by Grace Gervas
"I'mnotdrunk!IknowwhatI'msaying,whyareyou pretendingthatyoudon'tunderstandmyfeelingshuh?AmInot attractivetoyou?I'mtiredofwaitinginvain,I'msodamntired ofplayingagoodunderstandingfriend."Shelamented,he decidedtoleaveherbe,bymovingtothedriverside.Butshe keptherspeech,"IloveyouRyan."shesaidbetweenhersobs.
Ryanwasstuckbythedoor;that'sexactlywhathe'dbeen tryingtoavoid.Heonlylookedatherstandingbythepassenger door,andcoldlysaid;
"Getinsidethecar.Rightnow!" "Orwhat?You'llfiremefornotbeingprofessional?Oh pleaseMr.President,mindyouthatwe'renolongerintheoffice rightnowandIcanspeakwhateverIseefit."Shebarked.
Hebreathedoutexasperatedly,andrunahandthroughhis hair."Fine!Howaboutwediscussthattomorrow,whenyou're sobber.Please?"HetriedtobeniceandforonceDorisseemed calm."Nowgetinthecar,andI'lltakeyouhome."Herepeated, softlyandshecompliedreluctantly.
CHAPTER22
Mr.StevensheardaboutClaire'sannouncementtoleave;he strictlysaid,"There'snowayI'mlettingyouleaveatthishour, whilewehaveenoughroomsinthishouseforeveryone."
AndBrunowassmilingtriumphantly."See?Itoldyouhe won'tagree."Heproudlysaid. "NowIunderstandwhereyourgrandsonshavegotthis obstinacyfrom;Ihonestlythinkit'sstrictlygenetic."Clairesaid andthetwogentlemenlaugheddelightfully."Okay,IguessI don'thaveachoice."Sheadded,andMarthainstructedoneof themaidstoprepareabedroomforher.
Therestoftheeveningwentuneventfully,andbythetime Clairehadretiredtoherrespectiveroom,Ryanwasn'thomeyet. Shegotupabruptly,feelingupset,andstoodupbythewindow; itwasaperfectviewofanyonewhowentinandoutofthe mansion.Shehadnocluewhatupsethermore;thefactthathe wasn'thomeyet,orthathehadleftwithDoris,ormaybeboth. ShekeptpacinghenceandforthinsidethathugeVictorianstyle bedroomthataccordingtoBruno,itusedtobetheirmother's. He'devengrabbedoneofhismother'soldclothesinthecloset forhertowear,butshekindlyrefusedandgotoneofBruno's pyjamasinstead.
ForamomentClairedecidedtoforgetaboutRyan,andtried tomakeherselffallasleepattheveryleast.Butitwasmoreofa fool'serrand,henceshemadeachoicetocallGenainstead.The twotalkedforawhile,withalittleplaybackofwhatRyantold hertheothernight,togetherwiththesilencetreatmentduring dinner.
"Ohsweetie,andyou'regoingtolethimmesswithyou?I thoughtyouwerebolderthanthat."CriedGena.
"AndwhatamIsupposedtodo?Goonandbeghimto continueharassingme?"Clairesnappedwhilepacingaround. Genalaughed."Youmeanthesweetharassment?Comeon Claire,justadmititthatyoulovehismysteriouswaysofgetting intoyou.Hedrivesyoucrazymyfriend."
Claireexhaledheavily."OhIdon'tknowGena.Idon'teven knowwhatIwantanymore." "WellIthinkIdo."Genasaid."Youjustneedalittlepush, andIhearby,pushyoutogoandtalktohim.Noyoudon'teven needtotalk,justattackhim."
NowitwasClaire'sturntolaugh."Attackhim?Whatkindof adviceisthat?" Theytalkedalittlemore,withoutanydefinitesolutionto herproblem,butatleastshewasabletolaugh,feelless conflictedandrelaxed.Shestayedawakeforalmostanhour, andfellasleepforonemoreuntilshegotupallofasudden, feelingtheurgetoreallyseeRyan.Shedroppedoffthebed,and wandereddownthehalllikeathief,withoutanyideawhether hewasbackornot.Itwasprobablymidnightalready,andthe housewascreepysilent.ShestillrememberedwhereRyan's bedroomwas,andheadtherestraightaway.Itwasclosed,as expected,andshestoodbythedoor,asthoughconflicted whethertoknockornot.Itwasstupid,andshehadgathered thatmuch,butshewasstillthere;itwassomethingshecouldn't control.
"Whatareyoudoing?"Avoicestartledher,andshenearly jumped.
Ryan!Shegrasped."Um--nothing.Ijustgotlost."She answeredtimidly.
"You'relost?"Ryanpromptedwhilegettingcloser.Hisvoice wasnothingbutmockery.
"Yes,that'swhatIjustsaid!Areyoucomingbackjustnow?" Claireasked,almostreproachfully. Hesmirked,andwasalreadybythedoor,onlyastepfrom her."Iam,why?Wereyouwaitingforme?"Hequeriedwith brimmingeyes,makingherflushingcrimson.
"Ofcoursenot!WhywouldIwaitforyou?Andyou're drunk!"Sherepliedaccusingly,buthereallyseemedtohavehad aliquor."IsthatwhatyouweredoingwithDorisallthistime? Drinkingalcohol?"
Heletoutanaudiblesigh,whileleaningagainstthewalljust nearthedoor.Helookedtired,drunkandmaybestressed;and whenhiseyeslandedonClaire,afaintsmileescapedhislips.
"Ican'tbelieveyoustilllovewhining!"Heutteredwithagrin. "I'mnotwhining,I'monlyasking."Shequipped. "WhyshouldIansweryourquestionMs.Challenge?You're notmywife."SaidRyan."Ileftyoualonebutyou'restilllurking around.WhatdoyouwantfrommeClaire?"Heaskedsoftly,and hisvoicehadsomehuskiness.
Sheswallowed."Idon'twantanythingRyan,Ijustgotlost whiletryingtogetmyselfsomewater."Sheanswered,andhe laughed.
"Doyouwanttosleepwithme?"Ryanaskedblatantlyand shenearlydroppedherheartout.Heungluedhimselffromthe wallandmovedclosertoher."I'maskingifyouwanttosleep withmetonightClaire,becauseitseemslikeyoudo."He releasedhisalcoholicbreath,thatnonetheless,neverseemedto botherClaire;hisgestureandthelookofhiseyeswaswhat botheredher.Hestartedtostrokeherhairsmoothlywhile searchingintentlyforherglimmeringeyes.
Sheimmediatelywincedback."NoIdon'twanttosleep withyou.You'resoshamelessRyan.God!"Shesnappedand lookedaway.Hegiggledlazily."Justgotoyourroom,andget somesleep,becauseyou'redefinitelydrunk."
"I'mnotdrunk."
"That'swhatalldrunkardssay."
"ButI'mnotoneofthem!"
"Urgh!"Shegrowled."Sure,whatever!"Shesaidandturned tomovebacktoherroom,feelingstupidalloveragain,for whatevershewasabouttodo.That'swhenshefeltRyan'sarms envelopingherfrombehind.Shegotstiffandhotrightaway.
"PleasesleepwithmeClaire."Hewhispered."Justfor tonight." Shesighedsoftly."Andthenwhat?You'llwakeuptomorrow andaskmetogetlost?Isthatit?Orhaveyouforgottenwhat youtoldmeyesterday?"Sheuttered,lamentably.
"Idon'tknow.Can'twejustforgetitforonenight?Iwon't evenfuckyouIswear,Ijustwanttofeelyourwarmth."Ryan insisted.
Shealmostlaughed."You'rereallyweirdRyan."Shesaid beforebreakingfromhisembracetotakeagoodlookathim. "WhatdoIdowithyoureally?"Sheasked,butmoretoherself thathim.Shewantedhim,andhewasapuretemptation himself.Sheknewshecouldn'tavoidhim,anditwaseven uselesstryingto.
"Juststaywithme."Herepeatedwithhissleepyeyesfrom thealcoholinhisblood."Please?" "Okay.I'llsleepwithyou."Sheansweredcasually,andin fewminutesshewashelpinghimgettingsettledin;hewasvery tipsynowthatshe'dseenhimwalkingtothebedroomand stumbledbythecouch."Aren'tyoutakingyourclothesoff?"She asked,graspingthathewaslyingdownonlyafterundressinghis shoes.
"IfIdo,I'llendupinyourpants.AndIhatethatyou're wearingsomeoneelse'spyjamas."Hekepthisdrunktalk,and Clairegiggled."OhsoI'maclownnow?"Hecollapsedonbed. "OhcomeonRyan!Don'tbesuchababy.Takeoffthejeans atleast,andyoulookdashingonthembytheway."Shesaid anditwasthetruth.
"OhIdo?"
"Yesyoudo."
"ButyouonlyhadeyesforBrunoearlier."Hecomplained likeachild. Clairecouldn'trepressherlaugh."Isthatso?Maybeit's becauseyou'resuchajerk,wholeftadefenselesswomanalone inthemiddleoftheroad."
Hefrownedremorsefully."NoClaire...Ididn't...meanto ..."andoffhewentdead. "Hah!MaybeIshouldmakeyoudrunkwheneverIneed somepeace."Shemutteredtoherselfwhilepullinghisjeansoff hisfeet.
Hesuddenlygotup,asifhe'dbeenfightingthesleeping battle."Whatareyoudoing?Comelet'ssleepplease."Heurged; hisvoicedrowsy,andClairesmiled.
"OkaySir."Sheplacedthefoldedjeansonthecouch. "Don'tcallmeSIR!"Hebarkedandthelightsflickedoff, beforeshejoinedhimonbed.Hequicklypulledhertohisarms andkissedherforeheadasthoughmakingsureshewasactually there."NowofftosleepMs.Challenge."
"OkayRyan.Goodnight."Shewhisperedbetweenher chuckles,whilemakingeffortstopullthecoversbecauseRyan's handswererefrainingherfrommovingfreely.
BythetimeClairehadmanagedtocoverthembothwith thesheet,Ryanwasfastasleep,withhisarmsholdingher possessively.Asmilewasalloverherface;itwasafeelingshe'd missedtheentireweek,andtothinkonlyyesterdayshewas thinkingitwasallover,nothingwaspredictableasfarasRyan wasconcerned,shereckoned.Atsomepointinthemiddleofthe night;Clairemadeanattempttogetupandreturntoherroom, infearofsomeonefindingoutthatshehadn'tsleptinherown room,butRyanhadkepthertoocloseandtootighttoallowher leaving.Itwasimpossibletounderstandhowhediditinthe middleofhisfaintsnoring.Shedecidedtostickaround,until fiveinthemorning,whenshefinallymanagedtopulloutofhis arms,whenherolledover.Shesmiledwarmlywhilefixingthe coversuptohisneck,andslippedawayasdiscreetlyaspossible. Shewasabletomakeittoherroomwithoutcausingany attentiontowhomeverwasawake.
Thefollowingmorningd
uringbreakfast,ClairenoticedthatRyan wasn'tpresentanddecidedtosubtlymakeaninquiryabouthis absence.
"Ithinkhewentoutaboutquarterofanhourago."Mr. Stevensreplied,withhisglassed-eyesindulgedintoahuge newspaper.
"MaybehewenttoseeDoris;afterallsheleftinsucha statelastnight."Brunosnappedwitharidiculoussmile. "Oh,isthatso?"Claireprompted,anditwaslikeapiercing totheheart. Afterbreakfast,shestoodupbythefrontwindow,with armsfoldedacrossherchest.WhatbusinesswasRyanhaving withDoristoleavesoearlyinthemorning?Shekeptsighingin turnswhileleaningagainstthewindowframe,thatshecouldn't evennoticeapresenceofsomeonebesideher.
"Areyouenjoyingtheflowers?"AskedMr.Stevenswitha smile.
Startled,Clairesmiledathimandanswered."Yes.It's beautifuloutthere."
"Itis,butwhydoyoulooksosad?"Heaskedagain,without wipinghissmile.
"Sad?I'mnotsad."Sherepliedweakly. "OhClaire,"Hesighed."Imaybeanoldman,butthat's preciselywhyI'velivedlongenoughtounderstandthemeaning behindpeople'swords,looks,andevensmiles."
"Grandfather,whatareyoutryingtosaynow?Shelaughed outthewords,andhebeckonedhertofollowhimoutside, wheretheytookawalkbythegarden;thesunwasjuststarting toshine.
"Iknowmytwograndsonsverywell,"Mr.Stevenssaidwith apause."andfromthat,I'mverymuchawarethatBrunocan notbetheonetomakeyousad;he'stoolovingtocauseanyone aheartache,especiallythosehecaresabout"Hestaredather sideways,inaseriousmanner."SoisitRyan?"Hefinallyshot.
Clairegaspedinshock."What?WhatareyousayingMr. Stevens?"Shesnorted,nervously. Helaughed."Whenwetalkedonthephonethelasttime,I wonderedwhatyouandRyanweredoingtogetheratthattime ofaday,butitwasn'timportant."Hehaltedandshedidthe same."What'simportantishowhelooksatyou,andtheway youlookathimClaire."Hesmiled.
"I...don'tknowhowtodealwithhimgrandfather."Claire decidedtocomecleaneventually."I'mnotevensurewhatIfeel forhim,andwithhowcomplicatedheis,I'mafraidit'suseless toeventry."
"Iunderstand."Hesaid."Ryanislikeacactus;hedoesn't allowanyonetouchinghim,butitdoesn'tmeanit'simpossible todoit.Heisagoodboy,youjustneedtobealittlepatientwith him."
"Butwhatifhedoesn'tletme?"
"Youwon'tknowunlessyoutryClaire.Don'tgiveuponhim yet,Iambeggingyou."Hepleaded. Clairesquintedalittle."Ican'tpromiseanything grandfather.Sometimesthingsdon'thappenjustbecausewe wantthemto."Shesaid.
Theirtalkcontinuedforawhile,butinsteadofhelping,it leftherevenmoredistraught.FirstBrunotoldhertobecareful, andnowMr.Stevensaskedhertobemorepatientwithhim; whomwasshesupposedtofollow?Andwhatwasallthe mysterysurroundedRyananyway?Hadsomethinghappenedin hislifetomakehimsodifficulttodealwith?Intheendshehad noanswerandonlygotherselfreadytogobackinthecity.She hadnointentiontowaitforRyanwhatsoever,andonlyfocused hermindonthegrandpresentationtomorrowatwork,which again,hadtoinvolvehiminthepicture.
**** RYANwasatthehouseofDr.Marcos,andhiswifewarmlytold himthatDoriswasstillinherbedroom.Shewasasbeautifulas herdaughter,exceptshewasverykindandcordial.
"CanIpleasetalktotoherAnne?"Ryanasked. "OfcourseRyan.Justgotoherroombecauseshe'salready awake;andthankyouforbringingherhomelastnight.Idon't knowwhenshestarteddrinkinglikeafish."
Withafaintsmile,Ryanwentstraighttoherbedroomand knocked;thedooropenedfewsecondsafter,andDoris appearedinamess,stillinthesamedressshewaswearinglast night.
"Comein,"sheuttered."I'msorry,I'mstillinsuchawreck, didn'tthinkyou'dcomehere."Hervoicehadahintofsarcasm butitdidn'tseemtobotherRyan.Hesatdownonthecouch whileshereachedforherbed.
"Howdoyoufeelrightnow?"Ryanasked,seriously. "I'mgood,asyoucansee,ItoldyouIwasn'tdrunk,didn't I?"Sheansweredharshly. "Iguessso.Well,Ithinkweneedtotalk,aboutlastnight." Ryansaid,andshegottense."Afterallwearefriendsand colleagues,soweneedtoputthingsright"
Dorissmirked."Andso?Whatdoyouhavetosay?" "Doris,Ilikeyoualot,andyouknowthat!We'vebeen friendssincekidsandyou'relikeasisterthatIneverwantto lose."Hesaidcalmly."I'velongknownaboutyourfeelings,and that'swhyItriedmybestnottomisleadyou;becauseIdon't wanttospoilthisrelationshipwehaveandmuchlesshurtyou."
Dorisforcedalaugh."Afriend.Alittlesister."Sheuttered withsarcasm. "Idon'thavetheleisurenortheconfidencetoloveyouor anyone.I'mquitefarfromthepersontogiveyouwhatever you'relookingforinaman."Headded.
"WhyRyan?Whycan'tthatpersonbeyou?Isitbecameof thatwomanagain?Thatstupidopportunistwho--" "Pleasedon'tbringherupintothis.Don'tevendare mentionhername."Ryansnappedangrily;he'deventurnedred attheremark.
Sheswallowed."Okaysorry,ifnotabouther,thenwhoelse? Claire?"Shesnapped,andheonlystared."OhsoClairecanbe withyouandIcan't?AreyousayingthatIshouldbehappythat you'rebeingveryconsideratewithmeandquitetheopposite withher?"
"Idon'tunderstandwhyyou'rebringingClaireintothis either."Hestoodup. "I'mstartingtofeelsorryforher,"Dorisstoodupaswell. "I'mfeelingsorryforClaire;shehasnoideawhatafrozenheart isbeatingagainstyourchest.Becauseyou'reright,youcan't loveanyonewiththatstoneheartofyours;butIdon't understandwhatyouwantfromhereitherway.Doyouwantto sleepwithherlikeeveryothergirlsyousleepwith?Isthatwhat youwantfromher?"
"StopDoris!"Ryanbarked;feelinglikeshe'dstartedcrossing theline. "Nodon'ttellmetostop!"Shescreamedtohisface,then sighed."Butyouknowwhat,goaheadanddoit;it'snotlikeI careaboutthatspoiledbratanyway.Dowhateveryouwantwith her,andI'llbehappytogiveherahandkerchiefwhenthingsgo west."Shelaugheddiabolically"Ithinkyou'refeelingbetternow, I'llgetgoing."Ryansaid.
"OfcourseI'mfeelingbetter!DoyouthinkI'dcryoveryou likeatimidheartbrokencollegegirl?ForgetwhatIsaid yesterday,andjustleavemyhouseyouscoundrel."Sheyelled.
Hesighed."Youcantakefewdaysoffifyouwanttorest." "Why?DoImakeyouuncomfortablenow?"Sheyelledagain; shehatedthefactthathedidn'tseemaffectedatallwithallthe harshness.
"Noyoudon't.Ijustwantyoutobeinyourrightmindwhen youcomebackintheoffice."Hereturneddryly. Dorisrolledhereyes."OkayMr.President.I'lldoasyou wish."Shemutteredangrily,andheonlynodded,before disappearingoutofhersight.
CHAPTER23
ItwasMondayatlast;Clairewasup,andreadyforworksoearly inthemorning.Shehadn'theardawordfromRyansinceher sleepoverintohisroom,anditdidn'tseemtomatteranymore. Again,onherwayout,shebumpedintoJorgewhoregardedher withanastonishedstare.
"Wow!Issomethinggoingonintheofficetoday?Because youlookawesome."Hesnapped,alittleexaggeratedlyfor Claire'sopinionofthematter.
"Ohplease!Don'tmakemyheadburstsoearlyinthe morning."Shereturned,diffidentlyinmanners. "ButI'mprettyserious.Youlookamazing,wellyoualways do,but...you'vepushedbeyondordinarytoday."SaidJorge casuallyastheywalkedoutbythemaindoor.
Matter-of-factly,Clairewasactuallylookingherbest.She waswearingthecreamdressthatshe'dboughtfewdaysago,at Gena'sconviction,claimingthatitwastoosexytoliveintherack. Itwasastraightdress;tight,nottootight,justenoughto emphasizeherterrificfigureandapairofbeautifullonglegs. Forshoes,shehadburgundyscarpin-heelsthatmatchedthe shadeonherlips.She'dtiedupherhairintoaprofessionalbun, andherneckwasencircledwithasimplegoldnecklacethat cameinhandywithitsmatchingwatchandlittleearrings.In short,shelookednotmorenorless,butelegantinsimplicity.
"AlrightJorge,thanks.Ihaveanimportantpresentation today."Shehumblyremarked.
"Ohthatexplains,okayhopin,I'llgiveyouride."Jorgesaid. "Thankyou."Clairerepliedanddriftedintohisdarkgrey FordSUVthatheseemedtohavemuchloyaltywith;he'dbeen drivingitforaslongasshecouldremember,andtakengreat careofit.
Arrivedintheoffice,ClairereceivedsamepraisesasJorge's, whenhercolleagueslandedeyesonher.Shemodestly answeredwithathank-you,andtriedtosettledowninhercube, whenLydiautteredaudibly;
"Maybesheshouldbealittlesubtle;peoplemightthink she'stryingtouseherlookstoattractourclients."Andwiththat everyonelookedather."What?I'monlybeinghonesthere,"she said."weallknowhoweasilydistractedmencanbe,andIdon't wantourreputationdrainedinthemud."
Asalways,Claireonlysmiled."Don'tworryLydia,Iwon't evertarnishyourreputationifthat'swhatyou'reworried about."Shesaidflatly."Buthey,it'snotsuchabadideaifmy lookscanactuallydistractthemwhileNathangivesthe presentationright?"Sheaddedandtherestlaughedinunison.
"That'sright.Weshould'veemployedthistacticlongago andthey'dacceptedourdesignsrightaway."Chrisjokedanda funnydiscussionarose.Lydiarolledhereyesasthough everyonewasnothingbutsimpletons.
Nathanfinallyappeared."Okaythat'senoughAmbrose,"he toldChrisamidsthisspeech."Levy,intwohours."Hesaidto Claire,poi
ntedly.
"YesNathan."Sheanswered,andstartedtogatherher thingsready,beforeindulgingintoherusualworkloadtostarta day.
Intwoandahalfhourslater,thetwohadalreadyarrivedat SK.Theywentstraightaheadtothesameconferenceroomas before,andinjustawhilelater,Ryanandthethreeother gentlemenarrived.Harrywasn'tpresent,andneitherwasDoris, butinstead,anotherelderlywomanjoinedthemandseemedto beregardedratherrespectfullywitheveryone,includingRyan himself.
Nathantookthereign,andproceededwithallthechanges. ClairewasseatedfarfromRyan,whotreatedherlikeastranger yetagain;shedecidedlydidexactlythesame,andwithpleasure, whileconcentratinghereyesonthescreen,andonlyturned fromtimetotimetowatcheveryone'sreactioninregardstothe changes.
"Andinregardstoeverythingpresented,we'vebeen thinking,withyourinclinationofcourse,"Nathansaid."thatit wouldbebestifwefurnishpartofthisbuildingwithwood insteadofaconcretesothatitgivesadifferenttouchfromthe rest..."hecontinued,andthat'swhenthedoorswungopen andDoriswalkedinandshowedapologeticsmileasshe grabbedaseatnexttoRyan.
"Itoldyoutotakeadayoff."Ryansaidinawhisper. "NomixingupworkandpersonallifeMr.President.I'm onlybeingprofessional."Dorisanswered,andhesmiledopenly; shedidthesame,anindicationthatshewasbacktohersenses, andnothingsotriflingassuch,could'vebrokenher.
"OkayPanther,"Ryansaidabruptly."IthinkIlikeeverything today,especiallythepartaboutusingthewood,I'msurepeople withtastefortheenvironmentandwildernesswouldlovethat." Heeyedtheelderlywoman,whosmiledbashfullyandnodded athiminsomeknowingway.
ClaireandNathanexchangedarelievedlook,asshe proudlyflatteredherselffortheideaofusingwoodasshe humblysuggestedduringtheirlastdiscussion.Shethengotup, ignoringallthemurmursintheroom,andmostlythe undescribablestarecomingfromDoris.Nathanshookhands withRyan,whileexchangingfewwordsthatshecouldscarcely hear,andshetriedtosuppresswhateverdiscomfortshewas feelingfromRyan'scruelindifferencetowardsher.
"NicejobClaire,seemsyou'vereallydoneitthistime." Doris'svoicestartledher,andsheimmediatelyforcedasmile. "ThanksDoris,itwasateam'seffort!"Sheanswered,witha displayedhumility.
"Iknow."Dorisremarkeddisdainfully,andleftasquicklyas she'ddroppedby. Staringback,Claire'seyesbumpedintoRyan'sforavery quickmoment;shesawnothingbutindifferenceyetagain,and sheslowlyretractedbygrabbingherpurseandwalkedoutof theroomasifgettingawayfromherownshadow.Shewas standinginfrontoftheelevator,whenNathanappearedwitha triumphantsmilethatdughisdimplesdeeply.
