love life wasn’t entertainment to him. After getting past her own issues with
having a new partner, it was easy to like Joe. He was exactly the kind of
partner she needed, and she was thankful he took a chance on her despite
the reputation she’d built after Bruce was gone.
“Of course not! I just…” Tia sighed, already feeling defeated, then
ran her thumb over her bottom lip and shook her head as if surrendering.
Tia hadn’t intended to share her thoughts, tonight but Joe was great at
pulling words out of her. “It’s only been a year since Bruce left.”
Joe gave Tia a knowing sympathetic smile but said nothing in regard
to her choice of words. She did that a lot, speaking as if Bruce had moved
away. She still couldn’t say the words aloud for herself to hear.
“I’m sure she’s not looking to start dating right away,” Tia finished.
Joe grunted. “For a woman, you sure can be blind to what that woman
of yours wants!” he stated in a tone that made Tia twist her entire body in
his direction. For starters, she’d never considered Carina to be hers.
“Medic 111…” a voice over dispatch spoke through the intercom
ending their conversation.
Tia straightened, putting her seatbelt on and answering the call. When
dispatch alerted them with call status, chills ran up Tia’s spine. Her fingers
gripped the steering wheel tighter and her breath hitched.
“Medic 113 just got on shift and could easily cover us. Just give the
word,” Joe whispered in a comforting tone.
Tia hadn’t realized she froze, not driving the ambulance yet. She
smiled weakly and shook her head. The last thing she wanted was to appear
weak. “No. I’m okay.”
The call was a hostage situation where a man was holding another
person against their will with a gun. Tia mind’s instantly thought of Bruce.
Instantly, she wanted to fall into a deep hole, but she knew she couldn’t.
“All right. I got your back,” Joe assured her.
Tia drove to the address in silence, parking a few blocks away.
They’d stay parked at a distance until law enforcement detained the suspect.
Over and over again, that night began to play in her mind. The call
she received from Carina telling her Bruce had been shot. For the next
several minutes, Tia’s heart drummed loudly in her ear, anticipating the call
that would alert them to come and take the potential gunshot victim to the
hospital.
Her brows pinched together fearing the worse. Her fingers gripped the
steering wheel tighter as her jaw locked in place. All Tia could think about
is how she wasn’t there to save Bruce that night. She never missed a shift
but the one time she did he died. She’d been working overtime every week
and that night she decided to listen to—who? Tia frowned. No, she couldn’t
blame Carina or Bruce for convincing her to take a night off. She chose to
take a night off. It was her own fault. All she had to do was show up and
she would’ve seen that something was off. Tia was good at reading a scene
and getting out of a dangerous situation. Bruce would’ve listened to her,
would’ve left that house and never died that night. Why was she letting this
get into her head now?
Warm hands pressed against her shoulders and Tia leapt from her
seat, twisting her body sharply. Her arm rose, ready to swing for a punch.
She groaned once she realized it was Joe. She blew out a long breath. Of
course it was Joe. Tia leaned her head back against the headrest.
“Sorry,” she murmured.
Joe didn’t say anything right away. Instead he picked up the intercom
mic and took a breath. “Copy that. Medic 111, clear from call. Headed back
to station.”
Tia frowned. She hadn’t heard dispatch come on the radio.
Embarrassed, she lowered her head. “I didn’t—”
“Don’t apologize,” Joe cut her off. Tia bravely looked his way as he
continued. “Don’t ever apologize for that.” His eyes held hers seriously. “I
know what you’ve been through. You don’t have to talk to me about what
just happened, but I do think you should tell Carina. She’d want to know.”
“I’m sure the last thing she needs—”
“You keep this from her and you’ll only isolate her from you all over
again,” Joe said. He gave Tia a knowing look as if he’d gone through this
exact experience. “And, like I was attempting to say earlier, if she wasn’t
ready to be with you, she wouldn’t have made the move. This is scary for
both of you. Share that with her and let her in.”
Tia sat forward, staring out and considering his words. Perhaps he
was right. She sighed and straightened, ready to head back to the station.
*
Carina
The last thing Carina expected to find was Tia pacing on her porch. It
was almost seven in the morning, the sun barely exposed through the dark
rainy clouds. When the kids told her Tia was outside and hadn’t come in
yet, Carina knew something was wrong.
After zipping up her jacket, Carina opened the front door and stepped
outside. She wrapped her arms around herself, giving Tia the chance to
speak first. Something was on her mind and the last thing Carina wanted
was to force Tia into speaking. Tia stopped pacing the moment Carina
walked out.
A few heartbeats passed when Tia finally looked Carina’s way. Her
eyes were heavy and guarded. Tia blew out a shaky breath and cleared her
throat trying to conceal her emotions. “Do you blame me at all for Bruce…
dying?” She struggled to ask, her words breathless. She seemed on the
verge of tears.
Mouth agape, Carina frowned unsure of where this was coming from.
The last thing Tia needed was random questions thrown her way. She
deserved her honesty. Eyes softening, Carina spoke sincerely. “No! I don’t.”
“Just be honest. I can take it. Even if it was just for a minute I can—”
Carina reached out and grabbed Tia’s hands. “Hey,” she called out
tenderly. She wasn’t going to let Tia continue to torture herself with
assumptions.
Rain began to trickle down, the front porch overhead protecting them
from getting wet. Carina pressed into the door, pulling Tia closer. They
were a foot apart when Carina decided to speak. “Where’s this coming
from?”
Tia sighed. “Work.”
“How about we go inside and talk about it?” Carina asked.
Tia suddenly looked nervous. “Are you sure? You didn’t plan for my
interruption and the kids—”
“The kids are fine. And yes, I’m sure.” Carina’s expression left no
room for misunderstanding.
Tia smiled weakly. “Okay.”
Carina didn’t let go of Tia’s hand as they walked inside the house.
Walking through the dining area, they found the kids arguing in the kitchen.
Carina halted briefly. “Rina, fix your brother and sister some breakfast. Tia
and I are going upstairs to talk.”
“Ah mom—” Rina began to whine.
“And please don’t interrupt us,” Carina added, giving her daughter a
serious glare. Carina smiled at Tia and cont
inued down the hall, their hands
still laced.
They walked toward the stairs getting ready to head up when Tia
hesitated. “Where are we going?” Tia asked in a panicked voice.
“To my room,” Carina answered without thought. Carina tried to walk
up but Tia didn’t move. She turned and peeked from the opening around the
hall toward the kitchen where her kids lingered and back to Tia, taking a
closer look at the anxiety clear in her eyes. “Hey. Trust me. We’re only
going up to talk.”
Tia felt as if her heart could burst from her chest. “I do trust you.
Okay,” Tia surrendered.
“Good,” Carina said in a playful tone. “Now don’t make me drag you
up.”
Smiling for the first time since arriving, Tia nodded and followed
closely behind.
When Carina opened the bedroom door Tia looked into the room
before stepping inside. She’d only been in Carina and Bruce’s room once.
No. This was only Carina’s room now. It looked different and felt renewed.
Carina walked inside and spun around to face Tia with an innocent
smile. She knew Tia could see the change and wanted to explain. In the past
few months Carina had gradually taken Bruce’s things out until she finally
cleared out practically everything last week. “I have absolutely no idea
what I’m doing.” Despite Carina’s words she was smiling. Being open with
Tia felt good. “I was still young when I met Bruce and I know the dating
world has changed a lot. But I told you—I’m ready. And you deserve all of
me.” Carina waved her arms out. “I cleared out Bruce’s things. I kept a few
things, but overall it’s only my stuff and a room for new things to come. I
even bought a new bed.” Carina noticed Tia’s eyes widen. She took a step
back, arching a brow.
Leaning on courage, Tia took her first step into the room and sighed.
The walls were empty of Bruce’s things except for one of his favorite
posters. Tia stared up at the Trail Blazers poster Bruce got autographed by
the whole team and snorted.
“He showed that poster to everyone for days,” Tia grinned, thinking
back to that memory.
Carina chuckled. “Every time I look at that poster I smile. He was
such a big kid the day he met the Trail Blazers.”
Tia continued to glance around until her eyes locked onto Carina’s
and smiled. There was so much to say but only one thing seemed important.
“I blame myself for losing him.”
Carina wanted to tell Tia to stop blaming herself and find a way to
move on but she knew that would be wrong to say. What Tia felt was real
and true for her. Tia didn’t need Carina to tell her what to feel. Instead of
speaking, Carina grabbed Tia’s hand again and guided her to sit on the bed.
They sat side by side in silence, Carina comforting her the best she could.
Taking a breath, Tia spoke quietly. “I never missed a shift. And the
one time he truly needed me I wasn’t there. I was selfish in trying to take
time for myself. You have to understand, he wasn’t just my partner and
brother. We spoke the same language. Bruce and I went on calls just as
similar as the one he went on that night. We had each other’s back.”
The next 15 minutes Tia talked and poured out her emotions and the
struggles she endured at work last night. Getting a possible domestic call
had ripped open her wounds. When she was done Carina took a moment to
take in all her words.
Tia’s eyes were heavy with tears ready to spill when she finally
looked up. Carina knew this was hard for Tia and didn’t want to make it any
more difficult.
“This is a lot. I know. The last thing you need is to worry about my
feelings.” Tia huffed and shook her head. “You have your kids to worry
about.”
Carina smiled weakly. “Can I share my thoughts?” she asked. Carina
had listened and knew Tia needed to hear her response too.
Tia nodded. “Of course.”
Sighing, Carina squeezed Tia’s hand tightly. “I want you to know—
need you to hear me.”
Tia nodded.
Carina stared up at Bruce’s Blazer poster again and smiled. “I know
his death wasn’t your fault. He loved you and brought you into our world.
And I know, if time could reverse, he wouldn’t have wanted you to be
there.” Carina squeezed Tia’s hand tighter. “And I’ll always want to hear
how you feel. Always.”
There was no holding back. Tears fell from Tia’s eyes, unsure how to
respond. So much pain and grief stood in the way of her happiness and
ability to move on completely.
Carina continued on. “Maybe you would’ve noticed something. Or
maybe you wouldn’t have and it would’ve been you who was shot and
killed. Or god forbid both of you. Because we both know neither of you
would’ve just watched one get hurt and not react.”
Tia groaned, wiping her tears as quickly as they fell. “I would’ve seen
something. Known—”
“Maybe!” Carina said sternly. “But you aren’t God or a superwoman
who can detect everything around you as much as you try to be.”
Closing her eyes, Tia blew out a much needed breath. “I just hate
knowing if I’d have been there, I could’ve seen something.”
“All I know is that Bruce wouldn’t have wanted you there and even
though we never got to say goodbye, he didn’t blame you.”
This time they both teared up. Tia breathed in heavily feeling a sense
of relief roll off her shoulders. They’d never gotten a chance to say goodbye
and that was one of the hardest things to handle.
“And for the record, because I see it in your eyes, you aren’t stealing
me or the kids,” Carina spoke softly but firmly. Her words forced Tia to
glance up. Carina did her best to hold back tears. She’d always miss Bruce
and the life they shared but she needed to move forward too. “Bruce is
gone. He died. I had to start saying that out loud to believe it. I know in
your head you try to pretend he’s somewhere lost at a vacation resort or
whatever you tell yourself. But he’s gone. And I want to be in love again.
And I want that with you. I don’t care how that might look in other people
eyes. I want to be with you.” Carina felt vulnerable but knew she needed to
be honest.
“Wow.” Tia was speechless. She never thought she’d experience this
day. Having someone even mention those words to her seemed only
dreamlike. After the life she’d lived, Tia could never settle for anything
other than the real thing but thought desiring that was too big a request.
A little over a year ago Carina was happily married to Tia’s best
friend. Bruce was gone and there was no changing that.
“I want so much for you and the kids,” Tia whispered.
Carina slid closer, twisting her body to face Tia and cupped her
cheek. There was so much fear in Tia’s eyes but Carina knew she’d have to
be patient. “And I want so much for us,” she stated, hoping Tia could see
her truth. Their eyes held for such a long time until Carina’s eyes dipped to
Tia’s lips and
the air in the room thickened. There was no denying how
much Carina loved her already but she knew Tia wasn’t ready to hear that
just yet.
“How are you so open and ready after all you’ve been through?” Tia
asked, needing to understand.
Carina smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “Perhaps it’s because I’ve
never feared falling in love. Or that I’ve always been someone who could
face my emotions head on without trying to take a detour.” On those words
Carina gave Tia a sly grin and lowered her hand, linking their fingers
together. “It was very hard letting go of Bruce. Even harder telling myself it
was okay to love again. His best friend no less.”
Tia nodded, expecting many friends and families to voice their
oppositions as soon as their relationship was out in the open.
“But most of all,” Carina said firmly, squeezing Tia’s hand. “You
made me want to move forward. You allowed me the space to heal and even
cry on your shoulder a number of times. Listen to me bitch and groan about
life and its unfairness. Remind me I still have a life to live for. Not just for
my kids but for myself.”
This time Tia slid her fingers along Carina’s cheek and through her
hair. Carina leaned into Tia’s comforting hand and silently moaned. Her
eyes closed briefly, taking in the moment.
“You already had my kids’ hearts. I hope that you can one day look at
me and want to take mine,” Carina said softly, unsure of Tia’s reaction. Her
eyes were still closed.
Both Tia’s hands spooned her face, forcing Carina to gaze up. Their
eyes locked for only a brief moment before Tia leaned in ever so slowly.
Carina’s heart throbbed in her chest and she moaned before Tia’s lips
even touched hers. Their mouths inches apart, Tia hesitated as if kissing
Carina would release all her control. A few heartbeats passed as their
foreheads brushed together. Carina wanted so badly to pull Tia in but knew
this had to be Tia’s move.
The torture caused Carina to moan louder as their lips almost brushed
together. Her lungs felt as if they were suddenly compressed. Heat rippled
down to Carina’s core. Carina would never forget this moment. This was
love and she didn’t want to let it pass.
Just as she was expecting Tia to pull away, Tia’s lips pressed softly
Endless as the Stars Page 14
