by Beth Wiseman
Esther waited for more, but that was it from Henry.
When they pulled up at the Bloomington hospital, Henry said, “I don’t get to Bloomington much, so I’m going to do a little browsing around. Just call and let me know when you think you’ll need a ride back. If it’s too long, I might head home and come back later.”
“Ya, will do,” Esther said as they stepped out of the side door of the van.
When they walked in the main entrance of the hospital, they looked around until Esther saw an information desk. “There.” She pointed to her right.
“We’re here to see Gus Owens,” Esther said. “Mei sister is also here to donate blood for him at eleven.”
A petite woman with red hair got on her computer. “Are you family?” she asked above dark-rimmed glasses.
Esther hated lying, but they might not let her in if she said no, and Gus was family as far as she was concerned. “Ya,” she said. “We are family.”
“Mr. Owens is in ICU. It’s only ten thirty, and I’m sure they will give you instructions about giving blood and what to expect when you get upstairs. Go to the fourth floor and take a right. There will be a red button on the wall. Push it and someone will let you in.”
Esther thanked her, and she and Lizzie walked toward the elevators.
“Since when did you take up lying?” Lizzie cut her eyes at Esther.
“Gus is family.” Esther raised her chin as she pushed the Up button.
“Your family, not mine,” Lizzie grumbled.
They had the elevator to themselves. “I expect you to be on your best behavior today. If Gus is in ICU, things might be worse than we think. Especially if he needs blood this urgently.”
Lizzie stayed quiet.
They did as the receptionist downstairs had instructed, and two double doors swung open after they pushed the red button. They went to the first nurses’ station and were told Gus was in room 406.
“This reminds me of when Joe was sick, even though he wasn’t at this hospital.” Esther glanced around at the small rooms, some with the shades open, others closed. The smell of ammonia hung in the air as machines beeped everywhere. Just the atmosphere caused Esther to shiver.
“Ya, it reminds me of when Reuben was sick too,” Lizzie said.
They walked in silence until they reached room 406. “The sign says only one person can go in.” Lizzie tapped the sign taped to the door. “While you see what’s going on with Gus, I’ll try to find out where I give blood.”
Esther nodded as she eased the door open. A young nurse was standing by the bed.
“Good morning,” she said. “I’m assuming you’re a family member?”
“Ya, I am.” Esther took in Gus’s appearance. He was white as the walls in this sterile room, and the circles he always had under his eyes were darker and sunken in. Seeing him hooked up to so many machines made Esther’s knees weak. He didn’t look fine to her, as he’d stated in his recorded message.
“I brought you some toiletries.” She held up the plastic bag. “Just a few things to get you by until you go home.”
The young nurse refocused on a clipboard she had in her hand.
“Apparently, I ain’t going home,” Gus said, his breathing labored.
Tammy was the name on the nurse’s tag. She cleared her throat and touched Gus on the arm. “Mr. Owens, we have you scheduled for a blood transfusion shortly. I believe your donor is due in the lab to give blood at eleven. You’re going to feel much better after the transfusion.” She patted his arm, smiling.
“It isn’t gonna change the outcome.” Gus turned his head to the side, not looking at either of them.
“I’m going to let you two talk.” The nurse left, but Esther saw her sober expression just before she closed the door behind her.
“Gus? What’s going on?” A suffocating sensation tightened in Esther’s throat.
He still wouldn’t look at her. “I started feeling all light-headed last night so I went to the ER. They sent me here to Bloomington pretty quick.” Finally, he looked her way. “It’s spreading faster than the chemo can get rid of it. There won’t be any more treatments. It’s in my lymph nodes, spleen, and liver.”
Esther sat on the only small chair in the room. “You said in your message that you were fine. I-I don’t understand.” She clenched her jaw, hoping to stifle the sob building rapidly in her throat.
“They told me from the beginning that things could fall apart quick.” He paused to take a deep breath. “I been thinking, Esther.” His jowls hung lower than usual and his hair and beard had thinned—from the chemo, she supposed. “I might like to hear about that God you talk about. That seat by the furnace is looking less appealing with every breath I take. And I don’t think I have a lot of breaths left.”
Esther put a hand to her chest as her heart rate started to slow down. She even managed a small smile. It broke her heart that they were going to lose Gus, but there would be peace in knowing he had found the Lord before he passed. Although she wasn’t going to stop praying for a miracle.
“Do you really believe that if I’m sorry for the stuff I’ve done that I might be able to get a seat where you’re going when it’s my time?”
Esther had never seen Gus openly cry before. Until now. He was fighting it, blinking his eyes a lot to keep the tears from spilling, but one rolled down his cheek anyway.
“Ya, I believe that,” she said as she took a tissue from her purse and blotted her eyes. “And it makes me very happy to hear you say this.”
Tammy the nurse came into the room and glanced back and forth at Esther and Gus, tugging at her ear. “I’m sorry. I know this is a bad time, but”—she studied the clipboard in her hand—“on the forms you filled out, you put down that you don’t have any family.”
Gus hung his head.
“He has a family. I am his family, Esther Zook.” She reached up and barely tapped the clipboard the woman was holding. “And you’ll need to list the rest of his family members, too, because I know they will want to visit him. Their names are Jayce and Evelyn Clarkson, Amos and Naomi Lantz, Rose Petersheim, and Lizzie Glick.” She paused, her voice trembling. “Write all of those down. Did you get them?”
The nurse nodded. “Yes, ma’am. But I’m afraid Mr. Owens won’t be staying here in the ICU for long. He’s going to receive a blood transfusion, which will make him feel better for a while, but once someone reaches a—”
“They need to free up a bed for someone who can be saved,” Gus said in a hoarse voice.
Esther reached for his hand, rough and wrinkled from years of living, like Esther’s. She held on tightly. “Gus. You are going to be saved.”
He squeezed her hand.
Chapter 19
Rose recalled the last and only time she’d ever cleaned Gus’s cottage. It was worse today. The kitchen had dishes stacked in the sink and all over the counter. Three crusty, but mostly empty, cans of cat food were next to a takeout chicken box with the bones still inside. She was afraid to go in the bathroom, but she slipped on her rubber gloves and carried her pail of cleaning supplies to go have a look. Cringing, she decided she’d tackle the worst thing first.
When she heard a buggy coming in the driveway, she walked to the living room and looked out the window. Her heart flipped in her chest when she saw Benjamin. She got out of view and pressed her back to the wall next to the window as her body tensed. There was so much on her mind right now. Gus, her conversation with Esther about her childhood, and her relationship with Benjamin were all heavy on her heart.
Since Lizzie and Esther weren’t home, he would knock on the door. When no one answered, he would leave. That would be best for now. “Ach, nee.” She remembered she had his phone. It was in her pocket so she wouldn’t miss a call from Esther or Lizzie. Benjamin probably needed it back.
She pried herself from against the wall and went to meet him in the yard. He caught a glimpse of her leaving the cottage, and they met halfway.
“You, uh, seemed a little q
uiet last night. I-I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Benjamin stuttered a little and when his eyes avoided hers, he reminded her of the shy man she’d originally met.
“Ya, I’m okay.” This wasn’t the time to get into a heavy conversation. “But we found out this morning that Gus is in the hospital in Bloomington. He went there last night.” She hung her head before she looked up at him, into his beautiful green eyes. “Esther or Lizzie is supposed to call me when they know more, but I’m sure you need your phone.” She lifted the cell phone from the pocket of her apron.
“Keep it for now. Mei business cards have the landline number, so I don’t get many calls on that phone.” He rubbed his chin and finally locked eyes with her. “Are you sure there isn’t something else going on?”
Rose bit her bottom lip. Should she tell him that she wasn’t good enough for him? Or about her fears about being a good mother? He would want details. Once he heard her sad tale, would he look at her with pity? “Nee, nothing else is going on.” She nodded over her shoulder. “I’m going to wash Gus’s clothes and clean his cottage so he’ll have a tidy place to come home to. But . . . are you sure you don’t need your phone? I’m not sure when they will call about Gus.”
“Nee, you keep it.” Benjamin shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Did, um, you give any more thought to spending the day together on Saturday?”
With a heavy heart, she said, “I think I best wait and see how things are with Gus.”
“Ya, sure.” A muscle quivered at his jaw. “Did I or mei mamm do something wrong last night? She told me to tell you that she had a lovely time. I know she didn’t give you a chance to talk much.”
Instinctively, she touched his arm. “Nee, nee. I had a wonderful time, and your mudder is everything I wish mine ha—” She stopped herself. “Your mamm is lovely.” She briefly looked over her shoulder. “I better get busy. Gus’s cottage is a mess.”
“Ya, I won’t keep you. You’ll let me know about Saturday?” An odd and lingering gaze passed between them, an unspoken knowingness that something had changed.
“Ya, I will.” She leaned up and awkwardly kissed him on the cheek. “I better go.”
She turned to go back to the cottage so he wouldn’t see her eyes watering. All she’d ever wanted was to be a good wife and mother. Finally, she thought she’d met someone who put that possibility within her reach. Benjamin had calmed her with his soft-spoken, sweet words, but once she’d quieted down and couldn’t hide behind all her chattering, it had left her with too much time to think. Her memories and fears were more tangled than ever now, but she couldn’t bring herself to voice them, leaving her with little else to say.
* * *
On his way to repair a kitchen sink just on the outskirts of Montgomery, Benjamin had plenty of time to think and analyze. Something between him and Rose had changed. Her high-energy personality and animated ways had brought him out of a shell he’d lived in for way too long. But he felt himself regressing, and something was amiss with Rose too. He missed her merriment, her endless childlike chatter, and the way they balanced out each other’s personalities. What went wrong? She’d been different the night before, and that was before she knew about Gus. Had she met someone else? He had to consider that. They hadn’t been seeing each other long, and neither of them had mentioned that they were an exclusive item.
Whatever it was, it left him wondering if he should cancel the plans he’d made for them on Saturday.
Despite his worries, he took a few moments to pray for Gus. He didn’t really know the man, and had only met him once, but Rose obviously cared about him if she was cleaning his cottage.
* * *
When Esther left Gus’s room, she dried her eyes as best she could, then stopped at the nurses’ station. “Excuse me,” she said to the nurse, Tammy. “You said Gus wouldn’t be staying here. Where will he be going?”
The woman sighed. “I’m sorry you found out about Mr. Owens the way you did. I can see how difficult this is for you. I’m actually not sure where he will be going, but this sudden decline is going to require regular blood transfusions, and as his health deteriorates, he will require pain medications and close monitoring. There’s a member of the hospital staff who’s assigned to communicate with Gus about this level of care, but she isn’t in right now. Mr. Owens will most likely be transferred to a hospice facility where they can keep him as comfortable as possible.” She paused, frowning. “I’m afraid he’s not a candidate for a marrow transplant due to his age and condition.”
Esther sniffled. “Danki . . . I mean, thank you for the information. Mei sister is giving blood for Gus since she is an exact match. Do you know where I can find her?”
“Of course. In the lab on the second floor.”
Esther stopped at the bathroom before she went to the elevator. She splashed water on her face and attempted to gather herself. When she finally did get on the elevator, Lizzie was waiting to get on when Esther reached the second floor.
After Lizzie stepped inside, Esther asked, “Do you want to go see Gus before we leave?”
“Nee.”
They were quiet on the short ride to the first floor, and when they exited the building, Esther called Henry, who was in the area and said he’d be there shortly.
“Did everything go all right giving blood?”
“Ya, it went fine.” Lizzie had a bandage around the middle of her arm. “I had to eat cookies and drink juice before I could leave. When does Gus come home?”
“He won’t be going back to the cottage.” Esther told her everything Gus had said, along with what the nurse communicated to her.
Lizzie was quiet for a while before she turned to Esther. “So he’ll die in a hospital or in hospice?”
“Ya, I guess so. But, Lizzie, he wants to have a relationship with Gott, and I’m going to help him in that effort. I know that the words ‘be saved’ aren’t completely in line with our teachings in the Ordnung. We are instructed to lead a good life, to believe Jesus is our savior, but that we won’t automatically get to heaven just by believing without walking the walk also.”
“Then I’m not sure how you’re going to save Gus since he hasn’t been walking the walk.” Lizzie’s comment wasn’t said in a cynical way, but more with a hint of sympathy infused.
“We don’t know what Gus’s life has been like. He obviously thinks he has done things that make him undeserving of heaven. But he can’t judge himself any more than we can judge him.”
They were quiet. There was a bench a short walk away, but Henry had said he was close, and surprisingly, Esther’s knee wasn’t giving her fits today.
“We’ve witnessed several gut things that Gus has done over the years, despite his challenging disposition.” Esther paused. “We don’t know that the gut things don’t already outweigh the bad things. Only Gus and Gott know that. But if it is a relationship with the Lord that Gus is wanting, then I believe that can lead to redemption.”
“You’re a gut woman, Esther. And there’s Henry,” Lizzie said as the blue van pulled into the parking lot.
“So are you, Lizzie.” She nudged her sister with her elbow and grinned. “Most of the time.”
“I just gave a bucketload of blood for that man,” she said indignantly with her chin raised. “I hope he appreciates it.”
“I’m sure he does.”
Henry slid the side door open. “Everything go okay?” he asked as they climbed inside the van.
Esther wasn’t in the mood to retell the details, and she sensed that Henry was only being polite. “Ya. Just ready to get home.” She’d fill in Rose at home too.
* * *
Rose smelled of bleach and other cleaning solvents by the time she walked back to the inn. It had been a dirty job, but overhauling the cottage had kept her mind from wandering to places she didn’t want it to go. And Gus would have a clean place to come home to.
She was opening the door when the blue van pulled in the driveway. Why didn�
��t Esther or Lizzie call me? Rose waited on the porch for them, and as they got closer, she saw Esther’s swollen eyes.
“I should have called, I know,” Esther said wearily as she grasped the handrail and struggled up the porch steps. “I’ll tell you everything inside when I can get mei feet up.”
Rose let the sisters get settled on the couch, both with their feet up on the coffee table, then Esther relayed all the information the nurse told her and what Gus had to say.
“I’m afraid you cleaned the cottage for nothing.” Lizzie looked wiped out and pale, her eyes barely open as she yawned.
“This is terrible. He won’t see his home again,” Rose said as she sat in one of the rocking chairs. “He won’t see his cats either. He loves those kitties.” She waited for Lizzie to make a snide remark about the animals, but she didn’t. “This is awful. I wish there was something I could do for him. It’s okay that I cleaned the cottage because it needed it. I was happy to do it for him, but now he won’t see it.” Rose was talking too much, something she hadn’t done in a while. She recalled the calming effect Benjamin had on her. Even though she still had a lot to say, it seemed to make more sense when she was with him.
Lizzie crossed one ankle over the other. “I always figured Gus would outlast both of us.” She glanced at Esther.
“Ya, me too.” Esther stretched her arms above her head and yawned just as the grandfather clock chimed four times.
“We missed our nap,” Lizzie said as she laid her head back against the couch. “Tell us some happy news, Rose. Something cheerful.”
She hadn’t had a chance to share details about her supper last night with Benjamin and his mother. Rose gave them a brief rundown. “I liked Catherine, his mudder, a lot.”
“Gut. Always gut to get along with the mother-in-law.” Lizzie raised her eyebrows playfully up and down.
Rose looked down at her lap. “Ach, I don’t know that things will go that far.”
“Why?” Lizzie asked as she folded her arms across her stomach. “Did something happen?”
Esther peeled an ear in Rose’s direction.
