by Kay Correll
He caught a glimpse of the lighthouse in the distance and resolutely headed that direction. He walked along, step by step, along the water’s edge. He passed a few others out strolling, each time giving a perfunctory smile, then walking on silently. The breeze off the sea tousled his hair, reminding him he hadn’t found a place on the island to get his haircut yet.
But then maybe he should just leave the island. He was pretty sure Julie would be glad to see him go. He couldn’t blame her.
He was a mess. He knew that. He just didn’t know how to fix himself, to rise above the guilt and move on. But did he even deserve to do that? If only he’d listened to Victoria that night and not insisted he get his way. But it was too late to change that, and too late to save her.
Too late. Too late. The words reverberated in his mind with each step he took. He finally reached Lighthouse Point and sank onto the sand, staring at the ocean.
Julie had been right the other day when she said Victoria wouldn’t have wanted him to throw his life away like this. He knew that, and yet… he couldn’t forgive himself.
He looked up and down the beach and saw not one person. Feeling a bit sheepish, he pushed himself up and crossed to the edge of the sea. A lone, perfect shell called to him. It was a pale shade of orangey-yellow.
Yellow. That figured.
He leaned over to pick it up, allowing a gentle wave to wash the sand from it. He stood staring at the shell in his hand for long moments of indecision. He tightened his fist around the shell and looked out into the ocean.
I wish you could forgive me, Victoria. I wish I knew how to live without you.
Before he could stop himself, he threw the lone shell into the sea.
Not that he believed in the legend.
Not that he thought it would do any good.
The sky burst into a million shades of pink and yellow as the sun slipped below the horizon. He spun around when he swore he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder, but no one was there. He was alone. Always alone. He turned and headed back to the inn, finally admitting to himself something had to change. He couldn’t go on like this.
Chapter 11
Julie gave up on sleep, climbed out of bed early the next morning, and headed to the bakery. She had the deliveries packed up and ready to go thirty minutes ahead of schedule. She decided to drive over to the inn. Susan was bound to be up, she was an early riser just like Julie and Tally.
She pulled the van up to the kitchen entrance to the inn and slid out of the van. Susan came out, took one look at her and pulled her inside. “What’s the matter? You look terrible.”
“Gee, thanks.” Julie took the offered cup of coffee.
“No, really. What’s wrong?”
“It’s Reed. Just when I thought we were making progress and I relaxed my guard a bit, he turned all cold on me and walked away. Said he couldn’t do it. Whatever it was. I’m not sure what we were, but I did like spending time with him. He made me laugh, he treated me like he respected me, admired me even. But I cannot take his wavering. I just can’t. I told him not to come back around. Not that I think he will. He made it quite clear he isn’t ready for a relationship. Not that we even had a relationship.”
“I’m sorry, hon. First guy I’ve seen you have any interest in, well, forever. Now this.”
“He has some kind of survivor guilt thing going on with his wife’s death. I get that. But then, why does he come around? Why does he act like he wants to be with me then it’s just… poof, gone, outta there, running away?”
“Well, it’s probably better now than later, before things went any further with you two.”
“Probably.” Julie set down the coffee and reached up to rub her shoulder. The tense muscles refused to relax as she kneaded them. “Anyway, I need to just move on. I was up half the night over-analyzing everything I said to him. What made him finally run away.”
“You know it’s not you, right? It’s him. Something he’ll have to learn to deal with. Or not.”
Julie sighed. “I suppose so. I keep thinking I said something wrong or did something wrong.”
“Seriously, Julie, cut it out. Everyone deals with grief in their own way. He obviously hasn’t dealt with his. He needs to before he can move on with someone else.”
“I know that in my head, but my heart still stings a bit from the rejection.”
Susan wrapped an arm around Julie’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“So am I.” Julie pulled away. “I just need to go back to work and forget him. I have the catering of Camille’s mother’s party next weekend. I have so much to do. Keeping busy will be good for me.”
“Ah, yes. Mrs. Montgomery’s party. We have an inn full of their guests next weekend. Not that I’m complaining. Being full during the off-season is great. Though I did get a phone call from Camille demanding fresh flowers in all the rooms along with a small snack basket in each and every guest room. I quoted her a darn fair price for that and she said she’d get back to me. We’ll see. I’ll need to contact Flossie’s Flower Shop soon if I’m going to need that many arrangements.”
Julie grinned. “Camille will probably call you the day before.”
“And add something else she wants.” Susan shook her head. “I’m going to call her today and say I better darn well hear from her by tomorrow if she wants the flowers and baskets.” Susan grinned. “Only I’ll say it nicer.”
“Good luck with that.” Julie set down her coffee. “I better get the rest of my deliveries finished. Then I need to finalize the order for the Montgomery’s party.”
“Maybe we could meet for drinks one night this week before the rush of the weekend?”
“Maybe. Let me see how far I get on things.”
“Just let me know.”
Julie went out to the van and brought in Susan’s daily delivery, then headed back outside. She climbed into the van, noticing she still hadn’t done anything about the rip in the van seat. Just one more thing to deal with. Or not.
* * *
Susan worried about her friend. Julie didn’t open up to many people, she didn’t trust easily. Now this Reed fella had done a number on her. She understood loss as well as the next person. She still ached for Jamie’s father after all these years. But a person had to pick up the pieces and move on.
Julie had experienced so many losses in her life, too. Her parents. Getting kicked around from foster home to foster home. Julie rarely talked about her childhood, but Susan knew that time of her life had molded her into the slow-to-trust person she was today. Then there was the whole Troy fiasco. All those promises, then he just up and left. But something between Julie and Reed had just clicked. Julie had decided to try with Reed.
Julie had let her defenses down around Reed for some reason, even though she knew he was a shaky prospect. But then maybe she’d wanted to help Reed. Maybe Julie could relate to the loss and the ache in him.
Susan shook her head. Maybe she should go back to getting breakfast ready for the morning instead of over-analyzing her friend.
Fifteen minutes later her cell phone rang and she dug it out of her pocket.
“Did you see Julie this morning? She’s not looking good. I’m worried about her.”
Ah, Tally had seen Julie, too.
“I did see her. Talked to her a bit. That Reed guy should just leave her alone. No more of this flakey nonsense.”
“I agree. And if you see him today, you should probably tell him to back off.” Tally’s voice had a crisp edge to it.
“I hate to drive off a month-long customer, but I do feel like giving him a piece of my mind.”
“I’m going to make up a reason to drop by the bakery later today and see how Julie’s doing.”
Susan laughed. “She’ll know you’re checking up on her.”
“I’m sure she will, but that’s what friends do.”
Susan tapped off her phone and slid it back in her pocket. Tally was right. Friends do make sure their friends are doing okay. They’
d just have to keep a close eye on Julie for a bit and try to cheer her up. For about the millionth time in her life, Susan gave thanks for her friendship with Tally and Julie. She would do anything for either one of them.
* * *
Reed opened his leather bag and reached in for his laptop. The laptop caught on the worn fabric lining. He probably should consider getting a new bag, but couldn’t bear to do that. Victoria had given it to him on their very first Christmas together. He’d used it every day since then. Victoria used to slip little notes into the bag and sometimes he’d find them at work. They always made him smile.
He emptied his papers and a few pens out of the bag to take a closer look at the lining. He fingered the material and decided he’d take the bag to a repair shop and get a new lining put in. That way he could continue to use the bag for years. The leather was soft and worn from the years of use, but it still held up well in a battered leather kind of way.
He turned the bag upside down and a few paperclips and receipts fell onto the table. He reached for the scraps of paper and his breath caught in his chest. A yellow slip of paper.
Victoria’s handwriting.
He reached out and slowly and carefully smoothed the page. He looked away for a moment, his legs seemingly unable to hold him anymore. He sank into the chair, frozen in time, getting ready to read a note from Victoria like he’d done so many times before.
The room sucked the air right out of him and it took all his strength to open that one small slip of paper.
* * *
Hi Boo,
* * *
He paused then and closed his eyes. Boo, her pet name for him.
* * *
I hope you know how much I love you, how much happiness being married to you has brought me. I hope you are happy too, because that’s all I’ve ever wanted… for you to be happy.
You’ll have my heart forever, no matter what.
But enough mushy stuff, I still think you cheated at cards last night. I should have won, admit it.
* * *
She put a big smilie face after that sentence and he could hear her teasing voice.
* * *
Don’t forget to bring home some ice cream.
* * *
Love,
Sunshine
* * *
Sunshine. His nickname for her. Not only because yellow was her favorite color, but because she was that person, the one in the perpetual good mood, who always looked at things as glass half full.
He wondered if he’d remembered to bring home ice cream that night…
Reed pressed the note to his heart while wave after wave of emotion rolled over him, like the surging tide outside his window.
He didn’t know how long he sat there. He reached up and touched the dampness on his cheeks, the first tears he’d shed since the night of the accident when he’d held her in his arms and begged her not to leave him.
He got up and walked over to stand by the window. Again. Looking out at the sea. The sea had become a tonic for him, a soothing, healing balm for his soul. The sound of the surf, the mesmerizing march of the waves always headed to shore, never ending.
Victoria’s words ran through his mind, over and over.
That’s all I’ve ever wanted… for you to be happy. For you to be happy. Happy.
He walked out onto the balcony letting the sea air, the warm sun, the surf noise, and the sparkling waves do their magic. For the first time in a very long time, he began to feel. He could feel the pain, but he could also feel the love. It was like he was beginning to thaw after a long, long winter.
An old man walked along the shore, reached down to pick up a shell, and dropped it into a small pail he carried with him.
A shell.
The shell.
The one he’d thrown into the ocean at Lighthouse Point, asking for Victoria’s forgiveness and a way to get on with his life. Could the legend be true? Did he get his wish with finding the note from Victoria?
That’s all I’ve ever wanted… for you to be happy.
A peace he hadn’t felt in years flooded through him. He could go on. It’s what she wanted. Suddenly his senses heightened. The taste of the salt air, the brush of the breeze against his skin, the sight of the sunlight dancing across the waves. For the first time in a long time, he had hope.
He turned around, determined to go find Julie. Talk to her. If she’d even listen to him now. He couldn’t blame her if she just tossed him out, but he was going to try and convince her to give him one more chance. Just one more. He wouldn’t disappoint her this time.
Chapter 12
Reed tromped down the stairs of the inn—the elevator was still out of commission—and paused for a moment, undecided whether to take the roads or the beach. All he knew was he was going to go find Julie, talk to her, and try to explain himself. Beg her, if necessary, to give him just one more chance. He was sure he had his mind all sorted out now. Sure of it.
“Mr. Newman.”
Reed turned to see Susan standing beside the landing.
“I thought we’d agreed on Reed and Susan.” He smiled at Julie’s friend. Any friend of Julie’s was a friend of his. Heck, the way he felt now, everyone was a friend of his.
“I wanted to talk to you for a moment.” Susan ignored his remark about being on a first-name basis now.
“Sure, what’s up?”
“I should say this is none of my business… but, well, it is my business. Julie is my business. You’ve hurt her. For some unknown reason she’s a bit taken with you.”
“She likes me?” Reed felt his heart soar.
“She does. Did.” Susan sighed. “You’ve acted like her friend, she let you get close to her, then walked away. She’s not in a place where she can handle that.”
“I know. I was just… a jerk. I was trying to sort it all out. I’m okay now. Really I am. I’ve made peace with my past.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you have. But that doesn’t make any difference. Julie has walled herself off now. I can’t blame her. You need to stay away from her.”
“But I was just going over to talk to her. To explain…” Reed shifted from foot to foot.
“It would be better if you just let the whole thing drop.” Susan pinned him with a look just like his mother used to throw at him when he’d done something wrong. “You’re going to be leaving soon anyway. There is just no point, is there?”
“No point?”
“Say you talk to her and get friendly again. Where does it lead? She still ends up getting hurt when you return to Seattle. I know she seems like this strong, independent woman—and she is—but under all of that she is still this lost little girl afraid of rejection, afraid of being left behind.”
Reed stood without moving, letting Susan’s words sink in. She was right. He was leaving. What did he have to offer Julie except a week or so of friendship, then he would head back to his world and leave her on Belle Island. Julie wasn’t really the type looking to be someone’s vacation fling. Not that he wanted a fling…
He grudgingly agreed with Susan. “I see your point.”
“So you’ll leave her alone?”
“That’s probably for the best.” A swish of emptiness whirled around him. He thought he had things figured out, but he’d only been thinking of himself, not Julie. Not what was best for her. She’d had people leave her over and over, and that was exactly what he would do when he headed back home.
“Yes, it’s the best thing for Julie.” Susan’s eyes were filled with sympathy for him, but edged with protectiveness for her friend.
He couldn’t find the voice to answer her, so he simply nodded in agreement.
“I hope you’ll continue your stay with us. You are more than welcome, but I understand if you feel the need to leave.” Susan turned away and headed back into the lobby.
Reed was certain the offer to continue his stay was said to be polite, not because Susan meant it. He rested a hand on the stair railing, not knowin
g if he should go up and pack his things or stay for the rest of his vacation. He couldn’t decide. Stay here and not see Julie? It just didn’t seem… right.
Someone pushed through the door from the deck and the bright sunlight streamed in, beckoning him. He’d take a walk on the beach while he decided what to do and let the ocean cast its magic.
* * *
Julie couldn’t decide what was worse. Should she stay at the bakery and keep silly busy so she wouldn’t think about Reed, or get out of here before Nancy tossed her out? Julie had dropped a bowl of dough, burned a batch of croissants, and spilled a pitcher of tea.
“Julie, why don’t you go take a walk? Clear your head. You’re obviously upset about something.” Nancy wiped up the last of Julie’s mishaps.
“I should stay. There’s so much to do. I really need to finalize what we’re making for Camille’s mother’s party.” Tension twisted through her. The responsibility of the bakery and the party. The feeling of rejection from Reed. The lack of sleep last night. All of that piled onto her shoulders with a weight that was impossible to dislodge.
Nancy reached out her hand. “Leave the list of what you’re thinking of making with me. I’ll check our supplies after the bakery closes. When you come back later, we’ll finalize things, okay?”
Julie hated to bail, but she knew she was no good for anything right now. She’d do what Nancy suggested and take a walk, giving herself a chance to settle her mind and her nerves. She gave Nancy a quick hug. “Thanks. I’ll get out of your hair. I’ll be back soon and in a better mood, I promise.”
Nancy shooed her away with a dish towel and headed to the counter to put in yet another batch of almond croissants.
