by Forgy, M. N.
His eyes narrow in on my vehicle behind me.
“We need to chop that Range Rover up. You will listen to me while with me, and if at any time you don’t fucking listen. You’re out,” he points at me. Him talking down to me is getting old. Fast.
“You know, this could be your baby inside of me,” I inform matter of fact, hearing myself saying ‘baby inside of me’ sounds misplaced. This whole thing hasn’t hit me fully.
His face pales as if he didn’t think about that, but just as it softens it hardens again.
“Yeah, and I never asked you to keep it either.”
My eyes widen, my teeth gritting. The option to have an abortion never crossed my mind.
I look to the ground, playing in my head if that’s something I want.
This child wasn’t planned, but it has my DNA in it. My family’s blood. My mother is risking her life for me to save this baby, I can’t let that go in vain.
Swallowing hard, I look up. My nostrils flaring.
“And I’m not here asking you or your biker boyfriend to play daddy!”
In one large step, our feet are nearly touching, my face to his chest.
“Keep your fucking voice down.” He hisses with a scared face, apparently his club doesn’t know he likes to swing with women and men. I take a step back, not intimidated by him. I deal with his kind all the time. More often than not, their bark is bigger than their bite.
“This is a big life change, and it’s scary. Believe me, I know.” My voice wavers with so much emotion I choke. “But turning your back on us will be the scariest thing in your life because you’ll regret it if we get hurt.” I poke him in the chest, and he sighs heavily. His hard eyes fall to my stomach and soften for the first time since I stepped out of my car. I think we finally see eye to eye.
“Get in my truck, I’ll deal with your car later.” He points to a red truck parked beside the club, and we both head that direction.
Climbing inside, he starts it, his eyes narrowing in at my torso. Clearing my throat, I buckle my seatbelt and look out the window. I feel vulnerable, and I hate it. This baby is already changing so much, and I’ve only been aware of it for a day.
Kane drives me to the same hotel Gatz and us stayed in that night. It still holds that country taste and is even nicer looking in the sunlight.
Pulling up to the main office, Kane parks causing us to rock to a hard stop.
“Stay in the truck while I check you in,” he states. The truck rocks back and forth as he climbs out.
Tucking hair behind my ear, I look the place over, flashbacks of the night before whipping in and out of memory. I wish I could remember more than I do. Maybe then I would know whose child this is. Pressing my hand to my stomach, it’s still flat and seems illogical to be carrying a child inside of me. Kane steps out of the front office, and I look up. He waves me on, a key in his hand.
Getting out, I follow him to room 7. Once inside, the room smells clean, the bedsheets made, and towels in perfect place. It’s as if nothing ever happened in this room weeks ago. There’s no residue of coke on the dresser, the smell of sex in the air replaced with air freshener.
Stifling a yawn, I sit down on the bed, looking to Kane for what’s next.
“You’ll stay here while I’m out doing club shit. I’ll bring back some food and crap when I can—”
“By myself?” The edge to his sudden laugh, answers that question. “So, I’m just supposed to stay here and do what?” My brows raise to my hairline.
“Watch TV, read, do whatever it is you do, just don’t let anyone see you.” Noticing I’m not happy with my accommodations her scoffs. “Do you want my protection or not?” His controlled tone of voice and shifting of his feet make me aware of my attitude. Taking a calming breath, I look away from him.
I’m not unappreciative, it’s just not what I imagined when he agreed to protect me. I thought I’d be in the clubhouse with him, or at least tucked away in a nice safe house or something.
“How long am I staying in this room?” My fingers mindlessly fiddle with the loose string hanging from my pants, trying to distract myself from this piss poor situation.
“Until you can go to Gatz. Fuck!” he booms irritated, slamming the door behind him.
Jumping to my feet, my nostrils flaring I jerk the curtain to the side to watch him drive away.
“That asshole!” I kick the wall, my eyes threatening to spill warm tears.
I’m not staying here, fuck him!
A phone rings from the corner, and I turn around. My eyes narrow in on a black phone on the floor.
Glancing at the window to see if Kane has noticed it missing, I rush to it and find Gatz’s name across the screen.
“Hello?”
“Hello? Simone?” His light-hearted voice grounds me, telling me everything is going to be okay.
“This – this is her.” I cross my arms, tucking my bottom lip in between my teeth.
“Oh. Wow.” He chuckles. I can hear the nervousness in his voice.
“Hey to you too.”
“Sorry, this is just—ya know… different,” he exhales.
“Tell me about it.” Anxiety laces around every word.
“Kane set you up okay?”
Raising a brow, I look around the hotel room.
“I’m in a hotel room, but Kane isn’t here,” I explain, leaving out the part where Kane was a complete shit.
“Stay in that room, babe. From what Kane told me, it’s safer this way.”
A tear spills from my right eye, I don’t want to be locked in a room and forgotten.
“He said I’m coming to be with you soon?”
“Yes, that’s the plan. I want to get a place, maybe even a baby room set up.” A smile creeps along my face, one that hasn’t been in place for a long time. I can endure this shitty setup if I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
The door to the room opens, and Kane stands in the doorway looking like the reaper. His shoulders wide, arms bowed out, and face hard. I freeze. Gatz is talking, but I can’t hear anything from the fear pounding in my neck.
“That my phone?” Kane lifts his chin.
“It’s Gatz.” I shrug, trying to act unaffected. Stomping toward me, he snatches the phone from my hand and clicks it off. Not even bothering to talk to Gatz.
He looks at me with a heated stare, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s almost jealous I was talking to Gatz.
“What is your problem?” I snap.
“You,” he deadpans. “Gatz and I were fine until you walked into our lives,” he mumbles. Blinking slowly, my mouth parts.
“I’m not—”
“Just stay in the fucking room. You don’t like the rules, then fucking leave!” he bellows, the flower painted picture raddling on the wall from his harsh voice. I’m sure the entire motel is aware of mine and Kane’s arrival.
“Fuck you, I’m out of here!” I shove him, and head toward the open door. As soon as my foot reaches the threshold, I’m jerked back into the room, and the door is slammed in front of my face.
I turn around ready to give Kane everything I have, and he slams his fist against the door right behind my head. I jerk and hiccup a mousey whimper. Taking a step back, my back pressed against the door.
“Look, for some reason you mean something to Gatz.” His eyes fall to my belly. “Or this baby does, and I’m not going to lose him because of you wanting to be a snobby little bitch.”
My nostrils flare, and before I can correct myself, I slap him across the face.
His head doesn’t even budge. You wouldn’t even know I hit him if it weren’t for the slight pink staining his cheek.
He takes a deep breath, his eyes dilating. “Just… let’s just try and get along, for Gatz’s sake,” he growls.
“Then stay away from me,” I sneer.
“You weren’t saying that when my dick was fucking you into forgetting your problems,” his voice serious. My hand itches to smack h
im again, but instead, I cross my arms and roll my eyes.
I know this situation isn’t ideal for either of us, but we both seem to care about Gatz, and that alone makes me want to make this work. Besides, I don’t have much of a choice if I want to protect this baby. My baby. My chest warms at that thought. My baby. I’m a mom now, and I have to rein in my hormones for the both of us.
“Just bring me back some chocolate.” Sidestepping him I make my way back to the bed, I’m exhausted.
“I can do that,” he grunts, jerking the door open.
Plopping on the bed, I grab the remote for the TV and settle in for the journey that’s going to have Kane and I clashing teeth and breathing fire.
6 Months Later: Simone
The creakiness of the wheels from the cleaner cart, have me bolt upright and look at the clock. It’s nine in the morning. Shit, Kane is late leaving today. Kane steps out of the bathroom freshly showered and grabs his motorcycle keys off the counter.
“You know the rules,” he mutters, and I roll my eyes. Stay inside, and don’t let anyone see me. Same shit, different day. I’m a damn hermit staying locked in this room as long as I have.
“It’s been six months, when do I get to go to Gatz?” I huff, my big belly making it hard for me to sit up all the way.
Kane shoots me a look; his eyes fall to my stomach as he steps out the door. The way he looks at my belly makes me uncomfortable. He doesn’t want anything to do with the baby and leaves anytime I talk about feeling the baby move, or what sex it might be. I went on a run with him and his club shortly after I got here, only because he had no choice but to bring me along. He called me his sister, and I was hidden in another hotel. As soon as we got back here, I was shoved back in this hotel, never to be seen again. I haven’t even seen a doctor about the pregnancy. I haven’t told Gatz that last part yet. I know as soon as he picks me up, I will be in good hands. Whenever that will be.
Gatz is like Narnia or Santa. I believe and hope I’m going to be sent to him, but the reality of it being true is starting to be questioned. If it wasn’t for the one time he actually came here and I got to see him briefly, I’d call Kane a liar all together and leave.
Sitting on the bed, the door opens, the sound of deep voices echoing through the room. I sit up, curious if Kane brought one of his club members to the hotel. I could use some interaction with actual people. I’m so lonely it’s pathetic.
Kane struts in, his face lit up more than I’ve seen in months.
“I found a stray,” Kane said nicely, and then Gatz walked in behind him. His dark hair perfectly in place, his white shirt tight and snug under his cut. My eyes lit up. He’s here for me, finally!
“Gatz!” I jumped up off the bed and hurried to his side. I couldn’t help myself, I swung my arms around his neck and pulled him close. He was hard but smaller than Kane. The smell of his cologne, grounding me. He’s just like I remember, soft and hard where it counts.
“Am I coming with you?” I pulled away from him, and his deep eyes darkened.
“Not yet.” His eyes fell to my belly, and before I could register my sadness that I’m not going with him, I became elated that he was acknowledging the baby. “Can I?” He held his hand out, and I nodded. Kane never asked to feel my stomach.
He kneeled in front of me and very gently placed his hand on the round of my growing four-month belly. I look down at my now six-month-old belly. It grew fast.
“Can you feel it yet?” he asked. “Yeah, but it feels like butterflies,” I replied with a huge smile.
“It’s unbelievable,” he whispered in astonishment before glancing up at Kane. Kane was hard in the face, his eyes dark and shoulders tense. He wasn’t happy anymore.
Gatz removed his caring palm and stood up, clearing his throat.
“The boys are probably wondering where I am, I better get,” Gatz changed the subject, and my joy burst into flames.
“But you just got here,” I protest, he’s the friendliest face I’ve seen in months. He can’t leave yet.
“Club duty,” he shrugs.
“I’ll ride you back to where they’re staying,” Kane mumbles, walking past us both like a pissed off girlfriend.
Gatz sighs, placing his hands in his pockets. Awkwardness swirls around us like confetti, we haven’t seen each other since that night. He glances around the room and suddenly frowns.
“You don’t have any baby stuff?”
I shake my head, my eyes gazing across the area. “I haven’t really left the room since I got here, I have cabin fever like crazy.” You can’t miss the edge to my giggle. I’m happy for what Kane has given me, I’m just lonely.
“Well, I kind of got something—”
“You what?” My heart skips a beat, and Gatz reaches behind his back and pulls out a purple stuffed dragon. The creature is masculine, but the color of this particular one gives it a feminine touch. The wings are dainty, and it’s face and eyes soft. It could be for a boy or girl.
Tears fill my eyes, and I lose my breath. It’s the first thing I’ve gotten for the baby. It makes everything feel that more real.
“It’s not much, but…”
“I love it.” I grab it, running my finger over the stitched horns on the head.
The sound of the wheels on the cleaning cart, bring me back from the memory, and my eyes fall to the dragon sitting on the dresser across from me. I don’t love Gatz like a lover, but I feel like we’re family. I miss him.
Standing up, I waddle to the window and watch Kane drive away. He’d be pissed if he knew I came outside when he left. Opening the door, I spot the housekeeper, Miss Suzy.
She has a clipboard in her hand, and a pen in her black curly hair. Her white and blue uniform is wrinkled, and there’s a run in her pantyhose today. When she places the clipboard on top of the cart, she spots me and lights up. She’s the only other person I can socialize with, without having to worry about someone finding out I’m here.
“Did you find any new books?” I ask with excitement.
“Room 3 left one, you’re in luck.” She bends down, grabbing a yellow book from a shelf and waves it in the air.
“Oooh!” I step out and waddle to her as fast as I can. The fresh air is amazing, so I don’t go too fast.
Grasping the book from her, I run my hand over the cover.
“The Gold Finch,” I read the title aloud, flipping through the pages.
“You ever read that one?” she asks, grabbing her smokes sitting next to the hard bar of soaps. I shake my head. I have four books that Suzy has found left behind in rooms over the last six months. One by John Grisham, Fifty Shades of Gray, The Little Prince, and now this one.
“Well, let me know if it’s any good, yeah?” She grabs her clipboard and lighter and unlocks room 5 before going in to clean it.
“Sure thing, Suzy!” I say without taking my eyes off the book. This is what my life has become. Sitting in a hotel room reading leftover books. I take bubble baths a lot, and watch TV when I can, but the signal sucks. Once I snuck out to the pool but a man wearing black was sitting across from me in a lawn chair and I became paranoid. I mean, who goes to the pool wearing all of their clothes?
At least in this room, I’m safe. Shutting the door behind me, I slide to the floor and stretch my legs out in front of me. One hand on my belly, I feel the baby move and kick as I open the cover to the book, ready for it to take me from this hotel room and into a place far away.
I’m halfway through the book, on the edge of my seat for the next chapter when Kane walks in the room. He’s here early, so I glance up from my book. Untucking my legs from under me, I stretch out.
“You’re back early,” I yawn.
His eyes are watery, and his face is lax and defeat from his usual hard mask. Little hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Something is wrong.
I drop my book and stand.
“Are you okay? What happened?”
“Gatz, he’s dead.” Raising his head, teeth
gritted tears spring from his eyes.
“Wh-what?”
Kane turns and sits on the bed, his head hanging in his hands as he cries. A man as brutal and infuriating as Kane crying makes the world freeze in time.
The baby kicks so hard I kneel over the bed, my fingers clawing at the unmade sheets. My clenched eyes fill with tears as I think about what Kane just said.
“Are you sure, Kane?” I whimper. “How do you know?”
Sniffing, he stands. His eyes fall on my stomach, and anger turns his face red.
His moment of vulnerability gone.
“Get your shit, we’re going to the Sin City Outlaws in Vegas.”
He doesn’t give me any answers, he doesn’t hug me and tell me anything. He just starts grabbing my things and shoving them in a bag. If I didn’t know any better, it’s as if now that Gatz is gone Kane is getting rid of me too.
