It mattered to me what she thought. No, old vases didn’t. Even this title I had inherited barely seemed important. But Rose? She mattered. I wanted her to believe me.
“That’s nice and all,” she said, not at all sounding like she thought it was anything more than that. “But it’s just not enough. I’m sorry, Austin, but I can’t... we can’t. This can’t happen. We can’t happen. I shouldn’t have kissed you back and... I just can’t.”
It felt like a slap in the face.
What hurt the most was that it sounded like she’d thought about it. This wasn’t Rose saying no because she didn’t like me, or because she didn’t know what would happen. She was saying no because she’d decided that it wouldn’t work. That we wouldn’t work.
I had to prove her wrong.
“What would be enough?” I asked. If it took learning about the two hundred years of history, I would do it. If it took learning who was supposed to sit to the right of who, I would do that, too.
My question seemed to surprise her. I took that as a good sign. Being something Rose didn’t expect meant that I couldn’t entirely be the person she’d decided she couldn’t date. Or at least I could be someone who could change.
“I feel passionate about my job. This estate is my life. It’s my family’s history - less so than it is yours, but it means something to me.” And yeah, she had me there. I hardly even knew the history (though, Bernie had been trying to teach me). “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t get that. Who thinks it’s all just a joke.”
“You keep saying that,” I pointed out. “That I think it’s a joke. I don’t . I didn’t break the vase because I thought it was funny . It was just -” I shrugged. “An accident.” Yeah, it had been thoughtless. I could, and had, owned up to that. There was a difference between not thinking something through and thinking it was a joke.
I’d thought inheriting a castle was a bit of fun. I couldn’t deny that. I didn’t take the role of being a duke very seriously. That was still different from making fun of it. Or at least, I felt it ought to be different.
“Right, just an accident.” Rose nodded. I wasn’t convinced that she believed me. She must have done about the vase since she’d been there. But I didn’t get the impression that she believed me when I said I didn’t see all of this as a joke.
I watched her tap her fingers against the table. It was hard not to think how nice those fingers had felt against me, how nice they could feel against me. Her cheeks were tinted red, probably from being annoyed with me, but it made her look good. Passionate in a way that had made me kiss her the first time around.
Except, I was pretty sure she would slap me if I tried it now.
“My point is, Austin, I can’t let myself fall in love with someone who doesn’t understand things I care about.”
I hadn’t mentioned falling in love. It made my heart pound faster just to know she was thinking about it in those terms. We probably shouldn’t be. Me being in England was never going to be a permanent arrangement. Rose cared about her job too much to ever leave.
Even so, the words lit a fire in the pit of my stomach. “I could learn,” I insisted. I would show Rose that I would learn, if she didn’t believe me.
I realized that I wanted her to believe me so desperately . Never before had I cared about a woman’s opinion of me so much. But I wanted her to like me, wanted her to believe in me as much as I wanted her to just believe me. Waiting for her to say something, all I could think about was that I wanted to be someone she could let herself fall in love with.
“Prove it,” Rose challenged.
I grinned. Proving it was exactly what I wanted. I was determined to do just that. I didn’t know how . Not yet. I would work something out. I had faith than an opportunity would present itself.
“You’re on,” I agreed. Excitement buzzed through my veins. I would prove that I could be a person Rose could fall for.
I let her get back to her work. I think she was surprised I didn’t hang around to ask her how I could prove it. I wanted it to be all my own work, so that she’d see I really was committed. Besides, respecting her need to work was at least a beginning to showing her I respected Claxthorpe Castle and everything that went with it.
Chapter Ten
Rose
In the days following, I kept expecting something to happen. Some unnecessarily grand gesture on Austin’s part or something like that. But none of that happened. If anything, I saw less of Austin. I did an okay job of not letting that bother me.
It was hard not to let myself get distracted by thoughts of Austin. Especially when the memories of that kiss kept creeping into my head. The feel of his lips, the hardness of his chest against mine. Fuck. I was in over my head. No matter how much I kept telling myself that, the taste of Austin lingered on my lips. And so did the wish to kiss him again.
Thankfully, there was a lot of work to get distracted by.
Having a new duke meant that people wanted to find out about him. Briony was doing an excellent job of managing Austin’s press. The invitation in my hands indicated, however, that it was quickly becoming not enough. People wanted to meet the new Duke of Claxthorpe .
I had spent the last two hours trying to figure out how to get Austin out of this.
There didn’t seem to be a way,
Austin was going to have to attend this gala. He was going to have to act like a duke.
We were doomed.
...well, perhaps something marginally less dramatic than that. Hopefully.
“You are attending a gala,” I informed Austin, walking into his room without knocking. Austin was lounging on the bed, some ridiculous reality TV show blaring in the background. I waited for him to turn it off before carrying on. “There is a gala this weekend. A lot of important people will be there and I can’t get you out of it.”
“I’m going as your date.” Because I didn’t trust him on his own. I barely trusted him with me there.
Austin grinned . Of course he did. He probably hadn’t heard a word I’d said other than ‘date’.
“That sounds amazing.” He did genuinely sound enthusiastic. It gave me a brief moment of hope that he might actually be taking this whole thing seriously.
And then he went ahead and ruined it. “What is a gala?” he asked.
“It’s a ball. A dance? I don’t know what it’s called in common American,” I snapped. It was unfair. I knew it was, but I was just so frustrated with myself. It was a lot easier to take it out on Austin than to admit to my own feelings. “There will be mingling, talking to important people. There will be people there who also hold titles. Maybe even some other dukes.”
I couldn’t guarantee that, of course. Usually, this sort of event did attract a particular crowd. Some minor royalty would be guaranteed. If I was lucky, no actual royals would be there for Austin to embarrass Claxthorpe in front of.
“It’s important. This is the first outing you’re going to have as the Duke of Claxthorpe . This is your... well, I guess your debutant ball.”
Austin’s eyes lit up. I’d kind of expected him to laugh. Or at least, to be pleased I’d remembered his story about his only formal dancing experience. Instead, he sat up a little straighter on the bed, turning so he faced me completely.
“It sounds important,” he said. “It’s this weekend?” I nodded. I didn’t trust the way the corner of his mouth kept twitching, like he was trying not to smile.
It only reinforced what I’d always thought - that he was taking this whole thing as a joke . He didn’t care what damage he could do to Claxthorpe’s reputation.
“Will Bernie have time to do longer lessons with me?” he asked.
That surprised me. And he could clearly tell, too, because Austin’s grin widened. “Yeah.” I nodded, clearing my throat when even that sounded a little surprised. “Yeah, I’m sure Bernie would be happy to extend his lessons to prepare you for the gala.” It was true. Besides, we did pay Bernie very well for taking on Austin as a..
. project.
“Mark will be able to help you find appropriate clothes,” I added. It reminded me that I would need to find an appropriate dress. Nothing I owned was good enough for a gala like this.
“A shopping trip with Mark,” Austin said, his tone teasing. “That’ll be a blast.” I waited, fully expecting Austin to ask me to join them. After all, I was the woman on staff closest to Austin’s age, as well as being his date. I could have offered valuable advice as to what suited him when it came to clothes.
I tried to push aside the sting of disappointment I felt when no offer came. “I need a haircut, too,” Austin said. It was true. His hair had been short when he’d arrived from America. Now, it was long enough that it threatened to fall into his eyes whenever he nodded. “Do I get that here, or do I get to go into town?” he asked.
“You’ll have to go into town. I’m sure Mark can arrange that as well,” I answered. It was tempting to offer to set it up for him, to take him even. But I knew better than that. Besides, I had to find a dress and have my hair done, too, before the gala.
I gave Austin a suspicious look. “You seem very okay with this,” I observed. “Should I worry?” I mean, I was worried anyway . Maybe Austin’s ease with it all was just something I needed to get used to.
“You didn’t exactly make it sound like I had a choice about going,” Austin pointed out. He was right. I’d already considered whether there was any way of getting him out of it, and there wasn’t, not without giving offense. “Or about taking you as my date,” he added.
He gave a small shrug, then smiled at me. “I believe in making the best of things, Rose,” he said. “If I have to go to a gala, I’ll go to a gala. Presumably, this is meant to be something that you do for fun?”
He was already having entirely too much fun with it for my peace of mind.
“I wouldn’t say it’s for fun,” I commented truthfully. Sure, there might be the pretense that it was for fun, but these kinds of events were very much for networking. Maybe I should’ve arranged something before this. It was too late now. I’d just have to hope that Austin would... behave.
“Anyway,” I said, smoothing a hand over my skirt. “That was all I wanted to say, so I should go.” Except I made no movement towards the door. I should leave. Yes.
“Or you could stay,” Austin suggested, shifting aside to make room for me on the bed beside him. He paused, frowning as though he were thinking hard. I didn’t quite believe it was anything more than a show he was putting on for my benefit.
That made me all the more sure I should leave. The thoughts of what might happen if I did stay filled my head like floodwater. I couldn’t do this. I had already decided that I couldn’t do this. No matter how kissable Austin’s lips looked.
“I have to get back to work,” I told Austin. “I’ll tell Bernie you need extra lessons. Try not to...” Fuck up . “Just try.” Hopefully that would be enough. I had to hope it would be.
And I really needed to get a dress.
Chapter Eleven
Austin
I knew preparing for a fancy ball in under a week wasn’t going to be easy . Especially since I wanted to do it all without Rose to help me. I wanted to surprise her. I wanted to see the look on her face when I said all the right things and took my responsibility as the Duke of Claxthorpe seriously.
Bernie and I spent hours in the plainest of the castle’s libraries, while he explained a hundred different kinds of protocol. I learned that rank was more important than money, that the richest marchioness would still be seated below a duchess who had barely a penny to her name. I even learned what a Marchioness and a Duchess were .
Every hour that Bernie couldn’t spend with me, I spent in the stables. James only knew the etiquette he needed to do his job, but he could quiz me on the notes I’d made.
“How would you introduce Rose to a doctor you think she’s probably met before?” James asked, his feet propped on an upturned bucket. He clutched my notes in one hand, bending over them as he tried to read my scrawl.
“Rose, I’m sure you know Dr. Samuel Gridstone,” I carefully said. “He’s just been promoted to head of surgery.” Bernie had explained that introductions were about information . Mentioning a recent promotion was both flattering to the imaginary doctor and useful to Rose. It let her know that he was a medical man rather than an academic.
“I still don’t see when that’s going to come up,” I grumbled. “I’ll be the one being introduced to everybody.” I didn’t know anyone to make introductions to. Bernie had still insisted it was important, so I was determined to learn it.
“When should you kiss a woman’s hand?” James asked, moving on to the next thing.
I grinned.
“Trick question!” I accused, pointing my finger at James, who grinned back. “Hand-kissing never caught on in Britain. People would think I was some idiot American whose only experience of proper society is from books and movies.”
James laughed, shaking his head slightly. It wasn’t quite a direct quote from Bernie, but it was close enough.
“You’re going to be fine,” James promised me. I felt a fluttering mix of excitement and nerves. I hadn’t told James the real reason I was revising so hard. He thought I just wanted to make amends for the whole police fiasco.
And I did want to do that. It was just that the amends I wanted to make were specifically to Rose. I wanted to show her I could do this.
“I know I’m not going to be perfect,” I said. In so short a time, there was no hope of that. “But I at least want to not embarrass anyone.” Or break anything. I was going to be very careful not to break things.
“Ask me another,” I pushed. We’d been working for an hour already, but there were so few days until the gala. If I had to stay up all night studying, I would.
The one thing that neither James nor Bernie could help me with was dancing. I wanted to ask Rose. After the last time, I knew I couldn’t trust myself around her. Holding her in my arms, seeing her eyes shining up at me? I wouldn't be able to resist.
I asked Briony, but she told me she was no better at dancing than I was. After that, I thought it was hopeless. I didn’t know any other women in England. I almost thought I’d have to ask Rose, until I mentioned my dilemma to Mark one night over dinner.
Turned out, Mark and his wife used to enter ballroom dancing competitions.
That was how I ended up in their wing of the castle, with Jenny in my arms while Mark counted out the beats in the music.
“One and two and three and four,” he chanted. My feet moved clumsily to the rhythm. Jenny managed to look graceful. Even when I tried to swing her round left instead of right and narrowly missed the corner of Mark’s bookcase.
“There will be more room at the gala,” Mark promised. I wasn’t sure I found that entirely comforting.
Jenny tutted. “Don’t give up so easily, either of you,” she instructed. “Come on, Your Grace, it’s really quite simple.” I liked Jenny. She had a spark of fire in her. She and Mark were a pretty surprising match. Watching them together, I couldn’t deny that it worked.
I tried again, until Jenny pulled me to a stop and tapped accusingly at my arm. “Don’t be so stiff,” she instructed. “You feel like a prisoner being marched to the gallows, not a man enjoying his evening with a beautiful woman.”
She smiled up at me, the wrinkles around her eyes creasing as she did so. “Just imagine I’m Rose,” she suggested with a twinkle. I must have looked surprised, because Jenny threw her head back and laughed at me. Mark looked sheepish.
“It’s obvious that you like her, Your Grace,” she informed me. When she used the title, it didn’t feel like something which put distance between us. Instead, it made me feel included , like I was a part of a long tradition.
I supposed that was how Rose had always wanted me to feel.
“That’s not the only reason I’m doing this,” I said. I realized as I heard my own voice saying the words that they were true.
I had started on this mission for Rose. The more I’d learned , the more I’d started to see her point of view.
The castle might never mean as much to me as it did to Rose. But the longer I spent in it , and the more time I spent with the staff who ran it, the more I wanted to prove myself worthy of what luck had landed in my lap.
“One and two,” I said, frowning in an effort of concentration as I tried to lead Jenny through the steps of the dance.
By the evening of the ball, excitement and nerves were tangling like snakes in the pit of my stomach. This was it, my one chance to show Rose I could be the man she wanted me to be.
“Are you ready, Your Grace?” Mark asked, straightening my cuff and readjusting the cufflink to hold it in place.
I wanted to say that I was as ready as I’d ever be, but I pursed my lips together. It wasn’t a very graceful response. Or a very grateful one.
“I am, Mark,” I said instead. “Thanks for all of your help this week. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
Mark’s mouth twitched slightly. It was as much of a smile as I was going to get out of him.
“Is Ms. Eagleton-Bick ready?” I asked. I had no real idea what a lady was supposed to wear to a gala. If the dress had been picked out with anything like the care of my suit, I knew Rose would be stunning.
Who was I kidding? Rose was stunning in jeans and a t-shirt. In a ball gown, she’d be irresistible.
“I have been informed that Ms. Eagleton-Bick will meet you in the courtyard, Your Grace. Your car will also be waiting.”
I recognized it for what it was, my cue to get my ass moving.
I took one last look in the mirror. I didn’t look much like my idea of an English duke. I was still just Austin Rillington, in a nice suit and with a ton of rules and polite courtesies stuffed into my head.
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