by W. W. Jacobs
MONEY-CHANGERS
"'Tain't no use waiting any longer," said Hairy Pilchard, looking overthe side of the brig towards the Tower stairs. "'E's either waiting forthe money or else 'e's a spending of it. Who's coming ashore?"
"Give 'im another five minutes, Harry," said another seamanpersuasively; "it 'ud be uncommon 'ard on 'im if 'e come aboard and then'ad to go an' get another ship's crew to 'elp 'im celebrate it."
"'Ard on us, too," said the cook honestly. "There he is!"
The other glanced up at a figure waving to them from the stairs. "'Ewants the boat," he said, moving aft.
"No 'e don't, Steve," piped the boy. "'E's waving you not to. He'scoming in the waterman's skiff."
"Ha! same old tale," said the seaman wisely. "Chap comes in for a bito' money and begins to waste it directly. There's threepence gone; cleanchucked away. Look at 'im. Just look at 'im!"
"'E's got the money all right," said the cook; "there's no doubt aboutthat. Why, 'e looks 'arf as large again as 'e did this morning."
The crew bent over the side as the skiff approached, and the fare, whohad been leaning back in the stern with a severely important air, roseslowly and felt in his trousers' pocket.
"There's a sixpence for you, my lad," he said pompously. "Never mindabout the change."
"All right, old slack-breeches," said the waterman with effusivegood-fellowship, "up you get."
Three pairs of hands assisted the offended fare on board, and the boy,hovering round him, slapped his legs vigorously.
"Wot are you up to?" demanded Mr. Samuel Dodds, A.B., turning on him.
"Only dusting you down, Sam," said the boy humbly.
"You got the money all right, I s'pose, Sammy?" said Steve Martin.
Mr. Dodds nodded and slapped his breastpocket.
"Right as ninepence," he replied genially. "I've been with my lawyer allthe arternoon, pretty near. 'E's a nice feller."
"'Ow much is it, Sam?" inquired Pilchard eagerly.
"One 'undred and seventy-three pun seventeen shillings an' ten_pence_," said the heir, noticing with much pleasure the effect of hisannouncement.
"Say it agin, Sam," said Pilchard in awed tones.
Mr. Dodds, with a happy laugh, obliged him. "If you'll all come downthe foc's'le," he continued, "I've got a' bundle o' cigars an' a drop o'something short in my pocket."
"Let's 'ave a look at the money, Sam," said Pilchard when the cigarswere alight.
"Ah, let's 'ave a look at it," said Steve.
Mr. Dodds laughed again, and producing a small canvas-bag from hispocket, dusted the table with his big palm, and spread out a roll ofbanknotes and a little pile of gold and silver. It was an impressivesight, and the cook breathed so hard that one note fluttered off thetable. Three men dived to recover it, while Sam, alive for the firsttime to the responsibilities of wealth, anxiously watched the remainderof his capital.
"There's something for you to buy sweets with, my lad," he said,restored to good humour as the note was replaced.
He passed over a small coin, and regarded with tolerant good-humourthe extravagant manifestation of joy on the part of the youth whichfollowed. He capered joyously for a minute or two, and then taking it tothe foot of the steps, where the light was better, bit it ecstatically.
"How much is it?" inquired the wandering Steve. "You do chuck your moneyabout, Sam."
"On'y sixpence," said Sam, laughing. "I expect if it 'ad been a shillin'it 'ud ha' turned his brain."
"It ain't a sixpence," said the boy indignantly. "'It's 'arf a suvrin'."
"'Arf a wot?" exclaimed Mr. Dodds with a sudden change of manner.
"'Arf a suvrin'," repeated the boy with nervous rapidity; "and thank youvery much, Sam, for your generosity. If everybody was like you we shouldall be the better for it. The world 'ud be a different place to livein," concluded the youthful philosopher.
Mr. Dodd's face under these fulsome praises was a study in conflictingemotions. "Well, don't waste it," he said at length, and hastilygathering up the remainder stowed it in the bag.
"What are you going to do with it all, Sam?" inquired Harry.
"I ain't made up my mind yet," said Mr. Dodds deliberately. "I 'avethought of 'ouse property."
"I don't mean that," said the other. "I mean wot are you going to dowith it now, to take care of it?"
"Why, keep it in my pocket," said Sam, staring.
"Well, if I was you," said Harry impressively, "I should ask the skipperto take care of it for me. You know wot you are when you're a bit on,Sam."
"Wot d'yer mean?" demanded Mr. Dodds hotly.
"I mean," said Harry hastily, "that you've got sich a generous naturethat when you've 'ad a glass or two you're just as likely as not to giveit away to somebody."
"I know what I'm about," said Mr. Dodds with conviction. "I'm not goin'to get on while I've got this about me. I'm just goin' round to the'Bull's Head,' but I sha'n't drink anything to speak of myself. Anybodythat likes to come t'ave anything at my expense is welcome."
A flattering murmur, which was music to Mr. Dodds' ear, arose from hisshipmates as they went on deck and hauled the boat alongside. The boywas first in her, and pulling out his pockethandkerchief ostentatiouslywiped a seat for Mr. Dodds.
"Understand," said that gentleman, with whom the affair of thehalf-sovereign still rankled, "_your_ drink is shandygaff."
*****
They returned to the brig at eleven o'clock, Mr. Dodds slumberingpeacefully in the stern of the boat, propped up on either side by Steveand the boy.
His sleep was so profound that he declined to be aroused, and washoisted over the side with infinite difficulty and no little risk by hisshipmates.
"Look at 'im," said Harry, as they lowered him down the forecastle."What 'ud ha' become of 'im if we hadn't been with 'im? Where would 'ismoney ha' been?"
"He'll lose it as sure as eggs is heggs," said Steve, regarding himintently, "Bear a hand to lift 'im in his bunk, Harry."
Harry complied, their task being rendered somewhat difficult by a slightreturn of consciousness in Mr. Dodds' lower limbs, which, spreadingthemselves out fanwise, defied all attempts to pack them in the bunk.
"Let 'em hang out then," said Harry savagely, wiping a little mud fromhis face. "Fancy _that_ coming in for a fortin."
"'E won't 'ave it long," said the cook, shaking his head.
"Wot 'e wants is a shock," said Harry. "'Ow'd it be when he wakes up totell 'im he's lost all 'is money?"
"Wot's the good o' telling 'im," demanded the cook, "when 'e's got it inhis pocket?"
"Well, let's take it out," said Pilchard. "I'll hide it under my piller,and let him think he's 'ad his pocket picked."
"I won't 'ave nothing to do with it," said Steve peremptorily. "I don'tbelieve in sich games."
"Wot do you think, cook?" inquired Harry.
"I don't see no 'arm in it," said the cook slowly, "the fright might do'im good, p'raps."
"It might be the saving of 'im," said Harry. He leaned over the sleepingseaman, and, gently inserting his fingers in his breast-pocket, drew outthe canvas bag. "There it is, chaps," he said gayly; "an' I'll give 'imsich a fright in the morning as he won't forget in a 'urry."
He retired to his bunk, and placing the bag under his pillow, was soonfast asleep. The other men followed his example, and Steve extinguishingthe lamp, the forecastle surrendered itself to sleep.
At five o'clock they were awakened by the voice of Mr. Dodds. It wasa broken, disconnected sort of voice at first, like to that of a mantalking in his sleep; but as Mr. Dodds' head cleared his ideas clearedwith it, and in strong, forcible language straight from the heart heconsigned the eyes and limbs of some person or persons unknown to everyvariety of torment, after which, in a voice broken with emotion, headdressed himself in terms of heart-breaking sympathy.
"Shut up, Sam," said Harry in a sleepy voice. "Why can't you go tosleep?"
"Sleep be 'anged," said Mr. Dodds tearfully. "I've lorst all my money."
>
"You're dreamin'," said Harry lightly; "pinch yourself."
Mr. Dodds, who had a little breath left and a few words stillcomparatively fresh, bestowed them upon him.
"I tell you you haven't lorst it," said Harry. "Don't you remembergiving it to that red-'aired woman with a baby?"
"WOT?" said the astounded Mr. Dodds.
"You give it to 'er an' told 'er to buy the baby a bun with it,"continued the veracious Mr. Pilchard.
"Told 'er to buy the baby a bun with it?" repeated Mr. Dodds in a dazedvoice. "Told 'er to---- Wot did you let me do it for? Wot was all youchaps standin' by an' doin' to let me go an' do it for?"
"We did _arsk_ you not to," said Steve, joining in the conversation.
Mr. Dodds finding language utterly useless to express his burningthoughts, sat down and madly smashed at the table with his fists.
"Wot was you adoin' to let me do it?" he demanded at length of the boy."You ungrateful little toad. You can give me that 'arf-suvrin back, d'yehear?"! "I can't," said the boy. "I followed your example, and give itto the red-'aired woman to buy the baby another bun with."
There was a buzzing noise in Mr. Dodds' head, and the bunks and theirgrinning occupants went round and round.
"'Ere, 'old up, Sam," said Pilchard, shaking him in alarm. "It's allright; don't be a fool. I've got the money."
Sam stared at him blankly.
"I've got the money," repeated the seaman.
Mr. Dodds' colour came back.
"How'd you get it?" he inquired.
"I took it out of your pocket last night just to give you a lesson,"said Harry severely. "Don't you never be so silly agin, Sam."
"Gimme my money," said Mr. Dodds, glaring at him.
"You might ha' lorst it, you see, Sam," continued his benefactor; "if Icould take it, anybody else could. Let this be a lesson to you."
"If you don't gimme my money----" began Sam violently.
"It's no good trying to do 'im a kindness," said Harry to the others ashe turned to his bunk. "He can go an' lose it for all I care."
He put his hand in his bunk, and then with a sudden exclamation searchedsomewhat hastily amongst the bedding. Mr. Dodds, watching him with ascowl, saw him take every article separately out of his bunk, and thensink down appalled on the locker.
"You've took it, Sam--ain't--you?" he gasped.
"Look 'ere," said Mr. Dodds, with ominous quietness, "when you've doneyour little game."
"It's gone," said Harry in a scared voice, "somebody's taken it."
"Look 'ere, 'Arry, give 'im his money," said Steve impatiently; "ajoke's a joke, but we don't want too much of it."
"I ain't got it," said Harry trembling. "Sure as I stand 'ere it's gone.I took it out of your pocket, and put it under my piller. You saw me,didn't you, Steve?"
"Yes, and I told you not to," said Steve. "Let this be a warning to younot to try and teach lessons to people wot don't want 'em."
"I'm going to the police-station to give 'im in charge," said Mr. Doddsfiercely, "that's wot I'm goin' to do."
"For the Lord's sake don't do that, Sam," said Pilchard, clutching himby the coat.
"'Arry ain't made away with it, Sam," said Steve. "I saw somebody takeit out of his bunk while he was asleep."
"Why didn't you stop him?" cried Harry, starting up.
"I didn't like to interfere," said Steve simply; "but I saw where hewent to."
"Where?" demanded Mr. Dodds wildly. "Where?"
"He went straight up on deck," said Steve slowly, "walked aft, and thendown into the cabin. The skipper woke up, and I heard 'im say somethingto him."
"Say something to 'im?" repeated the bewildered Dodds. "Wot was it?"
"Well, I 'ardly like to repeat it," said Steve hesitating.
"Wot was it?" roared the overwrought Mr. Dodds.
"Well, I 'eard this chap say something," said Steve slowly, "and thenI heard the skipper's voice. But I don't like to repeat wot 'e said, Ireely don't."
"Wot was it?" roared Mr. Dodds, approaching him with clenched fist.
"Well, if you will have it," said Steve with a little cough, "the oldman said to me, 'Well done, Steve,' he ses, 'you're the only sensibleman of the whole bilin' lot. Sam's a fool, 'e ses, and 'Arry's worse,an' if it wasn't for men like you, Steve, life wouldn't be worthliving.'"
