by Todd Young
His cock pulsed, as though there was a supercharged cord threaded through his urethra. He jerked backward and pulled away, disentangling his arms. He dropped his head, shook it a little. He couldn’t look at Theo. He bit his lips, feeling hopelessly confused. His eyes filled with tears.
When he found the strength to look up, Theo was grinning, his face alight.
Riley drew his head back.
“Wow!” Theo said. “You’re just like … Wow!”
He moved forward and took Riley’s arms again. Riley nodded a series of stuttering nods. He was trembling. His knees were trembling. He felt his face crumple as a surge of emotion overwhelmed him. He sobbed, suddenly and unexpectedly. And then, without exactly understanding why, threw himself forward and gripped Theo tight.
Theo drew him in, his arms firm and muscular. He pulled Riley hard against his body and they stood chest-to-chest and thigh-to-thigh. Theo’s hair was damp from the shower, and he smelled of soap and shampoo and clean young skin. Beneath it there was another scent, a little different to Riley’s, but somehow recognizable all the same.
Riley screwed his eyes tight. His cock swelled, slipped into the leg of his jeans. He felt Theo’s against it, firming steadily. He’d never felt anything like it in his life before, and he gasped, before sobbing again. He jerked his head sideways and buried it in Theo’s neck, wanting to bite something, to bite his skin. Theo gripped Riley’s ass, gripped it hard, and then dug his fingers into his crack, searching for his hole.
Riley pushed Theo roughly. He stumbled backwards and hit the countertop.
“You can’t do that!” he said.
“What?”
“You can’t touch me like that!”
Theo grinned, as though at a joke. “Why not?” he said, his voice lilting like a child’s, the first word low and the second high.
Riley furrowed his brows, staring at the expression on Theo’s face. He narrowed his eyes. Theo thought he was funny, apparently. He was smiling a smile that was holding back a laugh. His smile was so unlike any smile Riley might have smiled, that all he could do was stare. It both was and wasn’t his face.
“Can we do that again?” Theo said.
“What?”
“Touch.”
“What? No!” He turned to Akam.
Akam had one hand on his chin, a thumb and finger gripping it from either side. He’d dropped his eyes and was thinking. A moment passed, and then he lifted his eyes to Riley’s. He shrugged, glanced at Theo, and then turned his eyes on Riley again.
Riley had no idea what had just happened, why he’d hugged Theo, why they’d touched at all. “Don’t they …? Doesn’t he understand that …?”
“I don’t think he’s been schooled in that sort of thing. I mean, from what I’ve gathered — not.”
“Right.”
“So we’re brothers, right?” Theo said.
“What?”
“You and I — we’re twins. Akam said that’s the cover. I’m coming to live with you, as your twin brother?”
Riley lifted a hand to his forehead. “Yeah.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, Theo,” Akam said. He pushed away from the countertop, stepped past Riley and put his hand on Theo’s shoulder. “Come and sit down. We need to talk — about your cover, and …”
Theo glanced over his shoulder and grinned at Riley as Akam led him toward the bed. He was wearing a pair of cotton sweatpants, the cotton thin and worn, and as he turned away, Riley caught a glimpse of his ass, high and firm and rounded, the seam of the sweatpants dipping between his cheeks. Riley’s cock grew a little harder. He stepped behind the kitchen counter and adjusted it. He’d never seen his ass from that angle, not from behind, and he frowned, guessing it must look just like that, though the thought seemed odd. Theo had dug his fingers into his crack, right into it. He reached backward and scratched the seam of his jeans.
It was too damned hot in here. He peeled his jacket off and hung it on the door handle. Then he stepped back into the kitchen, and glanced across the room.
“… can’t touch?” Theo said, his voice rising.
“No, not like that.”
“You mean because he’s my brother.”
“No, no, of course not. It’s not about him being your brother, it’s because he’s another man.”
Riley turned away and searched for a glass. He wasn’t his brother. They weren’t brothers! for Chrissake. He poured himself a glass of water and kept his head down. It was his own stupid fault for gripping Theo like that. But what the hell had happened? They’d seen each other and hugged? How did that make sense?
He glanced sideways. Theo was nodding, listening to Akam quietly. God, he was beautiful, so absurdly attractive. Did he look better than Riley in some way? No? They were just the same? He looked that good himself?
Hell. Well, that explained it then. All his freaking life he’d had people staring at him. Telling him how good he looked. All those girls at school. He’d never been able to see it himself, well not really. Not like this.
He lifted the glass to his lips and swallowed a mouthful of water. He took a second mouthful and then drained the glass. He set it on the sink and wiped his lips. He turned toward the fridge and blinked at it. There was a note, pinned with a magnet, a green and blue butterfly.
Meet me at the tower — F. it said, and that was it.
“You get it?” Akam was saying.
“Yeah, yeah, but I got to say, it sounds pretty stupid. Why the hell would they make that a law?”
“They never told you about it?”
“Shit, no. They never let us touch.”
“Never let you touch?”
“No, not at all. That’s why I … I thought everything was different here.”
“You weren’t allowed to touch the girls?”
“Hell, no. Why would I want to?”
Riley turned around and stepped back toward the counter.
“That’s what … most people …” Akam glanced at Riley, a pained expression on his face.
“It just can’t happen, Theo. We’re not allowed to do that.”
“But I like you.”
Riley’s cock began to swell again. Theo was staring at him, his eyes wide, his face so impossibly innocent, Riley was reminded of himself as a child.
“I like you a lot.”
“You only just met me.”
“Yeah, but we’re brothers. We’re twins, right?”
Riley closed his eyes. How the hell was this going to work? He was going to have to call Creig in a moment and tell him they were coming.
“Don’t you like me?”
“I don’t know you.” No, and it was dawning on him pretty quickly that they were nothing alike.
Theo closed his mouth and stared at Riley, his eyes smoldering. His lips thickened. Then he was pouting. Riley smiled, and then, unable to help it, chuckled. A smiled tugged at Akam’s mouth.
“Are you laughing at me?” Theo folded his arms.
“No — I …” What could he say? “You look just like me, when I sulk.”
“I’m not sulking.”
Akam laughed. He stood up and turned to Riley. “Is it going to be okay?”
“I guess so,” Riley said. It wasn’t at all what he’d been expecting, but he supposed they’d get on.
5
He called Creig.
“Hey. Guess what?”
“What?”
“My brother’s in town.”
“Your brother?”
“Yeah. I should have called you earlier. He needs a place to stay, and I said he could crash with us for a while.”
“Right.” He sounded a little surprised.
Riley turned away from the others and leaned against the sink, staring at a miniature holographic Creig, his head and shoulders perched on his watch screen. “Is that okay?”
“I guess so. I’m making pasta. Does he want some of that?”
Riley glanced at Theo. “Have
you eaten?”
Theo shook his head. He was listening carefully, a line troubling his forehead.
“No, he hasn’t eaten — so, yeah, that’d be good.”
“Right, well there’s fish. I know you’re not mad about fish.”
“He eats it.”
“Okay, then. Well, it’ll be done in about fifteen minutes. You gonna make it?”
“Um, yeah.” He tried to think. Were they ready to go? Now? “Maybe twenty.”
Creig nodded.
“That okay?”
“I’ll try to hold it back.”
“Okay. Well, we’ll see you then.” He ended the call, his heart beating quickly. He took a breath, then turned to the others.
“I don’t really like fish.”
“No, I don’t like it either. Does it make you sick?”
“Sometimes.”
“You’re going to have to eat it.”
Theo nodded.
“Right,” Akam said. He’d been leaning against the wall, but he pushed away from it. “I’ve got one set of clothes I can give him — lend him, preferably. We burned his uniform.”
Riley nodded. It occurred to him that this was really going to happen. He felt his stomach turn, a long-legged spider scrabbling to get out of it. Theo was staring at him, his eyes wide, looking at him thankfully? Riley hoped so. He was really putting himself on the line here. For the next few weeks, for however long it took, his life was going to be hell. A constant worry about all of it. He’d have to go to work, which would mean leaving Theo alone in the apartment. Luckily, Creig worked too, and his hours were a little longer. He spent most of the weekend with his ice hockey friends, either playing or drinking.
It should work out. It wasn’t that big an ask. Not as much as he’d thought now that he’d met Theo. Still, shouldn’t he stay now and talk to Akam? There were plenty of things he wanted to say, but with Theo here? Perhaps not now.
He lifted his head. “You ready to go?”
“You’re really taking me?”
Riley nodded.
“Wow! You’re just like … Man!”
Riley lowered his eyes.
“Theo, you remember the story?” Akam said. “You want to tell Riley, see what he thinks?”
“Okay. Right. Riley?”
Riley looked up.
“I’ve been in Seattle. We don’t know each other that well. I lived there with my mom, and you lived here with your dad. We haven’t seen each other, I mean, maybe a few times, since we were like … five or something?”
At the mention of his mother, Riley glimpsed her face, her blond hair and blue eyes. She was smiling in bright sunshine, one of the few memories he had, a memory of a golden day at the beach.
Theo went on. “That was like … some sort of agreement between our parents. What did you call it?”
“A custody arrangement.” Akam was standing by the closet, pulling a suit out of it.
“Yeah, and so, I went to school there, in Seattle. I made friends there, and I’ve got a few stories about friends and such if you want to hear?”
Riley nodded, though he’d more or less stopped listening. His thoughts had turned to his mother, and what had happened to her when he was a child.
On his seventh birthday, he’d come home from school, excited about the day. He’d been looking forward to his presents, to his birthday cake, and to a party with his mom and dad. Marlow, his father, met him in the foyer, a grim look on his face. He took Riley into his arms, and hugged him tight. Then a CPF officer appeared, walking out of the living room as though he lived there. Two others came down the stairs. Riley was frightened of the security services, of the uniforms, the hats, the black boots, the red lapels and silver buttons, the way the tunics fastened at the neck.
He stared, and began to whimper.
His father took him into the study, and did his best to calm him. He told him his mother wasn’t home, and that there wasn’t going to be a party. He didn’t explain then, but he explained later.
Marlow had been at home, working in his study that morning. Riley’s mother had been in the kitchen, baking Riley’s birthday cake. It grew toward lunchtime, and then his father noticed that the house was very quiet. He got up in search of Riley’s mother, but couldn’t find her. He assumed she’d gone out. Perhaps she’d forgotten something. Then he saw her purse, and knew she wouldn’t have left that. He tried to phone her, but got no answer. He began searching through the house. She wasn’t at home. There were no signs of forced entry. And nothing of hers was missing, no clothes, and no personal effects.
Riley’s birthday cake was on the kitchen counter, a cake in the shape of a fire engine, complete with seven candles.
Neither of them ever saw her again.
“So, is that okay? You lived with your — our dad, and I lived with our mom.”
“She disappeared — a long time ago.”
Akam lifted his head. “I haven’t told him what happened.”
“Right.”
Akam was taking the suit off the hanger and laying it on the bed. “I thought, well, it’s for you to tell him, but for the sake of the story, she needs to be alive.”
“She is alive.”
Akam raised his hands defensively.
Akam thought she was dead. Or he’d said that when they’d been at college. Perhaps he thought differently now. But when they’d spoken about it then, he’d told Riley to look at it objectively. People disappeared all the time, or they got disappeared. She’d most likely done something wrong, transgressed in some major way, and the company had dispensed with her. Riley didn’t see it. He’d been young, though, and guessed he hadn’t known his mother all that well.
It had spurred him to ask Marlow, to ask him what he thought. His father was the best of fathers, a big man, nothing like Riley. He towered over him, but he was loving, kind, gentle, a great mentor, and a great friend. He’d always spoken frankly. He spoke to Riley on any subject, but he wouldn’t speak about this. He never had.
As he listened to Riley, his face grew red. He clenched his fists, and then stood up to walk away. But before leaving the room he turned back again, and closed upon Riley quickly.
“You want to know about your mother, Riley. You really want to know?”
Riley sat still, staring at him, for the first time in his life afraid of his father.
“Your mother!” Marlow said. “Your mother!”
He stared at Riley meaningfully, but then calmed down. He tugged on his suit jacket, smoothed his hand over his head, and sat down again. “Let’s forget it,” he said, his voice now calm.
A day or two later Akam was arrested, but when Riley tried to speak to his father about it, he found him changed. They weren’t the friends they’d once been, and since that time they’d never been close. He visited Marlow often, but he suspected he knew far more about his mother’s disappearance than he was prepared to say. Perhaps she’d simply left them.
“It’s probably better if you say she’s dead. That way we won’t get confused.”
Theo nodded. He glanced at Akam and then at Riley again. “I was living with her before I came here. That’s what Akam said.”
“Well, just don’t mention that, okay?” He took a breath. “Say you were living with a friend.” He looked down and gripped one hand with the other. He’d raised his voice. But why the hell would Akam have said that, that he was living with his mother?
“What’ll I say his name is?”
“Does it matter?”
“Here, Theo, get up,” Akam said. “You want to get changed in the bathroom?”
“I can get changed here.”
“Go in the bathroom, huh?”
Theo nodded, looking a little bewildered. He glanced at Riley, his expression hurt. Akam turned around and pulled a pair of underpants out of a drawer in the night table. Theo took them, and a moment later the bathroom door closed.
Akam walked toward him. “Don’t be hard on him.”
Riley exha
led, blowing air through his nose. “I don’t owe him anything.”
“No, I know, but you don’t know what he’s been through.”
Riley nodded, and then turned his eyes on Akam’s. “You’re putting me in danger, you know that?”
“I know, Riley.”
“Well, what the hell? You’ve been following me, you and God knows who else. You track me down and then put this on me? Get me to take in some stranger?” He’d lowered his voice, and the words were coming quickly and quietly. “Why should it involve me? And why the hell does he have to be my brother?”
“It makes sense.”
“How does it make sense?”
“Prints are connected to genetics in the system. They’re not going to look closely. If your prints and your DNA match a name, the computers don’t flag you. Even if you weren’t involved, we would have connected him to your family somehow.”
“Right. So that’s what you do, is it?”
“Save people’s lives? Fight for freedom? Yeah, pretty much.”
Riley lowered his head.
“What are you doing with your life, Riley?”
“Me?” He lifted his eyes again. “Hell, trying to live!”
“Staying alive isn’t living. Not if there’s nothing to live for.”
The bathroom door opened and Theo emerged, dressed in a white button down shirt, the shirt hanging to his thighs. “It’s too small in there.” He had the rest of the suit draped awkwardly over his arm. He tossed it on the bed, and then stepped into the trousers, giving Riley a glimpse of his ass again, firm in a pair of white boxer briefs, the cotton etched into his crack.
Akam went on. “You work, you eat, you sleep. Isn’t it pretty pointless?”
Riley exhaled roughly and nodded. “Yeah — I guess you’re right. Just don’t talk about my mother.”
6
Susen finished her report and got up from the desk. She placed a hand on the small of her back and stretched. Riley had tried to finish it to tonight, but she’d forestalled him, thankfully. She hadn’t seen that coming, and it was odd in a way. She’d had quite a good time at the rink, but had most likely pushed him too hard with that thing about his friend. Guys didn’t like that sort of thing. They hated it when you bugged them. She should have learned by now. It was most likely some stupid boy thing, but she’d noted it in her report. Kristin could look at it tomorrow, or whenever she got around to it, if she even read the damn reports, which Susen sometimes doubted.
