My Life as a Holiday Album (My Life as an Album #5)

by L. J. Evans

  I looked over my shoulder to see that Ginny had turned her face toward the open door.

  “Mama just wanted to make sure you were alive. Eliza and Brett just got here, and we’re going to start taking down the tree.”

  “Okay. We’ll be out soon.” Ty was laughing. I wasn’t sure if it was at Ginny or me or both of us.

  She slammed the door to his laughter.

  “See. Asshole.”

  “But you love me,” he said and kissed me.

  God help me, but I did.

  Ty

  CHRISTMAS TIME

  “In a world where we are free

  Let it shine for you and me.”

  Performed by Bryan Adams

  Written by Adams / Vallance

  Having Maleena tell me that she was here for me, that she was staying because of me, knowing she loved me, eased something in my chest. Something I hadn’t known I was carrying all my life. It was like reading Aunt Cam’s notebook and then hearing I love you from Maleena had sealed up some dark hole to another planet in my soul.

  After Ginny had burst in and we cleaned up in the shower in my bathroom, I tossed Maleena a UTK T-shirt because her sweater was irreparable.

  “You showed up on hell day,” I told her.

  “What?”

  “We all get guilted, bribed, screwed—you choose the right verb—into going to everyone’s house and helping them tear down their fucking Christmas trees.”

  She laughed. “Who’s everyone?”

  “God, aunts, grandmas, the works.”

  “Why would you do this?” She looked up at me with a crooked smile, like she was amazed I’d do anything my family wanted.

  “Food. Drink. Family.”

  “Aw. I see now.” She was grinning at me.

  “You keep looking at me like that, and I’m locking the door, tying you to the bed, and telling everyone to go to hell.”

  “Promises, promises,” she said as she drifted by me, opening the door and sauntering out before I could stop her.

  I caught up in time to smack her on the ass and whispered in her ear, “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

  She had the audacity to wink at me. Fire and ice. She and I.

  In the living room, all the cousins were scooping food from the buffet of appetizers Mom had laid out on the counter. Mom had all the storage boxes lined up, ready to go. The work would be over in minutes before we moved on to the next house and the next. We’d end the night at Aunt Cam’s, and I’d try to sneak the notebook back into Blake’s office if I could.

  My little sister, Eliza, was finally there with her hulk of a boyfriend at her side. His brown skin was more muscled than the last time I’d seen him, and his shaved black hair declared his soon-to-be-military status. Mom had tried to hide the hurt and sorrow at not having Eliza home for Christmas. She’d tried to reason with herself, and anyone who mentioned it, that it was hard on Eliza with him shipping out for pilot school with the Air Force right after the holidays. Especially after he’d just returned from pilot screening in Colorado. It was going to be pretty much impossible for him to come to see Eliza during the next few years. We were all counting the days on their long-distance relationship, knowing we’d be there to pick up the pieces for her when they fell.

  “Twerp-ette,” I said, grabbing her and hugging her to me.

  “Darth!” she said, hugging me back. She’d been calling me Darth Vader as long as I could remember, and she wasn’t wrong. I probably would have been drawn to the dark side if I’d lived in a Star Wars movie.

  “We missed you,” I told her, assessing her gray eyes, black hair, and pale skin to see if she was okay or about to run for the hills as Eliza could sometimes do.

  She slugged my shoulder with a smile that relieved me. “Wow, getting all mushy on me now? Who are you, and what have you done with my real brother?”

  Then, she turned to Maleena and hugged her. With everyone but Mayson at UTK, it meant Maleena knew most of my siblings and cousins. My family just hadn’t known Maleena and I were more than friends.

  “I didn’t know you were here. Merry Christmas,” Eliza said to Maleena.

  “Didn’t know who was here?” Mama asked, coming out of the kitchen to take in Maleena for the first time. “Maleena! When did you get here?”

  “I’d say a couple of hours ago,” Ginny replied dryly.

  I just grinned and winked at my twin, and she rolled her eyes at me again. Eyes that were just like mine. We both looked like Mama more than Dad. Ginny was just shorter and wiser than I’d ever be.

  Mama hugged Maleena, and they talked Christmas while I sat on the arm of the couch and watched the woman I loved interacting with my family as if she was one of them. Like I wanted her to be. Like I hoped she would be for the rest of our lives.

  The thought entered my head that I might just need to ask Stephen where he’d gotten Khiley’s ring. Maybe I needed one of my own before she graduated and moved on to some pro team’s management office. I was asshole enough to want everyone who met her to know she was mine. Truth was, I was hers, too. It worked both ways. I wanted the world to know we were each other’s.

  While we ate, I noticed Eliza and Brett were both quieter than normal. Neither one of them was the life of any party, but there was some weird vibe between them today. I wasn’t the only one to notice. Ginny had caught on as well. Something was up. Something Eliza didn’t want everyone to know, and I hoped to God we wouldn’t have another pregnancy announcement. Especially because none of us were sure Brett and Eliza were going to last past his time in Texas. Having a baby with him wouldn’t be the positive thing that Khi and Stephen’s was. Plus, I wasn’t sure the parents and grandparents could handle any more shocks, and I still had one of my own to announce.

  When the rest of the crowd showed up, including the entire set of cousins, parents, and grandparents that had been at Christmas dinner the night before, the conversation got louder than a locker room, and the tree was deflowered in less than fifteen minutes.

  We donned our coats and scarves and were about ready to walk across the path to Uncle Lonnie and Aunt Wynn’s house when Maleena halted everyone.

  “Ty has something he needs to say,” she announced, elbowing me.

  “What?” I growled. I was going to tell them, but I hadn’t planned on telling them amid our annual anti-holidayification party.

  “Just rip off the bandage, QB. Isn’t that what you always say to do?” she said, winking.

  Goddamn, she was right, as usual.

  I looked at Mama and Dad. Leaving school in the middle of my junior year certainly wasn’t what they wanted for me. But it wasn’t like they were out of pocket for it. My football scholarship had paid my way.

  “I’m declaring,” I said.

  It was silent. The noise that had been in the house just moments ago all but disappeared.

  “Declaring what?” Grandma Swayne asked.

  “Entering the football draft. Declaring,” I told her.

  Mama frowned. “But that means you can’t finish college.”

  I didn’t say anything. It was true.

  Dad put his arm around Mama, drawing her to him, communicating with her in that way they’d always done, without words. It was something I understood now, because I swore Maleena and I could do the same thing. Like how I’d known she was full of conflict when she’d shown up in my room earlier.

  “What’s the rush?” Dad asked.

  “School should come first. You can’t play football forever,” Grandpa Swayne said.

  I ignored him and looked at my dad, who understood an obsession and living for your dream. “We’re losing most of our offensive line, and the ones coming up aren’t half as good. We still don’t have a defense or a defensive line coach, for that matter. I don’t want my collegiate career to end on a season worse than this one. And I certainly don’t want to stay on a line where I could get hurt. I just feel like I have a better
chance now.”

  “What does your dad think about this?” Uncle Lonnie asked Maleena.

  “My dad is devastated,” Maleena spoke the truth. It was why I loved her, but it also made my chest ache again at the thought of disappointing Coach. “But I think he understands. He’s trying to figure out a way to have a team that would be worthy of Ty staying.”

  I grinned down at her, the ache disappearing as I realized just how much faith she had in me. This woman breathed football. She could spot, in an instant, the good players from the bad. I knew she thought I was good enough to go pro. But the words about Coach building a team good enough for me…it left me sort of breathless.

  “When do you have to decide?” Dad asked.

  “New Year’s,” I said.

  “So, we have a few days to think about it?” Mama asked, but I think she knew we really didn’t. I think she knew it was going to take a mountain to move me like it normally did. I wasn’t trying to be a stubborn asshole this time. I was just trying to make my dreams happen.

  Grandma clapped her hands together. “And on that note, time to move on. We have a lot of trees to take down.”

  She led the family out of the house. Dad, Maleena, and I were the last ones to leave. He shoved his hands into his front pockets, in a stance that usually meant he was thinking. He looked good for a man of fifty. His fans still ate him up like he was chocolate cake.

  I drew Maleena’s hand into mine, and Dad noticed. He took in our joined fingers before looking at our faces with a wry smile.

  “This is a pretty big decision. I wish you’d told us about it earlier,” he finally said, and I heard the hurt behind his words. I’d hurt my family, which was almost as bad as disappointing Coach.

  “Yeah. I should have,” I said.

  “All I want, for each one of you, is for you to follow your dreams.”

  “But?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “Not so much a but…a precaution. Having a degree would give you something to fall back on if things don’t pan out. If I had my degree in music, I could’ve used it if I’d needed it.”

  “I’m not going to need it,” I said, sure of that with every fiber of my being.

  “I hope to God you don’t. I hope you don’t ever get seriously hurt. I hope you play until you’re in your forties like Peyton Manning. But those aren’t your odds, and you know it.”

  We reached Uncle Lonnie’s porch, and our feet slowed. The air became quiet once more as the others went into the house, leaving the three of us outside in the weather that had been screaming snow for days.

  “You act like I can’t go back to school when I’m in my thirties,” I said with a shrug.

  “You’re not going to want to go back when you’re thirty,” he said.

  I couldn’t argue with him. I probably wouldn’t. I pretty much hated it now.

  “Look, following your heart is the most important thing to do in this world. If you’re passionate and willing to work hard for your dreams, they’ll happen. Just make sure you’ve also thought through the consequences before you jump.”

  I nodded. “Thanks for not pushing me to stay.”

  “You kids are all about to step into a future we can’t protect you from. It’s hard, as a parent, to let you make these huge choices on your own. For better or worse.”

  “I know what I’m doing.”

  Dad nodded, staring in the window at the family. “You do. It’s actually Ginny I worry about the most.”

  His words surprised me, because my twin was the the most put-together of all of us kids.

  “Why’s that?” I asked.

  “She’s the most like your mom. Making sure everyone else is okay. Living the smaller life because she doesn’t want to let anyone down.”

  “Mom didn’t live a small life,” I said, believing that with every inch of me.

  “Because I pushed her out of it. Ginny won’t hear it from me. She needs her own person to push her out of her comfort zone,” he said, as we watched the family start to dismantle the flocked tree Aunt Wynn had up. Then, he switched back to me. “We need to get you a good agent. I’m sure Blake could put out feelers.”

  “I have one that’s been trying to get me to sign, but I’d love for Blake to find out what people say about him.”

  “Are you talking about Harding?” Maleena asked, because she knew, more than anyone, the agents who’d been hounding me since my freshman year.

  I nodded.

  “He’s okay. Not as good as Baldwin, in my opinion, but I know you pretty much hate Baldwin.”

  Dad took her in and smiled.

  “Maybe you don’t need Blake after all.”

  I returned his smile, pulling Maleena into my chest and kissing the top of her head. My heart about soared out of my body when she didn’t resist me. The fact that she didn’t care when I was declaring our relationship as much more than friendship filled my heart to the brim once more.

  “She’s pretty much the only thing I need,” I spoke the truth.

  Dad’s smile widened until it about split his face in two. “That’s probably the best thing you’ve told me all day.”

  ♫ ♫ ♫

  We’d made our rounds to the Brennan’s, Swayne’s, and Phillips’ houses before we ended at Aunt Cam and Uncle Blake’s. The ranch was the place we’d all gathered more than any other growing up. When we were younger, after we’d finished with the Christmas trees and eaten our fill of the desserts, we’d go out and play in the barn or ride the horses that had made the ranch famous.

  These days, the kids usually congregated with beers, cocktails, or hot cider around the pool table. There were plenty of us who still weren’t twenty-one, but no one seemed to make a fuss as long as we weren’t driving.

  While my chest had eased from the weight of telling my family about the draft, it tightened back up at each stop with the strangled looks and hushed talk that Eliza and Brett were exchanging. I’d liked Brett every time I’d met him back at UTK. He’d been a gentleman to Eliza and seemed to truly care for her. Like he was looking out for her.

  Now I wasn’t sure what to feel, because Eliza was more wound up than usual.

  Mayson eased up next to me, watching Brett and Eliza’s exchange. “We need to kick someone’s ass?”

  I shrugged. “Not sure yet. He’s always been good to her.”

  Maleena pulled at my hand. “You are not going to insert yourself into her business.”

  “I won’t. Not yet. But if it looks like he’s going to break her heart, I’ll be threatening his balls, his dick, and his brains.”

  “Isn’t that exactly what you told that skinny-ass kid who was harassing her in high school?” Mayson asked.

  “And every other sick little shit who tried to mess with Ginny, Eliza, or Khiley,” I said.

  Mayson laughed. “We never really had to worry about Khiley.”

  We both looked over to where the lovebirds were sitting, tangled together on the windowseat, each with a protective hand over Khiley’s belly.

  “True. She had a built-in shield.”

  “We could plunge Brett into the ice-cold lake like we did the guy who’d dated Edie and slept with her best friend on the side.”

  “God, that guy was an asshole. What was his name?” I asked, and Mayson shrugged.

  “Edie,” I hollered out, and she looked over at me.

  “What?”

  “What was the name of that double-crossing twit you dated in high school?”

  “Cayden, why?” she asked with a furrow to her brows.

  “Mayson and I were just remembering the time we dunked him through the partially frozen lake,” I was teasing, but my eyes settled on Brett’s face as he took in our words.

  He didn’t look away, didn’t back down, so at least he had that going for him.

  “I still can’t believe you all did that. He was so much older and bigger than you,” Edie said, shaking her head sadly.


  “But there were four of us with Dalton, and he was a pansy-ass waste of a human being, no matter his size,” I continued to make my point to Brett.

  “Your testosterone is oozing out all over the floor, and it looks rather ugly,” Maleena said, flicking me on the shoulder, and that was the only reason I removed my gaze from Brett’s.

  “You telling me you wouldn’t chop off someone’s dick if they messed with your sister?” I asked.

  She laughed. “Are you kidding? They wouldn’t be able to find any of the pieces of him when I was done.”

  “This is why I love you,” I muttered. Maleena stilled for a minute as if adjusting to the fact that I was declaring more than just my affection for her in front of everyone, and Mayson choked on his beer.

  “I’ll be right back,” I said, kissing the top of her head. “Make sure this asshole doesn’t try to hit on you.”

  “After that announcement?” Mayson responded. “I’d deserve my own dunking in the lake.”

  Mayson and my eyes met for a moment before I left with him grinning at me.

  I hit the bathroom and then the office. I was just sliding Aunt Cam’s notebook back into place when I heard a deep breath behind me. I turned to find Aunt Cam leaning against the doorframe, much like Edie had done the day before. We stared at each other for a moment. I knew I should have been feeling all sorts of bad, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t. Her words had helped me.

  “Football was his whole world,” she said.

  “I kind of think you were his whole world,” I responded quietly.

  She swallowed hard, looked up at the ceiling, and then away, and then finally back to me where I saw tears in her gray eyes. Even after all these years. Years she’d spent loving Blake and Stephen and Khiley. Loving her family.

  “Maybe, after he quit, but I’m not sure I would have ever caught up to him if he’d been able to stick with the game.”

  The honesty, raw and painful in her voice, was surprising.

  “He wasn’t as hard-assed as you,” she continued. “He liked to charm everyone into thinking he was the boy next door, but he was as driven as you.”

  The comparisons, that normally would have sent me slamming out of the room because they’d always made me feel like less, didn’t do that to me today. I just stared at her some more. Not sure what to say. Not sure where she was going with this discussion.