CLAIRE: (is it really love)

by Grace Gervas

  Shelistenedthesoundoftherainfallandsawthelights crackingtheskywithoutahorror;perhapseveryoneoutthere waslostinbeautifuldreamsbehindtheircloseddoors,she thought.Shefeltlikeshewastheonlyweirdonetobeawakeat thatmoment.Sighing,sheclosedthecurtainsandsatonher bedroomcouch,bothherlegsonthecushionamomentafter. HermindwentbacktothatafternoonwhenshesawRyan smilingbrightlyatthatwoman;asoftexasperatedsighescaped herlungs.

  "CutitoutClaire,it'snotlikeyoulovehimorsomething."She triedsnappingoutofit. ShewastoocuriousaboutRyanStevens;shewasstrangely dyingtoknoweverythinghedid,wherehewentandwhomhe met.Hewasthefirstmantohavepiquedhercuriositytosuch extent,andshehadnoideawhy.Coulditbeduetohisrude manners?Orhispersonalitychanges;sometimeswarm sometimescold?Shecouldn'tquiteunderstandathing.

  Shesuddenlystretchedherhandandunpluggedher cellphonefromitscharger;shestaredatitthoughtfullyfora while,andwithouthersanemindshesenthimatext;

  FROM:Claire TO:RYANTHEJERK Fri***11:11PM (Subject)Yousleeping?

  sent. Shewasn'treallyexpectinganyreply,soshedecidedtogo backtoherbed.Afterfewminutesherphonebeeped;she grabbeditfastandreadthethereply;

  FROM:RYANTHEJERK TO:Claire Fri***11:16PM (Subject)Notyet,Areyou?

  received. Shefeltexhilaratedatthesightofhisreply.Justasshestarted typingback,therewasanincomingcallfromhim.Shesmiled mischievouslyandquicklyslidthereceiver.

  "Wereyouwaitingformycall?"Ryanasked,referringtoher fastprompt. Hisvoicewastoointimidating,Clairethought.Butasstrangely asitwas,sheonlystartedtoimaginehimonhisking-sizedbed talkingtoher,andnothingelseotherthanmarvellingwhathe waswearingcametomind.Shewasgoinginsaneandsheknew it.Shefoundherselfgrinningridiculously.

  "WhywouldI?Ijusthappenedtohavemyphoneclose,that's why."sheargued. Ryanchuckled."Whyareyoustillawake?"

  "Ican'tfallasleep,IthinkI'mdevelopinginsomnia."

  "Really?I'malsoavictim,somaybeIshouldrecommendyou tomytherapist!"Heprovokedherwhilelaughingdelightfully. "ShallIsendyouheraddress?"

  "Her?Nothankyou!"Shereplied,inaseriousmanner.. "Butwhy?Ipromisesheisthebest."

  "OhIbetsheis,"shemocked."orelsewhywouldyoumeet herifyou'restillawakebynow?"Hervoicewasrathersharp, andhecontinuedlaughingatit.

  "Whydidyouleaveinsuchahurryearlier?"Ignoringher sarcasm,Ryanchangedthesubject. "Didyouwanttoenjoyseeingthegirlyoujustkissedtheother nightmakingafriendlychatwiththesocalledyourgirlfriend?" Shesnapped."Well,Icouldn'tgiveyouthepleasure.I'msorry!"

  "OhsoyouleftbecauseofDoris?"Heasked,inwhatsounded likeamockery. "NoIleftbecauseofme!"Shesnapped."Ihavemyprideyou know,eventhoughyouthinklowlyofme."shenearlybarked, andstartedtoregrettextinghimaltogether.

  Ryanremainedquiet,tolethersayitall;hefeltamusedby herwords,itseemed."AndwhataboutyouandBruno?Thegirl whojustkissedmetheothernighthangingaroundwithmy brotherashisdate,"heinsinuated,jealously."whatdoImake outofthat?"

  ItwasClaire'sturntolaugh."Areyoujealousbyany chance?"Sheevengottheenergytogetupandmovedbackto thecouch.

  "What?Thatshitdoesn'texistinmydictionaryyounglady." "Wellfine!Ifyousayso."shecontinuedmakingfunofhim. Theytalkedforalmostanhourandshedecideditwasn'tsobad ofadecisiontotexthimafterall.

  SOMEdayspassed,andlifewenton.Clairewaspreparingthe presentationmaterialsatwork.Shewasaskedtoaccompany oneofherseniorstomeetanimportantclientintwoweeks.She wasexcitedtofinallygooutanddosomerealwork,even thoughitwasabitodd.Shekeptherselfbusyforthatentire week,thatcouldn'tevenmeetGenawhenshe'dreturnedfrom hertrip.OnSaturdayafternoon,however,theyplannedadate atGena's.

  Genawasn'thappy,forherfosterparentswantedherback homeastheywereonavacation.Shelovedfreedomandthe city;goingtotheircountryhouseservedagreatdealoftorture. Plus,shehadbeenlivingalonesinceshewasinhighschool,due toherparent'stravellingsformedicalmissions.

  "Sowhatareyougoingtodo?"Claireasked,worriedly. "I'lljusthavetoseriouslyfindajob!"shegrinned.They lookedateachotherandsmiled.

  "Greatidea."Clairesaid."Ifyouwant,IcanaskJorgeif there'sanopening!"Shesaidsuggestively.

  "Ohbestfriend,you'reasaint.I'llbemorethangratefulif youdothat."

  "AnythingforyouGena."Shereturned,andmeantevery word. Therestofthedaywasfilledwithnothingbutanexchangeof somecheesygossip;mainlyaboutRyanStevensandhisability toturnherwacko.Theyhadtoleavearoundsunset,whenGena gotaninvitefromsomeguyonlysheknew.That'swhenClaire decidedtotakeawalk,withtheeveningairblowingpasther hairinasoothingmanner.Shedidn'tknowwheretogoorwhat todoatthetime;theideaofgoingbackhomesoughttheworst ofthemall.Itwasoneofthemomentsshehated,whenshe'd losehersenseofdirection.

  Maybesheshouldjustdrinkanddie,Shewondered, standingatthefrontofawhiskeybarwithalonelyexpression. "Noyoucan'tClaire,youarenotsuchaloseryet,butperhaps verysoon!"shesaidtoherself.ShewishedBrunowasliving there,andmomentarilyentertainedtheideaofcallingRyan.

  Shekeptonwonderingwhilemovingslowlyandstopped movingattimes.Ifsomeonesawher,mayhavethoughtshewas crazy.Afterawhileshestoppedatthebusstop;shejustwanted totakeabusandridewhateverroutethatwaslonger,inhope tokilltime.Whilewaitingthere,shethoughtofhowpatheticher lifewas;shedidn'tknowhowtohavefun,howtouseher weekendsandsparetimes.

  "AndhereI'mthinkingofsomeoneelse'sboyfriendinstead oftakingcareofmylife."shemurmuredwhilestaringather phonewithRyan'scontactnamedisplayed.Shefelttheurgeto callhim,talktohim,provokehimeventhoughsheknewthathe wasn'tthemanforher.Withoutthinkingfurther,shetouched thedialpadandafterfewbeeps,Ryananswered.

  "Hello?"Hereturned.Clairestayedsilent;partofhermind thinkingaboutwhatshereallywantedfromhim."Hello?Claire, areyouthere?"

  "Yes...Iam."Shemurmuredhuskily."ImissyouRyan,I shamelesslymissyou."Shebrokeout,hereyessparkling,on vergeoftears.Shequicklygotagripandsniffed.Sheknewshe hadhitarockbottomandmadeacompletefoolofherself. Whatwasshedoing?Andwhyhim?Sheaskedherselfandno answercametomind.

  Ryanwassilentforawhile,butwhenhefinallytalkedhe onlyasked,"Whereareyou?" "Atthebusstop?"Shemuttered.

  "Whereexactly?"Heurged.

  "Um--oppositetoGoldenpearlhotel?"sheanswered.She hadnoideawhyhe'daskedthough.

  "I'mcoming,don'tmoveamuscle!"SaidRyan,andhisline wentdead. "OhGod,what'sthematterwithyouClaire?"Shesnapped herself,stupidly."Haveyougonecrazy?"Shescratchedherhair likeamaniac.

  She'dcalledhim,andhe'dagreedtobethere.Itwascrazy butreal,andshewasnolongerinherrightmind,shethought. CHAPTER7 Ryanreachedthereaftertwenty-fiveminutesandfoundClaire sittingtherelikealostpuppy.Heparkedthecarinfrontofthe busstopandwalkedtowardswhereshewassitting.

  "Haveyoudecidedtomakemeworryaboutyoulikealittle girl?Whydidyousoundlikeyouwereabouttodie?"Ryan's voicewasamixtureofangerandconcern.

  "You...youreallycame?"Clairesaidwithdisbelief.She stooduptoclearlylookathim;helookeddifferent,in abominableway,dressedupcasually.Thekindofsightthatno womanwould'veresistedtolooktwice.

  "Let'sgo,Iwonderwhereyoucamefromdresseduplike that."Hesaidwhilelookingathermischievously.Herdressing wasabitprovokingtohiseyes.

  "Thereisnothingwrongwithmyoutfitthough."sheargued astheyenteredhiscar. AllthatRyandidwastakingherforalongdrivetoaplace thatshedidn'tknowexisted.Ryansaidshewould'veenjoyedit betterduringadaylightbutnonetheless,itdidClaireagreat dealofpleasure.Sheevendozedoffontheirwayback.

  "Heysleepyhead,weareback!"Ryantriedtowakeherup. "Mm...already?"Clairesnuggledinasleepyvoice. "Shallwegobackthen?"Heaskedinaseriousway. "Um--whyarewehere?"Shesnappedinsurprise,after seeingtheplacetheywereat.

  Ryansmirked."Stophavingthosewildfantasies,let'shave dinner;there'sanicerestaurantinthishotel!"Hesnappedand gotoffthecar.

  "I'mnotfantasizinganything!"Clairesmiledpatheticallyand followedhim.

  Theyhadanothernicedinnerandtheconversationtooka differentturnfromworktoprivatelife.

  "Wherewereyou?"askedRyanwhileeating. "Toafriend'shouse."Claireanswered.Seeinghisfrowning, shecleared,"HernameisGena,incaseyouarecurious!"She smiled.

  "I'mnotcurious!"Hesaid.

  "You'renot?"Sheraisedaneyebrow."Butyourfacesays otherwise."

  Heshookhisheadtothesides,amusedbyallherinsistence. Heslowlysippedthewine,withoutabandoningherfineeyes. "I'mreallynotcurious,trustme!"Henarrowedhisgaze,as thoughmockingherinaway.

  "Fine!"Sheresigned. Helaughed."Youlovearguingalot,don'tyou?"hesipped hiswineagain,whilestaringatherherchewingmouth
.Luckily Clairewasawomanofclass;shehadgreatetiquette;shewas farfrombeinganembarrassment.

  "Ido.WhenIhaveapointtoprove!"Shesaid.

  "Doyouhaveaboyfriend?"Heblurtedout. Shealmostchockedherfood,andquicklyrunforanapkin. "No,Idon't." Hewasincreasinglyamused.Hecould'vestayedallnight long,listeningtohowcompetitiveshesounded.Atthatmoment, hejustwantedtoknowmoreabouther,withoutanygrand interestofakindthatanygirlwouldstartimagining.

  "Why?You'reyoung,beautifulandsmartIguess,it'sonly naturaltohavesomeone."

  "MaybeIhavehighstandards!"Shereturned.

  Helaughedhard."Really?That'salottotakein!"He remarked,andsheonlyshrugged. "Whataboutyou?"Shechangedthegame."Doesyour girlfriendknowyou'rehererightnow?"Andcounterattacked whenRyanleastexpected;andhewasstrangelyverystoic.

  "Shedoesn'tneedto,"hequipped."becausewehavea mutualunderstanding."Headded,gallantly.

  Clairebitherlipsirritatedly."Oh!Likesomekindofanopen relationship?"Shehardlyasked. Henodded."Sure,wecangowiththat!"repliedhe, haughtily.Annoyedwiththesubject,Clairedownedherglassin onego."Easythere!"Hegasped."ThisChardonnayisalittle strong!"

  "DoIlooklikeIcare?"Shesnorted.Itwastheendof conversation,forwhichhekeptsmilingathersulkingface. "Issomethingwrong?Whyareyouquiet."Heboldlyasked. Sheglaredsternlyathim."No,everythingisfine."She grinned,andraisedaglass."Whatamoron!"Shemumbled,ina lowvoice.

  "Whatdidyousay?"

  "Nothing,thewhetherisverynice."

  "Theweather?"Helaughed.

  "Yeah,theweather!"Shesnapped,andRyanhadhugesip soastostiflehislaugh. Hedroveherbackhomeinanawfulsilent,thatClaire herselfinstigated.Hekeptstaringatherfromtimetotimewith asmilethatwasn'treturned.Heunderstoodwhy.

  "Don'tthinktwicetocallmewhenyoumissme!"Hesaid seriouslyoncetheyarrivedinfrontofClaire'shouse. "Okay,I'llkeepthatinmind."Sheretorted.

  "Anddon'tstickyourselfatthebusstopasifyou'velost yourpurposetolive."

  Shescowledathim."Idon'tdothateveryday,okay?"She lashed."Don'tmistakemeforaloner."

  Hejustlaughed."Also,onemorething,"hetookapause, andsheeyedhimcuriously."don'tyouhaveacar?" "Idon'tneedone!I'mfine!"Repliedshe,coldly. "Really?NoI'mnotcomfortablewiththat!"SaidRyan thoughtfully. Ignoringhisobnoxiousinnuendo,Clairelaughedandgotoff thecar."ThankyoufortodayRyan."Sheutteredtruthfully. "Again,itwasgreat,anddrivesafely."shesaidandleftwithabit insatiablelook;shewantedmoreaftersuchanicedate,but again,themanwasn'tforher.

  Ryanstartedthecarandslidaway;butonhiswayoutofthe neighbourhood,hefoundoutthatshe'dforgottenhercellphone. HemadeaquickU-turn.AtClaire's,herangthegatebelland thehousemaidopenedaftersomeminutes;sheseemed worriedofsomething.

  "Excuseme,canIseeClaire?Tellherit'sRyan."Hekindly askedher. "Ah--aboutthat,"themaidstuttered,whilehoveringasif somethinghorriblewashappening.Alittleworried,Ryanshoved herasideandentered."Siryoucan't--"shetriedtostophimbut hewastoodetermined.Heonlydidsouponhearingtheshouts betweenClaireandherstepmother.

  "Iheardthatyoureceivedahugesumofmoneybutwhy didn'tIknowanythingaboutit,tellmeyouungratefulbrat?"The motherbarked."Iknewyouweresoconnivingsincethefirst timeIcamehere!handoverthelanddeedifwanttokeepon livinghere!Besides,whatwillyoudowithit?Whycan'tyoulet Jorgeuseitforcompanyinterests"

  Clairewasstillstandingthere,fumingwithanger."Why wouldIgivehim?Sayswho?WhatcanIdowithit?Hah!Wait andseewhatIcandowithit!"

  "What?" "Isaidjuststayputandseeforyourself!"Shetoldher. "What'swrongwithyoureally?You'vegotthecompany,you havethehouse,you'veconfiscatedallofmyfather'sbank accounts,aretheynotenough?Iknowyoumarriedhimmoney andIknowyouneverlikedmeevenabitbutIendured everything!"Clairescreamedangrilywithtearsinhereyes.Her motherwantedtoslapherbutshequicklygrabbedherwrist.

  "Howdareyou--"Thestepmotherstarted. "Why?Doesithurttohearthetruth?Thatyouareadamn golddigger?Sonowyouwannahitmeagain?"Sheinsisted."I'm nolongerthatlittlenaivegirlwhoacceptedeverythingjustto pleaseyouandseekyourattention!Youwanttheland?You'll havetokillmefirst!"

  "Howdareyou--"thewomantriedtofreeherwrist,but Clairekeptitgripped. "I'llneverletyouhitmeagain!"Shewarned."Anddon't thinkI'maweaklingjustbecauseIallowedyouafewtimes." Shefinallyreleasedherhand,andmarchedaway.

  Ryanandthatmaidwerestilloutsidethedoor;helistenedand couldn'tstanditanymore.Hehandedthephonetotheher."It's Claire's!"hesaiddrylybeforewalkingaway. Heenteredhiscar,aminutelater,andleanedheavily againsttheleatherofthedriverseat.Hecontemplatedthat conversationandfoundhimselfworriedaboutClaire,andthat's whenheheardherslammingthegateandrunout.

  Shethenstoppedasiftakingabreakafterarace;shewiped thetearswithherhand,andstartedwalkingslowlyawayfrom thehouse.Ryandroppedoutquickly,andfollowedher discreetlyfromadistance.

  AsusualClairestoppedbythepark."Youcangobacknow,I don'tneedyourpity!"shesaidpointedly.

  Ryanwassurprised."SincewhenhaveyouknownIwas behindyou?"heaskedcalmly. Shesneered."Fromtheverybeginning!"Sheanswered."I sawyourcarearlier,andsinceyouarehere,"shesighedheavily. "pleaseforgetwhateveryouheard.Don'tthinkthatyouknow menow!"sheaddedcurtly,takingaseatatherusualspot;Ryan didthesame.

  "Ihavenoideaofwhatyouaresaying."Hefeignedoblivion. "Soisthistheparkthatyoutalkedabout?"hechangedthe subject;hewassogoodatit.

  Clairenoddedandsmiledfaintly.Hefacedher,andmoved closertowipehertearswithhisthumb;thegesturesenther chills.Shewasjustlookingathim,wonderingwhohereallywas, andwhatheclearlywantedfromher.Withoutbotheringher brainfurther,sherunahandonhisleftsideburn.Hertouchwas sensual,andherheartwasracing;sheslowlyleanedforward, andgraduallyclosedhereyesasherlipslandedontopofRyan's. Shekissedhimandheaccepteditinsuchamanner.Heheldher tightly,tofeelherbodyagainsthis.

  "Iloveyoursmell."Clairemutteredoutofthebluewhen themagicwasover."Imean,theperfume,orwhateveryou're using;don'tgetthewrongideas!"Shegotflustered,andhe laughed.

  "Really?Thendon'tIdeservealittlemorecomplimentfor that?MaybeIcouldbringyouthebottleofmyCologneoneof thesedays!"Hejokedandshesmiled.

  "You'resocorny!"Shesaid,andfoundtheireyespulling eachother,inacalmway."Ithinkwebetter--"shewantedtoget up,buthesuddenlypulledhertohisside;shewantedtoresist, butdecidedtorelent.

  Hiswarmembracemadeherfeelsafe."Ialsohaveadark sidethatI'drathernoonefindsout;Ithinkeveryoneelsehas." Hesaid,andshescowled."Soyouhavenoreasontofeel alarmed!"Headded.

  Clairepulledherselfbackfromhisarmsandlookedupat him,shocked."You?Mr.Perfect?Idon'tbelieveyou."she remarked."Youknowwhat?Whenifirstsawyou,Ithoughtyou werearudejerk!"

  Ryanliftedhiseyebrow."Ohisthatso?AndIthoughtyou wereaninsolentlittlecreaturewithallthefoulremarksyou keptreturningme." "OhnoSir!Iwasmerelydefendingmyself." "Fromwho?me?" "Ofcourse!Youweredeliberatelytryingtointimidateme." "DidI?" "Yesyoudid!"

  Helaugheddelightedly."Soyouwereintimidated?What aboutnow,haveyouchangedyourmind?" "Alittle!"Sheconfessed."Afterspendingsometimewith you,Irealizedthatperhapsheisn'tasbadashepretendstobe, ormaybeheishidinghistrueselfandwearsamaskofa ruthlessbusinessman."saidClaire."ButallI'msureofisthat youarethemanwhosavedmylife,sothankyouRyan!I couldn'tthankyouproperlytheotherday"Clairetoldhim calmly.Theybothstayedsilent.

  WhenRyanarrivedhome,sometimelater,hetookhistime contemplatingthemomentspentwithClaire.Forsomereasns, thatonlyhimselfknew,hehuffedasmalllaughasthough imaginingsomethingfunny.Whileplacinghisphoneandcar keysdown,hedecidedtomessageher;

  FROM:Ryan

  TO:Ladyinrain Thu***10:45pm

  (Subject)Isafelyarrivedhome.Thinkonlyaboutme,no oneelse.Goodnight!

  sent.

  HewaitedforaboutaminuteandreceivedClaire'sreply whichseemedpleasanttohiseyes;hesmiled. FROM:Ladyinrain TO:Ryan Thu***10:46pm

  (Subject)I'llonlydosoifyoupromisetodothesame. Actually,Idemandyou!Anddon'tthinkofcallingmebecause mybatteryisdying.SleepwellMr.Perfect!Todaywasfun!

  received. Uponreading,Ryan'ssmilewidenedwithpleasure;hewas abouttorespondwhenacallstoppedhim;ItwasfromDoris.He frownedabitbeforeswipingtoconnect.

  CHAPTER8

  The50thyearanniversaryofStevensKerenskygroupof companieswasnearlyapproaching;onlyafewdayshadleft. Ryanwasseatedinhistoweroffice,SKheadquarters,andDoris wasgoingthroughsomelistinsuchafrenzy.Hisofficedoor swungopenandHarry,Ryan'sbestfriendandheadofLegal departmentwalkedin.

  "It'sdone!I'veredraftedthecontractandIthinkwewon't h
aveanyproblemswiththeadditionalclauses!"SaidHarry, ignoringthefrownonDoris'sface.

  Shegrowled."Guys,canwegobacktothatdamned contractafterthiseventisover!I'mgoingnutshereandnoone seemstonotice!"HarryandRyanexchangedglancesbut remainedsilent."So,Imadetheinvitessenttoeveryoneonthe list,andI'msureeveryimportantpersonhasobliged,butwhy amIstillfreakingout?"Shecontinuedwhining.

  Abandoninghiscomputer,Ryanlookedather."Iclearlytold youtoletsomeonehelpyou,butyou'rejustsostubborn!"He saiddryly.

  "Ryan,I'maPRdirectorofthiscompany;ifanythinggoes wronginthisparty,it'llbetheendofmycareer!"Sheblurted."I won'tletthathappen!"Shestronglysnapped.

  "Youmeantheendofyourpride?"Harrycontrived."Come onDoris,youcan'tdoeverythingonyourown!Letotherpeople helpyou,eventhepartyplanneriscomplaining;you're breathingundereveryone'sneck!"

  ShegrowledandshotRyanaglare.Heonlyshrugged. "Maybeyoushouldgoandrestabit!I'malreadytiredofyour complainingtoo."Heutteredblatantlyandbothgentlemen laughed.

  "Urgh!Ican'texpectanythingfromanyofyou!"She smackedthetable."FineI'lldoitallbymyselfandyougonna eatyourwords,becauseI'llmakethisanniversarytobe remembered!"Shegotupandcollectedherthings,includinga brandydesignerpursethatmatchedherlongheels."Oh,and Brunoaskedmefortwoinvitations,Iwassurprisedbecausehe nevertakespleasureonanythingthatinvolvesthecompany! Anyideawhat'supwithhim?Herefusedtotellmeathing!"

  "No!"Theyansweredinunison. "Okay!Maybehehasagirlfriend?"Dorisinsinuatedwhileat thedoor."Welllater,gentlemen!"Shesnappedwithan ingredientofirony.

  Ryanwassilentforaminute,figuringsomethingoutthat onlyheknew.

  **** LATERTHATafternoon,ClairegotacallfromBrunoandagreed tomeethimoutsideherworkplaceduringlunchbreak.He arrivedshortlyaftershehadjustorderedherselfatallglassof freshjuiceatanearbyrestaurant.

  "Heybeautiful,what'sup?"Hepeckedheronthecheek

  beforepullingaseatacrosshers.

  "Good!Whatareyoudoinginthecity,andwhat'swiththe rush?"Claireurgedhim. "Nobiggie,IjustneedtogetbackinMontesbybeforedark. Heythere'sananniversarypartythisFridayandIwashopingif youcouldcomewithme!"saidBrunokindly,pullingClaire's glassofjuice."Doyoumind?I'mreallythirsty!"Heasked casuallylikeafriendwould.