by Kay Correll
“No one but me knew how tired she was. The dinner ran long and it was late when we got out of there. She drifted off to sleep soon after we got in the car. Suddenly there was this… black pickup truck… coming right at us… in our lane. I swerved to avoid it and he hit the passenger side of our car. My wife didn’t survive. If only I’d swerved the other way, maybe everything would be different. Maybe she’d be alive. Or if I hadn’t been so selfish and I would have just agreed she should stay home that night. All my decisions and my selfishness caused her death.”
Julie’s hand was back on his arm, warm, familiar. “Don’t you really think the person driving the truck is the responsible person?”
“He is, too. Found out later he was drunk at the time of the accident, but I can’t even shower my anger on him… because he didn’t survive the wreck either.”
“So this is why you don’t drive?”
“I tried to drive one more time. To my wife’s funeral. I didn’t even make it out of the driveway. A co-worker came looking for me and drove me to the funeral. Haven’t gotten behind a wheel of a car since.”
“That must be so hard. I can see why you don’t like to drive now. So you take the bus and taxis everywhere?”
“Seattle is a very advanced city. My company sends cars to get a lot of its top employees. We ride to work in cars with wi-fi and start working on our way to work. The traffic is terrible, so it’s a perk some of the companies offer. I live near a market, or my usual driver will stop and let me run in and get some things if I need to. I get food delivered. I just make it work.”
“I understand why you’d feel guilty or responsible, I do. But it wasn’t your fault. You know that. It was an accident.”
Reed let out a long breath. “I know it was an accident, but I still live with the if-onlys.
“I think we all live with our own set of if-onlys.” Julie’s voice was low and sad, filled with a wistful longing.
He covered her hand with his own and squeezed hers. “I’ve never told anyone about this. I mean they know she was killed, but not how I blame myself.”
“I don’t think you should blame yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“But I insisted she come with me. I knew she was tired and wanted to stay home.”
“You had no way of knowing what was going to happen. We never know in advance what far-reaching effects our decisions might have. That’s just life, Reed. Do you think your wife would want you to blame yourself and shut down? Would you want that for her if the situation was reversed?”
No, he wouldn’t. He knew Julie was right.
She tilted her head and looked up at him. “So what made you say you’d drive today?”
“Because it was my fault the batch of food got burned. I just couldn’t let my mistake ruin your chance with this big order.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I could have set a timer. I should have been keeping a better eye on things.”
“I told you that you could depend on me. I let you down.”
“Reed, I think you’re too hard on yourself.” She smiled. “Too hard on yourself about a lot of things.”
“Maybe I am. But my decisions that I made, they brought me to where I am in my life.” Reed looked right into Julie’s caring eyes. “I thought I had made my peace with this. Well, until today. You see, a black truck came barreling down road, and I just… panicked. It all came back.”
“It’s okay. It really is. I think that’s a normal reaction. You should have told me before though. I’d never have let you drive.”
“But you couldn’t do the delivery and bake at the same time.”
“No, I couldn’t, but I would have thought of something. I always do.” She smiled at him then, a smile filled with understanding and caring.
For the first time in years, he felt a weight roll off his shoulders. Someone else knew his secret, knew what he had to live with day in and day out. And she hadn’t turned and run away. He looked down at their hands entwined on his arm, her tanned fingers interlaced with his.
“Do you think you’ll ever drive again? Do you want to try?”
“No, I don’t plan on it. I think I’m fine being a non-driver.”
“And that’s why you don’t drink? Because of the drunk driver?”
“Pretty much.”
“I’m sorry about all of this. It must have been so hard.”
“It was.” His voice was low and soft. “It still is.”
* * *
Julie stayed by Reed’s side, and they didn’t talk anymore, just sat in silence. The night sky darkened and the stars blinked above them. The breeze picked up and she shivered slightly. Reed wrapped an arm around her and tucked her close to his side. His warmth flowed to her and she leaned against him.
It had been quite a day. She really should head back home, but she was so comfortable tucked against Reed. She could feel his heart beating, connecting them in an understanding of all that life could dish out and all it took to survive. She didn’t want to break their tenuous connection.
She didn’t blame Reed for panicking today when he drove the van. If only he would have told her before this, she could have prevented everything that happened today.
Those if-onlys again.
She lived with her if-onlys, too. The ones she never told anyone, not even Tally or Susan.
She understood exactly how Reed felt. Exactly. Because she felt responsible for someone’s death, too, and it haunted her very being.
If-only.
Chapter 18
The next morning Julie delivered the promised pastries to Camille’s house. Camille stood in the kitchen, much to Julie’s surprise. She’d have figured Camille for a late sleeper. Camille was sipping coffee, dressed in a pair of silk lounging pajamas with a silk robe tied loosely at her slender waist. The woman already had makeup on. Did she get up and put it on first thing, then shower, get dressed, and put it on again?
Julie looked down at her t-shirt and shorts. The t-shirt had a red stain from the raspberry sauce she’d stuffed into a set of pastries. She’d barely had time to pull her hair back in a messy knot as she’d hurried out the door early this morning.
Julie reached to set the last tray on the counter and it tipped and dropped on the floor.
Camille screamed.
Julie looked down, silently giving thanks the tray had landed upright. Besides the pastries being a bit jumbled on the tray, they were okay.
“Goodness, Julie. What a klutz.”
Julie bent down to pick up the tray and set it back on the counter.
“What are you doing? We can’t serve those to Mama’s guests. They were on the floor.”
“Technically they were on the tray. The bottom of the tray was on the floor.”
“Really, Julie. Can’t you be the least bit professional? We can’t serve those.”
“Fine. I’ll go get another tray. You have plenty here to get started. It should take me about thirty minutes to be back with replacements.” She’d just take some from the counter at the bakery.
“You really should give Mama a discount after all the problems you’ve had.” Camille shook her head. “I warned her.”
Delbert stood by Camille’s side, sipping coffee but not offering up his opinion. If he had one. Maybe he always just let Camille have her way.
Julie clenched her fists and pasted on a smile. “I’ll be back.” She grabbed the tray of ruined pastries and headed out to the van.
She came back thirty minutes later as promised with new pastries, though she’d been tempted to just bring back the same ones on a new tray. People were milling about the kitchen now as Julie set the new tray of sweets on the counter.
“Julie, we have guests here now. Can you come back tomorrow for all your mess?”
“My mess?”
“The trays and things. I don’t want you clattering around the kitchen while our guests are here getting coffee and pastries to take out on the deck.”
“Fine. I’ll
come back tomorrow.” Because I have nothing better to do but make another trip back over here.
Camille dipped her chin with a you-are-excused nod.
Julie turned and walked out the kitchen door, conjuring up all her willpower to keep from slamming it behind her. She wasn’t sure that this catering gig had been worth it money-wise or sanity-wise, but then she did hope to get other business from this. Though she could only hope other people who hired her were easier to work with.
* * *
Reed stopped by the bakery at two o’clock, hoping to convince Julie to go out with him. Or stay in. Or anything she wanted, because all he wanted was to spend time with her. He pushed open the back door to the kitchen. Julie was sitting at the counter, sipping some tea.
“Reed.” Her face lit up in a smile and his heart did an answering skip-hop in his chest.
“Thought I might be able to convince you to go out with me. This afternoon. Tonight. Both.” A schoolboy grin spread across his face.
“I’m honestly too tired to do anything. It was some weekend.”
“Then how about I cook for you? Well, grill for you.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to.” He reached for her hand. “Let me do this, take care of you.”
“I’m pretty used to taking care of myself.”
“Humor me. It’s only one night.”
She lifted her face up and smiled. “Okay. One night. Because I wouldn’t want to get spoiled.”
He leaned down and pressed a kiss against those lips of hers. She reached up and wrapped an arm around his neck, and he pulled her to her feet and deepened the kiss. He pulled away from the kiss, but kept her wrapped in his arms. He could stand there holding her for the rest of his life.
He stepped back slightly and tilted her face up to his again. Just one more kiss. That’s all he needed.
But that kiss lead to two more.
Julie finally laughed and pulled away. “That’s not getting us anywhere, is it?”
“Oh, I assure you, it is. You in my arms is exactly where you should be.”
He looked closely at her eyes to see if he was moving too fast, scaring her away, but all he saw was a look of… what was that look? It looked dangerously close to a look of… caring. Of a promise of much more than friendship.
Anyway, friends didn’t kiss like this, did they?
He reached out and pulled her close to him once again. She tucked her face against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. He whispered as he held her tightly. “You feel so very right in my arms, I want to spend every minute possible with you.”
“I’d like that.” Her words were like the gentle drops of the first spring rain, bringing him back to life.
* * *
Reed did as he promised and made a delicious dinner, if he did say so himself. They went up to the widow’s walk after the meal and sat outside, watching the sky burst into brilliant colors as the sun slipped below the horizon. The stars came out and twinkled above them. They sat, simply holding hands and talking.
“How about we go to the beach tomorrow after the bakery closes?” Reed looked over at Julie.
“I could use a break after this busy weekend.”
“It’s settled then. I’ll come by about two?”
“How about I pick you up in the van and we’ll go to the beach at the end of the island. Should be quiet on a weekday afternoon.”
“Whatever you want works for me.” Whatever she did want, did work for him. He just wanted to spend time with her. Get to know her better. He already knew that look in her eyes when her mind was busy planning things, organizing her to-do list in her head. He knew a t-shirt with a clever saying was her shirt of choice. He knew she liked to walk at the water’s edge on beach walks, and that she knew the names of the constellations in the night sky. She liked sweet tea, hot coffee, and Willie’s basil-motonics. She had boundless energy in her bakery and endless patience with her customers.
What he didn’t know was exactly how she felt about him. She’d at least given him more chances than he deserved, and he was eternally grateful for that. She’d shown patience at his struggle with dealing with his past.
They both avoided talking about the future, the one where he’d have to head back to Seattle and resume his real life. They’d have to talk about it sometime. But not now. Not on this perfect night.
He looked over and saw her stifle a yawn.
“I should go. You’re tired after all you did this weekend.”
“I am a bit tired. But it’s such a lovely night.”
“We’ll have more nights. Ones where you aren’t so exhausted.” He stood up and held out his hand. She placed her hand in his and he pulled her to her feet… and into his arms. He couldn’t help it. He leaned down and kissed her gently.
She kissed him back and wound her arms around his waist. He pulled her close and kissed her again. She tucked her head against his chest and he could feel her heart beating against him.
This night. This moment. This woman. Everything seemed so perfect in this moment.
“I think I’m falling for you.” The words surprised him. He hadn’t meant to say them out loud. Not yet.
“I… I don’t know what to say.” Julie looked up at him, her green eyes wide with surprise.
“Listen, I know you have a right to be leery of me, to not trust me. I just want you to know that you’re… important to me. You feel so right in my arms. It seems so right to spend time with you.”
“I enjoy spending time with you, too, but I thought we were going to take things slowly?”
Reed could see the hesitation in her eyes and regretted his words. The last thing he wanted was to frighten her way. How had those words escaped, anyway? He was usually all in control and thought things through in advance. But this woman made him loosen his tightly controlled emotions.
“Ah, we did. And we are. I can give you all the time you need.”
Well, he could give her the rest of the month. Then they would have to make some decisions.
* * *
Julie walked Reed to the door and kissed him goodnight. A long, thorough goodnight kiss. A kiss that left her nerves jangled after he left. She climbed the stairs back up to the widow’s walk and sat alone in the darkness.
So many thoughts whirled through her mind. Tally talking about believing in soul mates. Reed’s kisses. Troy walking out on her after she’d finally trusted him. Then there was the whole foster care fiasco. She just didn’t think she was ready to trust again, to really believe someone was going to be there for her and stay. She needed more time, only Reed was just here for a few more weeks.
She sighed and stared up at the stars, drawing imaginary lines between them to make up the constellations. She’d really gotten herself into an impossible situation with Reed. She was afraid to truly trust him, but every moment away from him seemed… empty.
She was falling for him, too, not that she’d been able to admit that to Reed. Heck, she could barely admit it to herself.
She hugged her knees to her chest and searched for her answers in the night sky. The sky remained silent.
Chapter 19
Reed made sure to fill up every free moment Julie had the next couple of days, and she didn’t complain about it one bit. They walked the beach, grilled out dinners, and talked for hours on end. Oh, and kissed. Lots of kisses. Really good kisses. Great ones even.
She sat across the table from him in her tiny kitchen. They’d just raced back from a beach walk, barely outrunning the storm that was now howling around the cottage outside. The doorbell rang, and she got up from the table to answer it.
“Sheriff Dave, how are you? What brings you here? Come in out of the storm.” Julie held open the door to her cottage and invited the sheriff inside.
The sheriff stepped inside, dripping rain on the mat by her door. “Sorry about that.”
“No, it’s okay. Why don’t you come into the kitchen and have some hot tea? It’s
nasty out there today. Chilly and rainy.”
“I, uh.” Sheriff Dave shifted from foot to foot. “I need to speak with you. Official business.”
“Really? Well, can you talk officially with a nice hot cup of tea?”
“I’d rather not.”
The sheriff was acting strange and Julie sensed, rather than saw, that Reed had come up behind her.
Julie looked at Sheriff Dave. His normally friendly face was now carved with seriousness. The sheriff rarely had crucial things to deal with. A few parties gone out of control. Minor complaints of small thefts on the beach. Speeding on Gulf Avenue. A few fender benders. Their island was a pretty safe haven from the realities of the rest of the world.
Julie turned to Reed. “Reed, this is Sheriff Dave.”
Reed held out his hand and the sheriff paused before taking it. He withdrew from the handshake and looked at her, his eyes piercingly direct.
“I need to question you.”
“Me? About what?”
“I’ve had a complaint. There was a theft.”
“Really, who was robbed?”
“A theft from Mrs. Montgomery’s beach home.”
“Camille’s mother’s house? What does that have to do with me?”
“It appears that quite a bit of silver has gone missing from their home. Silver trays, a silver tea service, sterling silverware. Thousands of dollars’ worth.”
Julie’s forehead wrinkled. “I didn’t see anything unusual when I was there.”
“Camille said the items went missing the morning you came to pick up your trays and things from the event you catered at their home. She said their housekeeper let you in, but didn’t stick around to watch you load up.”
“And?” Her pulse quickened.
“And Camille thought you might be… uh… a person of interest.”
Julie’s heart pounded in her chest. Not again. Not now.
