by Mandy Baggot
‘Eventually. I don’t really know the details. Just that they used to argue about everything. And every time I would go to my bedroom and play with my farm set. Then one day she said goodbye like she always did before she went to work but that night … she didn’t come home.’ She sniffed. ‘My dad cried a lot for a few weeks and I watched Disney Channel. Then he got it together and we just carried on.’ She took a breath. ‘But after we took in Aldo I did start to wonder about her. Why she left. Was it because of me? What was out there for her that was more than a haulage business, a husband and a daughter.’
‘What did you do?’ Seth asked.
‘Nothing,’ Lara admitted. ‘I said I thought about looking for her. I finally made up my mind that she had made her choice, left a six-year-old with no contact whatsoever and I knew, no matter what her situation, I was never going to be able to forgive her for that. All those missed birthdays and school stuff and Christmases and just leaving for work like normal and not coming home. It’s too much.’
‘And that’s exactly why I never asked about my parents until now.’
‘Why now?’ Lara asked, elbows on the table.
Seth took a breath. ‘Because of this role. Because of Sam in A Soul’s Song.’
‘The part you want,’ Lara guessed.
‘Sam, he’s adopted, and he’s just found out because his adopted parents have just died. He’s married, and he and his wife can’t have kids so they’re wanting to adopt a child themselves, but the authorities ask him all these questions about himself and he doesn’t know any of the answers.’
‘So, what does he do?’ Lara asked.
She was leaning fully forward now, staring at him with an intense expression on her face, the candlelight casting her face in a warm glow. He leaned a little closer too, remembering the script and feeling that same twist of excitement entering his belly. ‘Well, he scours his parents’ home …’
‘Obviously,’ Lara replied.
‘And he finds these letters.’
‘To his parents? Who from?’
‘Well, I’m gonna be giving you spoilers here. Are you sure you wanna know? You might not wanna watch the movie if you already know the ending.’
‘Go on already!’
‘They’re official letters mentioning a guy called Mo Parker.’
‘That’s mysterious.’
‘Yeah. So, Sam tracks down this Mo Parker and he’s a real eccentric jazz musician.’ He took a breath. ‘I really wanna know who they’re getting lined up for that role.’
‘Come on! Get to the twist! Mo’s his dad, right?’
Seth nodded. ‘Yeah, Mo’s his dad and Sam realises that quite quickly. But he doesn’t tell Mo who he is.’ He paused, took a sip of his wine before carrying on. ‘So, Sam plays the drums, not professionally – he’s a horse groom by trade – and he auditions for a spot in Mo’s band, which he gets.’
‘Obviously.’
‘Yeah,’ Seth said, becoming more and more enthusiastic. ‘Anyway, he spends time with Mo and Mo eventually opens up about having a son, etc., etc., with the only woman he loved …’
‘Sam’s birth mother,’ Lara said, eyes wide. ‘Who is … a singer … one of the characters everyone thought was a bit part but is actually only in the movie because they are a big part.’
‘No,’ Seth said, deliberating stopping and waiting until Lara was moving in her chair, waiting for him to reveal all.
‘Tell me who it is!’ Lara begged.
‘Sam’s real mother … is his adopted mother!’
‘What?’
‘The mother who had raised him was his real mother. She was Mo’s girlfriend until her parents found out and banned her from seeing him, but then she was pregnant. They made her get the baby adopted. But, and this is the really cool, different part … she adopted the baby back. Her own baby after she got married to her husband.’
‘Is that even possible?’
‘I don’t know. I guess they’ve done their research. But it’s a great twist, isn’t it?’
‘And the film means a lot to you,’ Lara said.
She could see from his body language that this part wasn’t just a job or a chance to get his name a little larger on that silver screen, this meant far more than that. He was genuinely bubbling over with enthusiasm for the project.
‘Yeah,’ Seth said. ‘I really, really wanna play Sam. In some ways I am Sam. And I knew that the second I read the script. But without knowing who my mother was, it all felt a little bit incomplete.’
‘And now you know who she is …’
‘I think I could have done my audition better. I think I could have given Sam more than I did.’ He took a breath. ‘And I want the role more than ever.’
‘Be Sam,’ Lara urged, picking up the bottle of wine and pouring more in each of their glasses.
‘What?’
‘Be Sam, for me, now,’ she urged. ‘Do a practice. Give me the lines you read in the audition. Transform into a horse groom drummer right now.’ She smiled.
‘You see, he starts off as this quite ordinary guy, enjoying his life, knowing what he wants from it – his wife, children – and then he turns into this almost reckless guy in the pursuit of a truth he already half had.’
‘I want to see him,’ Lara ordered. ‘I demand you show me him.’
‘You’re crazy,’ Seth said.
‘I’m taking away your wine until I see Sam.’ She commandeered Seth’s glass to her side of the table.
He shook his head, but then took off his glasses, placing them on the table. Lara watched as he smoothed down his hair then closed his eyes briefly before adjusting his stance in the chair and looking at her again. Now he had changed into a totally different person, just like that.
‘I need to find my real parents.’
Lara swallowed. Was he expecting her to join in? She didn’t know the words.
‘How can I be a father if I don’t know where I really come from?’ Seth threw his hands up in the air. ‘How can I be a dad to someone, be a rock to someone, be anything to anyone unless I know who I am?’
Lara sat spellbound, completely caught up in the moment as Seth – becoming Sam – suddenly stood up and grabbed the glass of wine she had pulled away. ‘Look at this wine,’ he said at full volume. ‘How it clings to this glass? It’s so full-bodied, yet totally, completely dependent on what’s holding it up. Without the glass, without this glass, it would fall to the floor, spill … spatter … waste.’ He thumped the glass back down on the table in front of Lara, a dribble sloshing out onto the wood. ‘I’m the glass, Virginia, and I need to be the glass for our child. But I can’t do that until I know how I was put together. Because one day our child is gonna ask where he or she comes from and we are gonna be there with all the answers.’ He looked at Lara, tears forming in his eyes. ‘I need my truth. I need my answers.’
Lara just stared at him, watching as he smiled and turned back into Seth Hunt.
‘How was it?’ he asked.
Suddenly the entire restaurant erupted into applause, whooping and hollering as Seth put his hand on the back of his chair and prepared to sit back down. It shocked him. He stopped, turned a little to acknowledge them, dipping his head, almost embarrassed. He had no idea he had been being watched. He’d just got right into the heart of the moment.
‘I am so sorry,’ Seth said to Lara. ‘I should apologise to everyone for disturbing their meals.’
‘You will not,’ Lara ordered. ‘That was …’
There were tears in her eyes and it was only when he saw the emotion in her that he felt it flowing out of him. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and quickly retrieved his glasses.
‘It was potentially Oscar-worthy,’ a male voice spoke from just over his shoulder.
Seth turned around and came face to face with Toby Jackson. He felt his cheeks colouring up. He needed to step up, say the right things, this was the opportunity he’d been looking for.
Seth extended his hand. ‘Mr Jackso
n, sir, I’m Seth—’
‘I know who you are. And I’m also wondering why you’re performing a film that isn’t even in the works yet at a restaurant.’
‘Sir, I—’ What should he say? Had he potentially scuppered everything?
‘I made him do it,’ Lara got to her feet. ‘Hello, Mr Jackson. I’m Lara, from England, and I asked Seth to give me some lines from the film that means the most to him and he told me all about A Soul’s Song.’
She had whispered the title and was edging closer to Toby Jackson like she was about to divulge secret voting results from American Idol.
‘It sounds like the most fantastic movie. I can’t wait to watch it. Me and probably millions of other people, you know, if you pick the right actors …’
‘You didn’t make the call-back list,’ Toby Jackson said bluntly, addressing Seth. ‘But, after what I just heard and saw, I’m gonna put you right to the top of it.’
‘You are?’ Seth said.
‘Friday,’ Toby said, slapping a hand on his shoulder. ‘Ten a.m. Same venue.’ He made to walk away but stopped. ‘Just tell me one thing. Those lines about the wine glass … I don’t remember them from the script.’
Seth swallowed. ‘No, sir, I … made them up.’
Toby smiled then shook his head. ‘Goddamn.’ He pointed a finger. ‘Friday, ten a.m. Don’t be late.’
‘No, sir,’ Seth replied as Toby left to join his dinner companion.
He finally breathed fully, letting his lungs inflate then relax into an out breath of stabilisation. He felt like his heart was going to burst and when he looked at Lara she was still standing too, beaming at him.
‘You’ve got the role!’ she hissed excitedly, not that quietly.
‘Not quite yet,’ Seth said. ‘Did you know he was right there? Did you see him come in?’
Lara shook her head. ‘No! All anyone was looking at was you.’ She squealed. ‘You were amazing!’ She threw her arms around him and squeezed him tight. And it felt only natural to return the hug, drawing her body into his and holding on. He closed his eyes, feeling her unique energy filling him up, the scent of her – a little bit red wine, fresh winter air, peppermint – surrounding him. This was not meant to be happening but if he held on to her any longer this celebratory hug was going to be turning into something else entirely. As each microsecond ticked by, he found himself thinking about what it would feel like to draw her away from him and look into her eyes right now. How her full lips would feel if he put his thumb to them. How her warm breath might feel on his cheek. What it would be like to put his lips on hers. She was incomparable.
Then she stepped away, her face looking a little flushed, her eyes not meeting his. ‘Well … we should definitely have celebratory French coffee so I can … see what all the fuss is about.’ She dropped to her seat and picked up the menu.
Thirty
Hudson River Park
There was a fresh layer of snow on the ground and, as Lara walked, her eyes went across the rippling tidal river to the bright buildings displaying golds, reds, ice white and blue. Being here, by the water, with green space and benches and the slower pace of evening city life, it wasn’t like being in the middle of a vibrant, sprawling metropolis, it was quieter, calmer. She could almost imagine, in warm weather, New Yorkers lying on the grass banks, cool drinks their companions. There were still joggers, even at this time of night, and people walking their dogs, but everyone was wrapped up against the winter weather. It was still snowing, but lightly, with hardly a breath of wind, just enough to keep the temperature a shade above freezing. And she and Seth were walking in a companionable silence while she tried frantically not to think about the moment they had shared in Cafe Cluny.
The hug had felt so good, so warm and solid, yet soft and honest. A bit like Seth himself. He wasn’t one of these actors who adored their popularity, he was almost apologetic for it. He hadn’t performed in the restaurant because he’d wanted to be seen. He had acted because this role was running through him. And seeing him like that, sharing the scene and hearing together what Toby Jackson had said afterwards had been so special. So special, as he’d been holding her, she’d got lost in a daydream where he had taken her face in his hands and kissed her, hard and rough and slightly frenzied and then paused and done it all over again only softer, slower, almost tantric …
‘This is Pier 46,’ Seth announced. ‘It’s quiet. No playpark or food outlet, just the view and the artificial grass.’
‘I think the piers are really cool,’ Lara said quickly, displacing the daydream images. ‘We have them in England, but they stick out in the raging sea and have arcades on them, you know, where you shove a coin in the slots and try to win more than you put in.’
‘I have no idea,’ Seth admitted.
‘And some have really old theatres on them or fine-dining restaurants.’
‘And no artificial grass.’
‘No,’ Lara agreed. ‘But as they’re so old, the wooden planks are really decayed, and you can see the sea through the gaps.’ She smiled. ‘The last time we went to Bournemouth Aldo got his finger stuck between one of them and I had to waste some of my ice cream sticking it around his finger to get it to come out.’
‘Aldo sounds like a lot of fun,’ Seth answered, stepping from the main walkway onto the pier.
‘Yeah, he’s fun all right. Hard work sometimes. But mainly fun. Although not everyone sees that right away.’ She thought about how Dan was with her almost-brother. He often treated Aldo like a child. She knew that Aldo was different, but no kind of different should be mocked.
‘Sometimes it takes a while for people to understand something or someone extraordinary,’ Seth stated, putting his hands into the pockets of his coat.
Extraordinary. He had called Aldo ‘extraordinary’ as if he was special in the best of ways. She looked across at Seth and he turned to her, those eyes finding hers and suddenly all the kissing daydreams were well and truly back.
‘And you tell me he can drive a truck too. That’s pretty impressive,’ Seth replied.
‘It took him a little while to learn,’ Lara admitted. ‘I had to call the pedals after animals to get him to get it together.’
‘No!’ Seth exclaimed with a laugh. ‘What’s the gas pedal called? Cow?’
‘No, Cow is for clutch, obviously. Bat is for brake and Ant is for accelerator. And I had to use gorilla for gearstick at the beginning, but he’s been weaned off that now. It got a bit much saying, “Cow down, shift the gorilla into first and go easy on the ant.”’
Seth laughed, a deep, genuine sound that made Lara think of dark, yet deliciously creamy, mocha-infused hot chocolate. She shivered. It was all New York’s fault with its film-like setting and the Christmassy vibe to go with it.
‘I’m sorry,’ Seth said. ‘It’s just, I can really imagine you saying that.’
‘And what is that supposed to mean?’
‘That you have this way about you that’s so … unique.’
‘That’s what people say when they don’t like something,’ Lara said, sniffing. ‘Susie says it all the time when she looks at hair magazines. She’s probably saying that right now at the hair show. “Oh, David, look at that woman’s hair. It’s so … unique.”’
‘I think it’s pretty awesome,’ he told her. ‘I think you’re pretty awesome.’
Lara suddenly felt light-headed. She didn’t need him saying things like that when she was having fantasies about his kissing technique and they were strolling the deck-boards like a couple on a date.
‘So, tell me about Dan. I think, given that I am now a small part of your New York adventure without him, I need to know what he’s like. Find out more about the man who has Lemur Girl’s attention.’
Now she felt sick. Because the new truth was Dan had classified himself single and was about to embark on a trip to Scotland with Cleavage Chloe and every time she thought about him lately it made her angry and sad all at the same time.
‘H
e’s not quite as tall as you,’ Lara blurted out. ‘He has dark hair, shorter than yours and he sells hot tubs.’
‘OK,’ Seth replied.
‘His parents emigrated to Spain, so he doesn’t see them, and he doesn’t have any brothers or sisters. I think that’s why he struggles a bit with Aldo. He’s not the best space sharer.’
‘So, tell me where you met,’ Seth asked.
‘I delivered some spa chemicals to his warehouse,’ Lara said as they arrived at the end of the pier. She took in a lungful of the cold night air. ‘One of the other guys there made a derogatory comment about women driving trucks and … I punched him.’
‘Whoa!’
‘It was a few years ago now. I’m much more mature these days.’
‘I kinda wish I had seen it.’
Lara smiled. ‘Dan asked me if I wanted to go out for a drink sometime, I said yes and that was that.’
‘And he’s the love of your life,’ Seth commented, putting his fingers to the metalwork.
She had thought he was. But perhaps, like with Appleshaw, she only felt that way because she hadn’t seen anything else, hadn’t been anywhere else to meet anyone else …
‘Are you going out with anyone?’ Lara asked, looking at Seth. ‘I mean, dating anyone?’
‘No,’ Seth replied with a smile. ‘It’s not much fun dating an actor. We’re either working away for months on end or we’re out of work and not knowing what to do until we get the next part.’
‘But has there been anyone you thought was the love of your life?’ Lara asked.
Seth blew out a breath as he looked across the water. ‘I’ll be honest with you,’ he said. ‘No.’
‘But you’ve had girlfriends … or boyfriends?’ She put her hands to her face, eyes wide. ‘God, I should not assume that just because you played a hospital lothario who chased women that you’re straight. I mean pansexual is in, right? Although Susie said something about a girl with kettle bells and—’
‘Girlfriends,’ Seth interrupted. ‘Most definitely girls. But just not the right girl.’ Saying those words started a whirlpool in his stomach and he was back to remembering their embrace at Cafe Cluny. She was involved with someone.
