“What’s wrong?” Mya asked, looking at me.
“Nothing. You almost done?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Everybody’s waiting for Jackie to show up so we can eat.”
One thing had nothing to do with the other, but it was the first thing that came to mind. The only thing I could think to say that would keep my real thoughts hidden. We couldn’t just have a normal family dinner without feelings of resentment and ghosts taking up space at the table.
“Nikki?”
Mya had given Nat the baby to burb and was focused on me. Even before I worked up the smile I wore on a daily basis, she was ready to call me on it. Must’ve been her time in jail. Normally she wouldn’t have spent more than a second pondering what was going on with me.
“What’s wrong?”
“You mad at me?” I hadn’t planned to say it, but there it was, laid out on the bed between us. “I shouldn’t have—I mean I should’ve stopped…”
Mya blinked slow and deliberate, her features returning to their covert positions. Nobody wanted to be on her bad side, least of all me, but I couldn’t rightly say that I was. When she finally sighed, I realized she wasn’t mad, she wasn’t even disappointed. It was what she expected from me. She expected I’d submit to Jean-Louis’s will.
“It’s just when you dismissed the lawyer… I thought it was because of me. You don’t know this, but I had to work really hard to get Jean-Louis to pay for it. To convince him, I mean…”
She nodded. Still not surprised.
“It was an olive branch,” I explained.
“I ain’t mad at you, Nikki.”
“Are you sure because”
“You want me to be?”
“No.”
“Then let it be. I ain’t mad at you. Not mad at anybody really. Just don’t wanna owe anybody anything.”
“Mommy! You take too long!” Mia’s tiny body burst into the room and scaled the bed to declare, “I been waiting.”
I was almost two hours behind schedule. Mama had called first thing in the morning to say Mya was home, so she wanted to have a family supper. I’d promised to be there at five even though I had midterms to study for and band practice at three.
Mama had stopped asking about school, and I was afraid to bring it up. Afraid she’d see through my lies and start worrying or worse yet, she’d be disappointed in me. So, I’d promised with a smile on my face and hoped she could feel my happiness over the phone.
“Mami? Where are you?” Kem stole a glance at me.
“Think it’s gonna be a blizzard?” I’d been staring out the passenger window since he started the car.
“I hope not. I need new tires.”
She’d been thrilled when I dropped off the kids. Didn’t question why I needed to study when I should’ve been sleeping. Just took them in and put them to bed. Was a good thing I guess since Mya ended up there.
“Mami?”
Maybe the nightmare was finally over and we could relax. It’d done what it was supposed to do— brought us closer. Now we’d have that happily ever after folks was always talking about.
“We should tell them. Tonight.” Kem removed one hand from the steering wheel to intertwine it with mine. “It is good news. Now is the time to share it.”
“I wonder if Mya’s talked to Dee.”
His hands returned to ten and two. Gripping the steering wheel with intense concentration. His long fingers flexing against the leather. He would stop talking now. It was a side of Kem I didn’t know existed. He hated to argue, didn’t like to push, so he chose to be silent instead.
“Probably not,” I answered my own question. “Not like he has a phone. When I see her tonight I’ll tell her to look for him at Good Samaritan. Or was it Good Shepherd?”
Kem’s car skidded to a stop, and he turned in his seat to study the parking space behind us. We were three houses down. The city had yet to send the snow plow down Mama’s street, so the car rolled over the snow packed in uneven layers over the road. There were inconvenient piles where there should’ve been cars, a sign of the residents trying to pitch in. And not to mention a gutter full of sludge.
“Damn.” I sighed. “I love these boots.”
“I know. Too bad they are not made for snow.”
“But they’re pretty.” I pouted, waiting for at least a grin, but Kem only grimaced as he wrestled the car into the space. I gazed over my shoulder at the house. “I hope they haven’t started without me.”
“Without us, you mean.”
“Right. Without us. You know my family’s crazy about you.”
“Are they?”
“Of course. Not as much as I am, but still it’s something.”
Finally! The beginnings of a smile. He slid the key out of the ignition and leaned over for a kiss, a flash of the happiness that lingered before us. We had the rest of our lives to beat folks over the head with it. What was the rush? We braved the cold winds and hurried up the icy walk hand in hand.
“Jackie’s here!” Jenna took off down the hall while Kem and I looked for space on the coatrack.
Heziah had opened the door with clear reservation as if he’d been expecting Jehovah’s Witnesses instead of family. “How’s the roads?”
“All right,” Kem replied.
“Good. Everyone’s in the dining room.”
◼︎
A private moment with my favorite sister was all I wanted, but my niece wasn’t about to abandon her throne. She sat a top Mya’s lap, dominating the conversation with news of her imaginary friends, cartoon characters, and the tangential question or two.
“When we go back to Dee?”
“Later.” Mya’s gaze locked on mine. I’d finally met the famous Dee, and the pieces were falling into place. Mia wouldn’t even let go of the man until she was certain he’d be back for her at a specified time.
“I gotta potty,” she announced and hopped down. “Stay here.”
We nodded our agreement and watched as she left the door to my bedroom open. “She’s a bossy little thing.”
“I know.” Mya smiled after her firstborn, then pulled the covers up to her waist. “I must be coming down with something. Can’t stay warm to save my life.”
Four days in jail left its mark on her. Even a blind man could see that my sister looked upon the world anew. She marveled at the snow, savored each bite of food, and shed the solemn exterior that had been hers for quite some time. I had my sister back.
“What?”
“Just missed you is all.”
She smiled. “How’s your case coming? They find the guys yet?”
A vision of a bunch of jolly white guys with badges pinned to their massive chests, sitting around eating doughnuts and talking with their mouths’ full, burrowed its way into my mind. I hadn’t heard from the police since they questioned me and didn’t expect I would. Maybe there was a possibility before the name Morrow meant anything to them, but no way they were gonna put themselves out on account of me, not now.
“You remember anything new?” Mya wanted to know. Leaning forward like it was her job to piece together what happened to me. “Even something small might help.”
“Don’t matter.” I shrugged. “Wasn’t like the twenty bucks they stole was gonna change my life.”
My sister didn’t like that. She fixed her stare on me, refusing to let my words carry any weight.
“I’m not holding my breath. Look what they did to you. Either the cops are a bunch of fools or they so corrupt they don’t give a damn about justice.”
“Don’t say that,” Mya snapped then scooted around until she found a more comfortable position.
I wondered if she was gonna pick up the line Mama had been using. It was all a mistake, and the good folks would figure that out sooner or later. She didn’t. She reminded me that the thieves sent me to the hospital. That I had stitches and bruised ribs. The money wasn’t what mattered, but somebody had to pay for the violence. I turned onto my back, sta
rring up at the ceiling. Of all the people in the world to have an opinion about the dedicated officers in law enforcement, I never expected my sister to be so blind. Even now, she had faith in them. Maybe it was a residual effect of her childhood. All those mystery novels had warped Mya’s brain. She was determined to believe the good guys always won in the end. Didn’t she know that nobody was who they said they were? The good guys or the bad.
“How’s school? Jackie?”
“Fine.”
“Fine?”
“Mostly fine.” I replied emphatically but couldn’t keep a straight face. “Not like they’re gonna kick me out or anything, but I’m definitely not getting any awards this semester. But then I ain’t the one with brains in this family, am I?”
“Guess not.”
“Ugh!” I whipped the pillow that had been kind enough to cushion my head toward her face. “What about you and Darien, huh? You gonna keep hiding him from us? I see what you see in him by the way. He’s got that rustic Rastafarian thing going on.”
Mya’s laugh nearly knocked me off the bed, and before long, we were giggling like two school girls, that is until we had an unexpected visitor.
“Nice that you two are up here having a ball while the rest of us are scrubbing pots and pans.” Nikki held a tray wedged between her waist and wrist and made a straight line for my bedside table to add the water glass and empty baby bottles to the pile of dishes she’d already collected. “Don’t worry about us mere mortals.”
“Aww, Nikki, come on, take a break.”
“I wouldn’t want to interrupt.”
“You’re not,” Mya replied, nudging me slightly. “Right? Sit. Join us.”
“Maybe for a minute.” She sank into the foot of the bed, balancing the tray on her lap. And she waited, glancing from me to Mya, waiting for either of us to say something.
Didn’t feel like fighting, so for once, I didn’t know what to say. My efforts at small talk were never taken well. Couldn’t ask her about her day because she took it as me poking fun at how much she didn’t do in a day. Couldn’t ask about her husband for the same reason. Mya’s eyes shifted left to right as she studied the blanket across her legs, probably thinking the same thing.
“I was just asking Mya about Dee.”
“Oh? What about him?”
“About sex. About his sex.”
Mya’s eyes opened wide, boring holes into the side of my head. “She was gonna tell me—”
“Okay.” A second later Nikki was on her feet. “I don’t need to know any of that.”
“Jackie’s just teasing you.”
“No, it’s fine. Somebody’s gotta help Mama with the dishes.”
“I’m back, Mommy.” Mia slipped past Nikki and reclaimed her position on Mya’s lap.
It wasn’t my fault Nikki was wrapped so tight, I wanted to say. She could’ve just rolled her eyes at me and changed the subject. Wasn’t like I made her get up and leave. But from Mya’s expression, I didn’t think she believed that.
Can’t say I’d ever been more proud of my girls—of what they’d done or who they were. I couldn’t control the world, couldn’t make it into a nice cushy place, but maybe I didn’t have to because my girls could handle it. They were strong and smart and good. I sighed, cradling my grandson against my chest. I was a long way from Hattiesburg, Mississippi—the only child of a heartbroken man. Had me a family. Folks to ask after me even though I wasn’t complaining none.
“Mama, can I hold the baby?”
“Okay, but he’s not like one of your dolls. You gotta support his head.”
Jenna followed my directions to the tee, glancing up at me to make sure she was doing it correctly.
“Callie, baby, you wanna hold him too?” But my youngest looked petrified at the notion. “Maybe when he gets bigger, huh? Newborn babies used to scare me too. Never even changed a diaper until I had Nikki.”
A nerve-racking sound vibrated off the windows of my house. Wasn’t quite the sound of danger just intense frustration. Leaning over the back of the sofa, I parted the curtains to take a peek. Heziah and Kem had been at it for a while. Both wrapped up in scarves and gloves, trying to make the winter safe and accommodating. Kem held the shovel, plunging it against the freezing pavement and packing pounds of snow against the fence. Heziah followed in the wake of Kem’s work, sprinkling salt down the steps and over the sidewalk. They hadn’t said more than a few words to each other, but they worked well together. Maybe by next Christmas, they’d be the best of friends.
“Mama, can I talk to you about something?” Nikki appeared at my side, drying her hands on the apron tied around her waist. She focused on the twins and said, “In private.”
“Y’all take the baby in the kitchen.”
Of all my girls, I worried about Nikki the most. Worried she’d end up like me or worse. Worried she’d blame herself for it. And the more I tried to guide her, the harder she resisted. So, when the sofa cushions bent to accommodate her, I tried to find the same softness in me. Wasn’t every day she trusted me enough to ask for anything.
“I been thinking about something,” she started. “About Mya. About her situation…and heaven-forbid, if she does end up going back to jail…” Nikki’s lips formed a tight line as she reconsidered the right words to use. “I’m worried about the kids.”
“That’s not gonna happen. Okay? These folks just made a mistake is all. Everything’s gonna be just fine.”
“But, Mama, what if it isn’t? What’s gonna happen to Mia and Alan? He can’t take care of them! You should’ve seen the way they were living—”
“Nikki—”
“I’m just saying one of us should be their guardian. Just in case.”
Then it hit me. What worried me most about Nikki was her lack of protective instincts, at least when it came to herself. She’d wanted love, wanted a family more than anything. Nobody should want others more than they want themselves.
“Mama, I think it should be me. Jackie can’t take care of them, and you shouldn’t have to…”
“You mean you think I might get sick again.”
She gasped, staring at me like a deer caught in the middle of the road.
“It’s okay, baby. I think it’s good that you thinking ahead. It ain’t an easy conversation to have with a mama though, least of all one that might lose her kids.”
Nikki nodded, staring at her hands. “I know Jackie’s her favorite.”
“You girls…ain’t no favorites. You all sisters. Same blood run through your veins.”
“If you back me up, I think Mya might agree. Will you? Please.”
Of all the things she could’ve asked for, of course, my child went and picked the one thing I couldn’t give her. But the lie had already taken up residence on my tongue, just waiting for permission to taste the free air. Wasn’t like Mya needed my thoughts on the subject no way. What I said wouldn’t make one bit of difference to anyone except Nikki.
“Mama? I…I know you think I should just wait until I’m older, but—”
“It ain’t your age that I gotta problem with. It’s your husband. Now, I’m gonna tell you this because I love you. You my blood. Just like Mia and the baby. And I wouldn’t trust that man of yours to look after a dog let alone my blood.” Tingles ran across my body while I watched her soak it all in. Mothering ways always came to me with a smidgen of doubt. Never was 100 percent sure I was doing it right. “I don’t think your sister’s gonna ask my opinion, but if she does that’s what I’m gonna tell her. I know it hurts you to hear it, and that don’t bring me any happiness.”
“Right.” She finally managed a reply. The quietness had receded into the blind spot of her anger. “I just thought maybe now…maybe…but you’re gonna always hate him.”
Nikki’s eyes grew hard with the knowledge that her husband wasn’t about to buy his way into my family. Not with fancy lawyers or expensive toys. She’d made herself into an extension of him. My beautiful girl with her chubby cheeks
and heart of gold. My firstborn. Only got one firstborn. Remembering her first steps brought a weary smile to my lips. The mama I was back then wouldn’t have seen this coming, maybe she’d even have given her son-in-law a second chance. Too bad for him that he got me instead.
“You hate him don’t you?”
“Don’t hate nobody. What I said was I don’t trust him.”
“Because of that joke he told? Mama you know how crazy that sounds?”
I did. I also knew he’d done a helluva lot more than joke about putting my black behind on the curb. The joke was just all he’d done that I could prove. “Fine, Nikki. Then I guess I’m crazy.”
“You are! You’re just—you won’t even give him a chance! Not even for me! Don’t matter at all that he loves me does it? He’d do anything for me. He would.”
He ain’t need to do anything other than let her go. Then maybe I could see my way to feeling different about the man. If he moved on before he caused any more damage to my girl. But n’all. Had his hooks in her real good. So good, I ain’t even blink when she laid it out like I knew she would. The ultimatum. If I loved her, then I had to respect their marriage. She was a good wife. Sticking up for her husband. Taking his side over her crazy-ass mama.
“Otherwise I c-can’t be in your life.” She stood, arms folded tightly, only seconds from the door. “Mama?”
I nodded. “I hear you, baby. But I ain’t gonna say anything new. You just go on and do what you gotta do.”
“Felony roberry. Ten years.”
“You have no evidence linking my client to this crime or any other crime.”
“Other than the blood?”
“What?”
“The blood. The victim’s blood was on her clothes, her shoes, her hands. Her DNA found on the body. Her fingerprints in the store. And six cops saw her fleeing the scene.”
It was all circumstantial. He’d explained to me earlier. None of it spelled out murder, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t spin a story that sounded like murder.
“You agreed to consider a deal.”
The prosecutor shrugged, leaning backward in his chair. “Ten years is what we got, but she’s gotta cop to the murder and the other two robberies and give us the shooter.”
Blue Sky Page 30
