“Why not?” Her tone was so warm, so concerned, that had to be why I said what I did next.
“Because part of it’s my fault. Most of it, in fact. He gave up a lot for me and I took more in return. I was an ungrateful shit.” I let out a long breath. There. I’d said it.
“I think it’s natural to feel guilty. I don’t know the story, but you’re not the type to let someone suffer because of what you did.”
She was right. She didn’t know the story. “It’s something I have to live with for the rest of my life, and it’s something that Adam’s living with every day.”
Kendall’s brows were drawn. She looks so earnest on my behalf, it was clear what a good person she was. I hadn’t had the chance to get to know many Kendalls. “As the oldest, I can say that whatever happened, I doubt he blames you. You’re here, healthy, and happy. That’s the most important thing.”
I wanted to believe her, but I concentrated on the flickers of flames to keep from crying.
“Have you been able to talk to anyone about it?”
The question wasn’t humorous but it made me chuckle. “I know this is going to surprise you, but I don’t have many friends.”
“That does surprise me. Kate asked how you were doing. Did she ever get your number?”
That news surprised me. But then if I was going to marry into the family, Kate and I would be sisters-in-law. “I didn’t have a chance to talk to her much. She seemed really nice.”
Kendall’s enthusiastic nod confirmed how nice Kate actually was. If she got that type of reaction from someone like Kendall, then she must walk around with a halo. “If you want to talk about gripes with brothers, mine is with Aiden. She’s a gem and he doesn’t know her value.”
I didn’t know Aiden or Kate very well, but I had been watching people my whole life. Others might feel that way about Aiden’s behavior toward Kate, but I saw more. “Maybe with you helping out at the office, he can spare some attention for his private life. He seems like a guy driven by expectations.”
“He does work really hard. He’s always working.” She wrinkled her nose. “I feel like shit now.”
“I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. Catering was one of my jobs. Waiting on people was my main priority, but anticipating their needs was another. We catered to a lot of affluent clients. I’ve seen people treat their spouses like they don’t mean more than used toilet paper. At first glance, that’s what I thought of Aiden, but I think there’s more.”
She sighed and rested her head in her hand, propping her elbow on the arm of the chair. “I’m glad we had this talk. Gentry is worried sick about all his boys and I try not to stress him out even more with my own concerns, but maybe I’m worrying too much.” She chugged the rest of her wine until she’d drained the glass. “Anyway, I don’t want to put my stressors on you.”
“Friends talk. Or so I’ve heard.”
She still had her glass in hand, but she scooted to the edge of her chair. “Well since you and Beckett are going to get married soon, you can call me Mumsie.” Her smile was pure mischief. “I can’t wait for the next family reunion, when I get to introduce Gentry’s sons as my boys.”
The image of a beaming Kendall showing off pictures of four grown men was hilarious. I could see her committing to the part and gushing about how well behaved the boys were and how good they were in school. “I want to hear all about it.”
The guys came pouring in, a cold draft following in their wake.
My pulse fluttered when my gaze landed on Beckett. He had his cowboy hat on, his cheeks were pink from the bite in the air, and he was back in his boots. The beige coat he wore was similar to Dawson’s. It must be some sort of Western workwear brand.
Dawson and Gentry took off their coats and gloves, but Beckett stayed dressed. “Want to go for a drive?”
I sucked in a breath. That was code for going out and fucking in his truck, which we’d done often, but that was after everyone was asleep.
Dawson snickered. “Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?”
Beckett scowled at his brother. “To look at the stars. They’re gorgeous this time of year. They look like they’re so close you can touch them.”
“He has a point.” Gentry hung his hat on a peg by the front door. No matter how much I looked at him, I couldn’t believe he’d just turned fifty. He could make millions off his skin regimen alone. “January and February are more spectacular. It’s your reward for tolerating the cold in order to see them.”
“You talked me into it.” I left the warmth of the chair and the fire to get bundled in my coat and boots. A chill cascaded over my body, but Beckett would be warming me up soon enough.
I scurried into the big pickup that was becoming my favorite ride and not just because of the sex we’d had in it. I felt like I could relax inside of it and be me.
Beckett took his usual route out to the pasture, plowing through snowdrifts. I peered at the snow, worried we’d get stuck, but there wasn’t enough to bog down the ride. Another ride, yes, but not this one.
He looked at me and my gut clenched at his hard profile in the dashboard lights. “You seem more relaxed than earlier this week.”
“I needed to get away.”
“Anytime, just say the word.” He stopped at the top of the hill, but he didn’t kill the engine. Heat continued to fill the cab, but he killed the lights.
This routine was comfortable. And so familiar. Doing anything with him was. I knew the flight crew and when their kids or grandkids had dance recitals. Rick’s son was in hockey and he sent me videos his ex had taken of the boy playing. Then there was sleeping at Beckett’s. With him and the cats in the house, and the fireplace going, it felt comfortable. And homey. To a level that exceeded my drab apartment.
Adam and I existed in that place. It wasn’t our home. It’s where we survived.
“What are you thinking about?” His tone was soft, concerned.
I had to be honest. “This engagement isn’t so fake anymore, is it.”
His expression didn’t change, but he gave his head a little shake. “No.”
“I told you it’d get confusing for us.”
“Does it have to be?”
The next words spilled out of me. “My brother has done time.”
“Like jail?”
I nodded and I couldn’t look at Beckett. “He was found guilty of petty theft and breaking and entering.”
He worked over my confession. “And he was in jail?”
“For a year. I had to drop out of school to keep our place, and then when we thought we were going to get back on our feet… Well, he was self-employed and it didn’t work out.” I was a fucking coward. Did I think that if I told Beckett sections of the story over the next few months that it’d be better? Obviously, I did because I didn’t tell him the rest. “Then depression took him out like a wrecking ball and I kept working.” And then I met Beckett.
“What’d he do?”
“He didn’t do anything.” Just say it! But it was all I could admit to.
“And you believe him.”
“I know it,” I whispered.
He considered me for a moment. “So he did time for a crime he didn’t commit and then couldn’t get his business off the ground?”
I nodded, a lump stuck in my throat, afraid I’d tell him everything and be flying home within the hour.
He took my hand and pulled it across the seat to him. “No wonder he’s having a hard time. And no wonder you’ve kept your private life so private. You were afraid I’d treat you like a contract and walk away as soon as I found out about your brother.”
Tears that I hadn’t realized were gathered in my eyes streamed down my cheeks and I started shaking. How hard was it to be honest?
Impossible. Because I didn’t want to lose Beckett. The guy who had been the villain in my story for so long was my Prince Charming now. Just like when I’d stolen that jewelry, I was greedy, looking out for myself. Only this time I c
ared who I hurt.
But we’d made it over this hurdle. Surely we could overcome the next one. The one where I told Beckett everything.
I’d been away for a solid week. Coming back into the apartment was a jolt back to reality.
Despite the late-afternoon sun and crisp, fresh air outside, the air inside was stale. Adam wore the same clothing I’d left him in and had built up a good scruff. So he wasn’t shaving now. I slipped out of my boots.
He glanced over at me, my sudden entrance leaving him unfazed. “And she returns. How was the private jet and the ranch?”
“Good.” Really good. I hadn’t wanted to leave. The thought of sleeping on my thin twin mattress all alone was as unappealing as the rotting sandwich someone had thrown on the sidewalk outside of our complex. “Have you been eating?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yes, Mother.”
The continuous clicking of the console was annoying. “When did you bathe last?”
“That would be none of your business.” He kept his gaze on the TV, the glow giving him a nice cadaverous pallor. How much more weight had he lost this last month? Six weeks ago, when I’d met Beckett, I’d thought the extra money would help Adam.
I was a fool. It wasn’t money he needed. And I had to quit coddling him. “You need help.” Taking out my phone, I plopped on the couch next to him and started scrolling. “We’re making an appointment.”
He jerked his head at me, his stare incredulous. “What the hell are you talking about? I said I’d do it.”
I gave him a steady look in return. “Have you?”
His jaw muscles flexed. I could see them way too clearly since his body fat was dropping.
“I think you should consider in-patient therapy.”
“In-patient—” he sputtered. “You go away for a week with your boyfriend and you want to commit me? Are you trying to get me out of the picture so you can run off with him and not feel guilty?”
His words hit too close to home, but I’d replayed this conversation in my head on the flight back. Beckett had sensed I needed space and I took it. “I love you, Adam. You’re everything to me. If I lose you too, I’ll have no one.”
“Except your rich boyfriend.” He glared at the TV screen.
“Beckett isn’t my brother. Only you are and you’re killing yourself.”
“Because of your boyfriend,” he hissed.
“Because of me!” I shouted, then drew back. We never talked about what he’d done for me.
His jaw worked but he didn’t say anything at first. “I should’ve been around for you more.”
“You gave up everything to raise me. You dropped out of college and then kept working so I could go.”
He shook his head. “I was so wrapped up in designing my own programs that I ignored who you were hanging out with, and what you were doing.” The hand clutching the controller went limp, his precious device tumbling to the ground. “I was being selfish.”
I scooted closer. When was the last time we’d hugged? “I was the selfish one. I was old enough to know better.”
“You were only nineteen.”
“You weren’t much older when you had to finish raising me.”
He released a long exhale and dropped his head on the back of the couch. “I don’t want to be like this.”
“I know you’re capable of so much. I know you’re not worthless.”
He stared at the ceiling, his gaze fixated on a water spot. “Find whoever has the earliest opening and get me in.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I swear to God, Eva, I would’ve done it but I’m tired. I’m always so tired.”
I squeezed his hand. “We’ll find out what’s going on. I’m not going anywhere.”
While I was looking through listings, he watched me. “Did you tell him?”
My search stalled. “Not all of it. I said that you’d been in jail, but that you were innocent.”
The corner of his mouth lifted, but there was no humor in the move. “You’re missing some important details there.”
“I know. I don’t want to lose him, Adam.” I couldn’t look for another number through the fucking tears. Were all my repressed emotions coming back to haunt me this week?
“You won’t. If he’s foolish enough to let something like that scare him off, then he’s the worthless one. Not you.”
I appreciated his confidence, but sex only went so far and he could find an assistant that’d do just as well or better than me. What could I offer Beckett that’d be enough to put his mother’s ghost to rest?
Chapter 20
Beckett
The entire week was going to be spent in the office. The way Eva had been so quiet on the flight home convinced me she needed time at home. I had asked her to keep business trips off the schedule through Christmas. Holidays were harder when parents had been taken away. I didn’t want to be the reason she left her brother at this time of year.
But we did have a date tonight. She didn’t know where we were going, but I was pretty proud of myself for this one. And then she was coming over to see the cats. Since she’d shared her feelings the night we were in the pasture, I wanted to share my own.
I logged out of everything and rose. Had she been watching the clock as much as I had? When I got out to the main area, she had shut down everything.
“Ready?”
“For the surprise date? Of course.” Her hair was styled with a peak off to the side. One of my favorite looks, but they all were. Along with her outfits. Today, she was in maroon skinny pants and a fitted but fluffy white sweater. And those boots. Damn. Maybe it was the cowboy in me, but when she wore boots up to her knees, I was a goner.
Rick had the night off. I’d take her home when she was ready. No pressure to sleep over. Her brother needed her.
After we got settled in my car, she cut the silence. “Adam has an appointment. He’s on board with getting help.”
“Tough love?” I pulled out of the parking garage and into traffic. I’d never been to where our date was taking place, but I’d memorized the route. Couldn’t have the GPS spoiling the surprise.
“A long talk.” She peered out her window, her head tucked into the collar of her coat like the cutest turtle ever. “Where are we going?”
“Did I mention that it’s a surprise?”
She chuckled. “I’m okay with a surprise.”
“Hey, I was thinking…after Christmas, do you want to go on a getaway that doesn’t revolve around my family?”
“I love your family, but what are you thinking?”
I hadn’t realized how important it was to me that she got along with my dad and brothers. More than that, she liked them and they liked her. This woman was quickly becoming my world and it was about time I told her. “My cabin.”
Her eyes went wide and she faced me. “The one in the mountains?”
I went there about once a year and had been thinking about selling it. Until meeting Eva. I couldn’t wait to get her alone there. “That’s the only cabin I have. Believe it or not.”
“Wow.” She reclined back. “That would be amazing. What do you even do out there?”
“Have sex.”
She laughed. “Okay, I should’ve guessed.”
“In the outdoor hot tub.”
Her delighted gasp was worth it. “I’ve only seen those on TV.”
“We can ski too. The lodge isn’t far.”
“I don’t know how to ski.”
I grinned. “You’ll be the cutest newbie on the bunny hill.”
“I bet you do, like, black diamonds and shit.”
“When you grow up with three brothers, there’s always competition. Xander broke his leg when he was fifteen. I goaded him into snowboarding a blue diamond before he was ready.”
“You don’t sound guilty.”
I laughed. It’d been so long since I’d remembered the stupid crap we’d pulled as kids. “The previous year, I’d gotten a concussion from one of his bets. Dad almost didn’t let us go skiing
again.”
She giggled. “Your poor dad.” Delight brightened her features. “Look, there’s the observatory. Have you ever been there?”
“Not until tonight.”
The city shone in her eyes as she gaped at me. “That’s our date?”
“Open house. I didn’t want it to be so last minute, but I had to wait to see how cloudy it’d be. We get to see the stars up close.” I pulled into the lot. “But I doubt we can have sex there.”
For the next few hours, I was happy to let her take the lead, but I was just as interested. Never in my life had I thought I would be thrilled to spend an evening with a woman just looking at giant telescopes and a close-up of the moon. We pored through the history of the observatory, and when we left, Eva’s smile made me think we had to do this a few times a year.
I was thinking long-term with her. This engagement was no longer fake. I wanted to do everything to ensure that when she said “I do,” she meant it. And that when the year was up, she wouldn’t want to pocket her fifty million and bail. She was who I wanted my life to revolve around.
Who was I kidding? It already did.
“I can’t believe how much they’ve grown in just a week.” Eva was planted on the floor with two kittens in her lap.
Kitty had started our visit out by shifting around me, never quite touching, but I’d gotten a few pets in. She was a sucker for treats. Now, she was on my lap, purring up a storm.
“I think Lois spoils them.” My housekeeper was on board with socializing them and it appeared she was doing a stellar job.
“She should add cat socializing to her resume. This is crazy.” Eva nuzzled one cat and set it down, picking up another. Her stomach rumbled and she giggled. “I guess I’m ready for those breadsticks.”
We said our goodnights to the cats and then washed up.
“I hope you don’t mind beer cheese and breadsticks again.” The moan she made when biting into a breadstick always went straight to my dick, and I wanted more of it. We’d have it every night if it were up to me.
King's Ransom (Oil Kings Book 2) Page 18
