by Todd Young
Riley nodded. “Yeah.” He paused. “Well, I don’t really understand it. All I know is that when I was little, when I was a baby, they took some of me — maybe a piece of my hair or some of my saliva, or a bit of my skin, and they kept it. They do it to everyone.”
“Who does?”
“The government.”
“The company, you mean?”
“Yeah — well, they’re the same thing. They weren’t always, but—”
“I know. Akam told me.” He raised his hands. “I’m sick of hearing about it.”
They stared at one another for a moment.
“It destroyed the democracy, right?”
“It’s not a test, Theo. If you know, we don’t have to talk about it.”
Theo nodded, then glanced over Riley’s shoulder.
Riley turned. The girl who lived next door was in her bedroom. She was ruffling the curtains together, checking they were closed. She caught a glimpse of Riley, stared down at him, as she was a little higher, and then lifted her head and saw Theo. She looked embarrassed, and shut the curtains firmly. Riley turned and drew the curtains on his side.
“Who was that?”
“I think her name’s Melody.” He had heard her father call to her in the street one day. She was maybe sixteen or seventeen, and wore a school uniform. Her hair was golden blond, her face wide and innocent. She almost always had her curtains closed. He turned and gripped the sill again.
“So what did they do with your skin?”
“My skin?”
“You said they took some of your hair or your skin or your saliva.”
“Right.” He nodded, not sure what he could say. He had a feeling this was going to upset Theo, but he said it anyway. “That’s how they made you.”
“How?”
“From some of my skin.”
Theo frowned.
“They got a piece of me, and then somehow made a new person out of it.”
“You mean me?”
“Yeah.”
“And that’s why I look like you?”
“Yeah.”
Theo furrowed his brows, then his eyes narrowed. “Is that how they made you?”
9
Riley shook his head and tried to explain. He talked about his mother and father, and how they’d met, and then went on to explain sex and gestation and birth, though perhaps too vaguely. Theo didn’t understand and he had to backtrack, and then come right out and say penis and vagina, his face and neck heating. He spoke about semen and ovaries and eggs and testicles, though this stuff had never been clearly explained to him. He was maybe seventeen by the time he’d pieced it all together, and he couldn’t help thinking Creig would do a much better job. Creig could be incredibly crude, and liked to embarrass Riley with his crassness, though he would have been ashamed if anyone else heard him, his mother or sister or some average guy on the street.
It became clear pretty quickly, if Riley hadn’t already got the message, that Theo was gay. He was wincing and making faces and at one point said, “Yuck!”
Riley laughed.
They discussed birth and siblings and generations of families and so on, but even so, there seemed to be something Theo simply couldn’t grasp.
He wanted to know about the womb, and they had to go back to that. Riley talked about the egg again, explained the umbilical cord and the placenta, mentioned amniotic fluid, and then came to a halt.
Moments of silence passed, Theo frowning and watching him.
Then Theo said, “Do you remember it?”
“What?”
“The womb?”
“No. I was, like, this big.” He cupped his hands.
“I was pretty much like this.” Theo drew his hands up and down his body. “But I was in an incubator. Like a tank.”
“Right.”
“I had an umbilical cord, like you said, but I never knew what it was until just before I was born. I had my eyes closed.”
Riley nodded, wondering what the hell this tank looked like.
“I used to suck my thumb, and I’d see pictures in my mind, pictures of outside, of hills and mountains and water and animals.” He paused, his eyes drifting to one side. “And this voice — she said she was my mother — used to read to me. She’d tell me stories of Asia, and the war, and how I was going to be a soldier one day.” He paused again, remembering. “She taught me math and stuff and I saw it all in my mind. They had wires attached to my head. But I didn’t breathe, then. I was in water — or maybe not water. Maybe it was amniotic fluid, like you said. It was all sort of thick and warm, but not in my lungs. I didn’t breathe it.”
Riley frowned.
“When I opened my eyes I saw the umbilical cord and the glass, and I could put my hands on it and see through it, and see other incubators and other people inside them. We were in this,” he spread his hands, “enormous room.” He glanced at his feet. “Then they took me out, and since then, well, everything’s been … messed up.
“Really messed up,” he said again, after a moment had passed.
His shoulders shook.
“And now you tell me I’m not … How did you get so big if you used to be that small?”
“I grew up.”
“How?”
“I just got bigger, over time.”
“So, am I going to get bigger?”
“No. They made you big.”
Theo nodded, and then sat on the edge of the bed, his head downturned.
“This is as big as we get, Theo.”
He nodded again, but didn’t look up. Then his shoulders heaved and he started to cry.
Riley watched him uncertainly, and then pushed away from the window and sat beside him. He put his arm over Theo’s shoulder, and Theo curved toward him and hugged him tight.
“I am allowed to hug you, right?”
“Sure, Theo.” He put his arms around him and held him and Theo cried. Then he cupped his head and drew him inward, Theo’s hair tickling his neck and chin. He stared across the room at the bathroom doorway. He’d left the light on and the tiles were shining, bright and clean and empty.
A minute or two passed, and then Theo stopped crying. He quieted, and they were still. Riley was all at once aware of how close they were, Theo’s face against his chest, the skin of his cheek smooth and warm. It occurred to him Theo would be staring at his groin.
His cock began to swell and he cursed inwardly, but didn’t feel he could move right yet. His cock lifted into the air, rising toward his fly, and he was afraid it was going to slip out.
He was just about to move when Theo pressed down on it with his palm.
Riley jumped.
He moved his hands to Theo’s shoulders and pushed him sideways, but Theo steadied his hand, the cotton a frail barrier. He glanced at Riley, their faces very close, Theo’s eyes bright. A smile formed and Riley began to smile as well. His dick hardened a little more and he closed his eyes, but then very firmly pushed Theo away and reached for his cock. He got his hand under Theo’s and tried to stand up, but fell back again, and sat down. He put both hands on his groin.
“Mine’s hard too,” Theo said.
Riley nodded.
“You want to feel it?”
He reached for Riley’s hand and moved it to his lap, and then forced Riley’s hand onto the top of his cock. Riley sat still, his breathing growing heavier as Theo’s cock hardened beneath his palm, beneath the scratchy grey trousers, trying to rise upwards. Soon it was very hard, and pressing insistently against his palm, but he had his eyes closed now. Theo’s cock jerked and he snatched his hand away. He got up and walked to the bathroom, his hands over his groin. He closed the door, put his back against it, and started to cry.
When he finally came out, Theo was in bed. He was lying on the far side with his hands behind his head. The lights were on, and he was staring at the ceiling. His clothes were scattered over the floor, and Riley searched them with his eyes, trying to see his underpants. He could see the shi
rt and the trousers and a sock, and the shoes. He hoped Theo wasn’t in bed naked, but didn’t want to ask him. He glanced at him and then turned the light out. Maybe an hour had passed since he shut the bathroom door.
He peeled the comforter back and climbed in, the bed rocking. He was used to sleeping in the middle, where there was a depression, but he kept to the side. He lay on his back and tried to steady his breathing.
A minute or two passed, and then Theo said, “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, Theo. I’m sorry too.”
“Don’t you want to?”
Riley sighed. “Let’s not talk about it, huh? We’re brothers.”
Theo let a few moments pass, and then said, “I know you do want to.”
Riley sighed.
“At the barracks, none of the guys wanted to, but you do. You got a stiff, two times now.”
Riley shut his eyes and bit his lips. He was getting a stiff again.
“I used to get shut in the hole for touching other guys. It happened heaps of times.”
“What’s the hole?”
“It’s a room, a dark room, and they leave you in there on your own. Sometimes for a week.”
Riley nodded slightly, but didn’t speak.
“Other guys got shut in there too — for the girls — for anything. They treated us like shit.” He paused for a moment. “They laughed at us and made jokes about us, but I could never understand it. I thought we were just like them, but we’re not, are we?”
“I think you are, Theo.”
“No, we’re just copies of other people.” He took a breath. “They made us for war, didn’t they? Just for that?”
He nodded again, but Theo wasn’t looking.
“I’ve been lying here thinking — and things you said, things Akam said — I don’t understand it all, but the only reason they made us is so we could kill for them. That’s right, isn’t it?”
“Yes, Theo.”
“If you knew what I’ve been through — all the fucking training, all the fucking shit about China, and now you bring me to this place. I don’t even know where I am.”
“We’re in America.”
“Yeah, but what is that?”
“It’s a country.”
“Yeah. But where? I don’t understand.”
“What don’t you understand?”
Theo rolled over and propped his head on his hand. It was dark, but not too dark too see, and he was suddenly very close. “I don’t know where it is.”
“It’s between the Atlantic and the Pacific, between Canada and Mexico.”
“I don’t know what that means. I’ve never seen those places on a map.”
“What have you seen?”
“China and Greater China.”
“Yeah?”
“That’s it.”
Riley turned his head a little. He’d been looking at Theo out of the corner of his eyes, but now turned to face him. They were only inches apart, and he could feel the heat of Theo’s body. Despite what they were talking about, his cock had grown until it was rigid. He put a hand on it and held it, hoping Theo couldn’t see.
“Where did you think you were, then?”
“Training Hanger N-54. They said that we were fighting to get to the promised land — but we only ever trained in Asia. I thought we were in Asia.”
“How did you train there?”
“In holograms. We flew over it in helicopters. We trudged over the countryside, through streams and over fields and through forests, and fought people. Sometimes we were in tanks. I killed a lot of people.”
“They weren’t real, Theo.”
“Yeah, but they didn’t tell us that at first. When you’ve just been born you really don’t understand things, and I thought it was all real.”
Riley nodded, staring at him, at what appeared to be his own face in the darkened room. He was getting a sense of what Theo’s difficulty might be, but couldn’t quite believe they would have kept him as ignorant as that. Still, he’d only been alive a few months. He took a breath. “Do you know what the earth is?”
“You mean dirt?”
“No, I mean the planet.”
Theo shook his head, his hair bouncing slightly, his big dark eyes locked on Riley’s, wide and innocent. Riley wanted to touch his face, to reach up and brush a thumb across his cheek. He wondered what it would feel like to kiss him, and felt his cock jerk.
“You’ve seen stars, right, and the sun?”
Theo nodded.
“Well …” He couldn’t think where to start.
A few moments passed.
“Well, what?”
“Theo, I’ll find something for you on the net, or on 3TV, a documentary about space, and you can watch it tomorrow while I’m at work. I can’t explain it now. I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“So you can’t tell me where I am?”
“No, but did Akam have a tablet? Did you watch 3TV?”
“A bit.”
“Right. Well, you can do that tomorrow.”
“Is it a big secret?”
“No, it’s not a big secret. I just don’t know how to … Look. You’re on a ball, right, a big ball of rock, in the middle of nowhere. In darkness. It’s called the earth, and it’s a planet, and on the planet is China and America and a lot of other places too. Land and water.”
Theo grinned, his face breaking open with a sudden smile. “How big is the ball?”
“Very big.”
“Is it bigger than my balls?”
Riley winced. “Theo, you can’t speak like that. You can’t say ‘balls’ to people, okay? You can’t use words like that, and you can’t talk about sex.”
“Can I say ‘nuts?’”
Riley chuckled. He mouthed the word ‘no’ but their eyes were locked on one another and Theo’s were shining.
“My nuts are pretty big,” Theo said. “I bet yours are just the same.” He slid his hand onto Riley’s thigh. “Can I check?”
Riley batted his hand away, but Theo moved it quickly to his groin. He squeezed, getting a handful of Riley’s balls and at the same time feeling the base of his cock. And Riley’s hand.
“You’re hard again!”
Riley sank backwards and pushed his hand away. “Theo,” he said warningly. Theo drew his hand back, but it lingered on Riley’s thigh.
“Mine might be a bit bigger than that.”
Riley jittered his leg, and Theo pulled his hand away. He frowned at him.
“Okay, they’re probably not. They’re probably exactly the same as yours. Just like my cock. That’d be exactly the same too. You wanna look?”
“No, Theo.”
“I could look at yours.”
Riley shook his head, but his heart was pounding.
Theo smiled. “Can I tell you one thing I’d like to do?”
“What’s that?”
“I’d like to put your cock in my mouth and suck on it.”
Riley nodded quickly, his head stuttering.
“Can I do that?”
“No, and don’t say ‘cock.’ Don’t say ‘suck.’”
“Can I say ‘prick?’”
Riley shook his head.
“‘Dick?’”
Riley shook again.
“‘Schlong?’ ‘Doodle?’ ‘Fat one?’ ‘Boner?’”
“No.”
“‘Wang?’ ‘Custard chucker?’”
“What?”
“When it spurts, when you blow a load. You know — jism? Cum?”
“I never even heard half those words. No one speaks like that.”
“Hell,” Theo said, turning over and putting his hands behind his head again. “That’s how all the privates speak. All the clones. We never stop talking about sex.”
“I guess they didn’t care,” Riley said after a moment had passed. “I guess …”
“That they were just gonna let us get killed? Yeah, I already thought of that. But it’s not what they told us. They said we were gonna be free
one day. They let us think … hell, you don’t know. It was one big lie. They made out that everyone was born the way we were, in incubators, and that you had to fight for freedom before you got to live in the promised land. Life was just one big test, but then this corporal, Corporal Chatman, he said to me one day that I might not have to go to war, that I was special. That was probably a big lie too.”
“Why would you be special?”
“I don’t know.”
“Were you good at it?”
“The training? Hell, yeah.”
“Well, then how come …? Akam said you were being terminated.”
Silence. Silence for a long time.
“Theo?”
Theo turned onto his side, his eyes big and dark. He reached for Riley’s elbow, and held it. “You wouldn’t tell on me, would you?”
“Tell on you?”
“Yeah.”
“Why would I tell on you?”
“You wouldn’t make me go back there?”
“Of course not.”
“You mean that?”
“Of course I mean it.”
Theo nodded, staring at him in silence. Then he said, “Can you not tell Akam?”
“Tell Akam what?”
“I wasn’t supposed to be with those guys, okay.”
“What guys?”
“The guys being terminated.”
“Right.”
“I mean, I didn’t know they were being terminated, but I wasn’t where I was supposed to be. They said those guys had won the lottery, that they were going to the promised land, and I followed them. It happens every month. A group get chosen. I wanted to go with them, and I sort of tagged along. I’m very good at that sort of thing. At not being noticed. I just wanted to see where they were going.”
“What happened?”
Silence.
“Where were they going?”
“To an incinerator. To get burned. But I didn’t know that. Akam was there, and July and Erran, and Corporal Simpkins. They loaded us into a van and that’s all I know. Akam told me later — told me a lot of stuff — when we got to the hub. But I still don’t … Hell, I don’t understand anything.”
A stream of cars passed by, the light finding its way into the room and lighting Theo’s face with a series of flashes. His grip on Riley’s elbow was growing uncomfortable, but he was clearly afraid. Riley struggled to sit up. He put his back against the headboard. Theo let go of him, and sat up too. He glanced at Riley, then turned away. He lifted his knees, let his hands rest on them, but lowered his head.
