“What about my self-respect?” Nadia countered. “Do you realize what an ass I’d look like? My husband had the most publicized affair in recent history, has a child with someone else, and I take him back? Everyone would think I’m an idiot.”
“No, they’d think you love him. And who cares what people think? Do you really give a damn about that? Nadia, if you love him, you have to think about it, for your sake, not just his.”
“He has to be held accountable,” Nadia said insistently. She had gotten tougher since it happened. It had made her stronger, which wasn’t such a bad thing. And more decisive. She wasn’t as soft and shy and accommodating as she’d been before.
“Then make him wear a hair shirt or something, or put him in shackles. He was a good husband for a long time, and you’re great parents together. What he did was terrible, but I suspect he loves you. If this is fixable and you love each other, you should think about it. Think about Olivia. She’s a hanging judge. She kept pushing you to divorce him right from the beginning. What if Harley does that to her now? What do you think about that? Do you think he should forgive her?” Nadia was silent for a moment, considering it.
“Olivia’s deal was more of a sin of omission about Will, rather than the cheating part. Nicolas’s sin was insanely, flagrantly outrageous. He made a complete fool of me!”
“Is that what you care about, that he made a fool of you?” Venetia asked her.
“No.” Her voice was a low growl of pain. “He broke my heart. That’s what I care about.”
“So do I, for you. I hated him for what he did to you. But hearts can be mended. Not always, but sometimes. That’s what you need to figure out before you end it forever. Can your heart be mended? Only you know. I guess that’s what Harley is trying to figure out right now too. You two have a lot in common.” Nadia hadn’t thought about it like that. Venetia always had a way of presenting things to her in a way that made sense. She was hoping, for Olivia’s sake, that Harley would forgive her, because she didn’t want her sister to be hurt. But she was guilty too. She had lied for fifteen years. Nicolas hadn’t. The two cases were both similar and different.
They promised to stay in close touch about Olivia, and hung up a few minutes later. Venetia had given her a lot to think about. She thought about it all day while she was with the girls and lay awake considering it for hours that night. And in the morning when she woke up, she knew what she had to do. She was going to divorce Nicolas. She was sure. Accountability. She couldn’t let him off the hook. He had hurt her too much. She wondered if Harley felt that way about Olivia too.
Chapter 13
Olivia continued calling and texting Harley day and night for three days. She left a letter for him at the yacht club, pouring her heart and soul out, begging his forgiveness. He didn’t respond to that either. She heard nothing from him.
On Friday, at lunchtime, she walked to the federal courthouse on Centre Street after she adjourned her own court. She walked into his chambers, which were open, waiting for him to leave the bench and call a recess for lunch. She was sitting quietly in a chair when he walked in and gave a start when he saw her. His face was expressionless and unreadable. He didn’t look happy to see her.
“I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to see you. You haven’t answered anything,” Olivia said grimly, her face sheet white.
“I was thinking…deliberating.” He sat down at his desk, to keep his distance from her. He looked tired, and she could see the toll it had taken on him. He seemed five years older in just a few days. She was thinner and pale too. Having him walk out on her was the most terrifying thing that had ever happened to her. “Why did you come here?” he asked her coldly.
“I came for sentencing, Your Honor,” she said, and he didn’t smile. Normally, he would have.
“Sentencing happens thirty days after conviction, Counselor. Or have you forgotten that? Along with decency, morality, honesty. I expected more of you, Olivia.” He sounded like her law professor again, and she had clearly gotten an “F” in Marriage. She couldn’t debate the point with him. She had lied to him. A terrible lie.
“I have no defense, Your Honor, except youth, stupidity, and fear. I didn’t want to hurt you, or lose you,” she said, standing in front of him, as she fought back tears. He didn’t appear moved by them. He was every inch a judge as he spoke to her, in all senses of the word. He had judged her, and found her behavior criminal.
“You managed to do both. Lose me and hurt me. You just postponed it by fifteen years by not telling me.”
“I probably should never have told you,” she said miserably.
“No, you should have been honest right in the beginning.”
“What would you have done?”
“I probably would have divorced you then. And missed out on fifteen great years with you. So maybe you were right not to tell me. It doesn’t change anything for me with Will. He’s my son in every way that matters. But how do I trust you again? What else have you lied about that you haven’t told me?”
“That’s the only thing. I didn’t want to lie about it anymore. So I told you the truth.”
“And what did you think I’d say?”
“I was hoping you’d forgive me,” she said in a small voice.
“I don’t know if I can.” She nodded and didn’t argue with him. He was staring at her long and hard from the other side of his desk. “How could you look at me every day and lie about something so important? I thought you were an honest woman.”
“I am,” she said with tears brimming in her eyes. “And I didn’t lie to you every day. I made a terrible mistake. I was young and stupid. Maybe I should have had an abortion when I wasn’t sure who the father was, but I didn’t want to do that either, in case he was yours. After the amnio and the DNA test, it was really too late. I was five months pregnant.” And neither of them favored abortion.
“Thank God you didn’t. Will is the best thing that ever happened to us. And he’s nearly a genius. Whoever his father is, I love Will as my son.” She nodded. She knew that. “I need to think about this.”
“I love you, Harley,” she said softly. “I don’t suppose that makes a difference to you now. I’d plead for clemency, but I guess I don’t deserve it.” She turned away to leave. She could see that she wasn’t going to convince him. She had said what she needed to, and it was obvious that he couldn’t forgive her. As she walked to the door, she didn’t see the tears roll down his cheeks, or see him brush them away.
“Olivia…” he said to stop her, and she turned to see him stand up and come around his desk. He walked straight to her, still wearing his robes, and pulled her into his arms. They were both crying as he held her, and she wasn’t sure if it meant that he forgave her, or if he was saying goodbye to her forever. “I love you,” he said in a choked voice, enveloping her in his strong arms. “I love you,” he said again, and then he looked down at her through his tears. “It says in the Bible that we have to forgive seventy times seven. That’s four hundred and ninety times. I warn you, I don’t have another four hundred and eighty-nine times left in me. Don’t ever lie to me or hide anything from me again.”
“I swear I won’t,” she said fervently, smiling and crying at the same time. “I haven’t lied to you since then. And I never will again.”
“I believe you,” he said solemnly, and then he looked pensive for a moment. “Technically, by law, I should adopt Will now, to establish paternity. But if I do, he’ll figure it out. I just have to stay alive until he reaches majority, and then it won’t matter.” He had been thinking about that for days.
“You’d better plan to stay alive for a hell of a lot longer than that. I don’t intend to lose you after all this.” He smiled and kissed her, and then took off his robe and grabbed his coat.
“Let’s go for a walk and get some air.”
“I thought I’d lost
you,” she said as she looked up at him. “I thought it would kill me if I had.”
“I’ll kill you if you ever lie to me again. I sentence you to spend the rest of your life with me. That should be punishment enough.” He smiled and held the door open for her, and they left his chambers holding hands. They went for a long walk around Foley Square before they both had to be back on the bench. They didn’t say a lot. They didn’t need to. They had come through their trial by fire, and Harley knew what he needed to know and should have known all along. They both knew how much they loved each other. It was a win-win all around.
As she walked back to her own courtroom afterwards, she sent the same text to all her sisters. “He forgives me. Thank God. Thank you for being there. I love you. Ollie.”
In the Federal Building, Harley was smiling as he took his place on the bench. He was going to pick up his things at the yacht club when he adjourned for the day, and go home to his wife and son.
* * *
—
Nadia had dinner with Greg the night before she had to sign the agreement for the divorce at the notaire. She was quiet and tense, but he had just gotten back from Texas and was eager to see her. He told her how much he had missed her. She was happy to see him when he picked her up. She thought it would be a good distraction, so she didn’t worry too much about the meeting the next day, but she could hardly think straight, and couldn’t follow anything he said.
“Are you okay?” he asked her. He had taken her to a beautiful restaurant, and she barely ate.
“I’m sorry, Greg. I’m nervous about the meeting tomorrow, more than I thought I would be.”
“Why? You said it’s all been amicable, and he’s not opposing anything you want. It’ll be a relief when this is over and you’re not married to him anymore. Divorcing him is the right thing to do, after what he did. You don’t have any doubts, do you?” He was searching her eyes after he asked the question.
“Not doubts. It’s what I want to do, but it seems like a very big step. Just as important as marriage. Unmarriage is a big deal too.” She looked very young to him as she said it. And pretty in a sapphire-blue dress the color of her eyes.
“ ‘Unmarriage’ is a very big deal, but a necessary one sometimes. It sounds like you had a pretty good run for eleven years before it all went south. That’s more than a lot of people get. Neither of my marriages lasted eleven years. The first one lasted for three years of total misery. And my second wife cheated on me two days before our second anniversary. So you’re way ahead of the game, and you got two nice kids out of it. You’re smart to walk away before he lands you in the middle of a public scandal again. I can’t think of anything worse.”
“It was bad,” she conceded. “Very, very bad.” It had been hideous.
“He sounds like an immature guy who let his dick run away with him. That’s not husband material, Nadia.” It was one way to look at it, and he was right. He made it all sound so simple, but it didn’t feel that way. It felt hard, like tearing off an arm or a leg. It seemed excruciatingly painful to her, and she didn’t want to talk to Greg about it. He was pleased that she was getting a divorce. He had told her he didn’t go out with married women, or even separated ones, and he had made it clear that he wanted to date her. She thought they’d have fun together. But she wasn’t looking for a date. She had loved being married to Nicolas, and their family life. It was never going to be the same again. It already wasn’t.
She managed to get through dinner. Her heart wasn’t in it, and Greg knew it. He didn’t try to kiss her, wished her luck for the next day, and took her home.
She lay in bed awake after that for several hours, thinking about Greg and the things he’d said about divorce. She thought about Nicolas, and the memories of the past came flooding back to her. Of when Sylvie was born, and how excited they had been, and Laure. Of reading his books, and the thrill it was for both of them when one of his novels was number one on the bestseller list for the first time. The trips they had taken, the time they spent with her sisters and their families as a group, the summers at the château. She finally fell asleep an hour before she had to get up, and woke up with a start, afraid to be late for the meeting at the notaire.
She looked ragged by the time she got there. The babysitter had spent the night so she could take the girls to school. Nadia kissed them both and flew out the door. She took an Uber so she wouldn’t have to park.
Nicolas was just ahead of her as she walked into the building where the notaire had his office, and he stopped to wait for her. He could see how nervous she was, and he was no better. “This is like taking exams when we were at school,” he whispered, and she smiled. They arrived at the notaire’s office together and both their attorneys looked surprised. Hers leaned over to her once they were seated in the conference room.
“Has there been a change of heart?” he asked her.
“Of course not. We just met outside so we walked in together.”
“It happens sometimes, you know.” She shook her head, and the notaire walked in, looking serious.
Their divorce would become official once he stamped their papers and sent them on to the court to complete the process.
The notaire questioned Nadia first. They were his first appointment of the day.
“Madame Bateau, when did your husband leave the family residence?”
“He moved out in September.”
“And you are separated?”
“Yes, we are.”
“Have you reached agreement about your financial affairs?”
“We have. The Château de Champfort belongs to my husband solely, as his inherited property. I make no claim to it or the use of it. I would like my daughters to own the apartment we live in, on the Quai Voltaire, and for me to have the use of it, usufruit, as I wish. And we’ve agreed to visitation every Wednesday night for dinner, alternate weekends, two Friday nights a month on the weekends he doesn’t have them. That comes to ten days a month, and one month in the summer.” It was all very cut-and-dried, and her attorney handed over the financial declarations and the file. The notaire was a serious older man, and nodded as he glanced at the papers. Nadia wanted no financial settlement and they had agreed on an amount for monthly support for their daughters.
“And you are in agreement with the visits, Monsieur Bateau?” he asked Nicolas, who said that he was. “And the monthly support?” Nicolas agreed to that too. It was a generous sum, since it was the only money Nadia would accept from him.
Because it had been done à l’amiable, amicably, with both parties in full agreement, there was nothing to add to it except the confirmation from the notaire and his stamp and signature. There were no gray areas of dispute, so he took out a stamp and pounded it on the top sheet of all the paperwork, and forty minutes after they had arrived, they left the conference room.
“I guess that’s that, then,” Nicolas said as they stood in the hallway looking lost for a minute. Nadia felt dazed, and he glanced at his watch. “I have a train to catch,” he said. “I’m going to Brittany for two days, I’ll be back in time for dinner with the girls on Wednesday,” now that their visitation was set in stone with the courts. He had hoped to avoid that. But now the wheels had been set in motion, and there would be no stopping them, unless they canceled the divorce. It was clear that Nadia wanted it as much as ever. She had confirmed that to the notaire.
He kissed her on the cheek, hurried out, and made it to the station in time. He had told Pascale he was going. She was in London, on location for her new movie and said she didn’t mind. She was going to be there for three months. The producers had gotten her an apartment. But her mother didn’t speak English, and the baby was only three months old, so she had decided not to bring them to London, and left them in Brittany, which was easier for her. She had more time to play without her mother and the baby there. Having an infant had turned out to
be more complicated than she thought it would be, and less fun.
Nicolas caught his train and was in Brittany that afternoon. He went straight to see Isabelle, Pascale’s mother. His business was with her, since she had the responsibility and was the deciding voice. They sat in her kitchen, drinking coffee, and she was startled by his plan. He wanted her to come to Paris twice a month for a night with the baby, so he could get to know his son, and the baby would know him. He didn’t choose any of the nights the girls would be with him, so they weren’t intruded on. But it had become clear to Nicolas that Pascale was going to lead the life of a single twenty-two-year-old girl, while the child would grow up in Brittany with her mother. And he didn’t want to just drop in on them. He wanted more, and to give Benoit more. He wanted to set up regular visits, and when Benoit was older, he wanted them to come to Paris on the weekends he didn’t have the girls. He didn’t want to simply forget about his son, and never get to know him, just because the relationship with Pascale hadn’t worked out. He had been thinking about it a lot lately, and he liked the solution he had come up with. So did Isabelle. They were contemporaries, only a few years apart, and she approved of what he was trying to do. He didn’t want to just send a check every month, he wanted Benoit to be part of his life, and even more so as the boy got older. Isabelle loved the idea of coming to Paris. It sounded very glamorous to her. She could do what she wanted when Nicolas was with Benoit, and take him to the park when Nicolas was working. She might even meet a man while she was there. She was still young. She was two years older than Nadia.
There were two guest rooms in his rented apartment, for the girls, and she and the baby could stay with him easily. The apartment wasn’t large or fancy, but it was adequate. Isabelle thought it an excellent plan and admired him for thinking of it. He was hoping too for his girls to come to love their brother, if they got to know him.
The Affair Page 22
