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Raymond sits on his bed with only the street lights flooding his room through his window. Looking out the window at the few stars he manages to see through the light-polluted sky, he wonders why grown-ups fed stories to children, as truth, and then pulls their imaginations away. What is the point of telling them about Santa only to take it back later? Raymond shakes his head and wonders why everyone is a fool; everyone except for his grandfather. Raymond stands from his bed and grabs his backpack. He has to try and make another escape tonight. He has to find his grandfather.
Raymond puts Alfred back into his backpack, with his head sticking out and swings his backpack on. Stinging cold air rushes into his room as Raymond gently unhinges the latch and pushes the window open. He looks down to the black rod-iron fence and concrete sidewalk. Being on the second floor doesn’t seem so high up from the ground, but looking down with the intention of climbing down is a different story.
“It’s a long way down, Alfred,” says Raymond.
Alfred says, “Yes, it is very far down, but Grandpa is waiting for you…for us! After all, he did tell us many stories, and I’d like to see him again to hear another story.”
“You’re right. We’ll climb down and make it. We have to.”
He pats Alfred on the head, and Raymond falls into deep thought. As he falls into deep thought he almost felt Alfred’s heart beat, but he couldn’t have. Raymond stands straight and looks at Alfred’s reflection in the window.
It can’t be, thinks Raymond.
“Alfred?” says Raymond.
“Raymond?”
Raymond turns around quickly to his bedroom door to find Uncle Delaney standing as a silhouette.
“Are you okay, kiddo?” asks Uncle Delaney, suspiciously.
Uncle Delaney looks at the open window behind Raymond and then at Raymond’s backpack. Though Uncle Delaney’s face is a shadow, Raymond can see him putting two and two together.
“I just needed some fresh air and I was going to put my things away,” said Raymond, as he begins to unbuckle his backpack.
“Fresh air?” asks Uncle Delaney. “I could believe you about putting your things away, but fresh air? The air out there in the city is the same as the restroom after your dad uses it.”
Raymond laughs and closes the window.
“I just wanted to check on you, kiddo. Are you holding up all right?” says Uncle Delaney.
Raymond nods his head trying to look reassuring to his uncle. Uncle Delaney smirks and gives Raymond a hug.
“I’m heading out, kiddo. I’ll try to come by next weekend to see you. Or, maybe I’ll come by and pick you up. We’ll go to a movie or museum. Does that sound like a plan?” Raymond nods quickly. “But-” Uncle Delaney’s ‘but’ sounded stern and echoed in Raymond’s room. “-you have to promise me you’ll be here for me to pick you up.”
Raymond smiles. “It’s a plan. I’ll be here.”
Raymond’s heart sinks as he watches Uncle Delaney walk out of the room closing the door behind him. “Did I just lie to him?” whispers Raymond as he wondered if he would see him again. Don’t think like that.
Raymond is sure he will see him again. The real question is when. The thought of not seeing Uncle Delaney makes him feel sad. Immediately he feels the loss taking over him. Raymond runs to his door and opens it fast nearly smashing his toes.
“Uncle Delaney,” says Raymond, catching Uncle Delaney halfway down the stairs.
Raymond wants to burst into tears. The following weekend Uncle Delaney will visit Raymond with the intention of taking him to a museum or movie, but Raymond won’t be there. Uncle Delaney walks back up the stairs and holds Raymond.
“It’s going to be okay. Grandpa is in a better place,” says Uncle Delaney.
That isn’t why he is sad, but he can’t correct Uncle Delaney. Instead he says the first thing that comes to his mind.
“I wish you were my dad,” says Raymond, surprising himself.
Uncle Delaney hugs him tighter, unsure of what to say to Raymond. He lets go and kneels down to Raymond’s level. “I’ll come back next week to check up on you. I promise.”
Raymond nods.
“Now, kiddo, tomorrow is another day. Go get some sleep.”
Uncle Delaney tousles Raymond’s hair and begins his descent down the stairs again. Raymond slowly walks back into his room, closing the door behind him only to slide down and sit on the floor. For a moment everything is quiet. Raymond hopes somehow the window will open and some force will pull him out and away to his grandfather; he would soar in the air through the clouds as if being lead by his chest. Then there is Uncle Delaney. He doesn’t want to leave Uncle Delaney, but Raymond is tired of feeling numb. He is only a kid and he feels numb most of the time. The only times he truly feels good about anything is when he was with his grandfather. In a moment, Raymond understands that he has to make the journey, not only to see his grandfather, but to prove that his grandfather isn’t unreachable. And he will prove it by finding him.
The silence gives way to the sound of Uncle Delaney opening the front door. Raymond listens closely to their farewells, but there are no farewells, only Uncle Delaney quietly arguing with Raymond’s mother and father.
“You guys don’t even pay attention to him,” says Uncle Delaney, but it is hard for Raymond to hear. He could have heard wrong.
“…caught up in your own superficial worlds…I understand what you’re going through…I’m going through the same…you have a son up there…”
More was said, but it was too muffled for Raymond to hear. Then Raymond jumps at the sound of the front door slamming. Though he is distant from his parents and tolerates their cold shoulders, he feels bad for them. He feels bad because his mother just lost the same man he did.
Raymond stands up and shakes his head. He looks at Alfred and smiles. Raymond begins to walk to Alfred, but stops at the sound of someone walking up the stairs.
Raymond nearly swears under his breath. He is growing impatient and wants to begin his journey. Then again maybe this is a sign that he should wait till the next night or not leave at all. His grandfather always warned him to look for signs.
There’s a knock at his door.
“Raymond?” calls his mother.
Raymond sits on his bed, impatiently gripping his blankets, answers, “Yes”, and waits for her to hurry up.
The door opens and his mother walks in.
No, not like this, thinks Raymond.
He wanted her to come to his room and be his mother on her own, not because Uncle Delaney argued with her.
Beggars can’t be choosers.
“Raymond, honey-lamb?” she says.
She only called him “honey-lamb” when she was drunk, which was rare. She only had to take one step closer for Raymond to smell the alcohol on her heavy damp breath. Before he knows it, she has her arms around him and her snot and tears are soaking his shoulder.
Raymond looks over to Alfred and he raises his shoulders and paws up. Raymond remembers what Uncle Delaney did when she hugged him, and Raymond follows what he did and hesitantly pats her back hoping she will let go. She cries louder and harder. She always cries, and though she doesn’t cry around him, Raymond can always hear her through the walls.
“You don’t have to go to school tomorrow, if you don’t want to.”
It is the nicest thing she has ever said to him, and considering she doesn’t say much to him, that means a lot. Raymond looks at Alfred, and Alfred raises his shoulders and paws up.
“No,” Raymond says. “I’ll go.”
Anything to get away, thinks Raymond.
He doesn’t want to be around his parents.
“Are you sure, honey-lamb?” she asks as she wipes her nose with her sleeve.
In a false delicate motherly fashion, she lets go and kisses Raymond on the cheek. And it is that kiss that lets Raymond know she is, in fact, his mother. Through the running mascara and stench of liquor and bad breath, Ra
ymond has a mother and she does love him. How unfortunate that on his last night home he can finally see this. Raymond knows this was a rare occasion, but he can’t wait for a rare occasion to feel loved by his mother. No, he needs to reach his grandfather, who always loves him.
Her cell phone chimes, letting her know she has a text message. She looks at it with an excited glow in her eyes and begins taping the pad as she walks out, closing the door behind her, without a “good-night”, “good-bye” or a “honey-lamb”. And the sense that his mother loves him goes out the door as well.
Raymond puts his backpack on and goes back to his lonely spot on his bed to look out the window. He looks back at the two stars that are able to shine through the light polluted sky. Raymond reaches into his pocket and holds the compass.
Whenever you feel lost or scared, I want you to hold onto this compass. This compass will always show you where I’m at. It’ll bring you to me, Raymond reflects.
Raymond pulls the compass out and opens it. The needle points north, but that is no surprise; Raymond’s window faces to the North. He looks out the window once more.
“Where are you Grandpa?” says Raymond as his lip curls down and he looks to the floor.
I know, you’re somewhere north.
He looks to Alfred, in the window reflection, but Alfred doesn’t shrug or say a word. Raymond looks back at the compass, desperately squeezing it with both of his hands. His eyes widen and his heart begins to nearly beat out of his chest. “Please, Grandpa, I need you. Where are you?”
Raymond sighs, nearly dropping the compass. He looks to the light leaking from under his door and wonders if Uncle Delaney is right about Santa. Raymond falls slumped over on his bed, letting the compass lightly roll out of his hand onto the bed next to him.
Maybe I shouldn’t go.
“Don’t give up, Raymond,” whispers Alfred, as Raymond feels a single heartbeat, and a stuffed paw on his shoulder. “Don’t give up.”
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Thank you for taking to the time to read my short story. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as it was a joy to write it. Thank you.
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This story was written in 2010 and placed third in the 79th Annual Writer’s Digest Short Story competition, under the Mainstream/Literary category.
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Places you can find me:
Gmail: [email protected]
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The Way to Nowhere Page 2
