“Faster.”
Mo was in decent shape but sweating profusely. Muttering about how good I felt and how much he loved me. It was our fourth date.
“Faster.”
He was a nice enough guy. Nothing really wrong with him, except he needed directions, and he fell in love with me before I had a chance to learn his last name or his first name for that matter. I was dying to know what Mo was short for.
“Oh, God, yes. Damn, girl…”
Morris? He didn’t look like a Morris, but then I’d never met one.
“I…I love you so fucking much…yeah…”
Morton?
Maybe it was something that didn’t have Mo in it. Maybe the Mo came from a characteristic I wasn’t yet aware of like a big hairy mole on his back or maybe when he was little he would always ask for more of something.
He panted against my neck with breath so hot I felt like I was sandwiched between a wall and a furnace.
“Okay,” I pushed softly against his chest, savoring the fresh air the moment he stepped back. “Thanks.”
He nodded, starry-eyed and spellbound by what my pussy had done to him. His sad little thing dangled stiffly between his thighs, peeking out from underneath the front of his tee shirt. Without his usual tuxedo, Mo wasn’t really as attractive as I remembered.
His belt buckle jingled for the last time as he pushed it back into the last loop and secured it around his waist. My panties had landed in a dusty corner. Dust particles lifted into the air as I stuffed them into my purse. Mo was a grinning fool and entirely too proud of himself given his repeat performance. I shook the wrinkles from my summer dress and quickly adjusted the slim straps. The blue-and-white print swirled across my chest and around my waist before stopping abruptly mid-thigh.
“You gonna hang around? Wait for me to finish inventory?”
I nodded and slid back onto the wooden crate. I’d spent the previous evening preparing for this moment. Got Mama to straighten my hair and wrap it up in her rollers. Wore my brand-new white sandals and made up my face three different ways before deciding on a look. I damn sure wasn’t leaving before the coup de grace.
“You hear that?” I asked. “You thirsty? I’m thirsty.”
The storage room was only twenty feet or so from the front door of the club. The sound of the door opening and closing didn’t have far to travel.
“I’m gonna get something from the bar,” I said over my shoulder.
Had they arrived on time, they would’ve caught one of my better performances. I had been ready to throw down as if Mo was the best lover I’d ever had.
Clark bumped into a table and the noise filled the empty club a thousand times over. The big guy was the first to see me. A wide grin spread across his face, and for a second, I forgot all about the confrontation that had ousted me from the group and met his smile with one of my own.
“Jackie!”
“Hey.”
“Hey, ya’ll look who it is.”
Jess gave a nod and returned his attention to the sheet music perched over his keyboard.
“You look pretty. Don’t she look pretty?” Clark would always be a fan of mine. He was like a big old teddy bear. “What you doing here? All dressed up. Gotta date?” He pulled me into a big bear hug then released me so I had a direct view of Kem. “Or you here to see this guy?”
Kem’s expression turned hopeful, and my heart nearly stopped. I’d played the scene over and over in my head. Knew exactly what I was going to say, but at that moment, all my preparation went out the window.
“Oh hey y’all,” said a voice from behind me. The voice strained as if dragging a steer behind him and exhaled as a wooden crate met the floor. “How long you gonna be practicing for?” The voice came closer until the hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up. He wrapped his arms around my waist. “Me and Jackie gonna try to get outta here soon.”
Clark arched an eyebrow and let his gaze fall to the floor. It was Kem who replied. Assuring my new boyfriend that they wouldn’t be there for too long.
◼︎
“Slow down, Mama, I can’t hear you.”
She’d insisted on having the telephone number to the club, but I never expected she’d call it. The owner’s office was unlocked but held nothing of worth besides the file cabinets and boxes of memories. I sat in the ornery old guy’s chair and tried to tune out the music in the background.
“Wait. He said what?”
All I could make out was Mama was upset, and it had something to do with Nikki’s husband. She wanted to come home, but Heziah had taken the twins and Nat to Cleveland to visit his other kids.
“I don’t understand. Why can’t Nikki drive you? She…she’s where?”
I gave up and promised to be there as soon as I could. My new boyfriend was taking notes on which bottles of liquor needed to be restocked. Clipboard in hand, he scrolled down the list scribbling in the appropriate boxes how much and when. His pen tapped rhythmically to the beat as I tried to be heard over it.
“I can’t leave right now. I’ve still got two more shipments.” The band chose that moment to take a break, so I could hear him perfectly and so could they.
“Can I borrow your car?”
“You can’t drive.”
“Yes, I can.” Technically, I didn’t have a license, but I’d been a passenger enough times that I knew what I was getting myself into. “Come on, please.”
“Sorry, babe. Let me finish here and I’ll take you.”
“Is something wrong?” Kem stood at the bar, chugging a bottle of water.
“We’re fine,” came Mo’s short reply.
I was most definitely not fine and said as much. Didn’t take longer than thirty seconds before Kem agreed to drive me out to the suburbs. To which, Mo gritted his teeth and took me by the arm to put some distance between us and Kem.
“Just wait, okay? I’ll take you.”
I wasn’t waiting. I wasn’t the patient type to begin with, least of all when it concerned people I loved.
“I don’t want you going with him.”
“Why not?”
“It ain’t right, okay? You wait and I’ll take you. I’m your man now. Not him.”
Kem’s steady gaze never shifted. He swung his car keys around his index finger, waiting patiently, and I thought I might have caught the tiniest bit of jealousy in his eyes.
◼︎
“How is your mother?”
“Good. She’s good.”
“That’s nice.”
“Mmhmm.”
Kem was driving like a little old lady. Slow and steady. Never tailgating. Never speeding through a yellow light. I wondered if he’d always driven that way or if it was a new development. Maybe he was stretching out the trip.
“How’s things with you? How’s your…friend?”
We came to a stop under a red light, and he dropped his head against his left shoulder, eyeing me with a subtle smile. “She is fine. So, you are dating Mo now?”
“Yeah. He’s nice. Good kisser.”
“He seemed upset.”
He was gonna have to get over it. Or not. Either way was fine with me.
“He did not want you to come with me?”
“Nope. Something about how I’m his now. He doesn’t like to share. Gets jealous. Nothing like you. Right?”
Kem gave a silent nod and drummed his fingers against the steering wheel as one of his favorite songs came on the radio.
“He’s in love with me. Tells me all the time. Not sure if I feel the same way. I might be one of those people that takes a long time to…umm…you know.”
“Fall in love?” The smile in his voice provoked a tickle in my heart. Was he making fun of me or was he flirting with me?
“That’s the house right there.”
“Mama, please. Call her back and tell her it was a mistake.”
I was gonna do no such thing. And kept throwing things into my suitcase to prove it. I was going home. No need in stayi
ng some place I wasn’t wanted.
“He didn’t mean it!”
Nikki was a nervous wreck, tugging at the sleeves of her sweater, holding herself so tight like she was afraid she might break into a million pieces otherwise.
“He just—that’s how he jokes. You can’t take him seriously.”
I took him seriously all right. If I stayed, I wasn’t real sure he would’ve seen another morning. He’d been careful enough not to do anything too bad in front of me, but I knew more than most folks. I knew what to look for. And I wasn’t about to sit around and pretend like I hadn’t seen what I did.
Wasn’t no love in his eyes when he looked at my child. He was gone more hours of the day than he was there. When he did come home, he walked through the door and ain’t bother to speak to nobody. Nikki had to say something first. Offer him some food. Ask him about his day. Not once did the fool do the same for her. Had her on a short string. If he even smelled her about to do something he didn’t like, he shot her a look, and she just stopped dead in her tracks. Once he even smiled when he did it. Then asked her to join him upstairs. I’d listened real hard, but I didn’t hear anything. No screaming or things breaking, didn’t hear the sound of fist against flesh. Nothing. Which meant one thing—he was good at hitting her with his words. Probably ain’t even have to raise his voice.
“Mama, Jackie gonna make a bigger deal outta this than it is.”
Nikki came around to my side of the bed and gently laid her hands on my arms. She was more worried about folks finding out than how she was gonna get out.
“I failed you. Failed as your mama. I’m sorry.”
“What? No. What are you talking about? I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”
I studied her eyes, hoping for some sign she was lying to me and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw a little bit there. At least she wasn’t so far gone she actually believed it was fine. Fine to have a husband that ain’t consider her feelings. Demanding she do as he pleased without so much as a thought to what she wanted. He was so twisted up in his superior-ness that he ain’t even think there was anything wrong with it. I wondered what kinda woman his mama was.
“Mama, I can make us a really nice dinner. Everything’ll be okay. Don’t go. I like having you here. You need to rest.”
“I’m just fine. Jackie gonna come get me.”
“She not gonna take care of you like I will! She too busy chasing men—”
“I don’t wanna hear no slander!”
“I’m sorry.” Nikki swallowed hard and took a second to gather herself. “Just don’t tell Jackie.”
“Don’t tell your sister? Don’t tell her what? That he call himself joking about putting me out? I don’t need a damn thing from that man!”
Nikki shushed me like I was an irate child and looked over her shoulder to the doorway. I wanted to scream. Scream until I got through to her. How did this happen? How did my girl…
The doorbell rang.
My child looked like she was about to burst into tears. Mad as I was, I pulled her to me and squeezed as hard as I could. Nikki always been the one I worried about most. She ain’t have the direction or the grounded-ness that her sisters did. She was sweet and light, going whichever way the wind told her to go. She’d always been sensitive, but I ain’t expect her to get so emotional.
“Please, Mama. D-D-Don’t leave me.”
She could’ve come with me. Wouldn’t have taken no extra effort, but she didn’t want to leave. She just wanted me to stay. Then it hit me.
“You pregnant?”
The sobs stopped and she squeezed her eyes shut. “I think so…maybe.” Then she whispered, “Things are tough right now, but when I have this baby, everything’ll get better. It’ll make us closer.”
Folks could say all they wanted about me staying with Ricky, but at least I knew better. Knew better than to think what he was giving was real love. I may not have known how to get outta it right away, but I knew that. I wasn’t walking around talking about how much he loved me and how good he was to me. And I expected better for my girls.
“It’s a mistake. You hear me? You having his baby is gonna ruin your life.”
“Don’t say that!”
“Pack yourself a bag and come on home with me.”
“Mama…”
But that was my one and only offer. I’d spent too much of my life living under the thumb of some man. Wasn’t about to do it again.
Mia knew the drill and sat quietly on the bench at the front of the store while I settled in on lane seven. Counting the change and then the bills and making a note of both amounts. The manager wanted only cashiers that had high school diplomas, so I didn’t get as many hours as most of the girls, even though I was the best at math. He paid me cash, thinking I wouldn’t find out that my wage wasn’t quite minimum wage. I’d been all set to quit, but then Darien took off with the rent money. Couldn’t get a new apartment if we ain’t have one job between us. Besides, there were other perks too.
“Mya, your little girl is so cute!”
Simone Robinson was a big-boned girl with long blue fake fingernails. She said the same thing every time she saw us.
“But why you always dressing her up in boy clothes? Huh? My girlfriend just had a baby, and they getting rid of all her oldest’s clothes. I’m gonna bring this angel some pretty dresses.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“But you want some pretty dresses, don’t you?” She leaned over to smile in my child’s face.
“No,” Mia replied promptly without looking up from her coloring book.
Dresses weren’t practical for our living situation. Pants could be worn year-round. I wasn’t gonna be trekking around the north side in a snow storm with a bag full of clothes she couldn’t wear for months. She got pants because if they were too long, they could be rolled up, and she could wear them regardless of the season.
“She look like a mini you. Just a waste of all that prettiness.” Simone took up at the cash register in lane eight, and her drawer chimed as she began counting her money.
When time for my break came around, I took Mia and headed to the back of the store and through the swinging double doors. The warehouse was always as cold as the inside of a freezer, so we had to hurry. She trailed me around holding open a plastic bag as I piled in almost rotten and easily discarded food. When the bag didn’t have any more room, I told her to stay put while I went looking around the corner.
“Ain’t no food over there, Mommy!”
But I wasn’t looking for food. Items were delivered from each company and sorted by aisle. I found the toiletry aisle and did a quick sweep for any boxes that had been damaged during the delivery. There were none. So I swiped three perfectly good toothbrushes, a tube of toothpaste, and a pregnancy test.
◼︎
“I got good news! Y’all ready? Ready to hear it?” Darien grinned from ear to ear. “You are now looking at the new custodial engineer for Paisley Elementary.”
Mia leapt off the top bunk and into his arms, shouting “Yay” at the top of her lungs.
I could tell he’d been holding something in all day. I’d just assumed it was something bad. I leaned forward on the lower bunk, placing my elbows on my knees with both feet facing each other, and watched the two of them celebrate.
“Mya, you not gonna say anything?” He lowered Mia to her feet but still held her little hands in his, swinging both her arms back and forth. She giggled like mad. “Mya? Say something.”
“Good timing.”
She never called me. Never, unless she was looking for Mya, and even then we didn’t stay on the phone that long. This time she’d made it clear she had an agenda. Twelve minutes and counting. She wasn’t going to understand. I knew that going into it. Knew she was going to tell me I was crazy. She probably didn’t give any thought to having a baby or a family. So, I prepared myself for her to echo Mama’s sentiments, but all she seemed to want to talk about was the past.
�
��Mmhmm, I remember—” I said, holding the phone between my cheek and shoulder. It was hard to get a word in when Jackie really got going. “Yeah, Daddy got like that before a fight.” And after. All the time really, but I didn’t get a chance to add any of that.
When she took a breath, I managed to sneak in, “I…I wouldn’t say that. I mean he was just really unhappy.”
Jackie was determined to paint Daddy as the worst man on the planet. She’d used the word abusive at least three times already. He had more bad days than good, but I wasn’t ready to make him the evil villain Jackie believed he was. He’d done some good things too. I sighed and tossed the chopped vegetables into the pot of stew, then readjusted the phone against my other shoulder.
“Well, he did take care of us….No, I’m not making excuses—I’m not. I’m just saying…”
“And Mama gave him four kids, that didn’t turn him into a joy to be around!”
I pictured Jackie standing in the kitchen with one hand on her hip, waving the other about in various expressive gestures, while Mama stood at the stove pretending not to listen. She’d probably put Jackie up to it. This little trip down memory lane was turning into a lecture. Pressing my thumb and fingertips against my temple, I tried to massage away the migraine I felt coming on.
“Nikki. You listening to me?”
I knew she wouldn’t understand. She was probably jealous, thinking she’d never have a husband of her own.
“Nikki.”
“What?”
She suddenly got quiet. Gathering her points for another argument probably. But this is where Mama and I differed. Mama had never forgiven Daddy. She’d put up with him for years but never forgave him, she’d stopped loving him the moment he made a mistake. Marriage was for life. I was committed to my husband. I was gonna love him no matter what.
Blue Sky Page 19
