by H Hunting
I cross over to the bed and drop her on it. Her boobs bounce, along with the rest of her. I’m going to burn this bikini. Light it on fire and watch it go up in flames.
She scrambles to her knees, face red and beaded with sweat, eyes blazing. “What the hell is wrong with you?” She rubs her ass and looks over her shoulder, probably checking for marks.
“What’s wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you coming down there dressed like this?” I fling a hand out toward her, eyes raking over all that bare flesh. That Clarke was eyeing like his next meal. That Freshman Jerk-off was going to try to get a piece of.
Her eyes flare, and her lip curls in a sneer. “Are you kidding me? You were butt-ass naked in front of my entire goddamn art class for three hours, and you’re coming at me with this load of crap?”
“It’s not the same fucking thing at all!” I shout back.
“You’re right. It’s not. I’m actually wearing clothes, and you were wearing nothing. And for what purpose, other than to remind me, yet again, that I’m inconsequential to you?” She motions to her chest. “Every single girl down there is dressed exactly the same. I was trying to fit in.”
Not even remotely true, but she’s spitting mad, and so am I.
My body is reacting in ways it really has no business doing right now, and all it does is make me angrier. “Is that what you want, Lavender? To be a bunny like the rest of the vapid lemmings down there? Gonna make your rounds through the team, minus the guys you’re related to? Then maybe you can start on the football team when you’re done.”
“And so what if I want to?” She props her fist on a curvy hip. “Who are you to dictate what I do and with who? You sure as hell enjoy the perks of all these parties. Why shouldn’t I?”
I don’t know what kind of rumors she’s heard, or what she thinks she knows about me, but I’m doubtful it’s accurate. I’m not a saint, but I’m not like Maverick or BJ. Regardless, the mere thought of her hooking up with one of my teammates, let alone more than one of them, makes my brain short out, and I become the worst, most heinous version of myself.
“This is a ploy to get my attention, isn’t it, Lavender? Did you want to get me alone again and see what would happen? Haven’t we done this before?” I take her face in my hands, warm and alive and so fucking beautiful, it hurts to even look at her. But I lean in anyway, the torture of being this close to her better than the alternative, which is Clarke or some other asshole getting his hands on her. “Nothing has changed, Lavender. I still don’t want you.” Lies. All lies.
A flash of hurt mars her features, but she covers the reaction quickly, and her full lips twist into a sneer. “Are you sure about that?” Her fingertips connect with my chest and goose bumps flash across my skin. She holds my gaze as her hand drifts down, the challenge in her eyes apparent. I naïvely assume she doesn’t have the balls to go there, until she does. She skims my erection and cups me through the thin fabric. “How screwed up must you be now, Kodiak, that manhandling me gets you all jacked up?”
I grit my teeth against the desire to stop the lies and end this torment. Instead, I do what I’ve programmed myself to: be an asshole. “You’re practically naked. You’re all tits and ass and bare skin, just like the last time. Have some goddamn self-respect, Lavender.” I release her and stalk out of her room, slamming the door behind me.
I loathe myself for the things I said and the way I handled her.
I wish things were different, that I hadn’t brought us here, to this point where she believes I hate her, when it’s really myself I can’t stand.
Present day
I DON’T MOVE for long minutes after Kodiak leaves, unsure what to make of his reaction and his actions versus his words. I’m so confused.
I flop down on my bed, feeling a lot like an idiot. I wanted to get him back for art class. I guess that’s what I get for taking advice from Lovey and Lacey after they’ve been drinking coolers. I hadn’t accounted for all the drunk jocks pawing at me. I mean, I realized I was going to draw some attention, just not quite as much as I did. But dealing with Kodiak and his asshole behavior is exhausting.
I’m definitely going to regret this tomorrow. More than I already do.
THE NEXT MORNING I’m busy working on a new costume piece. I already handed in my costume at the end of last week and offered to start something new. A loud thud makes me jump and almost prick myself with a needle. I tug my earbuds free, and the sound of loud male voices filters through my door. I push back my chair and stumble a few steps. I’m stiff from having been in the same position for the past several hours. It takes me a few seconds to get the lock to turn, since my eyes are still adjusting from having been staring at tiny stitches.
I rush down the stairs and find the source of the noise. “What’s going on?”
River is on top of Kodiak, aiming punches at his face. “I told you to keep your fucking hands off her!”
“She was drunk and talking to Clarke!” Kodiak has quick reflexes and blocks every shot, which makes my brother even angrier.
How does River know about last night when he wasn’t even here?
I don’t have a lot of time to think too much about that, because at the rate these two are going, there’s going to be missing teeth and bloodstains on the carpet if someone doesn’t do something to stop it. And apparently that someone has to be me.
I latch on to River’s arm, but he’s on the down swing and drags me to the floor beside Kodiak. When I’m elbowed in the neck, I quickly conclude I’ve made a mistake getting in the middle of their fight.
Then suddenly the fighting is over, because I’m flopping around on the floor, holding my throat and gasping for breath. I remind myself of a dying fish, but man, that really hurt.
“Oh my God! Are you okay?” River reaches for me, but I kick at him, because no fucking thanks.
The fighting resumes.
“Look what you did now!” River yells at Kodiak.
“You attacked me! And you’re the one who dragged her to the floor!” Kodiak shouts back.
“Stop!” I wheeze.
They both do that weird man thing where they don’t know what to do to help, so they push each other back and forth, trying to get ahead of the other, I guess.
I roll over and get to my feet, clutching my throat protectively. At least now I know what my defense maneuver will be, should someone ever attack me. “What is wrong with you two?” I rasp.
River shoves his phone in my face.
I snatch it away so I can see whatever the damn problem is. “Where did this come from?”
It’s a picture of me, slung over Kodiak’s shoulder. I’m flailing, and he looks like he’s on the verge of murder.
“Someone took it last night,” River growls and spins toward Kodiak again. “I told you not to put your hands on her!”
“You think it would’ve been better if Clarke had gotten his hands on her? That guy’s is a colossal douche!” Kodiak yells back.
I am so damn tired of this. “Are you serious with this?” I shout. It’s the only way to be heard over their bickering.
Both of them turn around.
“First of all, I’m not an idiot. I know Clarke is a douche, and I would never, ever be stupid enough to end up in a room alone with him. Secondly, do you hear yourselves? I’m not a child. I’m an adult. If I want to drink an idiotic amount of alcohol, wear a thong bikini, and flirt with a dickhead, that’s my goddamn prerogative.” Although saying it out loud, I can see every single flaw in that terrible plan. “I get to make my own damn mistakes, just like the rest of you. The double standard around here is ridiculous! Maverick has a new ‘girlfriend’ every month, and bunnies are constantly hanging off the two of you. But I talk to one freaking guy, and Kodiak becomes a damn caveman, and now the two of you are going to what? Punch each other out over it?” I throw my hands in the air. “You know what? I’m done with this. I cannot and will not be defined by something that happened when I was six years old. I
don’t need a set of bodyguards.”
They’re both heaving and angry, and now so am I. I shove past them and head back upstairs.
“I was trying to stop you from doing something you’d regret!” Kodiak calls after me.
I spin around. “No. You weren’t. You were being a dick, and I’m done with it. And you”—I point a finger at River—“need to chill out and take the Flowers in the Attic down a few notches. I get that you want to protect me or whatever the heck you think you’re doing, but Kodiak isn’t the only villain out there. He just happens to be the one you target.” I stomp back up to my room and slam the door.
It’s just after ten. I start jamming things into my backpack. I need to get out of here before I seriously lose my shit. I’m supposed to meet Lovey and Lacey for lunch and tell them how my idiotic plan went.
Honestly, I should’ve gone to their place last night and avoided all of this. I shove my econ textbook into my bag. I also grab a change of clothes, because there’s a solid chance I’m going to spend tonight at Lacey and Lovey’s. All this testosterone is driving me crazy.
The door clicks quietly. I don’t have to turn around to know it’s my twin.
“I don’t need a lecture or a bodyguard.”
“Are you okay?” His voice is soft, low.
“I’m fine.”
“I should’ve been here last night.”
“You being here wouldn’t have changed anything. I did something without thinking it through, and that picture was Kodiak overreacting as a result. If it wasn’t him, it would’ve been you or Mav.” I turn to face him.
He’s frowning, as usual. He still looks angry, but he also looks something else . . . Confused? Sad?
“I don’t get why you would do something like this in the first place. You hate the attention, and it’s really not like you. And since when do you own a thong bikini?”
I answer the easiest question. “Since Gigi took me tanning before we went to Cancun last year.” She said it would be better for avoiding tan lines. I ended up with a seriously burnt ass. I have fair skin, and apparently when a butt has never seen the light of day, it’s more susceptible to sunburn, even with sunscreen.
“It still doesn’t explain why you’d wear it in public, though.”
“Because I’m tired of the bullshit.”
“You mean Kody?”
“I mean all of it. The double standards, the never being able to date without you guys attacking whoever it is like starved, angry pit bulls. I need a break from this.”
“I should’ve said no to him moving in here.”
“It’s not just him.”
“But he’s part of it.”
“He’s going to be here no matter what, River. He’s Mav’s best friend. They play hockey together, and he lives down the street.”
“It never used to be like this with you two.”
I rub my temples. “It’s been a lot of years since it was like anything.”
He drops his head and nudges my foot with his. Like the rest of me—apart from my boobs—my feet are small. His are ridiculously gigantic. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, but I reserve the right not to answer if I don’t feel like it.”
He nods once. “Did I fuck that up for you? Am I the reason it’s like this?”
“No, River. I’m the reason it’s like this.”
He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, looking more kid than boy-man. “When we were kids, I hated him.”
I laugh. “I don’t think much has changed.”
He shrugs. “I didn’t like that he always seemed to be there when you were falling apart.” He’s quiet for a few moments, but I wait, aware that he’s not done. “And now, I don’t know. I feel like maybe I made things worse.”
“Why would you think that when you have nothing to do with it?”
His gaze remains focused on our feet. “I kinda do.”
“Can you explain that, please?”
He blows out a breath. “I overheard Mom and Dad talking after that thing happened at the middle school. When Kody got in trouble for lying to his dad and missing hockey practice?”
It’s funny how we all experienced that event differently. “Because of me. He got in trouble because of me.”
“You’d been having such a hard time, and I knew you were talking to Kody a lot ’cause he got you in a way I couldn’t.” He pauses, the furrow in his brow deepening. “I hated that too, that I couldn’t understand and couldn’t help.”
“I know, but there was a reason no one wanted me relying on Kodiak to get through the panic. Even he understood it.” And they were right.
“That’s what I heard Mom and Dad talking about, ’cause you were so sad and they didn’t know what to do. But Mom said some things, and I twisted them around because I wanted to think it was Kody who was making you worse. I wanted it to stop, and I thought maybe you’d rely on me more, instead of him.”
And there it is. The guilt he carries around like an anchor. Now it’s for thinking he’s the reason Kodiak and I are such a mess. “First of all, me relying on you instead of Kodiak wouldn’t have made anything better. The problem was me relying on anyone other than me. And I still don’t see how this makes what happened your fault.”
“So, I did this thing with your text messages.”
“You did what thing?” This whole conversation is making my head hurt.
“I blocked his contact on your phone so you wouldn’t get them.”
“You what? When did you do that? Why?” My throat is suddenly tight.
“Just after Kodiak’s family moved to Philly at the end of sixth grade. I knew it would only make it harder on you if he kept texting when he was so far away, so when he messaged after they moved, I saw it before you did and I messaged back.”
“As me?”
He nods. “At first I know it was hard for you, but you were better without him. Every time he messaged, you cried and had another meltdown, so I told him it was too hard to be friends with him and he needed to stop messaging. I knew it was wrong, but it was so hard to watch you struggle. I just wanted it to stop. And I know it got worse for a while, but then you got better, and I thought I’d done the right thing.”
I hold up a hand, feeling sick. “You had no right to interfere.”
“I know, Lav. I’m sorry.” He runs both of his hands through his hair.
“Right now, you’re not forgiven.” I sling my backpack over my shoulder and push past him.
“Where are you going?”
“Away from you and the rest of the stupidity happening in this house.” I don’t even know how to process what’s going on, or whether it means anything anyway. It doesn’t change the fact that Kodiak’s been horrible to me. But maybe it explains it. I don’t know.
Kodiak calls my name as I pass his room, but I ignore him and keep going.
The living room is empty for once. No Maverick, no random dudes, not even BJ passed out on the lounger. I shove my feet in my shoes and am out the door, cutting off the sound of feet pounding down the stairs as I slam it shut. I hit the automatic start button and thank the karma gods that I remember to unlock it before I reach the car. I yank the door open, toss my bag on the passenger seat, and practically dive inside, pulling the door closed behind me and slamming my finger on the lock button.
I get my key in the ignition and my seat belt on as the front door opens. I remember I also need to turn the key to be able to get out of here, and when I do, the car is filled with the sound of another damn audiobook. Thankfully this time it’s not in the middle of a sex scene.
Kodiak stands on the front porch in a pair of sweats. I can tell he’s yelling something because his stupidly gorgeous mouth keeps opening and closing. He grabs his hair with both hands and spins around as River joins him. I catch a glimpse of a teeth-mark-shaped bruise on his side. I must have bitten the shit out of him last night.
I shift into reverse, wishing I’d been smart enough to back in so m
y getaway could be smoother. I pull onto the street and fire the bird at them as I drive away.
I’m not supposed to meet Lovey and Lacey until eleven thirty, so I make the impulsive decision to stop at the housing office. There were at least ten girls already on the housing waiting list, but people drop out all the time. The last time I went in for an update, there were still four girls ahead of me. My luck seems to be pretty crap, but it doesn’t hurt to check.
When I arrive, a middle-aged woman sits behind the desk, looking less than impressed about whatever is on her computer screen. I catch the reflection in her glasses and realize she’s on Facebook. She types furiously for a minute and stabs the enter button aggressively before she gives me her attention. I focus on remaining calm by counting all the yellow things on her desk.
She forces a smile. “How may I help you?”
“Hi. I’m on the waitlist for the dorms. I know I’m supposed to get a call when something opens up, but I was passing by and thought I’d stop in to see where I am.”
A hint of annoyance makes her cheek tic, and a hot feeling creeps up my spine. I hate irritating people.
“Let me have a quick look. I’ll need your name and your student ID.”
“Thank you so much. It’s Lavender Waters.”
She glances at me. “Lavender? That’s a pretty name.”
“Ironically my parents aren’t even hippies.”
She smiles, and this time it’s friendlier. Thank you, Mom, for the weird name. I give her my student ID number, and she taps on her keyboard for a minute.
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Oh! It looks like you’re next on the list. Well, that’s good news for you.” More tapping ensues. “And it seems a spot has opened up in the co-ed dormitory.”
“That’s great! How soon can I move in?” Thank you so much, karma, for not being an asshole today.
She clicks a few more buttons. “Seems to be available immediately. I’ll have to double-check with the residence team, but you could potentially move in as early as this afternoon.”
“Seriously?”
“It looks that way. I can call now and find out, if you’d like.”
