“Give me a chance. I can get this right.” Jacob said stepping closer.
“Someday I’m sure you will, but it won’t be with me.” She said laying a hand on his cheek. “You are a very special man Jacob, but I don’t think you are ready to go steady yet.” She said with a watery laugh.
“Chasity, please don’t do this. I don’t know how to fight it. I only want you. My heart hurts when I’m not with you.” He said leaning into her hand.
“Then you are on the right road to what I feel knowing I can’t have you.” Chasity gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked around him to her bedroom and went to bed.
She was crying too hard to listen for the door to close. She trusted him to lock up when he left. He may not have a clue what a real relationship was, or even what the difference in desire and strong feelings were, but he would keep her safe always. For the first time she could remember, she cried herself to sleep. Being in his arms was great, but he just wasn’t in the right place for it. She hadn’t known that he truly didn’t understand the intimacy behind the act until tonight. She had no doubt that he cared for her, but she couldn’t sit around waiting for him to understand the difference.
Chapter 9
As he watched her walk away he felt the first tear he could ever remember, fall down his cheek. He had just lost the only thing that mattered to him other than the firehouse. She had made it clear she couldn’t teach him what he needed to know. He had never thought of sex as anything but a physical act, but if she was right what had he given up. He had to get out of the house. He threw his clothes back on and walked to the door. He checked to make sure everything was turned off and the windows were locked before he locked the door behind him.
It was almost ten, which wasn’t very late, but he didn’t know where to go. He drove around for a while, his heart felt like it had been ripped out of his chest. They hadn’t really been out, but she was the center of his world and she didn’t even know it. Was what she said true? He had no idea what to do, he needed to talk to someone but who? He had been driving a while and looked around to notice he had driven himself to Luke’s without even thinking about it. The light was on so he got out and knocked.
“Damn, you made it worse didn’t you?” Luke asked when he opened the door. Jacob nodded and Luke stepped aside to let him in. “How bad?”
“I don’t even know. She said we were done and that she couldn’t teach me what I needed to know.” Jacob said as he sat on the couch and put his head in his hands.
“I need a little more to go on. What can’t she teach you?” Luke asked confused.
“She said sex was intimate and could be a connection for the mind, body, and soul with someone you really care about. She said when I refused to sleep with her I was holding something back that I gave others. I have no idea what she means, but I can’t lose her Luke.” Jacob told him honestly.
“You’ve seriously never slept with someone you cared about?” Luke asked with his eyebrows raised.
“No, and I have no idea what difference that will make.” Jacob said confused, that seemed to be the mood on the night.
“Let’s start small. How did you feel when you fell asleep holding her?” Luke asked him. If Luke could help him he would owe him so big.
“I felt like I was holding heaven.” Jacob told him honestly.
“And what about the others you’ve spent the night with?” Luke asked.
“I have never spent the night with someone.” Jacob shrugged.
“Seriously?” Luke asked shocked.
“No, it was more of the love ‘em and leave ‘em type of encounters.” Jacob said and he could feel a blush go up his neck. He had never discussed this before, but he sounded callous even to himself. “Can it really be like she said?”
“It is different for men and women, but generally yes. I have had a few serious girlfriends and it was absolutely amazing.” Luke told him nodding.
“Did you love them?” Jacob asked him.
“I cared a lot about them, but I wasn’t in love with them.” Luke shrugged. “Do you care a lot for Chasity?”
“Umm…” Jacob said thinking.
“I need the truth, cause if you don’t it’s best to walk away now.” Luke told him.
“I think I’m falling in love with her.” Jacob said looking Luke in the eyes. “But I don’t really know what that feels like.”
“Okay so let’s figure it out before we go any farther.” Luke sighed. “I should be a therapist.”
“Yeah you should. I’m sorry, I didn’t know who else to talk to.” Jacob told him.
“It’s fine, but we need to fix this if we can.” Luke said sitting up straighter. “So, lay back on the couch and tell me your feelings.”
“Oh doc, can you translate my dreams too?” Jacob joked.
“Don’t know, maybe.” Luke said smiling. “Now be serious.”
“Okay, but this doesn’t go past here, and you can’t laugh at me.” Jacob told him sternly.
“It doctor patient confidentiality.” Luke nodded.
“Right now, I feel like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and left with her. I know it hasn’t been very long, but she is my whole world. My heart skips a beat when I see her.” Jacob told him quietly.
“Oh hell.” Luke murmured.
“What?” Jacob asked him concerned.
“You aren’t falling for her.” Luke told him simply.
“I’m not?” Jacob was confused. He was sure he was.
“Nope. You are already there.” Luke said shaking his head.
“But I’ve already lost her.” Jacob told him.
“Maybe not, but it won’t be easy.” Luke said deep in thought.
“I’ll do whatever it takes.” Jacob told him. “Do you have any idea what the real problem is?”
“Actually I do. You see intimacy the same, but different. For you it’s all the little things, like falling asleep, and making coffee, and watching TV while you hold her. For her that is only a small part of it. Making love to her is the ultimate act of intimacy. She wants to feel that level of connection, but isn’t sure you could understand or accept it.” Luke told him resting against the back of his chair.
“That makes sense, mostly. Will I be able to understand it though? I don’t want to disappoint her.” Jacob said. He still couldn’t fully understand the difference, but he did understand what all those little things meant to him and wanted her to feel that connection.
“Trust me, you will know the difference immediately. Instead of just going for release you will feel her as if she is a part of you. It will be like there is no point where you end and she begins.” Luke told him with a brilliant smile, and Jacob nodded. “Okay so how are you going to get her back?”
“I have no idea. She says were too different, but I don’t think we are.” Jacob said closing his eyes, he could still see the tears running down her face and feel the way it sliced his heart.
“It has to be something special and unique. She needs to know you do feel a connection and that she is important.” Luke started, but stopped when Jacob started to laugh. “What, do you want my help or not?”
“I do, but the other night we watched Pleasantville. It was joke because she said I needed to understand what going steady meant.” Jacob said with a smile.
“Okay… You lost me.” Luke was confused.
“It was a conversation we had after dinner where I told her I only wanted her, and she made a joke asking if I was asking her to go steady. I told her yeah, but she said I didn’t understand and that she was supposed to get a gift that was special like a class ring, or letter jacket.” Jacob couldn’t help but laugh at the reminder of that night.
“She’s right. So now we have to come up with something.” Luke said thoughtfully.
“No need. I already have it on order. I had it custom made this morning, and it should be here by Monday.” Jacob said with a smirk. For once he was ahead of the game.
“Are you sure it is
special? I mean it doesn’t have to be diamonds, but if she made that joke she wants personal.” Luke sighed. “I wouldn’t want to have to come up with something like that.”
“Trust me, it couldn’t be taken as being from anyone but me. She said it had to show who she belonged to, like she could ever belong to anyone.” Jacob shook his head. “What’s the diagnosis doc?”
“Basically, I think ya’ll are on the same page but different books.” Luke shrugged.
“That makes no sense.” Jacob complained.
“Sure it does. She is reading the women’s version and you are in the man whore’s version.” Luke said laughing.
“Not funny.” Jacob said glaring at him.
“Not to you, but it’s the truth.” Luke shrugged.
Unfortunately, Luke was right. He was all about the little things to do with intimacy and she was on the big one. It was backwards, but they seemed to be going at everything in their own way. Now he had to find a way to be close to her and let her know he was interested until Monday without her killing him first, this should be fun. It didn’t matter, he would do whatever he could to keep her. He knew if he backed off and didn’t show again until the gift arrived she would think he had moved on and truly didn’t care. So, he did the only thing he could. Went back to her house and let himself in, stripping back down and going to sleep on the couch. She would pitch a fit tomorrow, but he could deal with that better than not seeing or talking to her.
Chapter 10
The smell of coffee drifted into Chasity’s dreams. She must have fallen asleep at Callie’s. Slowly opening her eyes, she noticed it was her room. She jerked upright in bed and looked around. She remembered going to bed alone and crying herself to sleep. There shouldn’t be anyone there to make coffee. She threw the covers off and looked at her clothes, she was still in her tank and panties so obviously, nothing happened. Who was making coffee?
She tiptoed to her bedroom door and opened it slowly. As if they would be making coffee if they were robbing her! Shaking her head at herself, she slung the door open and was assaulted by the smell of bacon frying. She was liking this version of a breaking and entering. With her curiosity getting the better of her she walked into the kitchen and froze.
“What the hell are you doing here? I told you to go last night.” Chasity was irritated and really wanted to be mad, but it just wasn’t working. He looked so good in her kitchen without a shirt.
“Good morning, sweetness. Hope you’re hungry.” Jacob said with a sweet smile.
“Why are you here?” Chasity asked him through gritted teeth.
“To make breakfast for my girl.” Jacob said as he scrambled some eggs.
“I never said you could make some girl breakfast in my house.” She snarled back.
“Not just some girl, my girl. I hope you’re hungry.” Jacob said as he scooped eggs into a plate and sat it on the table for her.
“I am not your girl. We went over this last night.” Chasity said shaking her head. “Just go home, Jacob.”
“Eat.” Jacob told her as he put his plate on the table and sat to eat with her.
“If I eat will you leave?” Chasity asked raising a eyebrow.
“Of course not. Why would I ever leave you?” Jacob said giving her a wink.
“I don’t have time for this.” She huffed, but it smelled so good.
Chasity gave in and sat down. It was her food anyways, but she didn’t remember having bacon in the fridge. She decided not to think about it and just enjoy a meal she didn’t make. After the first bite, she didn’t look up again till she was finished. It was actually really good. Who knew Jacob could cook? When she finished, she looked up to see his plate empty too, and him grinning like a fool.
“What, do I have something on me?” She asked looking down. Every woman who had boobs knew they were a catch all when it came to food. They were like a built-in bib, but nothing was there.
“No, you look perfect like always.” Jacob told her and looked under the table. Crap, she hadn’t gotten dressed before she came to the kitchen.
“Stop it. I need to change and I expect you to be gone when I come back.” She told him pushing away from the table.
When she got to her room, she flopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Why was he here? She had said everything she needed to last night before she went to bed and cried herself to sleep. Him being here was just making it worse. Oh, look a cobweb. After going to see Callie she needed to clean. That was so not helping her mood. She drug herself up and went for a shower, they always relaxed her and would make sure he had enough time to be gone when she got out.
The warm water relaxed her muscles and soothed her nerves. She was better off without a man who could never understand what true intimacy was. It was pretty crappy that she was the only girl he refused to sleep with, but oh well. She didn’t need that kind of drama, maybe she should call Tray. She could use a movie night. After she dried her hair and dressed she grabbed her phone off the night stand and called him.
“What’s up beautiful?” Tray answered on the second ring.
“Are you busy tonight, lover boy?” Chasity asked with a smile on her face. She loved how comfortable they were together.
“Not if I could spend time with you instead.” He replied.
“How about dinner and a movie at my place?” Chasity asked.
“Great, what do you need me to bring?” Tray asked her.
“Just yourself handsome, I’ll have dinner ready around five, sound good?” Chasity asked as she walked out of her room and toward the living room.
“Sounds good. See you then.” Tray said and hung up.
“I told you to be gone.” Chasity told him as she looked up and saw Jacob sitting on the couch.
“Not happening. So what are we doing today? I vote we go back to bed and stay there.” Jacob said with a wicked smile.
“You had your chance Romeo. I’m busy.” Chasity said as she grabbed a pair of shoes and went to the couch to sit as she pulled them on.
“Great, so where are we going then.” Jacob asked as he pulled her down on his lap.
“Let me go.” Chasity snarled at him.
“Nope.” Jacob said pulling her tight against his chest and kissing the top of her head.
“Jacob, I have things to do today.” Chasity huffed and he let her up enough to get her shoes on.
“So, what’s first on our list?” Jacob asked standing with her, his arms still firmly around her.
“Jacob don’t make this any harder. Just leave.” She told him again.
“I’m not making anything harder, I’m right where I’m supposed to be.” He whispered in her ear. “Now, where are we going?”
“I am going to Callie’s. You are going home.” She told him sternly.
“To Callie’s it is.” Jacob said scooping her up and walking to the door.
“Jacob, put me down. I can walk.” Chasity told him.
“I know, but I like to carry you.” Jacob smiled at her and bent to grab her keys off the table and gave them to her.
Jacob locked the door and pulled it shut behind them. He walked to his truck and gently sat Chasity inside. She was so busy pretending he didn’t exist that she didn’t notice he was leaning in until his lips covered hers. Chasity gasped and he took advantage to deepen the kiss. She responded before she remembered she wasn’t supposed to let him kiss her. She immediately pushed him back and slapped him. She knew it wasn’t logical, but she did it. He just buckled her in and shut the door rubbing his cheek as he went around to his side.
After he started the truck and started down the road, he reached over and grabbed her hand. She tried to jerk hers back, but he held on tighter. She had no idea what he thought he was doing, but she really wished he would stop. It broke her heart for him to be this attentive to her, knowing she couldn’t be with him. She just wanted him to leave her alone. As if he could hear her thoughts, he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. His scruff rasped agai
nst her hand and sent shivers over her body. She looked quickly out the window so he wouldn’t see how close to tears she was. When they pulled up to the ranch, she jumped out and ran for the door as soon as he turned loose of her hand. She couldn’t take anymore.
“I’ll be down here when you’re ready to go.” Jacob told her as she reached the top of the steps.
Chasity didn’t acknowledge that she heard him. She just needed some space to get her head together and remember why she couldn’t have him. When she got to the door of Callie’s room, she turned and slid down the wall instead of going in. She wanted to see her sister, but she wasn’t ready to face anyone yet. He had her head spinning, and she had never liked merry-go-rounds.
“Get in here and talk to me.” Her sister called from her bed.
“Just a second.” Chasity said and swiped at the lone tear she felt fall.
“No, if you don’t get in here now, I will come out there.” Callie told her sternly.
“Fine, I’m coming.” Chasity called back as she slowly stood up and went into the room.
“You sound like a five-year-old. What is your problem?” Callie asked her frowning.
“You told him. This is all your fault.” Chasity snapped at her.
“I told him you were okay yeah, but that’s it.” Callie snapped back.
“Then why did he turn up at my place?” Chasity asked her with a raised eye brow.
“I don’t know, maybe because he was worried and assumed you would go home.” Callie replied. “What happened last night?”
“He won’t leave.” Chasity said through gritted teeth, then “He just won’t leave.” she choked out.
“Come sit down.” Callie said waving her toward the bed.
“No, I’m fine. How are you feeling?” Chasity asked clearing her throat.
“I am much more concerned about you. I am sitting in a bed being pampered by the man of my dreams, so I’m perfect.” Callie told her honestly.
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