I’d made, but I knew she was going to do what she was going to do, whether I preached to her or not, so I decided not to waste the breath and energy it would take to convince her.
After the teenagers left, I was curious to know what exactly they had discarded into the trash. I reached inside, pulling out the bags. The outside of one of the bags was glossy from some type of grease. It contained hamburgers smothered in onions, which were still warm, the smell causing me to salivate. I licked my lips with anticipation, ready for a taste. The other bag contained a bottle of whiskey. A familiar urge from the pa
st haunted me. My lips quivered for a drink. It was like a gold mine in my hands. My luck had changed. I was so thirsty.
I opened the bottle of whiskey and took a chug. Heat enveloped my chest when I breathed out, and I could feel the sensation on my lips of the booze, immediately becoming light headed. Feeling a moment of shame because I said I’d never drink again, and here I was slugging it down. Besides, the alcohol hadn't even quenched my thirst. My stomach gurgled with hunger pains.
The half-eaten, greasy, hamburgers smothered in onions were calling my name. I pulled one out and smelled its aroma, which stimulated my senses. Drool dripped down my chin as I anticipated the flavor. Putting my hunger to rest had finally come. I leaned in, and just before the burger touched my lips, I realized I was about to eat half-eaten trash from the garbage can. I slightly dry-heaved.
Had things really gotten that bad? I took a hard look at the burger and squeezed it into my fist, throwing it with all of my might back into the waste basket, smashing the bottle, destroying the booze, so I couldn’t have another drink. I was scared that I might spiral out of control, feeling desperate and unstable. I realized I was having a panic attack, so I did some deep breathing to calm myself down.
I sat on the park bench. I knew I couldn't sleep on the bench because the police would tell me to move before too long, but I decided to just rest my eyes for a moment, and then I would go.
My eyes were so heavy as I drifted off into a well-needed sleep. In that moment, I realized I was in a lucid state of dreaming. My mind kept obsessing over Chloe's real father. I could see him in my mind, bringing me great comfort. I snuggled, relaxing my eyes, hoping not to wake up because I so desperately wanted to see how my dream would turn out.
I smiled as I saw a him kneel down before me, my dream so vivid, so real.
Why was Hot Stuff kneeling in front of me?
“I missed you,” he said.
He stroked my hair back out of my eyes, reaching his other hand into the inside pocket of his leather jacket. I got the feeling he was about to propose to me. The thought filled my heart with joy, and I almost screamed. He started to get something out, but I stopped him as I knelt down and pressed my lips against his.
His hand grasped the back of my head, firmly pulling my lips closer. Him aggressively kissing me, thirsting for me, his lips pressed firm against mine as his tongue invaded my mouth. I melted in his arms, tingling at every inch of my body, wanting him, lusting for him, loving him. The heat of his tongue filled me with chills. I'd never been kissed so forcefully. He definitely took control of the situation. I was at his mercy, loving every moment.
He sucked on my ear, breathing on my neck. I embraced him tight as I fought off the urge to move away. My neck was ticklish, but I didn’t care. I was his for the taking.
As he caressed my neck with his tongue, he unsnapped a button on my blouse and pulled it open to reveal my perky breasts which were fighting to get out of my tight white bra. He reached behind me and released the last clasp and my bra fell forward completely. He buried his face in my breasts, kissing me softly, wrapping his mouth around my nipple, gently sucking.
His hand wandered down to the mound of my vagina, him gently stroking his fingers across the side of my panties, thrilling me gently, tickling my fancy. I moved my body slightly to influence his hand closer to my pussy. My warm, damp panties moved to the side as his finger tips slid up and down through my wet slit, causing me to quiver.
He kissed his way down my body, making his way to my stomach, arriving at my crotch. His hand pulled my panties to the side, kissing my pussy passionately, spreading me, tonguing me, loving me.
I melted inside from the burning desire brewing within me from his loving touch. Never had a man pleasured me the way he had. Most guys got what they wanted, passed out, and made excuses to leave, but not Hot Stuff. He was a keeper. He was a man. He was all mine.
I reached down, massaging the back of his head, influencing him to lick the right spot, guiding him toward paradise.
My top front teeth bit down on my bottom lip, moaning like I'd never moaned before. He'd curled my toes, which wasn't an easy task. I whimpered as I longed for more. Then I thought I'd heard him speak, but his voice sounded strange.
"Molly," a female voice said.
I jerked, waking up, feeling the presence of someone in front of me, jarring me out of my blissful slumber. I slowly cracked open my eyes, trembling as I noticed someone watching me.
Chapter 16
A chill in the air caused me to shiver, not remembering where I was. Trying to get my eyes into focus, the blurry image of a familiar face came into view, but I didn't recognize who she was at first. Her hand grabbed my shoulder, shaking me gently.
"Is that you, Molly?" a female voice asked.
I looked up, and once my eyes completely focused, I was shocked to see who stood over me. How embarrassing. Of all the people in the world who could have found me, it had to be William's ex-wife, Sophia. I regretted not moving along when I had the chance. Why did I have to fall asleep? I thought about making an excuse, but I couldn’t dream up anything that might justify me sleeping on a bench in the park. I was hard-pressed to come up with anything that would be believable, except for the truth, and most likely, she was going to mention it to William.
“What happened to your hair?” she asked.
I didn’t know how to respond.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
Sophia was dressed in her workout outfit. Only at that moment did I realize Sophia was running in place as if she didn't want her heart rate to go down because she was in the middle of jogging. She looked spectacular, her mirrored sunglasses resting just above her strawberry-blonde bangs, her eyes styled like a model with thick black mascara, her lips saturated with fire-engine red lipstick. Her tight yoga pants and belly shirt showcased her fit body, leaving me feeling envious as I compared myself to her. Of all days that someone I knew had to see me, of course, it had to be today in my finest hour.
I envied Sophia's looks, her striking presence, a classic beauty. Every movement, she exuded confidence. I’d always wondered why William hadn't stayed married to her. She was beautiful and had a great personality, which had always driven me crazy. Before I’d met her, when he'd talked about her, I liked to imagine that she was slightly less attractive than me. The first time I saw her I nearly cried, because I didn't know whether I could live up to her beauty, style, and grace.
"You look terrible," she said. "I heard what happened. It's a shame. Leave it to pecker-head William to ruin another woman’s life."
Apparently, everyone had been gossiping that William had ruined my life. How nice. Knowing people were talking about me made me feel embarrassed. I wanted to vanish, but couldn't.
"Where are you staying?" she asked.
Feeling ashamed, I had difficulty making eye contact with her. I looked down, whispering softly to her when I spoke.
“Uh,” I muttered. “Um, I don’t.”
I didn't know what to say to her. Wasn't it obvious I had no place to go? Me sleeping on a park bench didn’t tip her off? I knew she was just trying to be nice and didn't want to insult me.
I couldn’t understand why she was being so friendly. I didn't really know her, other than the few awkward gatherings where we casually greeted each other and then went our separate ways. Meeting my husband's ex-wife was not something that had been high on my priority list. I'd liked to believe my husband had never been with another woman before me. Sure, that way of thinking was unrealistic, but I genuinely felt that way.
Sophia's eyes looked sympathetic as she reached her hand out to me.
"I'd like you to come home with me," she said. "You can stay with me for a few weeks until you get back on your feet."
I almost refused, because I didn't want to take her charity, but things were looking so grim, having no options. I couldn't deny myself the break. The hunger in my stomach ached, and I was cold. I couldn't believe how my luck had chang
ed for the better. I’d gotten choked up due to Sophia's generosity. I rushed to wipe my eyes, fighting off tears, hoping Sophia didn't notice me getting emotional. I was at my wits end, and she’d rescued me just in time, before I’d done something stupid.
"Thank you, Sophia," I replied. "Thank you very much. You're a lifesaver. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you."
Sophia smiled with understanding eyes. She put on her sunglasses, preparing to leave.
"Just promise me you’ll work on getting yourself together," she said.
For a second, I became insulted by her remark, until I saw my reflection in her sunglasses. I looked hideous, dark rings under my bloodshot eyes, greasy hair sticking to my forehead. I was sure I smelled as bad as I looked.
I followed behind Sophia like a sad puppy dog all the way to the parking lot. We got into her light-pink Maserati and drove away. I could hardly move my hands because they were so cold, pushing my digits directly under the heater, soaking in the warmth, feeling great comfort. I’d froze my ass off most nights and most mornings, shivering on the park bench, dreaming of the moment I'd be inside again.
Sophia stopped at a fast food drive-thru, getting me a big bag of food and a soda. I gorged the entire bag before we even got to Sophia's house. I’d eaten one burger after the next, only stopping long enough to breathe and eat fries, smothering them with ketchup. I guzzled the ice-cold soda, refreshing my taste buds, preparing my mouth for another deliciously greasy burger. The fries were salty in a good way, causing me to suck every one of my fingertips, savoring the flavor. My mouth quivered as I licked the delicious taste from my lips. It had been too long since I had a decent meal.
"Could you please get a burger out for me?" she asked.
I reached inside the bag, but due to my selfishness, it was completely empty. Only the wrappers of the food I’d already eaten during the drive remained. I’d never for a moment considered that Sophia had gotten anything for herself. I was reluctant to tell her I’d eaten everything, but what choice did I have? She was going to find out sooner or later.
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