Lycos slowly turned and focused on her. No, he hadn’t lost any of his intensity. Being happy had just masked it. “Why? I’m no longer a Shadow.”
“Yeah, I know that. There are baby Shadows in the pipeline, and a few old friends still working. I have no idea why Anubis wants to talk to you.” She shrugged. “Not my monkey, not my zoo.”
“So, your husband, he’s treating you well?” Lycos crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her.
“Why? You going to pretend to get all protective of me?” That thought actually made her chuckle.
Lycos threw back his head and laughed. “Fuck, no. I figure if he’s not treating you well he’s as good as dead. But, it would really suck if Ethan’s brother ended up pushing daisies. You know what I mean?”
She lifted a shoulder. “Meh, he has his days, but that man, he’s fucking perfect for me.”
“I can tell. You’re looking good, Miho.” Lycos dropped his arm around her shoulder. “So, lead me to the barn. I have a feeling before this trip is over, Ethan will be asking for cows and horses.”
“Well, it’s not like you don’t have enough room on that mountaintop.” She shrugged into her coat as they walked.
“A mountaintop isn’t a place to raise horses or cows.”
“One could say that a mountaintop isn’t a place to raise a family, period, but you made it work.” She bumped into him with her shoulder.
"Does your husband know about us?"
"No. Bethanie?"
"She does, but she knows it’s over. Are you going to tell him?"
She shook her head. "We've agreed that our past stays in our past. Keeps the demons at bay."
Lycos stopped at the barn door and stared into the vast South Dakota sky. "I expect someday our demons and our actions will come back to haunt us."
She snorted. "I'll just fuck those demons up so bad they'll whimper and hide in the closet again. You can't let the past interfere with the present or the future."
"Who said the past can't come back to become our future?" Ryan leaned against the barn door, and a smile spread across his face as he watched Ethan stroking the nose of one of the many horses hanging its head over the stall doors.
"I do. Our past is dead. Gone. Especially yours." She nodded toward the people huddled around Ethan. "That's your future."
Lycos shifted his gaze toward her.
She saw the hesitancy to accept the goodness fate had placed in his path. They moved into the barn, toward their family. A mental smile burst across her thoughts. Lycos would get there. He'd figure out this life was permanent. She recognized the look he'd given her. The one that said he was afraid to believe all of this was real. Well, she’d blazed through that hesitancy because she’d felt what he must be feeling. Lived with it. When your life changes radically, catching up with 'normal' isn't easy. Especially for the likes of them.
Chapter 8
Keelee held her mother’s letter in one hand and a glass of Chardonnay clenched in the other. It had been a long time since she’d needed liquid courage. She stared at her mom’s writing on the front of the envelope. It was fluid and graceful and beautiful. Just like her mom had been. Keelee remembered her mom, probably better than Tori did. Her mom was a girl’s girl. She could remember her mom painting her fingernails, and she never went outside without her makeup on or her hair fixed. Getting dirty was always met with disdain. Her eyes rose to the fireplace in front of her. Why would she recall that? She chuckled to herself. Who was she kidding? She remembered it because when she was little, she was always dirty. God, she was such a tomboy and a daddy’s girl. She was sure she was somewhat of a disappointment to her mother.
One thing she remembered clearly was her mother wasn’t a happy person. She racked her mind desperately to recall why she knew that, but she couldn’t put a finger on it. It was just a sense, a child’s impression. Perhaps it was fabricated or had been augmented in time. Her father had never spoken a bad word about their mom.
She raised her thumbnail to her mouth and chewed on it. For the longest time, she thought her father would never marry again. Hell, he didn’t leave the ranch. Who was he going to fall in love with?
Amanda was remarkable. She’d accepted Keelee and Tori as one of her own without trying to replace anything that reminded the family of their mom. Her dad had chosen well.
Adam padded into the living room. His stocking clad feet made little noise on the hardwood floor. “She’s asleep. It wasn’t a struggle tonight; Jasmine and Chad wore all the kids out. I think two or three were asleep before the trucks made it back from their ranch.” He stopped by the small bar and poured himself a whiskey before he sat down beside her. “She loves playing with her cousins.”
She settled against Adam’s chest. His hand carded through her hair, and she leaned into his caress.
“You don’t have to read this.” Adam tapped the envelope in her hand.
She shrugged. “I know. I just can’t help feeling like a piece of me is suddenly missing. Whatever is in this envelope is either going to fit that missing piece or make that damn hole bigger. I feel… removed? It’s almost like I’m talking about someone else.” She shook her head before she glanced at her husband.
Adam leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Whenever you’re ready.”
She handed him her wine glass to hold. She carefully tore the side of the envelope after shaking the paper inside away from the edge. With care, she slid the single sheet of paper out, unfolded it, and began to read out loud.
My dearest Keelee,
You’re receiving this letter a little later than I would have chosen to deliver it to you. But I couldn’t in good conscience give you your letter any earlier than I did Victoria. She will be eighteen now and able to make her own decisions, which makes you almost twenty. I would wager almost anything that you are a fine rancher and a dedicated, loving daughter. You adore the ranch, the animals, and everything outdoors. We had so little in common. I'm laughing at a particular memory. I wish I could have enjoyed making those mud pies with you, my sweet baby girl.
Keelee teared up at the memory. She smiled at Adam. “I poured an entire bucket of water in the dirt in the middle of the corral and made stacks of mud pies. I was so proud of my ‘cooking’. I ran to the house, through the kitchen, and upstairs in search of Mom to show her. The look on her face was one I’ll never forget. She was mortified. She changed my bathwater four times. I was a prune by the time she deemed me clean.”
Keelee returned to the letter and found her place again.
First, let me say that I love you. I have always loved and will always love you. The unhappiness I know you sensed in me has nothing to do with you or your sister. Before I met your father, I was engaged. For a multitude of reasons, his parents forbade the union. We broke up and that’s when I met your father. His kindness and gentle nature healed so many of my emotional wounds. I’m sure you’ve been told by now we had to get married because I became pregnant with you. Your father loves me, and I love him, but my love for him isn't what it should be.
I contacted Richard, my ex-fiancé. Why? Because each day here at the ranch, I die a little bit more. This isolated life isn’t for me. I tried. God knows I tried. As fate would have it, Richard’s parents have passed away while I've been here on the ranch. He told me he'd been looking for me. He says he loves me, and he still wants a life with me.
Oh, sweet baby, I pray someday you find the kind of love I share with Richard. That’s why I left. I wanted a life with a man I love with all my heart, not just a part of it. Your father deserves so much better than a tepid love from a woman who has given her heart to another man.
The kindest thing I can do is remove myself from your lives. I plan on keeping in contact with your father. I’ll give him a telephone number for you to contact me. I understand if you choose not to make that call.
Promise me something? Even though I have no right to ask it of you, please baby, don’t try to make this better. I know you. You’re
such a sensitive, sweet girl, and your first thoughts will be to protect your father and sister. Tori is stronger than you realize, and your father is a wonderful man. I wouldn’t have left you with him if he wasn’t. They can shoulder this. It isn't your responsibility to fix what I’ve done.
I look forward to talking to you now that you’re an adult. Hopefully, you can forgive me for being selfish and looking for my own happiness. Perhaps one day you’ll understand what it means to love someone with all your heart.
Mom
Keelee fell back into the couch. She blinked at the letter in her hands. “She wrote these letters because she was leaving us.”
Adam’s arm went around her shoulder and tucked her closer to him. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to. His presence was enough.
Keelee lifted the letter and read it once again. She didn’t feel anything. Why didn’t she feel anything? She turned toward Adam. “I should be mad, right?”
“Why?” Adam stroked her cheek with his hand. It was cold from the drink he'd placed on the table.
“She’s right, you know? I am worried about what Dad and Tori are feeling right now. I mean I loved my mom, but she’s been gone… forever. This letter? It doesn’t mean a damn thing. It doesn’t change the way I grew up. It will never negate how much love I have for Dad or Tori. If she had lived and I got this when I turned twenty… Yeah, I probably would never have called her. Not because I’m mad, because I’m not, but because she doesn’t matter. Does that make me a horrible person?”
“No. What that makes you is a realist. You approach life the way your father taught you. You live in the moment. You enjoy your life. You love unconditionally, and you press forward. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your feelings. You’re a beautiful woman—inside and out.” Adam leaned over and took her lips with his. He teased her mouth open with his tongue. They parted after several moments. “I love you."
"Yeah?" Keelee teased and wiggled her eyebrows at him. "Lizzy is asleep."
"Oh, Mrs. Cassidy, I like the way you're thinking." Adam stood and extended his hand to her. She grabbed it and let him pull her up. He enveloped her in his embrace.
God, he still made her feel so safe and beautiful. Her eyes fell on the letter she'd left on the couch. Yes, she'd found the everlasting, soul mate, kind of love. A chord of regret resonated through her. Her mom would have loved Adam and Lizzy, but she never would have met either of them.
Chapter 9
Ethan walked along the snow-covered ground with the two men his mother had recently told him they were coming to visit. The road trip from their mountaintop was exciting, until it got boring. His mom and dad had stopped frequently to look at sites and read the signs beside the road. Which was kinda cool, but after a while all the signs sounded the same. When they turned down the gravel road to this ranch, he was so excited and a little scared. There were thousands of cows, and a bunch of horses up by the barn. He saw dogs around the barn too.
That was all cool, but what was extra was the fact he got to meet his brothers. Only they were all grown up. He was hoping for someone around his age. Still, they seemed as excited to meet him as he was to meet them. And they were big. Tall like Harvey was. Ethan didn’t think about the man as his father anymore. He had a dad. Harvey wasn’t that man.
His mom called him over. He wasn’t quite sure what to do so he slipped a bit closer to her. His dad was talking to the other woman. A dog walked up to him wagging its bushy tail. He held out his fingers so it could smell him.
“That’s Lady, she’s my father’s dog,” one of his brothers said. Ethan wasn’t sure whether it was Dixon or Drake.
Ethan stopped and put his hand on the collie’s head. She was a beautiful dog. He looked up at both of his brothers and narrowed his eyes. “You don’t mean Harvey, do you?”
His brothers looked at each other. One shrugged and the other shoved his hands into his pockets. He glanced at Ethan’s mom.
She had a worried look. He hadn’t seen that in a while. Ethan crossed his arms over his chest. “Well?”
“Dude, I’m gonna tell it to you straight. Harvey Simmons may have been our biological sperm donor, but he was never a father to us. We were adopted as adults by the man we consider our father, Frank Marshall. You’ll meet him soon; this is his ranch. He’s one of the best men we’ve ever met.” The guy rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry if that bothers you, but I can’t change it.”
“My dad is over there.” He pointed to Ryan. “Harvey Simmons was an ass– err… jerk, he was evil, and he hurt my mom, although she tried to hide it from me.” Ethan stroked the collie’s head and shrugged. “He’s dead. My mom’s happy. I’m happy, and I take it Harvey Simmons being six feet under doesn’t bother you too much either.”
One of his brothers, the one holding the taller woman’s hand chuckled. “You speak your mind, don’t you, little guy?”
Ethan narrowed his eyes again and shook his head. “I’m not a little guy, I’m young, yeah, but I’m old enough to know the facts, to make decisions based on those facts, and have an input into my life.” He looked up at his mom and smiled. “My dad, Ryan, taught me that. We don’t treat people like they’re ignorant until they prove themselves ignorant.”
“Well, shit, looks like your dad, Ryan, is a straight shooter, too.” His brother motioned into the barn. “How about we check out some of the horses? Maybe go for a ride and visit some?”
Ethan spun to look at his mom. “May I, please? I promise to listen and to be careful.”
His mom’s eyes got big, but she smiled. She was nervous. He could tell by the way she kept glancing at the barn.
“I’ll ask Ryan to come with us. I know you’re afraid of horses.”
“You’re afraid of horses?" The lady who was with his brothers and had handed out gloves and hats asked.
“Yeah, I am. The horses in Central Park terrified me. Let’s just say I’m glad those animals are behind very large fences here.” His mom waved at the wooden fences.
The woman laughed and stuck out her hand. “In case you didn’t catch it before, my name is Jillian. I’m married to Drake. I don’t care to ride, and I agree, horses are great on that side of the fence. Anything that big, I give a wide berth. When they get ready to go out for a ride, I’ll take you up to the big house and introduce you to the rest of the family.”
Ethan glanced between the two women. He liked the lady, Jillian, and liked that she was being nice to his mom.
His mother shook hands with her and smiled. He could tell she was grateful to have someone else who didn’t like horses. Not that he could figure out why. Horses were awesome. He followed his new brothers into the barn and stopped beside them in front of a stall.
“Have you ever ridden a horse before?” The short brunette standing with his dad kept eyeing this brother, so that made him Dixon.
“No, but I really want to.” He reached up slowly and touched the velvet soft nose of the horse hanging his head over the stall door.
“This old girl is the matriarch of the bunch. Her name is Charmin. She's really old. We don’t ride her anymore. We just give her a good life, lots of oats and plenty of brushing. The horse next to her is Peaches. She's is a good starter horse, nice and gentle. Would you like to ride her?” His other brother spoke. He guessed it was Drake.
Ethan caught Ryan’s attention. “Dad! Dixon and Drake said they’d take us for a horseback ride. You want to come, right?”
His dad and the other lady walked up to the stall where they’d stopped. His father lifted a hand and stroked the neck of Charmin. “Sure. I’d like to see some of the ranch.”
"Yay!" Ethan spun and looked at his brothers. "Can we go now?"
Dixon helped his little brother saddle his horse. The kid was pretty amazing. He wanted to do everything by himself and asked a thousand different questions about each piece of tack they used. It was as if Talon and Reese had morphed into one person. He couldn't wait until Ethan met the rest of the chi
ldren. Granted, he was a couple years older, but he had a feeling Ethan, Reece and Talon could have some serious fun exploring the ranch. Good thing both of the younger boys knew what they could and couldn't do and were damn good at following the rules. Ethan had a sense of wonder about him that was amazing and sad at the same time. He wondered what his father had done to the kid. He prayed Ethan was spared the torture he and Drake had endured. Harvey was a sick bastard. He glanced at Bethanie. His heart bled for the woman. He was certain she'd lived through hell.
Dixon mounted and glanced at the people in the barn. Drake, Jillian, Ryan, Bethanie and lastly Joy… each one was a survivor. They'd made it through personal tribulations and were stronger for it. Granted, some had survived things the others would never know or understand, but they were survivors nonetheless.
He watched Ethan’s ‘father’ help him up into the saddle. Dixon had observed Ryan saddle his own horse. He was proficient. Hell, he was very familiar with horses and handled them in a casual, confident manner.
Dixon chuckled at his twin. Drake was beside himself he was so damn happy. Family meant the world to Drake. He was the nurturer of the two of them. Drake and Ethan rode out of the barn. Drake was showing Ethan how to hold his feet, toes on the stirrup bar, so he could kick out if needed. Ethan mimicked Drake, holding the reins in one hand and lowering his hand so as not to pull on his horse's mouth. The kid was sharp. He and Ryan fell in behind them. As expected, Drake veered to the east. That route would take them through the solar and wind farms. A curious mind like Ethan’s would eat up the information Drake spouted. Probably with too many big-ass words attached to the explanation, too.
Dixon glanced at Ryan. “Joy said you worked for Guardian.”
Passages (The Kings of Guardian Book 13) Page 6
