I shuddered involuntarily. I didn’t want to do anything like we used to. It brought up too many bad memories. But I didn’t want to argue with him in front of the waitress, so I relented. “Sure, that’s fine.”
He placed the order with the waitress and turned back to me. “So, how are you doing, Rainey?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Listen, Craig, I don’t want to make small talk with you. This was a bad idea, maybe I should go.”
He put one hand up. “Wait, don’t go. Rainey, I know I did some things that hurt you. Hurt you terribly, and I’m incredibly sorry. I’m ashamed of what I did, because no one deserve that, especially not you.” There were tears in his eyes and I have to admit it made me feel more things than I wanted to. He was still just as handsome as ever and it hadn’t been that long ago that I was madly in love with him.
But that was history. Craig had cheated on me, gotten me fired from the New York morning show where I hosted the cooking segments, cancelled my publishing contract, and gotten a bunch of internet trolls to sink my cookbooks. My career had been on its way up and it suddenly made a U-turn and crash-landed me back here in Sparrow.
“Craig, I spent a lot of angry nights tossing and turning, going over the things you did to me. But that’s over. I forgave you months ago, and the only thing that bothers me these days is that you showed up here in Sparrow and insisted on apologizing to me.” There. I wanted it laid out so he would understand that I wasn’t living in the past, I just didn’t want him living in my present.
He looked at me wide-eyed and then down at his hands on the table. “I know Rainey,” he said looking up at me again. “And I guess I didn’t have a right to come looking for you. But I felt like I needed to do it for closure. I didn’t want you standing at my grave throwing darts at my tombstone,” he said trying to lighten the mood.
“I can assure you I won’t be standing at your grave doing anything, Craig,” I said, sitting back in my chair. “Listen Craig, I’m sorry you’re dying. I wish with all my heart that it wasn’t so. I don’t wish death on anyone, but I really can’t do anything for you. If saying what you just said gives you peace, then fine. I’m glad you have peace. But right now I’m focusing on rebuilding my life here in sparrow. I’ve moved on.”
He nodded. “And I’m sorry that it’s because of me that you have to rebuild it at all.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess in a way it’s better that I’m back here in Idaho near my family. I missed them terribly while I lived in New York and I missed out on my nieces and nephews lives—they’re growing up so fast. So maybe I have to thank you for getting me back here, but I could have done without needing to rebuild everything. Even so, everything’s fine. I’m getting ready to do big things with my life, and I’m happy.”
“I’m glad you’re happy here,” he said quietly. “I really am. And I’m glad that you’re giving me this opportunity to speak to you.” His voice was soft, and I almost believed him.
“Are you going back to New York soon?” I said and tried not to sound excited about the possibility. I wanted him to go back, I didn’t like having the specter of a failed marriage following me around town.
He smiled. “I suppose I should, but Sparrow is growing on me. I don’t know why I didn’t notice the appeal of this town earlier. We could have spent more time here and maybe had picnics at the river.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sure, Craig,” I said. “I could just see you wearing your Gucci loafers to the river’s edge, getting them sucked into the mud. Oh, and those Italian suits you’re so fond of—dragging the hems of your pants in the mud. I’m sure you would have enjoyed it.”
He chuckled and leaned back in his seat. “That would have been a sight wouldn’t it? I guess I was kind of stuck in the life I had made for myself. I was selfish.” He looked down at his hands again and the smile left his face.
“I think we can all get a bit self-centered if we’re not careful. I promise I’m not angry at you anymore,” I said quietly as the waitress brought our pizza and iced tea, setting them down in the middle of the table. I inhaled the scent of the Hawaiian pizza and picked up my glass of tea, taking a sip. “That smells really good.”
“It sure does,” he said, brightening. “And you’re right about being self-centered. Especially in New York. I think a city like that encourages people to be self-centered.”
I didn’t comment. People were selfish because they wanted to be and location had nothing to do with it.
I took a slice of pizza and put it on the plate the waitress had brought. At Stuckey’s, their pizza was known for having fresh mozzarella and plenty of it. It made the flavor and texture unlike most of the pizzas at the chain stores and I always looked forward to it. “Craig, I promise you that I’m not angry at you anymore. I just really need you to give me some space.”
“Okay, I can do that. And you know, I was thinking. Maybe I can make up for some of the trouble I caused you,” he said, picking up a slice of the pizza.
My eyes went to him. There was only one thing I wanted from him and that was for him to be gone.
“Maybe I can get you a publishing contract for your next cookbook?” he continued when I didn’t respond.
I shook my head, sitting up in my seat. “No, thank you. I’m going to get my next publishing contract on my own. Thanks anyway.” What I didn’t want to do was give him the power over my career like I had once done.
“Fair enough,” he said without looking at me. “But if you change your mind anytime in the very near future, you let me know.”
“Sure,” I said noncommittally. I could manage finding a publisher on my own. I didn’t need his help.
“So, tell me Rainey, who is that guy I’ve seen at the diner? He was on your mother’s front porch, too.”
I really didn’t want to have to explain Cade. It seemed weird to talk to my ex-husband about a possible romantic interest. Not that Cade was an actual romantic interest just yet, but there was still the possibility that he would be.
“He’s the local detective,” I said and took another sip of my tea. “I run into him now and then.”
“Like when you run around town and stick your nose into police business?” he asked with a grin.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m not sticking my nose into anything. And how would you know about that, anyway? And why is it your business?”
He shrugged. “Maybe your mom let it slip. It’s not a big deal, it’s not like I haven’t dated.”
“My Mom doesn’t know anything, and she certainly shouldn’t be talking to you about it,” I said.
“Relax, Rainey, I knew you had to move on eventually. You should be dating. It’s normal.”
“Right, like you were dating when we were still married.” I was offended that he had brought Cade up. I took a bite of my pizza and narrowed my eyes at him again.
“Okay,” he said and picked up a piece of pizza. “I guess I shouldn’t have brought it up. I deserve that and cheating on you is something else that I’m sorry for.”
“Okay, Craig,” I said, “let’s stop talking about the past. I’m going to have to go home if we don’t. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. How long did the doctors give you to live?”
“About six months,” he said and took a sip of his tea. “I guess it all depends. It could go faster or slower.”
“Are you in pain?”
“Occasionally,” he said. “They’ve given me painkillers, and I intend to live whatever time I have left the way I want to. I’m not going to go into the hospital and I’m not going to give up, either.”
I nodded. “I’m glad to hear that. I hope everything will be okay for you.”
It took a lot to keep me from being sad about Craig. There was a time in both our lives when we were happy and in love and it was still hard to think about those memories. I hoped for the best for him, and I hoped he went back to New York City. Soon.
Chapter Eleven
When I got off work the following day, I
headed over to Sparrow Hardware. Natalie had told me Amber Woods worked there. The meeting I had with Craig the evening before was fresh in my mind, and I kept going over it. It took everything in me not to continue to be resentful of him. Sure, I had forgiven him, at least as far as I could. But he had done such damage, not only to my career but to my heart, that I wasn’t sure when or if I could have good feelings toward him. But maybe that wasn’t necessary. Maybe all I needed was to be at peace that things had turned out the way they had. Allowing myself to stay in a state of anger at this point was useless. It certainly wasn’t good for my mental or emotional health.
The Sparrow Hardware store wasn’t as big as the big box home improvement stores, but it was still a pretty good size for such a small town. I headed inside and looked around, with a mental list of things I might need should I actually get that cute little cottage my mother and I had made an offer on. We hadn’t heard anything back from the realtor yet, but I was hopeful. Maybe having the new house to focus on would help me to move on from my dashed dreams.
I headed back to where small tools like hammers, screwdrivers, and wrenches would be. I would need at least some basic tools, so I decided I’d pick up a few things and keep my eye out for Amber. Natalie had shown me a picture of her from her yearbook, and I was looking for a plain girl with mousy brown hair. It was kind of surprising that Pamela’s best friend was so plain because Pamela had been so over-the-top pretty. She had been a high maintenance kind of girl. I was sure you would never catch her without being fully made up and her hair done while Amber appeared to prefer a more natural look.
I picked up a hammer and a set of screwdrivers but didn’t see Amber around. I wondered if she might be in the garden section, so I headed in that direction. The store was cool, a respite from the summer heat, and nearly empty.
I found Amber watering the pots of vegetable plants in the garden section, her brown hair pulled back in a pony tail and her glasses scooted down to the tip of her nose.
I headed over to where she was. “Excuse me,” I said moving in closer to her. “Is it too late to plant tomatoes? I’ve never done any gardening before.” I looked over the pots of vegetables and inhaled the fresh, outdoorsy scent.
She looked over her shoulder, smiled at me, and let go of the trigger on the sprayer and the water stopped. “If you’re going to plant tomatoes this year, I would go with the big ones over there,” she said pointing to large pots of tomato plants that already had small green tomatoes on them. “It’s a little late in the season for these others, but some gardeners still buy them.”
“Oh, I see,” I said looking over the small pots in front of me. “I guess I’m really getting a late start on gardening, then?”
“It really is late for vegetables,” she said. “These are leftovers from earlier in the spring. They can certainly still be planted, but you won’t get very many tomatoes like you would if you had started earlier in the year. It’s just really late in the season and these will probably be disposed of soon.”
“Really?” I said, impressed by her knowledge. “Like I said, I’ve never planted a garden before. In fact, all the houseplants I’ve ever had died. But I think I’m going to be buying a new house, and I’ve always dreamed of having a green thumb and planting not only flowers, but an assortment of vegetables.”
“Well you can certainly plant these,” she said taking a step back. “Just don’t expect much. Or you could just maybe start an herb garden and some flowers for now, and then next spring get an early start on a full garden. The ground in Sparrow is pretty fertile in general and if you work on it early, you could grow a nice sized garden.”
I nodded. “Do you like working here at the hardware store?” I asked her. “You remind me of my niece, Natalie Jennings. Do you know her? She just graduated high school last month.”
“I remember Natalie,” she said brightening. “She was a year younger than us, I mean me.”
I noted she used the word ‘us’. “What’s it like being out in the real world your first year out of high school? It can be exciting and kind of scary as I recall."
She shrugged and pushed her glasses up on her nose. “It’s okay. I work here part-time and I’ve been going to the junior college. It’s a lot of work doing both, but I’m enjoying it. Of course, I really enjoy the plants. I think when I transfer to the University, I’m going to study horticulture.”
“Wow, that sounds like fun. Do most of your friends still live here in Sparrow? When I went to the junior college, a lot of my high school friends went too, and it was nice still having them around.” Amber looked to be just over five-feet tall and was a petite girl with medium brown hair and blue eyes. Her front tooth had a tiny chip in the corner and I wondered how she had come by it.
Her face clouded over. “Some of them do go there,” she said, her eyes going to the row of pots of pepper plants behind the tomato plants. “But, my best friend just passed away.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” I said sympathetically. I kept my eyes on her, hoping she’d give something away. “Who was your friend?”
She sighed without looking at me. “Pamela North.”
“Oh, no,” I said sounding shocked. “I heard she passed. I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m sure you two must have been very close. Do the police know very much about what happened?”
She looked at me wide-eyed, with tears forming in the corners of them. “No, I don’t know who would do such a terrible thing. She was an absolutely beautiful person, inside and out. She didn’t deserve to die like that.”
There was anger in her voice, and I hoped that I could get her to say more. “You’re right, no one deserves to die like that. I don’t know what this town is coming to.”
“I can’t understand why it happened. I’ve been over and over it in my mind. It doesn’t make sense. She was always giving to charity, volunteering, and was just a wonderful person.” She wiped at a tear that had escaped her eye.
“Murder is a senseless crime,” I agreed. “Did she mention anything unusual going on in her life the last time you saw her? Maybe someone was bothering her?”
She looked at me, then turned back to the plants. “No, I don’t remember her saying anything unusual. If I had to guess as to who would have done it,” she said looking at me again and pausing for a moment. Her face was flushed red now. “I would say it was her boyfriend, Ryan Sparks. He was jealous of her. She got so much attention for being in beauty pageants, and he felt like the attention should have been on himself for being the star quarterback of the high school football team. They fought a lot.”
I nodded. “I guess it must have been difficult living in her shadow when he felt he should have had the spotlight on himself. Didn’t he win the championship last year in the last few minutes of the game?” Ryan’s name was being brought up again and it really made me wonder.
She nodded. “He did. He was actually a talented quarterback, but now he works over at the Sparrow garage and isn’t doing anything with his life. It’s kind of sad, but it seems like he’s given up. He had a lot of anger toward Pamela if you want to know the truth.”
“Jealousy and anger can be trouble in any relationship,” I agreed. “And you just never know when those emotions might lead to something more serious. Did he drink any? I know a lot of high school kids get into trouble that way.”
“Oh, he drank all right,” she said with a nod. “His mother supplied him with beer nearly every weekend. She seemed to think that just because he was the football star, he should get whatever he wanted. But what he could never get was the kind of attention that Pamela got from being in beauty pageants. He told me once that it was Pamela’s fault he wasn’t getting the write-ups in the local newspaper like he thought he should. It was almost as if he didn’t exist when Pamela was around.”
I made a clucking sound with my tongue. “That’s got to be tough on a young kid, when usually the football team gets all the attention around here. It was his senior year after all,
and he was a pretty talented quarterback. I mean, it’s almost like a football star’s rite of passage in a small town, isn’t it? If you’re any good, and we all know he was good, then the attention follows. It’s something to look back on when you’re old and gray.”
And it really was. Sparrow was big on football, and everybody made a fuss over the championship. But had Pamela really stolen some of Ryan’s attention? I didn’t really follow sports closely, so I wasn’t sure.
“I’m sure it was hard. I guess I shouldn’t be saying things like this, I’m just upset and angry about Pamela’s death. I’m sure Ryan is suffering right now, and I’m kind of being mean saying these things,” she said, suddenly sounding embarrassed. “Please don’t repeat what I said. I’m sure it’s just grief over losing my friend.”
I nodded. “Hey, I understand completely. This is a hard thing to get through.”
“I’m just going to miss her so much,” she said, her eyes glistening with unshed tears again. “I went to a lot of her pageants with her. She loved the color pink, and I was always looking for pink things for her. Hats, scarves, jewelry. Just whatever I came across. I don’t know if I’ll ever look at the color pink the same way again.”
“Memories after the death of a loved one can be the hardest to know how to deal with,” I said, and patted her shoulder.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be unloading on you,” she said and wiped her eyes with the tips of her fingers.
“It’s no problem. This is going to take a long time to work through. I hope you’ll get some help with it. We all need a little help from time to time.”
“Thank you for being so kind,” she said and forced herself to smile.
“No problem. Well, I better get going. I think I’m going to hold off on buying any plants until I definitely get my new house. But I sure do appreciate the tip on the vegetable garden. I’ll have to come in and talk to you early next spring so I know what to get and when to plant them. Thanks a lot.”
“No problem, I’m always glad to help out.”
Barbecue and a Murder Page 6
