Mac (HC Heroes Series, #1)

by Donna Michaels

“Dammit, man, you sure you’re all right?”

  “No. I’m not,” he said, “Not since I fucked things up with Stefanie.” Not since he’d talked to Lincoln and discovered just how wrong he’d been. Then was read the riot act by his brother and his wife, then Logan and Chloe—who had every right to be pissed at him—but were gracious instead.

  It ran in the family.

  “Mac, I know you have issues with trust, but trust me, Stefanie loves you,” his buddy said, and Mac’s heart felt a flicker of hope for the first time in two days. “I’ve seen the way she looks at you. We all have.”

  “He’s right,” Carter said, chiming in from his perch against the wall. Mac had forgotten the other guy was there, waiting to take turns beating the crap out of him. At his request. “The way Stefanie lights up when you walk into the room? Hell, yeah, she’s in love with you. And you wear the same lovesick expression when she’s near.”

  He stilled. Could that be true?

  It made sense. He did love her, which was why it had hurt so badly when he’d thought she’d betrayed him. His chest squeezed tight. If she had feelings for him, then she was hurting badly, too.

  “She’s never going to let me make this up,” he said. “Never give me another chance. And I don’t blame her. I don’t deserve it. This was my second chance, and I fucked it up worse than the first time.”

  Christ. Houston had been bad, but this?

  “If she knew about Fiona, and—”

  “No,” he cut Carter off. “That’s no excuse. It just goes to prove, I fucking suck when it comes to judgment in regards to the women I care about.”

  Dex and Carter didn’t confirm or deny. They were good friends. Solid friends. Never held a damn thing against him when Fiona’s betrayal made them targets, too.

  “I trusted the one I shouldn’t, and I didn’t trust the one I should’ve,” he said, disgust souring his stomach, and reflected in his tone. “Truth is, even if she did finally let me apologize in person.” The two voicemails and three texts didn’t count. “I don’t see how anything I say or do can make up for me not trusting her.”

  And that sucked so bad he felt hollow inside.

  “Give her time,” Carter said.

  “My brother’s right,” Abby said, from the opened bay door.

  Shit. How long had Stefanie’s friend been there?

  “Long enough to know you are truly sorry,” she replied as if reading his mind.

  He was and also clueless. Until recently, he wasn’t an emotion type of guy. But Stefanie had caused him to do an about-face and feel her, connect with her, and at an entirely different level. Not just physical, but an emotional one, too.

  Maybe that was the key to reaching her...

  Chapter Fourteen

  Stefanie had lost track of what day of the week it was and how many days had passed since her euphoria had ended. It was all kind of a blur. But she was proud of herself for getting up and out of bed each morning, putting on matching socks, and arriving at work. Like today.

  She glanced at the calendar on her office wall and noted it was day five in post-Mac life. Would she always see things that way? Post-Mac? Her exhale echoed in the room, waking Reggie from his mid-morning slumber on the couch.

  “Sorry, buddy,” she said, sitting at her desk, staring across the room at him. “Didn’t mean to disturb your nap.”

  She didn’t mean to do a lot of things. Indulge in her cat’s love of donuts...she sometimes bought one with her coffee and split it with him. Watch TV in bed...infinitely more comfortable to stretch out and unwind, especially since she was currently not sharing her bed with...anyone. Eat all the chips in her house, and in Mel’s...and Abby’s... Her friends had gone above and beyond this week, making sure she didn’t get too far into her own head.

  Fall for another man who didn’t trust her...

  That was the biggie. She’d suspected Mac had trust issues, but no, she had to go getting her heart involved anyway...couldn’t just let it stay sexual. No, her feelings for him were too strong, and as natural to her as breathing.

  Another sigh escaped her, and Reggie opened his eyes and stared at her again. “My bad,” she told him. “Still a little brain-dead.” A lot brain-dead. She shifted in her seat and stared at her computer screen again. Pretty much been a rinse and repeat week. Her creativity was zapped at the moment, so she worked on just processing the pre-made orders, which required technical expertise, not a creative one.

  She hated being weak. It wasn’t in her DNA, but there were times, like now, when she operated on sub-par standards. Automatic mode. But until her give-a-damn gene kicked in, she was stuck.

  A knock sounded on her back door, and her pulse answered with a knock of its own in her veins. What if it was Mac again? He’d come by, several times, both here and at her house, but she hadn’t answered—too numb, too hurt to respond. She’d read his texts, and listened to his voice messages, though, and believed he was truly sorry. The sincerity in his voice, the pain and remorse deepening his tone, made her want to reach out to him, but why bother? He had trust issues, and needed to fix those himself. She couldn’t do that for him.

  The knock sounded again. “Stef, it’s me,” Abby said.

  She frowned. “Come in.” Her friend usually did that on her own, after her first knock.

  But when Abby stepped inside, followed by Mel, Carter, and Dex, she understood the initial hesitation, and change in habit. It was unnecessary, though. Carter and Dex had been sweet, and like the women with them, she was grateful they were in her life.

  “What’s up?” She frowned.

  “Brought you some coffee.” Abby set the cup in front of her on the desk.

  “And your donut,” Mel said, handing it to her, then broke a piece off to give to Reggie, who perked up as soon as his nose caught the scent.

  Here gaze traveled over the two silent men. “You two here to offer moral support?”

  Dex’s lips twitched. “If you need it.”

  They actually were pretty good at not being judgmental and having someone’s back. Once again, her mind wondered why their boss couldn’t be that way too.

  “And some enlightenment,” Carter said, his gaze full-blown serious.

  Mel and Abby sat on the couch. Dex leaned back against her door, arms folded, while Carter sat on the arm of the couch, regarding her closely.

  She cleared her throat. “What kind of enlightenment?”

  Something in Carter’s gaze made her pulse hiccup. “About Mac, and why he has trust issues.”

  She inhaled, half of her wanting desperately to hear it, while the other half wondered why bother. It wasn’t like it would fix things. Had he sent them here to butter her up?

  “No,” Dex said, as if reading her thoughts. “If he knew we were here, he’d kick our asses into next year.”

  “Oh.” It was silly how that actually made her feel a little better.

  “Mac met Fiona three years ago,” Carter said, gaze still on her. “She was CIA and worked several joint ops with us. After a few months, they were a thing, all was right with the world. She’d supply the intel. Command would green light the ops, and we’d carry out.”

  She scratched her cheek, wondering why she had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, but she did. It complimented the tightening of her gut at the mention of Mac and Fiona being a thing. Jealousy had no right to show up for this gathering...and yet, it settled at the bottom of her roiling stomach.

  Stupid body.

  “You need to understand, they were in a relationship,” Carter said. “It wasn’t just a hook-up, and it’d been going on for months.”

  Oh, yeah, that green-eyed monster was good and active now, adding a burning sensation in her chest.

  “So, when we went into that last op, we never saw it coming.” Disbelief clouded Carter’s gaze, and he shook his head as if he were transported back to that moment.

  “Never saw what?” his sister asked, setting a hand on his arm.

 
; Carter blinked and his gaze cleared. “Her betrayal of the whole team. The intel she’d given was false, but after months of stellar intel, Command had no reason to question it. I can’t reveal what the mission was, exactly, but it was green lighted. She was supposedly captured, which you can imagine drove Mac insane.”

  Her body tensed, and her heart went out to the upstanding man who was trying to do the right thing, following orders, beside himself with worry.

  “She lured you into a trap?” Abby’s face was pale and eyes wide. “All of you?”

  He nodded. “Yes. Seems she was paid good money by a certain faction to lure our joint team to a town in a hot-spot province so we could be eliminated, and therefore no longer a threat to their drug organization.”

  Shit. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest. Fiona hadn’t just betrayed Mac’s heart, she tried to kill him and his military brothers. For money.

  “That bitch,” Mel muttered, her eyes glinting with disapproval.

  “Oh my God,” Abby muttered, turning to look up at her brother. “What happened?

  “When we realized her screams emanated from a speaker, we thought they were holding her at another location, but then her shrieks stopped, and she laughed, and she said, ‘Bye, Mac, it’s been fun.’ He was stunned for a split second, then shouted a warning into the comms and gave the order for everyone to evacuate the building.”

  Abby’s brows rose. “How’d you survive?”

  “Mac,” Dex stated, admiration in his steady gaze. “He pulled me from the rubble.”

  “He pulled a lot of people from the rubble that day,” Carter said, and the tone of his voice, and images their words invoked had Stefanie’s throat hot and burning.

  She cleared her throat and finally managed to get some air into her lungs. “Thanks for telling me.” She nodded to both men. “And I’m sorry you all suffered.”

  “Yeah, we did.” Carter nodded. “But not like Mac. It changed him, Stefanie. Scarred a hell of a lot more than his body.”

  She swallowed a few times and nodded, understanding just how deeply he was jaded, and how, with all that evidence stacked against her last week, he’d been swayed by the past to automatically jump to the worst-case scenario as a safety mechanism.

  “It explains a lot.”

  “We tried to get him to tell you.” Carter rose to his feet and stepped closer. “But he insisted it wasn’t an excuse, and that what he did to you was inexcusable. But we believed you’d want to know.”

  Again, she nodded, her throat still fighting to close shut.

  “He’d never use that Fiona fiasco as an excuse. And he’s really pissed at himself for letting it cloud his judgment with you.” Carter stared down at her and lifted a shoulder. “We just wanted you to have the full picture.”

  “Thanks.” Her voice was hoarse, so she cleared her throat again. It didn’t excuse his lack of belief in her, but it explained a lot.

  “Then our job here is done.” Carter straightened and headed for the door Dex opened.

  A second later, she was alone with Mel and Abby. The girls blinked at her from their perches on the couch.

  “So...that just happened,” Mel spoke first.

  Color was starting to return to Abby’s face. “I-I just can’t believe a person would...I mean...Who would do something like that?”

  “Apparently some CIA bitch named Fiona.” Mel’s lips twisted into a sneer.

  Stefanie sat back in her chair, her mind and body a mixed-up mess.

  “So...what now?” Abby asked. “You going to give Mac another chance?”

  She rubbed her temple, the rumble of a motorcycle in the alley not helping the dull ache in her head. “Not sure,” she said, willing Dex to get a move on or shut his bike off. Or Carter, if it was him. She knew it wasn’t Mac. Chloe told her he’d been at his cabin in Amity the past two days. She sighed.

  “What aren’t you sure about?” Abby prompted, coming to stand by her desk. “His feelings for you? Because that man loves you. It’s always evident in the way his gaze comes to life when it rests on you. It’s really sweet. And probably why he’d lashed out so viciously. His feelings for you run deep, so he had a lot of them to cause him pain.”

  She nodded. “I’m just not sure I could go through his lack of belief in me a third time. So...I-I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  Her body wanted her to give him another chance, it missed his like crazy. And even her heart was on board, missing the warmth he always invoked. But her mind, that was the blocker. Her mind didn’t want to be played for a fool again. To be dismissed. Overlooked.

  “Well, Stef...you might want to figure that out, like now,” Mel said, her hesitant tone mixed with what sounded like disbelief.

  Abby glanced toward Mel, then sucked in a breath. “Oh...wow. Yeah, you should look out your window.”

  Stefanie’s pulse kicked up as she slowly rose to her feet to see what had their attention. She gasped, and it startled Reggie. He yawned, then settled back down. Same couldn’t be said for her pulse. No settling down there. With her hand on her chest to keep her thundering heart inside her body, she stared at the man who ruled every, single beat.

  Mac was leaning against his bike, feet crossed at the ankles, his gaze contrite, open, earnest, while he held a cardboard sign that had GRAND CANYON OR BUST written on it.

  Her eyes burned and body yearned, but her mind held her feet in place.

  “Why are you still in here?” Abby asked. “At least go talk to him.”

  She glanced at Mel and sniffed. “What do you think?”

  “If it were me? I’d take a ride,” her friend said. “But it’s not me or Abby. This is you, and only you can decide what’s best for you. But, I agree with Abby. You should talk to him.”

  Nodding, she forced her legs to take her outside so she could face Mac and finally hear him out.

  “I’m sorry, Stefanie,” he said, immediately, and apparently uncaring that others were within earshot.

  Mel and Abby had followed her out, and Carter and Dex stood just inside the open bay door behind him, no doubt, having his back.

  “I should’ve believed you and never doubted you,” he said, setting the sign on the seat of his bike before taking a few steps toward her. “You deserve better, God knows you do, but I promise, if you give me another chance.” He closed his eyes. “A third chance.” Then opened them again. “It won’t happen again.”

  Stefanie’s heart was in full hammer mode and so loud she could barely hear what Mac was saying. And the world around them started to fade away.

  He closed the remaining distance between them. “I screwed up,” he said, reaching for her hands and held on tight. “I’m an ass. I’m sorry. You put your trust in me and I didn’t return the favor. That will never happen again, Stefanie. I promise.”

  Hope fluttered in her chest, but mistrust reined it in. She believed he meant what he said, and she wanted to trust him. But how could he guarantee it wouldn’t happen again?

  He squeezed her hands. “I’m so damn sorry I didn’t listen. I was hurt, and drawing on an old betrayal, and angry thinking I’d fallen for another woman who used me.”

  “I’d never betray,” she whispered.

  “I know. But at first, all the old hurts returned, and I had to sort through them to see clearly.” He released her hands to cup her face, his gaze fierce and determined. “And I do, Stef. I see you, and how you’ve done nothing but give, and trust, and open up. You’re amazing and caring and don’t belong in that category with her. You belong in a category all your own.”

  Swallowing past a hot throat, she dragged air into her lungs, her body shaking with all the emotions the man always drew out of her.

  “I hope you’re taking notes for the future, Carter,” Abby said to her brother. “He’s good.”

  Stefanie agreed, but she still hesitated to hope. She couldn’t bear it if he accused her of something again.

  “I love how you never judge.” Mac set hi
s forehead to hers. “You give people chances. Take chances. Share a donut with your cat.”

  She choked out a half-laugh, half-sob. “He’d keep tapping my leg if I didn’t.”

  “Nah, you have a good heart, Stefanie.” He dropped his hands to her shoulders, then trailed his fingers down her arms until he was holding her hands again. “You help unconditionally. Go above and beyond.”

  Mac was mentioning things that he did as well. Helped, stepped up...it was one of the things she loved most about him.

  “It’s time I went above and beyond for you, Stefanie. Time I fought for you. And prove I mean every damn word.”

  “But how?” She blinked at him, her body shaking with the need to touch him back, to give in and let their chemistry take over. But she could tell he needed to finish what he had to say.

  “By leaving my past in the past,” he said. “By having your six. Offering you my heart. I’d offer you my soul, too, but it’s currently inside-out, and you’re going to get nothing less than one hundred and ten percent of everything from me from now on.”

  Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her face. She tugged her hands free, and this time, Stefanie cupped Mac’s face. “I’ll take it. All of it. Especially your inside-out soul, because it’s the imperfections that make us special, and you’re very special to me, Mac.”

  “I’m yours. All of me,” he said, wrapping his arms around her, holding her tight, like maybe he didn’t want to let her go. “I swear I won’t let you down ever again.”

  “I believe you. I believe you trust me.” She wasn’t sure why. Call it a sixth sense, or just a leap of faith, but it was strong and churning inside her.

  He drew back and gazed into her eyes. “I do. I trust you with my life. And my heart. I love you, Stefanie. So damn much.”

  Warmth burst through her body, chasing away the tightness from her chest. He held her heart in his hand. He had her back. He wanted to be with her. Loved her.

  He loved her.

  Tears spilled down her face again. “I love you, too, Mac.”

  With a low growl, he hauled her close and held her tight. She sighed and melted into his hard strength, reveling at the feel of his heart beating strong and sure in his chest.