Mixed Emotions

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Mixed Emotions Page 20

by MIA HEINTZELMAN


  “Yeah, while you were urging him to cancel the deal because Arnold had the nerve to consider another offer on the table, your boy was hedging his own bets.” A smug smirk twisted Everett’s face. “If I wouldn’t make him partner, he was just going to leave anyway and weasel his way to the top at another company. He’s got all his bases covered.”

  Zora sat completely still as she let her brother’s words sink in. For the briefest second, she looked at Mike. She was shaking her head. His green eyes were dark and pleading.

  What. The. Fuck?

  Mike was saying something, but she didn’t hear a word he said. In the moment, her heartbeat pounded in her ears and she couldn’t catch her breath. She was under water and the only other sound was the soft whoosh of her breath hitching and tearing itself out of her.

  Suddenly, her mind waded through her conversations with Mike and skidded to a halt on one they’d had last Monday. That morning in the hallway, she’d been so blinded by the sight of him in a towel she brushed right over it.

  Jason calls me this morning and says his firm wants to hire me.

  She had naively let her guard down and let go when she should have been holding on with all of her might. This was exactly what she was worried about—being with a man who never stopped thinking about himself long enough to appreciate what was right in front of him. No matter how hard she tried, it seemed she was bound to fall to the same fate of the Monroe women before her: staying too long at the party.

  How could I be so stupid? How could I not see this coming?

  Zora knew all about ambition and drive, wanting more, wanting to be valued as an equal. She didn’t fault Mike for challenging himself. The same force pushed her when it came to her cookbook and making a future for herself. It was okay not to want to be dependent. What wasn’t okay was lying about it, even if it was by omission. He had every opportunity to tell her the truth, but he’d let her find out like this.

  She was blindsided. She’d opened up to him and let him all the way in, but Mike didn’t trust her enough to do the same.

  Tears pricked at Zora’s eyes and she chewed on her bottom lip, heat crawling up her neck as she figured her next move. She could feel the wall erecting around her heart, closing up again, when Mike’s voice broke through the fog.

  “You have to believe me. I was never going to take it. I was just—“

  “Just what?” Her sharp and shaky voice shot through the silence. Rage swept over her. Her temples throbbed. Her body locked up. “Making sure all your ducks were in a row? Forgetting what it means to be loyal? Leaving me out of the loop? You were never going to give Ev the chance to really think about it. You were too busy working on your own backup plan.”

  “No. It wasn’t like that.”

  “It sounds exactly like that.”

  He was no different than Harrison Arnold. No different than Joseph.

  Mike was going to replace them just like Joseph replaced Mom. Eva Monroe had stayed with him and lost everything that made her amazing. She lost her greatest gift: her life. If Zora stayed with Mike, she’d inevitably lose herself, too.

  “I can’t do this,” she said.

  Mike recoiled. His moss green eyes went round before he scrubbed his hands over his face and shook his head. “No. Jason did make an offer, but I never asked him to,” he reasoned as if saying so would make it all better and they could go back to the way things were five minutes earlier. “Yes. I do want to be working toward something bigger, a new challenge, but not if means losing you again. Zo, I can’t lose you again.”

  His brows snapped together and he bent down in front of Zora, begging, urging her to listen to reason, to not let the good thing they had go so easily, but she already knew better.

  “You know something?” Her voice was even and she could feel heat burning at her cheeks. “I got caught up in the same dream, but that’s all it is, a dream. That’s all it ever was. This…you and me, was only temporary. We were playing house, but none it was real.”

  She got to her feet and smoothed her clothes, tugging her jacket tight before meeting Mike’s gaze.

  “We’re all wrong for each other. It’s time I let go of the memory of what we had once.” Zora swiped at her tears and walked toward the door. She needed to get out the house and the closed, tight space.

  Space.

  She didn't have a plan, but at least Zora knew her first step. She needed to get out of Mike’s house.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Mike

  Mike didn’t think twice about running after Zora. He wasn’t going to let her let go again. If he had to, he would hold on for the both of them. And that’s just what he did. He begged her for hours and held her tight in his arms through the night.

  The next morning, Mike’s eyes shot open at the sound of a car door closing, and he didn’t have to move to know.

  Zora was gone.

  His heart was in his throat and his chest tightened because he knew it was for good this time. Still, fear twisted in his gut as he searched the house. He walked from room to room calling her name. His voice was agonizing to his own ears as he slammed doors and circled the perimeter of the house.

  But everything was gone.

  The porch light was still on. The road was shrouded in a thick mist, and in the stillness, he could hear crickets chirping. Mike was out front of his house still on his hands and knees on the wet paved walkway unsure whether it was night or day. He sat back on his legs, his chest tightening as he watched the reflection of the sky in a puddle.

  One by one, raindrops fell to the same beat of the lawn sprinkler, perfuming the air with the scent of wet grass and pine trees.

  “You all right over there? Can I help you with anything?” A male voice snapped Mike out of his revelry as he searched for the source.

  “Yeah. Yes, I’m okay.” His eyes followed the voice over to the house on his right. He didn’t live in one of those master-planned communities where all the houses looked exactly alike. The build was also contemporary, but his neighbor’s house looked a little more lived-in with a sofa set out on the curb and a red wagon on the front lawn.

  Mike was struggling to get to his feet when he noticed an older man in worn jeans and a flannel tucked in at his protruding waistline. Despite the drizzle and the sprinklers, he wore only sturdy boots and a beat-up Vietnam Veteran cap with its embroidered insignia on the front panel.

  He’d met him once briefly but couldn’t recall his name at the moment. It was mostly during comings and goings that Mike saw the man, but he’d never stopped to talk to him before.

  “I just…” Mike couldn’t bring himself to speak about what was really happening.

  Leaves crunched underfoot as he walked the few steps over to his neighbor’s dusty pickup truck. Up close, the man’s features, normally hidden under his cap, came into view. Tawny, pockmarked skin and kind sunny brown eyes beamed back at Mike. He had gnarled knuckles, a staunch capable frame, and he looked like one of those guys who’d never shied away from getting his hands dirty a day in his life. If there was a job to be done, you wouldn’t have to ask this guy twice.

  “Did you lose something?” he asked in a hearty, downhome voice.

  The irony was not lost on Mike, and a small laugh escaped him. He had lost something…or, rather, someone. He couldn't help wondering, when he was searching on the wet pavement and in the shallow puddles, did he look lost? He guessed on his knees was where he needed to be—with his hands pressed together in prayer if he wanted Zora back.

  Vaguely, he noticed the truck’s motor was still running. “I don’t want to keep you.”

  “Oh, it’s all right. I’m just letting the oil work its way through its veins.” The man jutted his chin to the truck.

  Mike peeked up at the weathered cap. “Uh…thank you for your service, sir.”

  “Oh…well, you’re welcome, but…” He waved his hand in the air as he dipped his chin, pushing the topic away. “I did my duty to this great country a long
time ago.” He stopped himself there, and there seemed a question was weaving its way through his mind.

  Mike tilted his head, his ears ready for whatever wisdom he might impart.

  “What did you do?” his neighbor asked.

  Mike stared blankly. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what you mean.”

  “What happened with your lady friend? I mostly keep to myself unless my daughter and my grandson come to visit, but I look out for my neighbors, whether they’ve asked me to or not. The way I see it, if she’s not out here with you, she left. Good women don’t leave unless we’ve fouled up somehow. So, what did you do?”

  A nervous smile quirked at Mike’s lips.

  “Is it really that obvious?”

  “At the end of the day, we’re just different than they are,” his neighbor said. “They know right off the bat what they want and go after it, full force. We, on the other hand, tend to take our time figuring out what we want and put off going after it until we’ve lost it.” Crinkles formed around the edges of his eyes as he smiled. “I’ve seen the other ones you brought around, and they didn’t have you on your hands and knees. If it doesn’t feel like you’re dying a slow, torturous death on the inside, she’s not worth all the trouble.”

  Mike matched his neighbor’s raucous laugh because there was no denying the man was right.

  “When it’s real love, the person who makes you feel like you’re dying is the only one who can make you feel like you’re finally living. Don’t let her get away, Son.”

  Mike released a chest full of air, nodded rapidly, and shook his neighbor’s rough hand with both of his, assuring him he planned to heed his advice. On the inside, he felt butterflies that seemed to be hopped up on meth. Anxiety swirled around him, and his stomach knotted as fear twisted his gut.

  It wasn’t a question of if he was going to try to get Zora back, but how.

  If he was going to do this, it wasn’t going to be some weak profession of his love and empty promises. Where were the dramatics in that? When he groveled for her, he needed to be on his knees. He needed to dig in and get his hands dirty.

  Or maybe, hold up a boom box and find a pair diamond earrings.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Zora

  Bright, and far too early, Zora stood on the curb taking in the site of her new home. She was at the final walk-through armed with an inspection checklist and a decades-long dream of home ownership. She’d attended these pre-closing walks a few dozen times with Monroe Properties when Grandma Babs was teaching her and Everett the ropes, but this was different. Buying this house meant Zora was driving her own life.

  Even if at the moment, she’d rather let someone else take the wheel.

  “If you see anything at all—a crack, unfinished paint—anything, not to worry,” Steven, the builder superintendent said. “That can all be fixed. I want you to just rip off a piece of this blue tape and stick it right on.”

  Does it work for hearts too?

  The world felt like it was spinning, and all she could think about was the hollow ache in her chest. The past two weeks back at Patton Place had broken her. Every night without Mike felt like she was drowning in grief. Her body was leaden, and her insides were shredded. Now, she was just…numb.

  Why couldn’t broken hearts be fixed so easily?

  “Okay, great,” she said.

  Steven might have been a middle-aged guy with far too much energy so early in the morning, but, apparently, he was in tune with people. He patted a gentle hand on Zora’s shoulder and looked into her eyes. He must have noticed her splotchy skin and puffy face and seen the sadness, but he was decent enough not to mention it.

  His tone was soothing when he spoke to her. “Still tired? I know it’s early, but…” Just that quickly, the chipper singsong tone was back in his voice. “I can have Paula bring down a cup of coffee if you want. That might get the wake-up train going.”

  Zora forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m just…still sleepy.” A nervous laugh escaped her. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

  She imagined her spastic nerves were showing all over her face. As far back as she could remember, she’d wanted to buy a new home with money she’d earned herself. Now she was actually doing it. She should have been bouncing off the freshly painted walls with pride and contagious joy. Her chin should be high at the idea of uplifting the legacy of generations of Monroe women, but Zora couldn’t get past the bitter sweetness that overshadowed her milestone.

  Here was this amazing house just waiting for her, but all she wanted was go back home. Mike’s home.

  “All righty, then. Let’s get to it,” Steven said.

  She wandered into the first of two spare bedrooms on the first floor, one of which she planned to use as her office. The thought blew her mind, and for a moment, she wondered what her mom and Grandma Babs would think if they saw her. How proud would they be to see her going from neighborhood lemonade stands to published author with a house she’d purchased outright.

  Pride filled her, and she blinked away the tears welling in her eyes.

  “It’s amazing isn’t it?” Steven asked. “Nothing like buying your first home. It’s humbling.”

  Yes, it is.

  Zora tossed an easy smile at Steven who was standing at the door before turning back to the window.

  “I love it.” Zora stood in the center of the room for a moment and just breathed. Outside, the day was clear, and the trees seemed to be dancing with the daylight to the tune of birds chirping. If she was going do the work of getting over Mike, she couldn’t think of a better place to do it. The house was quiet and soothing to her wayward soul.

  It was going to be work settling in, though. Every vision she had of herself traipsing through the house cooking, reading, or sprawled out on her sofa watching movies reminded her of Mike. In every scenario, she wanted him sitting right there with her.

  If only she could trust him.

  She couldn’t, though. He’d proven himself a coward and a liar, and she couldn’t go down the same road her mother went.

  “You know, this model is one of my favorites,” Steven said. “I really love the window seat option. It’s perfect for a reading corner or if you just want to sit and have your morning coffee while you watch the sun come up and contemplate all of life’s mysteries.” Steven sighed, but it was exactly what Zora had been imagining.

  She had no clue how she’d ended up back here, broken-hearted and grasping for light in the darkness. Ever since that day back in Grandma Babs’s cellar when she’d let Mike go, she had hoped that if they did find their way back to each other, it would be for good—the whole, “if you love something, set it free” theory. Love would find a way. If he came back to her, it meant they were supposed to be together.

  Hope was a dangerous thing.

  Now, more than ever, she knew those hopes were only to be relegated to fairytales.

  It wasn’t real.

  It was time to grow up. Zora wasn’t going to lose herself. She wasn’t going to give up. Even if it meant going it alone.

  “Sounds amazing,” she said.

  It did.

  Over the rest of the walk-through, Zora went about opening and closing doors and drawers, turning on faucets, and flipping light switches throughout the house. She checked every window, flushed toilets, and even let the chill from the refrigerator wash a calming cool over her face. The beautiful, spacious, and clean house was going be her reprieve from the outside world. She imagined good, restless sleep in a too-big bed, cooking meals for one, and one day becoming the independent grown-up she’d always dreamt of being.

  The only problem with growing up was letting go of childhood dreams.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Mike

  Seventeen days.

  Exactly. Mike was counting the days, the hours, the minutes, the seconds, and even the breaths since Zora left him. All of his messages and calls went straight to voicemail. He didn’t dare go back to Patton Place since his rela
tionship with Everett was still on thin ice. He’d even tried Olivia, but she made it plain she was Team Zora, and it was no use trying to convince her that despite his actions, he was too.

  “Kendra,” Mike called from his office. For now, at least.

  She edged into the doorway and sagged against the frame, pressing her hand to her heart as if it pained her to see him. “Yes,” she said, her tone soft and low with way too much pity drizzled over it.

  “Can you not?”

  “Not, what sweetheart?”

  Mike swiveled in his chair to face her and there it was. The mirror reflecting back at him. “Listen, I’m good. I know you’ve probably been asked not to say anything about me and Zora, but I know you know, so you can stop treating me like I might crumble into a million pieces.” He shrugged and tossed his hands up as he leaned back against the chair, clasping them behind his head. “Honestly, yes, I’m hurt, but she doesn’t want me, so I have to move on, too. I’m just going to keep my head down and do the job I was hired to do, but, honestly, I don’t even know if Ev is going to keep me around much longer.”

  Kendra tossed a glance over her shoulder before edging all the way into the room. Quietly, conspiratorially she shut the door behind her. “What’s the plan?” she asked in a hushed tone.

  “What plan? I just told you I’m going to keep working until he gives me the boot, I guess. Then I’ll figure out what my other options are.”

  She sucked her teeth loudly.

  “Okay, I heard that.”

  With her hands planted on her hips, she twisted her mouth into a smirk. “Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.” That sound was motherly and filled with attitude. It was a telltale sign that Mike was in for some schooling and quite possibly a neck roll-eye roll combo.

  Mike sighed and sunk into the seat. “What? Ev’s barely strung together two words for me. It’s not like things are exactly working in my favor. I asked him if he wants me to quit, but…nothing. He won’t even talk to me.”

 

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