My Life as a Holiday Album (My Life as an Album #5)

by L. J. Evans

  Jealousy raged through me. Another emotion I was unfamiliar with. I hadn’t cared when any of the guys I’d dated had moved on. I’d expected it. I’d wanted it because I’d just felt disappointed with myself and them and everything that had happened with us.

  “The one you thought you loved?” I asked him.

  He didn’t look away when we talked, and it was something I treasured. He stared into my eyes every time, so I knew he heard every word I uttered. He didn’t have his fingers on his phone or eyes turned to the television. He was focused completely on me.

  “Yes. I thought I loved her,” he said.

  It hurt to hear him say it, which didn’t make any sense, and yet it did. I was just letting the feelings wash over me because of their novelty. Because I wasn’t sure I’d have them again.

  “What happened?”

  “She got into a college in Oregon and left.”

  “You didn’t try to make it work long distance?” I asked.

  “She didn’t want to,” he said, and I could see the flicker of hurt that went through him, even though it must have happened years ago. He had loved her. When he’d talked about his musical, he’d asked if I’d ever thought I loved someone. But his truth was evident. He hadn’t thought he loved her. He had loved her.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “God, that was a long time ago. I haven’t talked about Vicki in forever.”

  The thought of forever and time made me think of what time it was at the moment, with us folded together, like this was a daily occurrence. I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was almost one. I wasn’t at college. Mama would probably have noticed by now I wasn’t home. She was probably itching to text me but not wanting to because she wanted to give me my space. Treat me like a grown-up.

  “I should probably go,” I told him.

  He nodded, and it was the first and only wave of disappointment from our evening together. A little piece of me wanted him to ask me to stay, even though I knew he wouldn’t. It wasn’t because he didn’t want me. God, his body had already shown that he did. No, it was because of who he was. He didn’t seem like the love-‘em-and-leave-‘em type. He wasn’t Dalton.

  He sat up, and I followed, straightening my jersey and running a hand over my hair. My fingers lingered on my lips where I could still feel his mouth and the prickle of the stubble from his cheeks. I’d loved every single moment.

  He watched me, a low moan going through him again, and then he pulled my fingers from my lips to touch his. He kissed them and then wrapped them in his hand. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep.”

  A smile washed over my face. God, it felt so good. To be wanted and to want back.

  “I’d stay longer―”

  “No,” he said, interrupting me and shaking his head. “No, you need to go home before I stop listening to my inner Jiminy.”

  My smile widened. “Inner Jiminy?”

  “Yep. Jiminy Cricket is alive and well inside my head. Makes me a little crazy, but also truthful. See, my nose isn’t even growing.”

  “I knew who you meant,” I said, pulling away to find my shoes.

  He found his own and started lacing up the boots.

  “You don’t need to walk me out,” I said.

  He ignored me.

  I pulled on my outerwear, and he shoved his long arms into his new jacket.

  “I like the new boots and coat. Why did you get them?” I asked, as we walked toward the door.

  “Some witch tossed me in the snow and ruined my Chucks,” he responded with a smile.

  I didn’t feel guilty at all. I should have, but I didn’t. I was happy we’d had the snowball fight. I was happy we’d ended up in the snow together, and I was damn happy we’d ended up in his hotel room tonight.

  We were quiet in the elevator, standing close together. He reached over and grabbed my hand, and my heart responded with a leap. When the doors opened, he didn’t drop my hand. Instead, we walked through the lobby with them joined.

  He didn’t let go until we got to my car. He grabbed the door for me, as I threw my bag in and then turned back to him.

  “Do I need to worry about Ty and your cousins taking care of me in the middle of the night, like they handled your cousin’s problem?”

  I smirked. “No.”

  “What time are you going to be back at the bar?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. Not too early, but I’d like to get all the decorating done tomorrow.”

  “Please don’t go by yourself.” There was real concern in his voice. I didn’t think he had to worry about Phil, but I couldn’t help the thrill that he cared enough to be anxious.

  “I won’t.”

  “Why don’t you text me when you’re heading over?”

  I reached for my phone in my pocket and handed it to him. “Add your number, Mr. Hensley.”

  He did, and I sent him a text with it so he’d have mine.

  “What did you say?” he asked. His phone was still sitting in the hotel room.

  “You’ll have to read it to find out,” I teased and went to get in, but he halted me with his hand. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. It wasn’t a peck, and it wasn’t all-in. It was a goodnight kiss. Sweet but packed with a longing that echoed in me. God, I loved it.

  “Goodnight, Ginny,” he said as he backed away.

  I was all smiles as I looked at him. “Goodnight, Cole.”

  Then, I forced myself into the car to drive away before I threw myself at him and begged him to keep kissing me.

  Cole

  I WANT YOU FOR CHRISTMAS

  “I need you for Christmas

  I'd love you for Christmas

  I'm beggin' you for Christmas.”

  Performed by Cheap Trick

  Written by Nielsen / Zander

  While I waited for Ginny at the bar the next morning, I glanced again at the text she’d sent me when I’d walked her to her car. It said:

  THE WITCH: I can’t wait to do that again.

  I smiled because it was exactly my sentiment.

  Problem was, I didn’t think she exactly wanted me doing that in the middle of her family. People who would see us for the reality of what we were: a random hookup. Nothing that could be permanent because of where we lived and the lives we had in front of us that weren’t likely to be merged.

  It didn’t stop me from leaning over and kissing her with feeling as soon as she stepped out of her car, though. My hands were full with a carafe of coffee and donut boxes, and I couldn’t do it the way I really wanted, with force and bodies aligned, but it was enough for her to know I didn’t regret our makeout session.

  “I figured I had to get that in before we were surrounded by people,” I said. “I don’t want to lose a limb.”

  She laughed before going to the trunk and taking out a couple of bags before heading up the steps. She unlocked the door, and I followed her in. We set everything down, and before she could step away, I wrapped her in my arms to kiss her the way I really had wanted to. Harder. With more attention and a certain fierceness to it that she returned

  When I let go, she was smiling as much as I was.

  “I want to do that again. All over. Everything we did last night,” she said, but I heard the hesitancy in her voice. “But I’m not sure our cousins or our friends will be able to live with us doing that and then saying goodbye when you leave in a couple of days. It may be more than either of us want to deal with.”

  “I get it. I’ll have a stern talking-to with my hands and my lips and make sure they keep to themselves,” I said, not letting my smile slip because I damn sure wasn’t going to make her feel bad for saying exactly what my brain knew. My heart and soul, on the other hand, hated the idea.

  “My turn to make a deal,” she said, pausing before saying the next words in a rush. “I’ll agree to let your hands and lips stay to themselves today, but only if we get to have
a repeat performance of last night, tonight.”

  My heart flipped, and I grinned. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

  We were standing there, goofy-eyed, when the stairs rattled with footsteps. We turned back to the donuts and the coffee as Mayson and Grace came through the door.

  “We brought—shit—you already got some,” Mayson said with his hands full of donuts.

  “I think we’re going to need them. I have a feeling Mister-bottomless-pit here is going to need a whole box to himself,” Ginny teased.

  “You’ve known him a whole two days and already have him pegged,” Grace said, smacking me in the stomach.

  Ginny and I shared one last smile before we turned to the piles of decorations and the task at hand.

  Hours later, I was wondering if a day had ever lasted so long as Ginny and I covered the round tables that had been delivered with gold and silver tablecloths. It had been just the four of us all morning because the rest of the gang was off at doctor’s appointments, and meetings with agents, and packing to leave.

  Mayson and Grace had continued hanging the lights while Ginny and I had hung banners and balloons and filled the tables with metallic plasticware. By the time the florist arrived, we’d done a damn good job of turning the room into a glamorously chic party space. We rewarded ourselves by ducking downstairs to grab food. I was grateful Phil wasn’t around as we ate.

  “We really need to finalize a few things on the script,” Grace said, reaching for our shared nachos.

  “I think you and Mayson can handle it,” I said, looking at Ginny under my lashes. When I returned my gaze to Grace, she was shooting me a look I didn’t understand. I frowned. She inched her head in Ginny’s direction and then frowned again. I ignored it.

  “You’re leaving for Ireland on the third. It’s the whole reason we came to Tennessee. You demanded we come so the three of us could finish it together.”

  I chuckled. “I demanded we come to Tennessee so you could fix things between the two of you.” I waved my finger at them. “Worked like a charm.”

  “I wish I had something to throw at you,” Grace huffed. Mayson slid an arm behind her, along the chair.

  “I’m glad he talked you into it,” he said. He kissed her temple, and Grace’s frown grew.

  “Did you seriously plot this behind my back?” she asked.

  “No. I suggested. He agreed,” I told her.

  Grace turned to Ginny. “Do not leave these two alone for a second. They will spill all your secrets and leave you blindsided.”

  Ginny shrugged. “I don’t really have any secrets to be shared.”

  But her eyes met mine, and I realized I was her secret.

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to be her secret, but I couldn’t offer anything more either. She was going back to Knoxville. I was going to Ireland and then back to L.A. to sit through casting calls. Dylan and his team didn’t need us for that part of the process, but Grace and I wanted to be a part of every last piece of the production so we would understand what it took to make a musical from the ground up.

  Mayson was still thinking about Ginny’s no-secret comment and finally shrugged. “I do believe she’s right. I can’t think of one thing to tell you about Ginny that she wouldn’t tell you herself.”

  Ginny didn’t like that answer. She didn’t like it any more than she’d liked being called dependable or grandma. But I knew enough now to know she wasn’t boring or dull.

  “She sure surprised the hell out of me,” I said, jumping to her defense, and everyone at the table stared at me—Mayson and Grace with confusion—Ginny with a silent plea. “I could have sworn she drove a Civic or some regular sedan. Look at the sports car she drives.”

  That distracted everyone as Grace exclaimed, “Oh, yes. I need to drive that Miata.”

  “It’s still snowing,” Mayson and I both said pretty much at the same time, and Grace returned to her glower.

  It hadn’t let up yet. It was the second day of snow and had completely encompassed the town in white walls.

  “It doesn’t usually stick around this long,” Ginny said. “It usually blows in and out, and just about the time you really get tired of it, it’s already melting.”

  “I couldn’t live in it,” Grace said. “It’s fun for a change, and it’s beautiful to look at, but I want to be able to drive again without worrying about sliding off the road.”

  She was right. I felt the same way, which was another reason for Ginny and me to be a secret. Our lives were never going to line up right. It was a shame. It was maddening, but it was the truth.

  In the afternoon, a few more of the cousins showed up to help finish off the decorating. Candles, glittery stars, and the rest of the white twinkle lights festooned the room. It looked like a five-star hotel wedding. It was beautiful. These families didn’t hold back on anything, that was for sure.

  When it was clear Ginny had all the help she needed, Mayson and Grace suggested we leave to get in a couple of hours on the script. I couldn’t have said no without raising all of their alarms. So, I left, texting Ginny as soon as my butt hit the back seat of the truck Mayson was driving.

  ME: Sorry. I didn’t know how to get out of it. Will try to finish early. I’ll let you know when I’m back at the hotel.

  THE WITCH: It’s fine. And if it becomes impossible, I’ll understand.

  ME: It will NOT be impossible.

  THE WITCH: I’m just saying. I get it.

  ME: You made a deal with me, and I plan on holding you to it.

  “Who are you texting?” Grace asked, trying to see my phone. I shoved it into my pocket.

  “Luis,” I lied.

  Luis was one of the coaches at Dad’s gym. He was also a friend. But we rarely texted, which was the reason Grace was frowning again. She suspected I was keeping something from her. Normally, like Ginny, I was a straight arrow, an open book—to use all the clichés.

  But this secret…it was going to stay hidden. It was going to stay mine. At least until I figured out what to do with it.

  ♫ ♫ ♫

  It was after dinner before I finally got away. We’d worked on the musical for hours, finishing almost the entire list of items Dylan had wanted us to look back over, and then we’d eaten dinner with Mayson’s family. I’d heard plenty about Cam from Grace, but I hadn’t ever spent time in her presence. She was a ball of energy. Constant movement and a quick retort. Life as her child must have been interesting.

  After, Mayson said we should go back to town and have a drink to celebrate the changes being done. We were one step closer to having our musical out in the world, but I declined the drink offer.

  “I think the time change is finally catching up with me, because I’m exhausted. I’d rather go back to the hotel and veg in front of the TV,” I said.

  “You don’t have to leave on our account,” Mayson said, as if I was really just trying to give them some alone time. Little did he know I needed my own alone time.

  “I know, but really, I’d rather just get some rest.”

  “I can pick up my bag then,” Grace said. “It seems silly to leave it there when I’ve been here the whole time.”

  Darkness had settled in as Mayson drove back to the hotel. The snow was still coming down in large flakes, swirling in the car’s headlights. Suddenly, I was worried about Ginny driving in this weather in her little car. I wondered if I should just call the whole thing off.

  The hotel door had barely clicked shut behind Grace before I was texting Ginny.

  ME: I don’t like the idea of you driving in this. Maybe you shouldn’t come.

  THE WITCH: (voice recording) Too late, I’m already almost there.

  I paced. I fretted. I tried not to think about what it was going to feel like to have her in my arms again. And then she was there.

  “Thank God,” I said, wrapping her in a hug.

  She laughed. “City Boy, I’ve driven in snow plenty of times.” />
  “In your sports car?”

  “I borrowed Mama’s SUV.”

  She barely finished the words before I was kissing her. The snow from her jacket was melting into my long-sleeve T-shirt and jeans, but I didn’t care. We stood that way for a long time, lips savoring lips, until her coat started to actually drip.

  She laughed and pulled away, hanging her coat on a hook by the door and taking off her boots. When she turned around, I realized she’d dressed up for me. She had on the same jeans as earlier, ones that clung to all her curves, but her top was all lace and skin. The green echoed the colors in her eyes that she’d surrounded in eyeliner and mascara, making those gorgeous kaleidoscopes stand out like paintings on a wall.

  Her hair was down, long curls landing well past her shoulder.

  My first thoughts about her were true. She was stunningly gorgeous. But it was magnified now. She was more than that. An unnameable beauty.

  “What?” she asked, wrapping her arms around her stomach.

  “I was trying to find better words to tell you how damn beautiful you are.”

  She rolled her eyes.

  I grabbed her hand, leading her back toward the beds. I had rented a movie, and it was on pause, waiting for her arrival. I pulled her up against the headboard with my arms wrapped around her, and I placed a kiss to her forehead. She leaned her head on my chest, arms tucked around me.

  I started the movie, and we’d watched a few minutes of it before she spoke. “Cole… um, not that I don’t like the movie, but, well, this isn’t exactly what I expected.”

  She sat up, pulling away from me a little, and I felt the loss heavily.

  “What did you think, I’d be tearing your clothes off the minute you walked through the door?”

  She blushed. She had thought that.

  And hell, did I want that, but I wasn’t sleeping with her and then leaving. I couldn’t do that. She deserved way more than that for her first time. For her time with anyone, really. But as her face fell, I realized I had to explain myself.

  “Those exact thoughts have been in my head all day,” I told her. “But there’s a lot stopping me.”

  “Like what?” she asked.