"Well, you may not realize it, my dear, but you do have a girlfriend in the city." Kara pressed a hand to her chest. "I mean, I guess I'm a tad old to be called a girlfriend, but all my friends who’re around my age still use the term, anyway. It sure beats calling ourselves the cronies."
I laughed. "I definitely consider you a friend, Kara, and I'm honored that you feel the same way about me. I do appreciate that.” I rested my head against the back of the chair, thinking. “Moving to San Francisco has been amazing. I love the city, I love my job, and I love what I'm doing with all of you here. I wake up every morning, excited to get up and get back to it. It's been a while since that happened. I'm so grateful for that opportunity."
"But?" Kara tilted her head, watching me with interest.
"There's not actually any but. There's more of an and. It's more like I love what I'm doing, and I want to make sure that I put down roots here, so that I feel that I have some…" I search for the word. "Permanence, I guess. I've told you a little bit about what it was like for me when I was growing up. I've always been looking for that place where I can feel that I'm going to be around for a while. Where I can settle in and set up a life."
"I'm glad you feel that way, and I think that this date tonight is a good step toward making that happen. Kent may not be your one true love, even if you believe in that kind of thing . . . which, actually, I do.” She shot me a sassy look, daring me to disagree. "But like you said, maybe he’ll just become a friend. Maybe even a friend with benefits."
I felt my cheeks heat. "Ah, well…" I stammered.
Kara giggled. "Oh, come on, Sarah. Certainly, you don't think that I'm some kind of prude, do you? After all, you know that I'm friends with Quinn. Don't you think that we discussed her sex life while she lived here and worked for me?"
My eyes went wide. “Well, I guess I never thought about it,” I began, stammering, but before I could go on, Kara was laughing again, shaking her head.
"I'm just yanking your chain, sweetie." She sat up a little straighter and extended her leg down to the floor again. "You don't have to talk to me about anything that makes you uncomfortable, but at the same time, please know that I'm very good at segmenting what is our employee-employer relationship, and what is our Kara and Sarah relationship. From my point of view, the person who urged Kent to ask you out was one of Sarah's new friends in the city. As Sarah's boss, I have no official position on whether or not you should date him. Does that make sense?"
"Yes, it does, and thank you.” I reached across the desk to retrieve the papers that I'd given Kara. "Do you honestly think that Kent and I might hit it off? And you’re sure that I'm not going to completely humiliate myself on this date?"
"Sarah, you have such confidence and verve that I cannot imagine a scenario where you would be humiliated. As for whether or not you and Kent will get along, that's kind of hard to say. You have some interests in common, since his father is in politics and Kent grew up in that world. Still, he chose not to go that route, and I think that would give the two of you something else to talk about, too.” She waited a beat, and then added, “Of course, if this doesn't work out, you do know that Allan and I are still very active with the football team here in San Francisco, and we’d be more than happy to find you a really hot guy to help convince you to stay in the city."
"You’re wicked," I declared, standing up. “You are wicked, and no, thank you. No football players."
Unbidden, an image of Gideon Maynard flashed into my head. I remembered how he had looked that night on the beach in the moonlight when he’d talked about how much he loved his new home. I remembered how his arms had felt around me when we danced, and I remembered breathing in his essence before the music ended, telling myself that it was because I liked a nice-smelling man, and pretending that I was not trying to memorize his scent.
"Sarah, are you okay?" Kara's eyes narrowed as she stared up at me. "Who are you thinking about right now?"
It was my turn to paste an expression of innocence on my face. " Nobody," I lied. "At least, nobody who bears remembering."
"I don't believe that for a minute, but I'm not going to force the issue.” Kara scooted her chair closer to her desk and reached for her computer mouse. "Because that's something that Sarah's friend Kara will have to pursue at a later date. Sarah's boss Kara has to get back to work before her husband comes in and scolds her."
"That's fine. I'm going to send out that email, and then probably head out for the day, if you're okay with that." It was nearly five o’clock, anyway, and Kent was supposed to pick me up at seven.
Kara waved her hand. “Of course, I am. You need to get ready for your date. Shoo, now"
As I left, though, she called after me. "And don't forget to stop by tomorrow morning before you go up to your office. I want to hear all the dirty details about tonight.”
"Is that my friend or my boss asking?" I teased.
"Both!”
Sarah: Hey, are you awake?
Quinn: Yeah, just reading. What’s up?
Sarah: Can I call? I don’t want to bother you, but I could use someone to talk to.
Quinn: Give me five minutes, and I’ll call.
Sarah: K
I perched on the edge of my bed, still in the super sexy dress I’d worn on my date, holding my cell as I stared at the screen, waiting. Almost exactly five minutes later, my phone trilled out Pink’s song Raise Your Glass. I grinned, remembering when Quinn and I had danced to the song in high school, screaming ourselves hoarse, singing along.
“What’s up, chick?” She was speaking in a low voice, and I grimaced, glancing at the clock again. It was after midnight in Virginia.
“I’m sorry. Are you sure you weren’t asleep?”
“Nah, I was finishing a really good book, but Leo’s been sound asleep for hours. This time of year, he’s not much of a night owl.” Quinn chuckled quietly. “He’s not much of an early bird, either. He’s mostly a sore, exhausted pigeon all the time.”
“Poor guy.” I knew pre-season was underway, and the Richmond Rebels were only a few weeks from their opening game. That meant Leo was either in training, practice or playing a game any time he wasn’t sleeping.
“He’ll live.” Quinn was used to the rhythm of football life by now. “But what’s going on with you? Is everything okay in San Francisco? Are you enjoying your job?”
“I love the city, I love my job . . . Kara and Allan are a dream. Living here has been incredible—it’s the best decision I’ve ever made, and I’m eternally grateful to Zelda for the idea and to you for introducing me to the Crockers.”
“That’s great. You’re welcome. Did you call me in the middle of the night to express your appreciation? Because I’m thinking it could’ve waited until morning.”
I groaned and fell back onto the mattress. “No. Not exactly. I need to talk to a girl—a friend who is a girl, I mean. There’s no one here in California who qualifies for that. And I’m sorry I’m calling so late, but if positions were reversed, I’d totally be there for you, if you needed me and called at five in the morning.”
“Okay, okay, don’t get snippy on me, babe. I’m here for you. Lay it on me.”
Kicking off my heels, I curled up on my side, sighing. “I had a date tonight.”
Quinn was quiet for a second. “Um . . . all right. Was it a spectacular date, and you’re terrified that you’re falling in love, and you need me to tell you that it’s okay? Or was it a disaster, and you need me to talk you down from the ledge?”
“Neither. The date was not spectacular, nor was it a disaster. The guy—his name is Kent—is extremely nice, very kind, smart, funny—oh, and he’s adorable, too—and he was respectful toward me, but at the same time, he made it clear he was interested.” I closed my eyes, thinking of the evening and how perfectly it had gone.
“Wow, he sounds dreadful.” Quinn’s voice held a note of teasing humor. “I’m lying. You’re describing a dream here, Sarah. I hope you kissed him goodni
ght and finagled a second date out of him, too.”
“Ugggggh . . .” I rolled onto my back and kicked my heels. “I didn’t. Well, I did kiss him, but it was merely to prove a point to myself. I did not, however, agree to see him again.”
“Why not?”
“Because the entire night was wonderful, he was perfect, and I. Felt. Nothing.” I punctuated each word with a kick to the bed. “Not a thing. If Kent had gotten up halfway through dinner and said he was moving to Timbuktu to become a monk, I would’ve shrugged and wished him luck. What’s wrong with me, Quinn? Am I broken?”
“Of course not.” My friend’s response was swift and certain. “Don’t even think that. This just wasn’t the guy for you. It happens all the time.”
“But he should have been!” I almost wailed the words. “On paper, he and I are perfectly matched. Kara’s the one who kind of nudged us together, and she was absolutely right—we have so much in common. His dad is a congressman from Arizona, so Kent grew up in the life, but he decided it wasn’t for him. He took a job in one of Kara and Allan’s Gunner’s Burgers when he was fifteen, and then he worked there through college and got into their executive program. He’s a VP in charge of promotions, so we had lots to talk about.”
“That’s good,” Quinn said cautiously. “You know, could it be that you just didn’t feel the passion right away? Maybe you’ll have to spend more time with him before it, ah . . . flares. Friends to lovers and all that.”
“I don’t think so.” I sounded glum. “We could definitely be friends, and I think we will be, but it won’t go beyond that. When he kissed me, nothing was there. No spark. Nothing that made me think, hmmmm, I’d like to get me some more of this! You know?”
Quinn sighed. “I know that feeling better than you might think. And it’s even worse when you can’t think of one single damn reason why you shouldn’t want more.”
“Oh, Quinn, I’m sorry.” I sat up and wrapped my arm around my bent knees. “I didn’t even think about . . . I didn’t mean to bring up something painful.” Before she and Leo had finally found their happy ever after, Quinn had married their friend Nate, who had suffered from a life-long illness. He’d died almost two years ago now, but I was well aware that their marriage had been a painful time for Quinn, whose heart had always belonged to Leo. What she had done for the love of a friend had nearly destroyed any chance for Leo and Quinn to find happiness.
At the same time, though, Quinn had been the love of Nate’s life. So she knew all too well what it was like when kisses didn’t mean what you wished they did.
“You didn’t. I promise. My life with Nate is part of my past, and Leo and I are both all right with it. We try to remember the happy times.” She was quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry your date was, um, flat.”
“Yeah, me, too.” I grabbed my pillow and rolled it up at my middle. “Part of it’s my own fault. It’s been a long time since I went on a legit date, and I didn’t have plans to start again, but then Kara was so persuasive that I thought, what the hell? I’ll give it a shot. What did I have to lose?” I gave a short, humorless laugh. “And I did have a good time, mostly. But when I thought about going out with him again, I realized I’d be more excited about staying home in my yoga pants eating take-out Chinese food and watching old episodes of Designing Women.”
Quinn giggled. “I have to admit, that sounds like heaven.”
“Doesn’t it? But that’s why I’m a loser. I have this perfect man who’s interested in me, and all I could think about was how much more fun I’d be having with—” I clamped my mouth shut. I was so frustrated with myself that I’d nearly slipped up and mentioned Gideon’s name to Quinn.
“With?” Her question was swift and sharp, filled with curiosity.
“With a bunch of girlfriends,” I supplied lamely. “You know. Just relaxed and not having to worry about the pressure of being on a date.”
“Uh-huh.” Quinn sounded unconvinced. “That didn’t sound like what you were going to say.”
“Well, it was.” I sniffed and quickly changed the subject. “Aside from a very tired husband, how’s everything going with you and the Lion?” I still liked to tease Leo from time to time about the nickname that had followed him from high school to college.
“Ha!” Quinn snickered. “I’m totally going to tell him you said that. He’s good. We’re good, which is even more important. We both love what we’re doing, where we’re living . . . and being married to him is beyond my wildest dreams.”
“I’m so happy to hear that.” And I was. There wasn’t the tiniest bit of jealousy in me, maybe only the slight hint of wistfulness. I didn’t want Leo, and I didn’t think I wanted marriage, but the idea of belonging to someone else—who belonged to me, too—was suddenly strangely appealing. I gave my head a little shake. “The Rebels have been looking good in preseason.”
“That’s what everyone says, but Leo and the rest of them hate to hear that. He says it could jinx their vibe.” I could almost hear Quinn rolling her eyes. “Whatever. They’re going to rock this season—but don’t tell him I said that. He might make me burn a goat at midnight as a sacrifice to the football gods.”
I chuckled. “You gotta love athletes.” I was itching to ask how the quarterback was doing—if she’d seen Gideon lately or heard how he was doing, or even better, if he’d invited the team to his farm, but I knew that would send her radar into overdrive. Instead, I went at it another way.
“I was checking out the Rebels’ schedule. You guys are playing out here at the beginning of October, huh? Are you going to come out and see me then?”
“Ohhhhhh,” Quinn wailed—quietly. “I wanted to—I saw San Francisco on the schedule, and at first I got all excited, thinking I could visit Kara and Allan and hang out with you, too. But then I realized Zelda’s baby shower is that weekend, and I’m one of the co-hosts. So it’s a no go on flying across the country.”
“Wait—Zelda’s pregnant?” This news boggled my mind. “Are you serious? When did that happen?”
“Well, she’s due in December, so you do the math,” Quinn answered.
“I just can’t imagine her with a big old pregnant belly. You have to take pictures at this shower.” When I’d met Zelda last year, I never would have thought she was mommy material.
“Oh, it’s absolutely disgusting,” Quinn sighed. “I didn’t think it was possible, but Zelda’s actually even more beautiful now than she was before she got knocked up. She’s got that glow thing down—her skin is legit luminous. I’m not kidding. She’s got the cutest little belly, and she wears the most adorable clothes. She’s setting an impossible standard for the rest of us. I just know that when I get around to having a baby, I’m going to look like a house.”
“No, you won’t.” Friendship loyalty required this assurance. “You’ll be totally gorgeous, too. Speaking of which, are there any plans for a little Lion to pitter-pat his way here soon?”
“If you mean are we trying to get pregnant, the answer is no.” Quinn was firm. “Not yet. Leo and I decided that we need some time to just be us, to settle into marriage . . . life has been a roller coaster for years, and we want a little merry-go-round ride first, if you get my drift. Nothing stressful. Just . . . life.”
“Good thinking.” I toyed with the edge of my pillowcase. “Well, I’m sorry you won’t be coming to see me, but I’m sure you’ll have fun at the shower. Give Zelda my best.”
“Will do.” She yawned. “Sorry. I guess the hour is catching up with me.”
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be keeping you awake. It’s just so good to talk to you.”
She was silent for a beat. “Are you really all right, Sarah? I’m worried about you.”
“Me?” I affected a light, amused tone. “Don’t be silly. I’m fine. You know me, I always land on my feet. It’s all good.”
“But you’ll call if you’re not, right?” I could almost picture the expression on Quinn’s face, the little wrinkle of concern betwe
en her eyebrows. “Because you know Leo and I are here for you, no matter what. Right?”
“Of course, I do. Now go to bed, woman. Your man might wake up and miss you.”
Quinn snorted. “I doubt it. Nothing short of a bomb detonating would rock his world just now.”
“Good night, Quinn. Thanks for letting me vent.” I began to move the phone away from my ear, getting ready to hang up, but her voice gave me pause.
“Night, Sarah. Love you.”
Unexpected tears filled my eyes, and a lump rose in my throat. “Back atcha.” I hit END before she could say anything or notice the catch in my voice. I just wasn’t good at stuff like emotions and affection. Expressions of love . . . well, they made me damn uncomfortable.
I rolled over onto my stomach and buried my face into my pillows, groaning. I was good and fucked up. I had a classic case of stilted emotional development, along with an acute and absolutely stupid teeny bitty crush on a sexy, stoic football player who hadn’t even wanted my phone number when I’d pushed it on him.
The fact that I’d thought of Gideon so much tonight when I should have been focused on my date wasn’t as bad as the way I’d felt earlier when I’d checked the Richmond Rebels schedule and noted their upcoming game in my city. And when Quinn had told me that she wasn’t coming . . . I had to admit that my heart had picked up speed.
Without Quinn here, I doubted very much that Leo would try to see me while he was in town. Which meant that the coast would be clear for a certain quarterback to get in touch without our mutual friends being any the wiser.
And yes, even though he’d sworn up and down that he’d never use my number, that he’d never call me, I still held out the forlorn hope that he might change his mind.
Sway (Keeping Score Book 6) Page 13
