by Harley Stone
I could have gone my whole life without visualizing my uncle groping some poor girl. Desperate to change the subject, I asked, “What happened to her?”
He looked out the side window. “I shoved her in the dryer.”
Wondering if he was screwing with me, I eyed him. “Come again?”
“You asked, I told you. I shoved her in the dryer. I didn’t mean to. I had one of those attacks… I don’t know what caused it. Maybe a car backfired? Maybe someone slammed a door? All I know is that I heard an explosion and thought the goddamn DMC was on our doorstep.”
“The DMC?”
“District Mobile Company. The Viet Cong forces.”
“You thought they attacked the US?” I was so confused.
He waved me off. “Would you shut up and listen to the fuckin’ story?”
“I’m tryin’ to make sense of it. You sound like you’re off your rocker.”
He glared at me. “That’s what my time in the trenches did; made me lose my goddamn mind. I would have bet my life we were being bombed. All I could think about was protecting Gloria. I snatched her up and shoved her ass in the dryer, thinkin’ it would shield her from the blast.”
My uncle suffered from PTSD. I’d never known that before.
“She was mad as a shaken hornet’s nest, screamin’ about how I’d bruised her leg. I didn’t care about her leg, I was tryin’ to protect her life. By the time I came to, she was gone. I went to her parents’ house to try to explain, but her dad wouldn’t let me in. Said I was too goddamn loco for his daughter. He was right, and I didn’t want to take a chance at hurting her or anyone else. I tell you what, Tonio, if you find a girl willing enough to put up with your crazy ass, you marry her. A man shouldn’t have to live alone.”
Uncle Jaime had needed a club like the Dead Presidents. They would have made sure he got the help he needed, and he sure as hell wouldn’t have been alone. He slept most of the trip. I was trying not to read too much into his fatigue, but my uncle had been sleeping twice as much as he was awake the entire time I was in Portland. At first, I wrote it off to recovery from his surgery, but the more research I did on his condition, the more worried I became.
We stopped in front of my parents’ house, and I woke him up and helped him into the house. Then I grabbed the boxes of clothes and personal effects he wanted to keep on him before taking the rest of his belongings to a storage unit. Rabbit and Stocks followed me, and it took us no time to get everything unloaded and stored.
“You gonna head up to the campsite with us?” Rabbit asked as we locked up the unit.
I’d seen limited combat in the service, and I didn’t have a problem with fireworks. I’d also been thinking about a certain bespectacled beauty since before we hit the road, and I was anxious to see her again. Link said Jessica was staying behind, which would give me time to find her and make shit right between us. Dealing with my uncle’s condition had taken a lot out of me, and I wanted to enjoy more of that light-hearted banter we’d shared before I left. Maybe even find a little solace between her thighs.
“I think I’m gonna stay behind this year. I’ve been gone too long as it is. Thank you both for driving down to help me out.”
Rabbit clapped me on the shoulder. “That’s what we’re here for, brother.” He headed for his bike with Stocks trailing behind him. “Hold the fort down while we’re gone, yeah?”
With any luck, Jessica and I would be tearing the fort apart, but I nodded and waved him off. Then I returned the U-Haul truck and headed back to the fire station to find the girl I’d been missing since I left.
***
Jessica
As expected, my parents invited me over for a barbecue and fireworks. My older sister, her husband, and their four-month-old daughter would be there, and my dad didn’t understand why I couldn’t stay with them tonight and take tomorrow off.
“You never take vacation time, Jess. I admire your work ethic, but you know what they say about too much work and not enough play…” Dad’s phone calls were never complete without at least one cliché pearl of wisdom. “Jasmine is adorable and she’s making all these cute little noises that make your mom lose her mind. You should come spend time with the family and see your niece. She won’t be little for long, you know. I still can’t believe how quickly you and Tina grew up.”
My shoulders tensed. Mom had spent at least twenty minutes rambling about how adorable her grandbaby was before handing the phone to Dad so he could “talk some sense into me” about the Fourth. I got it. My sister was amazing because she’d snagged herself a good man and popped out a cute baby. I, on the other hand, had zero men or babies, which dropped my status down to just above primordial goo. Sure, I had a social media marketing career, but they had no idea what that meant. It didn’t produce them grandbabies or give them bragging rights, so they didn’t seem to care.
“I know. I get all the pictures Tina sends.” All hundred or so a week. And videos. Don’t forget the videos. Jasmine was adorable and I couldn’t blame my family one bit for revolving around her, but I didn’t want to spend the day fielding questions about when I planned to get married and settle down. I’d been beat up enough during Father’s Day and was still too bruised to get back in that ring. “But I’m working on a project for one of my new clients. Besides, I took most of a day off last week,” I replied.
“What’d you do?”
Crap.
I snapped my big mouth shut and shook my head at myself. I hadn’t meant to say anything. My family didn’t know about the whole shooting incident at my apartment because they already worried enough about me living in downtown Seattle. I didn’t want to give them ulcers or have them harp on me to move back in with them. Besides, everything had been handled. Nate could never threaten me or Carly again. I was safe. Telling them now would serve no purpose whatsoever. Still, I felt guilty as my brain struggled to find an acceptable answer that wouldn’t be a complete lie.
“I… uh… Met a guy and had dinner with some friends.” Met a guy? What the heck was wrong with me? Okay, it was true, but arguable. Still, I plunged ahead. “Oh, and they’re doing some repairs on my apartment, so… uh…”
“You met a guy?”
Why had I even said that? I hadn’t met a guy; I’d hooked up with a man who still hadn’t returned my text. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew why I’d mentioned Spade. I felt undervalued because of my single and childless status and wanted to prove I could get a guy, too. At twenty-five years old, I was still competing with my big sister, even going as far as fabricating a relationship to prove my worth. Awesome.
I need therapy.
“Yeah. I mean, it’s not serious or anything, but we’re um… We’re friends.” That was a bald-faced lie, and I couldn’t believe it tumbled so freely out of my mouth. Friends? Since when? Sure, we’d had some friendly banter going and he saved my life and bullied my landlord into fixing my apartment, but friends? I knew more about his penis than I did about his life.
And I needed to stop thinking about Spade’s penis while I was on the phone with my dad. Seriously, my brain needed to be washed out with soap. Maybe even bleach.
“Tell me about this guy. Who is he? How did you meet him? Will we be meeting him soon?”
Crap!
More guilt washed over me, and I knew I had to get off the phone before I confessed everything. Deciding to go for broke, I threw one more lie into the universe. “Sorry to cut this short, but I just realized I’m running late to meet up with him. I love you, Dad. I’ll talk to you later.”
Before he could protest, I hung up, threw myself back on my bed, and stared at the ceiling.
Stupid, Jess. Now you’re lying to your parents. What are you, five?
Disgusted with myself, I got up and looked around. Since most everyone had headed up to the campsite, the fire station was quiet. I technically had the day off, but I’d been working all morning and was finally caught up on all my jobs. Having nothing to occupy my brain w
as dangerous, so I decided to head to my apartment. I wasn’t planning to move back in yet, so I technically wasn’t going back on my word to Carly to wait for her return, but I wanted to do laundry and change out my clothes. I couldn’t wear the same exact outfits next week. Maybe I’d even inspect the repairs and see if I could handle being back in the space.
Since I’d picked up the new key on Sunday, I went straight up to my floor and checked out the new door. Like the old one, it was wooden, but it didn’t have any visible repair patches and looked much more solid. I gave it a couple of hard thwacks, and it didn’t sound hollow like the old one had. Impressed, I unlocked it and stepped inside.
The chemical smell of new carpet was the first thing to hit me. I closed and locked the door behind me before shuffling down the hallway to my room. The bedroom door was open, so I glided inside as my gaze landed on the spot at the foot of my bed.
Nothing remained of Nate. I couldn’t even tell where his body had been. Relieved, I released the breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding and dropped my bag of dirty clothes.
You got this, Jess. It’s not that bad.
The pep talk wasn’t much, but it managed to spur me into motion. I dragged the bag to the laundry closet and started a load before heading into the kitchen to check out that situation. Carly must have come back and cleaned up Trent’s cereal bowl and retrieved the Army men, because the kitchen was clean. The garbage disposal worked! I silently thanked Spade for ripping into Matt while opening the fridge and looking inside. A container of sour cream and a package of chicken had expired, so I dumped them in the trash and took it out before settling on the sofa with a book to wait for the washing machine to finish its run.
Shortly after I changed over the clothes, there was a knock on the door. My nerves practically shot through the ceiling, and I froze, waiting for history to repeat itself and the door to come crashing open. Nothing happened. I took a breath and pulled myself together. “Just a minute,” I called out, giving my heart a few seconds to stop trying to pound out of my chest. Telling my body to get a grip, it was probably the handyman picking up forgotten tools or something, I hurried to the door. Pausing, still apprehensive, I looked out through the peephole.
Spade was standing in the hallway.
Spade
Two hours ago
MY UNCLE WAS dying, my family was driving me crazy, I felt dead on my feet, and there wasn’t shit I could do about any of it. Uncle Jaime’s diagnosis was hitting me hard, and I’d never felt more helpless and out of control in my life. It seemed like I should be doing something to help him, but my hands were tied. Surgery was his choice, and no matter how much I’d begged and pleaded with him to have it, he hadn’t budged.
Hopefully Mom would have better luck talking him into it.
Now that I was back in Seattle, it was time to get back to normal. I had a shit-ton of other responsibilities to tend to, after all. Since it wasn’t even noon yet, I should have taken my ass to work, but I was still pissed at my dad for not helping with Uncle Jaime’s move, and didn’t want to say something I’d regret later. Besides, Miguel had cracked the handle on my rubber mallet, and I was in too foul a mood to deal with his ass. Rather than heading to the construction site, my bike turned toward the fire station.
As I drove, I thought about my uncle. All this time, I’d believed he chose the bachelor life. Hearing him admit that his solitude was something he’d forced upon himself because of his PTSD did a number on me. Wondering how he’d lived alone all these years made me think about a possible future with Jessica. Sure, I didn’t know her well, but I’d felt a connection with her, something I’d never experienced before. I’d thought a lot about her while I was gone, and as I drove to the station, I realized I wanted to see her more than I’d wanted anything in a long ass time.
She’d only wanted one night with me, but I was confident I could get Jessica into my bed permanently. Her body had been so damn responsive, almost like it was made for me. I didn’t miss the sex half as much as I missed the sound of her laugh and the sight of her big brown eyes. There was no denying I had it bad for the girl, and by the time I rolled my bike through the side entrance of the fire station, I was ready to find her and make her mine.
The building was quiet. I’d never been alone in the fire station before. There were always brothers in the common room, arguing about a game, shooting pool, throwing darts, or fucking with one of the club whores. Music usually played from the old jukebox in the corner. The bar normally had a few patrons sitting around, shootin’ the shit. The silence felt wrong. It felt suffocating and lonely as fuck.
This was the kind of silence my uncle had lived with his entire adult life.
The thought was staggering. Sure, I complained about my loud, obnoxious, demanding family and nosey club brothers, but I couldn’t imagine living without them. I’d pushed around the idea of moving out of the fire station and finding a place of my own, but I didn’t want to live by myself.
Hell, I didn’t even want to be by myself. Especially not today. The shit going on in my head was too loud and overwhelming, and I needed chaos or conversation or something to take my mind off my problems. I could join my club brothers at the campsite, but they weren’t the distraction I needed.
I knew exactly who could pull me out of this funk.
Expecting Jessica to be in her room, I took the stairs two at a time and came to a halt in front of her door. I knocked, but there was no answer. I tried the doorknob, but it was locked. Since I had no way of getting in touch with her, my only option was to head over to her apartment and hope like hell she was home.
But my bike wouldn’t start. At all. I must have tried at least two dozen times, and the temperamental hunk of junk wouldn’t even turn over.
That’s when I officially lost my shit.
I’d held it together when I found my uncle in his apartment, knocking on death’s door. I’d kept my cool during a week and a half of cleaning up after a grown-ass man like he was a fucking toddler. I’d remained calm while packing up his entire life under the crushing knowledge that my efforts were futile since he’d never need it again. Hell, I didn’t even flip out when I realized Uncle Jaime had been hiding his prognosis from us for years.
Through it all, I’d been a goddamn champ, but my dead bike… that bullshit pushed me over the edge. Rage burned through my veins as I marched to the toolbox, scooped up a tire iron, and brought it down hard on the frame. The metal dented, and my arm shook with the reverberation, but I didn’t give a single fuck. I hit it again, and again, suddenly unable to stop.
Conversations played over in my mind.
“Be straight with me, Doc. How much time does he have?”
“It’ll be a miracle if he makes it to Christmas.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Tio?”
“You can’t even live your own life, Tonio. I sure as hell don’t need you meddlin’ in mine.”
Angry, frustrated, helpless, I beat that piece of shit until it was unrecognizable. Sweat dripped into my eyes, blurring my vision, and the muscles of my arm spasmed. Disgusted with my loss of control, I tossed the tire iron aside and faced the damage I’d done. My ride was wrecked. Not even Wasp could fix it now. Thankfully, I somehow had the mental capacity to leave the tanks alone, so nothing was leaking. I knew I should be upset or concerned about my violent outburst, but all I felt was numb.
“It’ll be a miracle if he makes it to Christmas.”
The reality settled over my shoulders like a fallen crossbeam. It was like I suddenly had severe structural damage inside me, and nothing was holding me up anymore. Still feeling out of it, I meandered over to the bar, poured myself a glass of water, and downed it. The water did nothing to quench my thirst, so I tried a shot of whiskey. It burned going down but didn’t make the situation any more bearable.
My family’s texts started up again.
Mom: We’ll eat at 5:00 and then start fireworks when the sun goes down. You’ll be here, right?<
br />
Miguel: You planning on coming back to work? I’m sick of picking up the slack for your lazy ass. Mom said you dropped off Tio a while ago and you should be here by now. Where the fuck are you?
Abril: I need to get 50 hours of practice in before I can take my driving test. Can you take me out before fireworks?
Dad: There’s still plenty of daylight. We could really use a hand at the site.
Rosalie: What’s wrong with Uncle Jaime? He’s acting weird, and Mom won’t tell me anything.
I couldn’t handle it. I raised my phone in the air, intending to smash it into the bar, but stopped less than an inch away. A new bike would cost a pretty penny. I couldn’t afford to replace my cell, too. I needed to get out of the fire station before I did something even stupider than fucking up my ride, but I was too sweaty to leave like this. I headed upstairs and hopped in the shower, changed, and then jogged the handful of blocks to Jessica’s apartment.
The fresh air was good for me and managed to drain away the lingering effects of my goddamn temper tantrum. I still couldn’t believe I’d destroyed my bike. Mental and physical exhaustion hit me as I knocked on the door, and I briefly considered curling up on her doorstep and falling asleep. But thankfully, Jessica was home. Her voice was music to my ears as she told me to wait. Moments later, the door opened, and just the sight of her lifted the hell out of my spirit.
Her hair was up in a messy bun with loose strands framing her face. She wore terry cloth shorts, a loose T-shirt, and her glasses, and I’d never seen a more gorgeous sight in my life. My mind and heart were churning with torment, but she looked like peace and salvation. Taking a moment to drink her in, I said, “Hey.”
She looked rattled and confused as she looked me over as well. “Hey.”
Not exactly the warm reception I was hoping for. “Can I come in?”
She stared at me like I had three eyeballs. Like I was a goddamn enigma she had to figure out.
