“Amelia.” He said her name with all the longing he could muster, ignoring the aches and pains of his body. “You are so special. Intelligent.” He kissed her cheek. “Kind.” He kissed her neck. “Beautiful.” Then he took her lips again, wishing he felt well enough to do more than simply kiss her. He wanted the length of her against him, her hair loose around them. Need surged, and he welcomed the feeling.
“Christopher.” She drew back slightly, her damp lashes fluttering as if she wanted to treasure the moment as much as he. “You’re an amazing man. The way you care for your father and the children. Not to mention helping the marquess.” She lifted his hand to kiss the back of it. “Thank goodness you weren’t hurt worse.”
“Indeed. I couldn’t agree more.” He looked into her eyes. “I’m so pleased you found us.”
“Us?” she asked with a frown.
“The children, Father, and me. I can’t imagine our lives without you at this point.” She might’ve only been there just over two weeks, but she was already an integral part of his family. She steadied the ever-rocking boat of their lives by providing direction and affection for the children, a breadth of understanding toward his father that even he didn’t have, and a bridge that kept him connected to them.
She had become far more than a governess.
To his surprise, worry etched her features. “Christopher, there’s something you need to know.” She closed her eyes briefly, but this time it seemed the purpose was to distance herself.
“What?” Had he misjudged her? Were his feelings for her unwelcome?
“I should’ve told you the truth the very first day, but your father—”
“My father?” A cold wave passed through him. “What does he have to do with this?”
“Nothing.” She eased back and stiffened as if to brace herself. “I-I misrepresented my experience to you.”
“How do you mean?”
“This is my first time serving as a governess.” Her chest heaved with her words.
“First time?” His muddled thoughts couldn’t process her meaning.
“Yes.” Tears shimmered on her lashes.
“You’re not an experienced governess?”
She slowly shook her head.
“Did you or did you not attend the Beasley Governess Academy?” He’d requested references from the school upon her arrival but had forgotten about them.
“I worked there as a m-maid.”
His heart dropped even as the terrible cold spread. He’d allowed a maid to instruct and watch over his niece and nephew for the past two weeks when he’d thought a thoroughly trained governess had been doing so. The pounding in his head returned with a vengeance, clouding his thoughts. “Explain.”
“My aunt ran the school. Though she promised to allow me to attend, when I arrived, she told me there wasn’t room for another student and I’d have to wait.” Amelia dipped her head as if in shame. “She said the only availability she had was that of a maid.”
“Not a governess.” How could he have been so wrong about her?
Once again, he’d believed the people in his life were telling him the truth. He’d asked Margaret if all was well between her and Edward prior to her death. She’d assured him it was. He hadn’t pressed her for details and that failure might have contributed to her death.
Now he’d learned that the woman he trusted to be an example of good and proper behavior to Charlotte and Ronald had lied.
“I listened to every class I could.” Her words came faster and faster. “I read all the books the academy provided to their students.”
“Why did you stay there?”
“She promised she’d allow me to enroll in the next set of classes. But that one was full. Then the next.” She shook her head. “I needed the wages and kept hoping she told the truth.”
“You were duped by your aunt so you took it upon yourself to dupe me?” The hurt at her lie equaled his physical pain. Her betrayal stung, especially considering how much he cared for her and thought the feeling mutual. He’d allowed his attraction to her to put in jeopardy the one thing he’d been tasked with that meant the world to him—the children.
“No. It wasn’t like that.” Her eyes widened as she held out a hand as if to plead for understanding. “I mean, I arrived with the intent, but I couldn’t go through with it. When your father interviewed me, he said how precious the children were to him, and how they were all he had left of his daughter.” She bit her lip. “I knew then that I couldn’t go through with it. I told him the truth.”
“He hired you because he felt sorry for you?” The idea made no sense to Christopher. That was nothing the father he knew would do.
“I hope he hired me because he thought I’d be a good governess.” She straightened, her chin lifting. “And I am. I’m an excellent governess. I care deeply for the children and hold their best interests above my own.”
Christopher scoffed. “How can you say that when you lied to gain the position?”
“But I didn’t—”
“You lied to me.” He wanted to rise and quit the room, slamming the door behind him to close off his hurt and disappointment. “You failed to tell me the truth. An omission is a lie.”
The words he’d never be able to tell Margaret tumbled out before he could stop them. She’d never know how hurt he was by the fact that she hadn’t come to him for help. That not only had she not confided in him, but she’d also lied to cover up the problems she and Edward were experiencing. They both had. What a fool he was to believe those he cared for without questioning them.
Her body stiffened then she slowly rose. “Yes. You’re right. It is. I’m terribly sorry for it. I should’ve never let it go this long. I extend my sincerest apology for that as well. But I think I’ve proven my value over the past two weeks. I believe I’m the right governess for the children based on my performance during the trial period.”
Pain washed over him, through him, drowning him and all logic. He felt betrayed. He’d thought they had a special connection—an understanding unlike anything he’d experienced before with a woman. The fact that she’d been in his employ had forced him to proceed slowly, so different than how he wanted to.
He closed his eyes, angry with himself most of all. He’d known she was holding something back but hadn’t pressed her for it. Just as he’d done with Margaret.
He’d allowed himself to be distracted by the investigation rather than making certain all was well in his home and with those in his care.
The situation was more than he could deal with at the moment.
“I think it best if you left,” he said as he opened his eyes, wanting her out of the room so he could think. He needed time to sort through the hurt to the true issue. He wasn’t sure what that was. Not when his heart hurt so much.
She gave a jerky nod, her face pale, then backed up a step and another before turning to leave, closing the door quietly behind her.
Chapter Fourteen
“Place your trust entirely to one who has made it the sole study of his existence, and can read off the pedigree and doings of every horse that for the past ten years has run for money.”
~The Seven Curses of London
Amelia stood with her back against Christopher’s door, hands clenched as she tried to draw a breath. Telling him the truth couldn’t have gone worse. Her heart broke at all she’d lost. Yet how could she have kept the information to herself any longer? Not when he’d began to list the reasons he admired her.
Her failure to tell him about her lack of experience had erased all that. No wonder he wanted her gone. He couldn’t trust her, so how could he rely on her to care for Charlotte and Ronald?
The idea of leaving was nearly more than she could bear. She’d have to tell the earl and the children she was leaving. She owed them that much. Perhaps she could think of a way to explain it to Charlotte and Ronald that would help them adjust to the next governess.
The thought had her pressing a hand to her
mouth, hoping to stop the sobs that threatened. Not being part of the children’s lives would be difficult.
No—impossible.
And the earl. She swallowed hard. She would miss him as well. She had to find a way to make certain he didn’t feel as if this was his fault because it wasn’t. The blame was hers. He was already upset about Christopher’s injuries and certainly didn’t need her departure adding to his worries.
Amelia forced herself to walk down the hall, only to pause at the stairs. Where did she go first? Returning to have tea with her mother, Lady Beaumont, and Miss Singh would have to wait until she’d regained some measure of composure, something that felt impossible at the moment. Her mother would learn soon enough that she’d lost her position when Amelia packed her things and returned to the lodging house with her.
Nor could she speak with the children when she was so upset. That left the earl. She went up the stairs to his suite of rooms and knocked on the door. When he didn’t answer, she peeked in, but the room was empty. She was both relieved and disappointed.
How could she possibly tell the children that not only had their uncle been injured but she was leaving? She forced herself to go to the schoolroom, hoping the words would come to her.
She opened the door to see them drawing at the table with Sally watching over them.
“Miss Tippin!” They both rose to hurry toward her, giving her a hug and breaking her heart a little more.
“You’re back early.” Ronald’s grin lit his face.
“Did you have a nice time with your mother?” Charlotte asked.
“I did. Thank you.” She looked at Sally. “If you’d return in a few minutes?”
“Of course, miss.” She gave Amelia a worried look as she took her leave.
Amelia took the children’s hands in her own and walked them toward the table. She wanted to wrap each of them in her arms and never let go. Saying goodbye would be one of the hardest things she’d ever done.
“Children, I have something I need to tell you.”
~*~
“Wake him at once.” His father’s voice penetrated the thick fog swaddling Christopher’s senses.
“I’ve been trying to, my lord.” Dauber sounded distraught, something completely out of character for the butler. “But he took some of the laudanum last night. It takes time for its effects to ease.”
“Nothing a basin of cold water can’t solve.”
Christopher forced his heavy eyelids open at that remark. The room tilted alarmingly before righting. As consciousness came, so did pain. He hurt everywhere. A moan escaped his lips, ending the argument.
“At last.” His father sat on the side of his bed, the movement enough to cause Christopher to wince. “What did you say to her?”
“Who?”
“Miss Tippin, of course.”
Amelia. A rush of conflicting emotions rolled through him at the thought of her.
Dauber leaned closer. “I fear we have a mutiny on our hands, my lord. The maid has informed me the children are beside themselves and refuse to behave.” He glanced meaningfully at his father. “They are not the only ones. Not even Lady Beaumont has been able to soothe those who are upset.”
The memory of his conversation with Amelia the previous evening returned, lowering his already foul mood. While he admired that she’d had the strength to tell him the truth despite the intimacy they’d shared, he was still upset. To think she hadn’t trusted him with the truth for over two weeks hurt.
“Why didn’t you tell me of her lack of experience, Father?”
The earl scowled. “The previous governesses had experience and where did that get us? I liked Miss Tippin from the moment I met her. And if you weren’t so stubborn, you’d admit you did as well.”
“You’re right.”
“She told me the truth,” his father continued as if Christopher hadn’t agreed. “I insisted she not tell you until you’d seen her performance. That is what you should base your decision on. The fact that you dismissed her without—”
Christopher held up his hand to halt his father’s tirade. “I did not dismiss her.”
“She said you did. That you asked her to leave,” Dauber said, the grim set of his mouth suggesting he was as displeased with the situation as his father and the children were. “She’s packed and gone.”
“I only meant for her to leave my bedroom so I could think upon the matter. Having just been stabbed among other injuries, I wasn’t prepared to consider how to proceed.” He frowned, his heart thudding as realization sunk in. “I certainly didn’t mean...”
Yet how else could she have interpreted his request?
“Damn.” He carefully eased himself up against the pillows, willing away the lingering effects of the medicine. He glared at the bottle on his bedside table. Hadn’t he known not to take any? The aches and pains were nearly welcome in comparison to the haze that gripped him. They’d felt severe enough the previous evening that he’d given in and taken a dose. But his inability to sleep had been caused by his upset at himself for how he’d responded to Amelia more than the pain. “Where is she?”
“Who knows by now?” His father rose to pace the room.
“Charles escorted her to her mother’s home,” Dauber said in a more reasonable tone. “Do I have your permission to send him with a request that she return?”
“No.” Christopher drew as deep a breath as his sore ribs would allow.
“No?” His father spun to face him. “Are you mad? Did you not hear everything we just told you?”
Christopher sent him a pointed look. “Don’t you think it would be far more effective if both of us asked her to return? I think we each owe her an apology.”
His father gave a decisive nod, his expression relieved. “Yes, that would be best. Should we have the children join us?”
“Excellent idea.” Surely she couldn’t refuse to forgive him if they all appeared on her doorstep.
He closed his eyes for a long moment. How could he have been such an idiot? Yes, she should’ve told him the truth. But if his father had told her not to tell him, how could she disobey? His father was more to blame than Amelia.
He couldn’t imagine a better governess for the children. She’d proven herself many times over. Whether their budding feelings would grow into something more remained to be seen, but he certainly hoped for the chance to find out.
He’d only wanted time to make certain he was thinking of what was best for everyone involved. At no moment had he wanted her to leave her position. In truth, he’d lashed out when his anger would’ve been better directed at himself.
“Dauber, please order the carriage and gather the children.”
“I’ll take care of Charlotte and Ronald.” His father hurried out the door.
Dauber paused with a hand on the doorknob. “I don’t know what transpired between you and Miss Tippin, but I would be pleased to see her return. I believe Mrs. Wimbly feels the same.”
“Thank you. That’s good to know.” The two had as high of standards as he did.
“I’ll order the carriage and return momentarily to assist you to dress,” Dauber said.
Christopher moved aside the covers and lowered his feet to the floor, hoping the room would soon stop spinning. What a terrible mess he’d created. Would she be able to forgive him? And what was he going to do about his feelings for her?
The kiss they’d shared might’ve turned into far more if he hadn’t been injured. Whether he could resist her charms in the coming weeks remained to be seen.
But for the moment, all he knew was that he wanted her back in his life. He only hoped he wasn’t too late.
~*~
“I still don’t understand, Amelia,” her mother said as they drank their tea with a slice of toasted bread, though Amelia had little appetite.
The hour was early, and the day stretched long and empty ahead of her. “Why would the viscount ask you to leave when you just rescued him?”
Amelia sigh
ed. The night had been spent tossing and turning on the small settee, filled with regret, as she’d relived every moment of the afternoon. She didn’t think she’d slept a wink. She’d told her mother she didn’t want to talk about it when they’d arrived at her mother’s apartment. She wanted the whole nightmare to go away, especially the look on Charlotte and Ronald’s faces when she’d explained to them that she was leaving.
She couldn’t help but rub a hand over her aching heart. While she needed to find a new position as quickly as possible, it seemed an impossible task at the moment. She felt devoid of all hope. When she worked up the energy to begin a search, perhaps it would be best if she sought employment as a maid. Serving as a governess, assuming she could find such a position without references again, held no appeal.
A knock on the door had her mother glancing at her worriedly. “I can’t imagine who that would be.”
“I’ll see to it, Mother.” She set her cup on the table and rose to open the door.
“Miss Tippin!” Ronald wrapped his arms around her legs, preventing her from moving, not that she could’ve as shock held her rooted to the spot.
“We told you not to go,” Charlotte said as she joined her brother to hug Amelia as well. “But now you can come back.”
Amelia’s arms automatically wrapped around each of them even as she stared in amazement at Christopher and his father.
Christopher looked like death warmed over with his colorful bruises made more noticeable by the paleness of his face. The tight brackets around his mouth spoke of his pain.
“What on earth are you doing here?” she asked in dismay. “You should be abed.”
“I can’t possibly rest until I apologize and return you to where you belong.” His green eyes held hers with an intensity that set her heart pounding.
“Yes, we’re here to apologize.” The earl nudged his son to move closer.
“Apologize?” Confusion clouded Amelia’s thoughts even as she continued to hold the children. She couldn’t hold back the hope that bubbled up inside her. “I don’t understand.”
Gambling for the Governess: A Victorian Romance (The Seven Curses of London Book 9) Page 17
