by Maya Banks
“Damn it, I love you. I’m standing here trying my best to come up with the words to everything I have to say and all I can think, all that weighs on my mind, is that I love you so damn much and I can’t live without you. Don’t make me live without you, Ash.”
Her expressive eyes widened in shock. Her mouth popped open and then snapped shut again. She shook her head wordlessly as if she had no idea what to say to his sudden declaration.
Then hurt entered her eyes, crushing him with the weight of her pain. Her gaze held the memory of all the terrible things he’d said and done. He couldn’t breathe for wanting to drop to his knees and beg her forgiveness.
“Then why?” she choked out. “If you love me, really love me, then why would you want me to change? You don’t love the real me, Dev. You love the image you have in your head of how the perfect wife should be. Well, I’ve got news for you. I’m not her. I’ll never be her.”
She was glorious in her anger. Her eyes came to life and sparked darts of fire. Color suffused her cheeks and her lips pinched together as she glared holes through him.
“Trying to change you was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made or will make in my life. God, Ash, when I think of how stupid I was I just want to punch something.”
He put his hands on her shoulders and stared intently into her eyes. “You are the most beautiful, precious thing that has ever barreled into my life. I didn’t see it because I didn’t want to see it. When your father suggested the marriage, I was pissed and I resented his interference.”
“That makes two of us,” Ashley muttered.
“But the thing was, I didn’t mind the idea of marrying you. Even when I told myself that I was angry, there was a part of me that didn’t at all mind the idea of marriage and settling down. Starting a family. With you.
“I was torn and I was an immature jerk acting out because I felt like marriage was being forced on me instead of when I was ready for it. Even though I didn’t mind the outcome, I was resentful on principle. Which is stupid. And then on our honeymoon night I was gutted when you found out because the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. I felt cornered. Here you were demanding to know how I felt and my feelings weren’t even something I could admit to myself. So I answered out of frustration and I said all that crap about how we could have a good marriage anyway because in my mind I wanted things to go on as they had before but without the vulnerability I felt every time the question of love popped up.”
He sighed and released her shoulders, stepping back for a moment as he stared off into the distance. “Your entire family baffles me, Ash. I don’t always know how to take them. I’m not used to having this big, huge loving family where dysfunction isn’t a way of life. Your dad was always calling me ‘son,’ and he wanted me to marry you, and all I could think was that I don’t fit here. I’m not good enough. I wasn’t worthy. And that made me angry because after I left home, I was determined never to feel inferior again.”
She was still staring at him like she had no idea what to say.
“You scared me, Ash. You barged into my life, turned it upside down with your take-no-prisoners attitude. You were the one thing I couldn’t control, couldn’t put in its proper place, and I tried. Oh, I tried. I was determined that you weren’t going to be a threat to me. I hated how rattled you made me feel and how I went soft every time you entered a room. I thought somehow if I covered you up that you wouldn’t shine quite so brightly and that maybe I could better control my reaction to you or at least I wouldn’t feel like my guts had been ripped out every time you smiled at me.”
“Wow,” she whispered. “I have no idea what to say, Devon. I had no idea I affected you so badly.”
He shook his head. “Oh, God, no, Ash. Don’t you see? You are the very best part of me. It wasn’t you. It was never you. It was me.”
No longer able to keep his hands from her, he stepped forward again and pulled her close so that their faces were almost touching and he could feel the warmth of her breath on his throat.
“You are the very best part of my world. You are my life. I cannot imagine an existence without you. I don’t want to. What I did was unforgivable. It was the result of ignorance and stupidity of the highest magnitude. I can only tell you that if you let me back into your life that you’ll never have cause to doubt me again. I’ll spend every single day proving to you that you are the absolute center of my universe. You wanted a man who adored you beyond reason. Someone who accepted you for the beautiful, amazing woman that you are. Look no further, Ash. He’s standing in front of you with his heart in his hands. No man will ever love you more than I do. It isn’t possible.”
Her eyes were huge in her face. Brilliantly blue, sparkling like the most exquisite gems. Her cheeks were brushed with rose and her throat worked up and down as she swallowed. Tears glittered like diamonds, clung to her lashes but didn’t fall. He wouldn’t let them this time. If she never cried again, it would be too soon for him.
When she opened her mouth to speak, he simply put his lips to hers and kissed her long and sweet. He was shaking as he crushed her to him. For the last week he’d despaired of ever getting this close to her again and now she was warm and soft in his arms and so very precious.
“Don’t say anything yet,” he whispered. “There’s still something I want to show you.”
He pulled away, gathered her hand in his and pulled her along the road. She walked with him haltingly, as if she were in a solid daze. As they rounded the sharp bend, she stopped in her tracks and gazed in wonder at the sprawling house on top of the hill.
In the distance, dogs barked and she turned her head, her brow furrowing as she searched for the source of the noise. And then over the hill, two dogs bounded, making a beeline for Ashley.
“Mac! Paulina!”
She dropped to her knees just as the dogs launched themselves at her, licking and barking excitedly as Ashley tried to hug them.
“Oh, my God, where did you come from?” she whispered.
Devon glanced up the hill to see Cam standing there and Devon waved his thanks before turning his attention back to Ashley and the sheer joy in her eyes.
One of the dogs knocked her over and she went laughing to the ground, snow sticking to her coat as she lay gasping for air.
Devon carefully picked her back up and fended off the animals as they tried their best to lick her to death.
“They come with the house,” he said solemnly. “Since you’re the new director of the shelter, it only stood to reason that some of the animals find their home here.”
She brushed herself off and then stared back at the house again. “Is it… Is it yours?” she asked hesitantly.
“No, it’s yours.”
She turned to stare at him, excitement flashing like fireworks in her eyes. “You mean it? Really? How? Why? When?”
He chuckled indulgently and then because he couldn’t help himself, he pulled her into his arms so that he was wrapped solidly around her. They stood staring up at the house as her heart beat solidly against his chest.
“You wanted a home where you could envision children playing and you could be surrounded by your animals. I ignored that because I wasn’t ready for anything in my life to change. My apartment was comfortable and I saw no reason we couldn’t live there. But the simple truth is, I want to live wherever you are and wherever makes you happy. A good friend told me to go big or go home. I’m going big, Ash. Because I’ll do any damn thing in the world to have you back in my life.”
“Oh my,” she whispered. “I don’t know what to say, Dev. You’re saying everything I’ve ever dreamed you saying. I want to believe you. I want it more than anything. But I’m afraid.”
He tugged her even closer and rested his forehead on hers. “I love you, Ash. That isn’t going to change. I was an ass. I just need a chance to prove to you that you’re safe with me and a chance to show you that I’ll love and cherish you every day for the rest of your life. You and our children.”
>
“You’re okay with the baby?”
“If I was any more okay, I’d burst wide open. I can’t think of anything better than this house with you and our son or daughter plus the half dozen or so more we’ll fill it with.”
“Oh I love that,” she said, her eyes lighting up like a thousand suns.
He stroked a strand of her hair away from her face and then he kissed her softly, lingering over her lips as he savored being this close to her again.
“I love you,” he said. “I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love another person. I won’t lie. It scares the hell out of me, but being without you scares me even more. Give us a chance, Ash. I’ll show you that you can trust me again. I swear it.”
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and moved her forehead down to nestle in the side of his neck. “I love you too, Dev. So very much. You have the power to hurt me like no one else. But you also have the power to make me happier than anyone else in the world.”
He inhaled the scent of her hair and hugged her more fiercely. “I want you to be happy. I want you to smile again. I’ll do anything to make that happen.”
She pulled away and smiled mischievously up at him as the dogs danced around at their heels. “Then why don’t you show me my new house?”
He relaxed, going suddenly weak as relief tore through him with the force of a storm. Oh, God. He couldn’t even find his tongue because he feared if he tried to speak right now, he’d lose what was left of his composure.
It was several long seconds before he could pull himself together enough to speak.
“The sale isn’t final yet but the house has been empty for six months and I’ve gotten the keys. I’ll be happy to show you around.”
She threaded her arm through his as they started up the rest of the driveway leading to the house.
“Can’t you just imagine our children playing here?” she said wistfully. “And the dogs running after them?”
He pulled his arm loose and wrapped it tightly around her as he leaned down to kiss her temple.
“Know what the best part will be?”
She glanced up at him in question.
“Seeing their mother’s smile light up their father’s world each and every day of his life.”
* * * * *
Undone
Maya Banks
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
CHAPTER 1
She shouldn’t be so nervous about catering for a bunch of muckety-mucks, but Pippa Laingley wanted everything to be perfect for her friend Ashley Carter’s housewarming.
And really, why should she be nervous? Just because the net worth of the assembled guests was more than the national debt shouldn’t be cause for her to sweat. Okay, and there was the fact that Pippa was on the verge of opening her own storefront café and catering business and she needed this to go off without a hitch so there would be good word of mouth and maybe a few referrals.
She spun around in Ashley’s huge kitchen, mentally taking stock of what was ready to go out. Where were the damn waiters?
On cue, the door swung open, and a guy who couldn’t be more than twenty hustled through. Pippa took one look and groaned.
“Where’s your uniform?”
He gave her a blank look.
She sighed and closed her eyes. “White shirt? Black slacks? Nice polished shoes? Preferably well-groomed hair?”
His mouth worked and then he snapped it shut. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m the emergency fill-in. I just assumed whatever I needed would be here.”
Pippa blew out her breath. “First day on the job?”
“Yeah,” he mumbled. “A friend told me about part-time gigs that paid good money. I’m sort of filling in for him.”
Her gaze narrowed. Great. She wasn’t even getting an official employee. Some moron had decided to skip and had worked a deal with his buddy to split the proceeds for a night’s work. No way he was going to handle a room full of people. Which meant she was going to have to wade in and help.
So much for having a nice glass of wine with the girls and gushing about Ashley’s new house.
Grabbing the kid by the arm, she pulled him toward the stairs. “Come on. You have to get into something better than that.”
He blinked but allowed her to drag him all the way to Ashley and Devon’s bedroom. She barreled into Devon’s closet and hurriedly riffled through his clothing until she found something appropriate.
“Strip,” she ordered crisply.
A dull flush rose up the kid’s neck.
The sound of a clearing throat was Pippa’s first warning that she and the kid weren’t alone.
“Perhaps I should come back later.”
The low drawl shivered over Pippa’s nape and she squeezed her eyes shut in mortification. Now she and the kid both were blushing fools. She turned to see Cam Hollingsworth leaning lazily against the door, his eyes flashing with amusement.
“Why, Pippa, you cradle robber.”
She could never understand why the man always caught her at a disadvantage. She was an intelligent, well-put-together, very articulate career woman. She owned her own business, never took any crap off anyone and people rarely intimidated her. And yet, every single time she crossed paths with Devon’s friend, she always made an ass of herself.
No way she was going to let this spiral into a mire of humiliation. She glared at Cam and then stalked over, tossing him the shirt and slacks.
“Get him into this. I need him downstairs in two minutes.”
To her utter delight, Cam blinked in surprise. She’d caught him off guard. Then he frowned and looked beyond her to where the kid still stood.
“What the hell? Aren’t these Dev’s clothes?”
“I need a waiter or no one is going to get food or drink,” she gritted out. “He’s all I’ve got. I’m not letting Ashley down tonight and neither are you. So get your ass in gear.”
She stomped past him and hurried down the stairs, not waiting to see Cam’s reaction to her dictate.
When she got back into the kitchen, she quickly lined up the trays, set wine and champagne glasses out and then grumbled under her breath about having to help ferry food and drinks to Ashley’s guests.
She’d asked for three servers. She’d gotten some college kid in need of beer money. Just great.
A moment later, college kid presented himself, and to Pippa’s surprise, he’d cleaned up well. The pants and shirt were a bit too large for his lanky frame, but he looked neat and presentable. His hair had been combed back until he looked almost polished.
She gestured him over, shoved a tray of lobster tarts into his hands and then pushed him out of the door toward the living room, where Ashley and Devon were entertaining their guests.
Then she returned to the island and began pouring wine into half the glasses. She filled the rest with champagne.
“Would you like some help?”
She whirled around, still holding the bottle, and darn near tossed the contents onto the floor.
“Help?”
Cam nodded slowly. “Assistance? You look as though you could use it. How on earth did you think you’d manage this on your own? Ashley was nuts for allowing you to cater the event.”
Pippa was horrified by the offer and then, as she processed the rest of the statement, she was just irritated as hell.
“I’d
hate for you to sully those pretty hands,” she snapped. “And for your information, I’ve got this under control. The help didn’t show. Not my fault. The food is impeccable if I do say so myself. I just need a way to deliver it into the hands of the precious guests.”
“I believe I just offered my assistance and you insulted me,” Cam said dryly.
Her eyebrows drew together. Oh, why did the man have to be so damn delicious looking? Why couldn’t he be a toad? Or be bald? Although on the right guy, bald was totally hot. Why could she never perform the simplest functions around him?
“You’re Ashley’s guest,” Pippa said firmly. “Not to mention this isn’t your thing. You’re used to being served, not serving others.”
“How do you know what my thing is?” he asked as he reached for one of the trays.
She had absolutely nothing to say to that and watched in bewilderment as he hefted the tray up and walked out of the kitchen.
She sagged against the sink, her pulse racing hard enough to make her dizzy.
Cameron Hollingsworth was gorgeous, unpolished in a totally sexy way, arrogant and so wrong for her in so many ways, but there was something about the man that just did it for her.
She’d seen him often enough ever since Ashley had become involved with Devon Carter. Cameron and Devon were close friends and business partners in a consortium of luxury hotels and resorts. As Ashley’s best friend, Pippa had been to many of the same social events as Cameron. He’d been paired with her at Ashley’s wedding, and that had been ten sorts of hell, being close enough to smell him, and him so perfectly indifferent to her.
She sighed. That could be what irritated her the most. He was a luscious specimen of a male and he couldn’t be any less interested in her.
Maybe she just wasn’t his type. The problem was, she didn’t know what his type was. She never saw him with other women. He was either intensely private or he didn’t have much of a social life.
She was itching to shake his world up just a little.
Realizing she was spending far too much time mooning over Cam, she grabbed another tray, took a deep breath to compose herself and then headed toward the living room.
