My Life as a Holiday Album (My Life as an Album #5)

by L. J. Evans

  He turned deadly serious. “Do you know something I don’t?”

  I shook my head. “No. They wouldn’t tell me. Khiley probably knows. We can find out who the jerk-offs are and kill them together.”

  “Damn right.” He put his pint glass up for me to clank. Which I did. “But I have a feeling that Brett guy Eliza’s been dating already needs to be offed.” Silence followed our thoughts, both of us trying not to think of our sisters and the men in their lives.

  A sports announcer came on the TV, talking about the college bowl games coming up, and we watched in silence. Ty was home for the entire duration of winter break because his team hadn’t made it to any of the postseason games. Hadn’t made it regardless of the fact he’d been the Heisman Trophy runner-up as a junior. Regardless of his flawless throws and the number of yards he’d run or all the touchdowns he’d made happen. He was home because his defense hadn’t been able to keep up, and they’d lost more games than they’d won.

  I knew it was killing him to be here instead of throwing the football on the field. It was the one place in the world Ty actually looked like he belonged. A football in his hand, his running backs in sight, and the opposite team struggling to figure out just what the hell they were going to do to stop him.

  When the announcer had moved on to non-college football, Ty turned his eyes back to me. “Please tell the parents soon. That way, they’ll be all over your asses and distracted when I tell them my news.”

  “Wait, what’s your news?” I asked.

  He shook his head and drank from his beer. “Nope. Not telling you. You’ll tell Khiley, Khiley will tell Ginny or Eliza, and then I’ll never hear the end of it.”

  “I can keep a secret.”

  “But Khiley can’t—not from my sisters, at least. And not when it comes to me,” Ty said. It was true. Our sisters and cousins were closer than most best friends.

  I couldn’t concentrate on Ty’s secret, anyhow. I had my own shit to figure out.

  “She’s talking about getting an abortion,” I whispered the words out.

  “What?”

  The shock in his voice matched my feelings. I was still in shock. Angry too, but still mostly in disbelief that ‘Ley was even considering it.

  “I doubt she means it,” Ty said. “She’s probably just processing it all.”

  Maybe. Maybe she’d just said it to see my reaction before she made a decision. My reaction hadn’t been good. I hadn’t been supportive or understanding.

  “I probably didn’t say the right thing,” I admitted.

  He grinned. “Really? Word-man didn’t say the right thing?”

  I really wasn’t the word man. That was ‘Ley’s brother, Mayson, more than any of us. He’d been writing songs and stories for as long as I could remember.

  “Just because I want to teach English doesn’t mean I’m the word man.”

  “Fucking teacher. How the hell did that even happen?”

  “Kids need someone better than the crappy teachers we had in high school. Especially in English. We shouldn’t have to read stuff that’s centuries old to make sense of the frickin’ present. Shit that doesn’t represent or show color.”

  “I feel like we need to get you a soapbox,” Ty said sarcastically.

  “Dude. It means I get summers off. Khiley and I can travel. See all the places she’s been wanting to see for as long as I can remember.”

  “Not with a baby,” Ty said quietly.

  “Why the fuck not?”

  “You want to expose your kid to all the diseases and scenarios that traveling abroad could mean?”

  He had a point. Maybe not all the places we wanted to visit. But a lot of them. There wasn’t a reason not to if the baby had been vaccinated.

  “That’s why Khiley is freaking out,” Ty said. “It means changing the entire future you’ve been laying out for yourselves since you could barely walk and talk.”

  I nodded. It was true. Things were going to have to change. But it didn’t have to be the end of everything. Maybe Khiley just needed to hear it from me again. I’d go over in the morning, hug her, and tell her what was in my heart. Make a pros and cons list and a new plan we could both see. And if she still wanted to have the abortion after that, even though it would kill me a little, I’d agree. Because losing Khiley was never, ever an option.

  Khiley

  A CHRISTMAS TO REMEMBER

  “The memories we share

  The songs we always sing.”

  Performed by Amy Grant

  Written by Grant / Gill / Darnall / Eaton

  I woke up to a wave of nausea hitting me so hard I barely made it to the bathroom before I lost the cookie I’d had as my dinner the night before. I tried to stay quiet. I’d been trying to stay quiet since I’d been home, throwing up every time I turned around. Someone was going to catch on before too long. I just hoped it was Mayson and not Mama or Daddy.

  Since I had my own bathroom in the house that had once belonged to my great-grandparents, I was hoping I was safe. A knock on the bathroom door made my heart pound in a way that had my stomach lurching again. Before I could answer, I was dry heaving into the toilet once more.

  “’Ley…let me in.” It was Stephen’s voice. Soft and full of remorse.

  I wiped my face, twisted the lock, and Stephen eased in. He didn’t even let me stare him down. He just pulled me into his arms where I’d belonged since before I could stand.

  “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, rubbing my back in soothing circles. “I’m sorry you’re the one having to go through this. I’m sorry my stupidity caused this. I’m sorry I left you at the lake instead of hearing you out.”

  I sniffled, and stupid tears leaked out of my eyes again. I’d never cried this much. Not even when my horse, Paisley, had had to be put to sleep. I held on to Stephen and let him calm the storm inside me. He was my safe spot. My best friend. My lover. My future and my past all twined together.

  “I made a list,” Stephen said quietly, and I couldn’t help the hmmph that escaped me. Stephen always made lists. Whenever we had to make a decision, he came up with the pros and cons, and once the decision was made, he had another list of action items at the ready so we could accomplish it.

  “I need to brush my teeth,” I told him. He let me go but sat on the closed toilet while I did it. When I looked at his reflection in the mirror, his eyes were ringed with the same dark shadows as mine. Stephen was just as upset about this as me. He was struggling, too. It wasn’t fair of me to assume, just because my body was the one going through the physical changes, that he wasn’t experiencing the same emotional ones.

  The toothpaste made me want to gag. I pushed him aside to dry heave once again into the toilet. He rubbed my back and whispered words of encouragement and apology.

  When we opened the door to the hallway, Mayson was standing there, glaring. Arms crossed, stance wide. “What the fuck is going on?” he asked in a hushed whisper.

  Where I was all Mama with blonde hair, Mayson was all Daddy with brown hair. We would have been mini replicas of our parents except for our hair coloring. It was like our hair genes had gotten swapped at the last minute. Mayson brushed his wavy locks out of his eyes, a mannerism Daddy had, too.

  “Dad’s gonna shit a brick if he catches you in Khiley’s bathroom.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “I’m twenty-one, Mayson. I highly doubt Mama or Daddy would be surprised Stephen was in my bathroom or my bedroom.”

  Mayson grimaced. “Stop. Don’t say another word.”

  “You’re the one who started it,” I told him.

  “Khiley’s just hungover. We were out drinking with Ty last night,” Stephen said, covering for me.

  It was Mayson’s turn to roll his eyes. “Ty isn’t old enough to drink. He’s going to lose his scholarship if he doesn’t watch it.”

  “Not everyone can make all the perfect decisions like you,” I threw back.

  Ma
yson looked like he wanted to argue but then just headed down the hall. “Whatever’s going on, if you don’t want Mama to find out, you better get Stephen out of here before we do presents with Gram and Gramps.”

  Shit. I’d forgotten it was Christmas Eve. My brain had been far, far away from gifts and parties.

  “I’ll be down in a few minutes,” I said, pulling Stephen into my room.

  Daddy had inherited the house when my grandparents had moved into a retirement home. After renovating the place, we’d moved from our place downtown to the ranch. The only things I’d cared about at the time were not having to share a bathroom with Mayson anymore and having the balcony right outside my bedroom to place all three of my telescopes on.

  I tugged Stephen toward my bed, and we sat with our backs to the headboard, hands locked together.

  “Your mama’s gonna be mad as heck if she wakes up and you aren’t there,” I said once we were situated.

  He shrugged. “This is more important.”

  “You know the rules: Christmas Eve with grandparents, Christmas morning with the immediate family, and Christmas afternoon with all of us.” It was practically the only time Stephen and I were ever apart growing up.

  “Some things are going to have to change,” Stephen said.

  I snickered. “Good luck getting that past my mama or yours.”

  Stephen pulled a couple of pages of crumpled paper from the pocket of his UTK sweatshirt, the same one he’d been wearing the day before. I wasn’t sure he’d slept at all. Guilt riddled me because I’d thrown a lot at him.

  “I made a list. Keeping the baby or not keeping the baby,” he said, and I was surprised there wasn’t more anger in his voice.

  “I don’t need to see the list,” I told him.

  “Humor me?” he asked, and I realized he still thought I wanted to have an abortion.

  I took the papers from his hands and moved so I was sitting in his lap, legs straddling him, looking down into his eyes. So pale and clear compared to mine which were always stormy and gray.

  “I want to keep the baby,” I told him.

  “You do?” he said, trying to hold back a smile.

  “I do.”

  “But you haven’t seen the list.”

  “I don’t need to,” I said. I pulled his hand so that it rested on the bare skin of my belly under the long sleeve T-shirt I’d worn to bed. His hands were warm and soft as he slowly began to caress my skin. “This little life has made itself known. Like one of my stars bursting into existence. What would happen if it didn’t get a chance to burn bright and strong? I don’t have the right to end it.”

  He had both hands on me now, caressing, slowly moving up from my waist to the base of my breasts and back down. I caught my breath.

  “You have a choice, ‘Ley. It’s your body.”

  “It is, but it’s our child.”

  His breath hitched, and tears filled his eyes.

  “What? You changed your mind? You don’t want to keep it?” I asked, and panic started to fill me. Now that I’d made up my mind to keep our baby, I wasn’t sure what I’d do if we’d somehow switched roles.

  “You said our child.” His voice was thick with emotion, and his hands continued to roam, making the nausea all but disappear as other parts of me came awake.

  “I have a question,” I said with a smile.

  “Yeah?”

  “On your list…” I paused, and he nodded, his beautiful smile matching my own. “Was one of the pros that we can have sex for months without using birth control and not worry about getting pregnant?”

  His face broke into the wide grin that made my heart flip every time I saw it. It had since I was a little girl and he’d smile at me while giving me the last cookie. The one I’d always split in half and share right back.

  “Nope. That sure wasn’t on the list, but I can tell you, that one thing pretty much pushes the pros way, way over the cons list.”

  And he was kissing me. Hard and full of the emotions of the last few days. Anger and hurt and longing. Sadness and loss and regret. Going past that until there was hope and excitement and joy.

  A banging on my door pulled our lips apart. We stared at each other, smiling.

  “I’m not kidding, smartass. You better get down here before Dad goes ballistic.” Mayson’s voice boomed through the door.

  “He’s going to go ballistic anyway,” Stephen said, but he was still smiling. I brushed my hands over his lips.

  “He can’t kill his grandbaby’s daddy.”

  “I’m sure Cam would prevent him from killing her best friend’s son.”

  I giggled. “I don’t know. I’m more afraid of telling Mama than Daddy.”

  “Tomorrow. We’ll tell them at Christmas. When we’re all together, and they’re distracted because there are so many people here. Some or all of our grandparents will keep them from killing us,” Stephen said.

  “’Kay. But kiss me again and then leave like you used to—out the balcony and down the tree.”

  He groaned but kissed me. Deeply. As if he were promising me something. And I answered back with the promises I’d been giving him since I was a little girl. I’d always be his, and he’d always be mine.

  Stephen

  THIS GIFT

  “I'm down on my knees, there's no better time

  It's something to last for as long as you live.”

  Performed by 98 Degrees

  Written by Bagge / Hosein / De Viller

  When I walked in the back door of the house, Edie was in the kitchen, putting the cinnamon rolls in the oven. She was dressed in green leggings and a long, plaid top that made her look like a Christmas present, especially with her belly sticking out as far as it was. I’d never tell her that, though, or she’d poison me to death. But her belly made me think of Khiley and how, pretty soon, I’d be able to feel our baby moving inside her. It made a smile hit my face when, yesterday, it had all been anger and frowns.

  “You talked to Khiley, I see,” she said.

  I looked up, surprised. “What?”

  She smiled. “Khiley and I took a little ride yesterday because you’d put her in an awful position.”

  I nodded, the smile gone.

  “But I can see you’ve made up,” she said.

  “I had a moment of temporary insanity,” I told her truthfully.

  “I think you’re allowed. It’s hard on a relationship when it’s unplanned,” Edie said, and for a moment, I saw a flicker of sadness cross her face. But before I could even ask her about it, she was back on my case. “You shouldn’t have left her.”

  I nodded. “It won’t happen again. She’s my whole world, Eds. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

  Tears hit her eyes, and now I was pretty sure her sadness had something to do with Garrett and why he wasn’t here with his wife and his baby. I put my arm around her. “You going to be okay?”

  She nodded, pushing me away, deflecting like Edie usually did. “Of course I am. When are you going to tell Mom and Dad?”

  “Tomorrow. When there are too many witnesses for them to kill me and bury the body.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure they won’t all bury you,” she laughed.

  “Who’s burying who and why?” Mama asked, coming into the kitchen in jeans and a sweater. Mama was gorgeous even as she aged. Her strawberry-blonde hair showed signs of gray, but her sparkling blue eyes and her smile made her seem way younger than fifty.

  “Just Ty,” I said and squinted at Edie to keep quiet. Not that I had to worry about it. Edie never spilled the beans on any of us unless it was life or death.

  ♫ ♫ ♫

  I was a grumpy ass on Christmas Eve because the truth of the matter was I wanted to be with the woman I loved who was having my baby. I had meant what I’d said to Khiley. The way things had always worked was going to have to change. We were getting married. We’d need our own traditions. We’d need to ma
ke our own choices on where we spent the holidays. The family had to understand that. They had to expect it. It wasn’t like they hadn’t known we loved each other from the moment we’d first held hands. Even if we hadn’t said that we’d loved each other until years later.

  It wasn’t until her fifteenth birthday when we’d first said it.

  I’d spent all the money I’d saved working at Aunt Mia’s car dealership over the summer to buy Khiley a new telescope. I’d set it up on her balcony while she’d spent the day shopping with Ginny. When she got home, I took her outside, and when she saw the telescope, she squealed and jumped into my arms. I barely caught her before she started kissing me. Kissing me in a way that was different than our kisses used to be. These seemed like we were working up to something.

  Then she breathed out, “I love you.”

  I nodded and had gone to say it back, but in her normal Khiley way, she cut me off. “Wait. I don’t just love you because you buy me things, or let me win at Fortnite, or give me your last cookie.”

  “I don’t let you win—”

  She cut me off again with a finger on my lips. “I love you because you know me inside and out and aren’t running for the hills. I love you because you know that I can’t sit still and find ways to make sure I don’t have to. I love you because you’ve been mine since before I knew what that meant. I love you because you’re my future and everything good in my life.”

  She took a huge breath and then stared at me. Her fingers still on my lips. After a minute or so, she frowned. “Say something.”

  I smiled, kissing her fingers before pushing them away. “I wasn’t sure I was allowed to talk yet.”

  She rolled her eyes at me.

  “I love you, too. I don’t know what my life would be like without you in it, so please don’t plan on going anywhere without me. I can’t imagine anything in my life happening without you there at my side.”

  She nodded, turning serious. “Is it ridiculous to feel like this when we’re only fifteen?”