by Kayla Krantz
Luna hurried toward the crib, her hands clutching the white railing as she looked inside at the empty bedding. A stuffed lion smiled up at her causing a familiar twinge of longing inside her. Frantic, she tossed the sheets aside before turning to sweep her gaze over the other half of the room to see a shelf littered with baby bottles. She picked one up, swirling it gently as she watched the liquid swish about before she set it down and focused her attention to the closet. There were plenty of frilly outfits—mostly yellow, white, and pink—obvious clothes of Amanda’s.
They were here, Luna thought, backing out of the room.
It was suddenly hard to breathe. In the darkness, her vision swirled, the little bit she could see quickly disappearing to her own tunnel vision, and she gasped, desperate to get out. Dizziness filled her head, streaks of light dotting the darkness of her vision, and she knew she was on the verge of passing out.
Get it together, she scolded herself, took two clumsy steps forward, and drew a gasp of air so deep it made her lungs ache. She forced herself to do it again and again until the tunnel vision began to recede.
Confident, she wouldn’t pass out, she hurried down the hall, to the large hole at the end that at one time must’ve held a window, and peered out into the yard beyond. From the inside looking out, the scenery was almost normal. A backyard consisting of a stretch of fresh green grass stretching away to the trees.
In the moment, Luna could almost understand why Amanda would want to stay here. From this view, Amanda could probably place herself right into the memories of her childhood and believe that nothing had changed. She blinked, seeing the way the sunlight hit the middle of the yard, and that was when she noticed the indents in the dirt—a fresh pair of footprints headed away from the house. Luna’s breathing hitched, and she jumped over the frame, feet sinking easily into the soft dirt of the already-made tracks.
“Amanda!” she called, sliding in the mud as she followed the trail across the clearing.
The dirt ended where the underbrush began and so did the footsteps. The break in the foliage at the end of the clearing showed where Amanda had disappeared, a desperate leap through the undergrowth, but beyond that, any clue of where she could’ve went was gone.
Luna sighed wistfully, clutching her hands around the boughs of leaves in the bush at her feet. She continued squeezing the plant so tight that the twigs splintered in her hands and drew blood. She hissed in pain, jerking her arms back to wipe away the first beads of crimson from her palms, staring at the tiny dirty cuts.
I was so close, but she knew…she knew I was coming.
Luna was sure of that, and that left her with only more questions. Why had Amanda run? Was it because she wanted to avoid a potential confrontation between Luna and herself? Or did she not feel safe in her own dwelling because she feared what Chance would do if he found her?
Next time, I’ll catch her, and she’ll answer all my questions, Luna vowed.
Chapter Nineteen
THE DISCOVERY BROKE Luna down for only a minute, but then she was on her feet again, determination surging through her. If the footsteps were that fresh, Amanda still had to be close by, and if she was Luna would find her. Ears alert for the slightest sound, Luna stormed through the forest, smacking away branches and crunching leaves beneath her feet.
The trees were thick, the maze of foliage even worse with the knowledge that Amanda could’ve gone anywhere. Luna’s energy started to drain, but she refused to stop…not when she was so close.
I’ll rest when I’m dead, she vowed, laughed at the irony of her own statement to distract herself, and pushed onward.
She wouldn’t—couldn’t—admit defeat. Rugged breaths tore through her chest, but she forced herself to ignore it even when the wheezing made her eyes water. Knees buckling, she forced her shaky steps onward, wishing she had spent more of her life exercising.
There are some things not even DreamWorld can do.
Finally, the pain in her chest and legs won out, and she collapsed to her knees before sinking completely to the ground, burying her face in her hands with an audible sob that rang around the clearing. The thought of how close she had come to getting Asher back stung worse than any physical pain she had endured—and that included being stabbed. She was ready to curl up on the forest floor and let whatever found her claim her.
After all, she was fighting an unwinnable war. Even though she didn’t want to admit it out loud, part of her could understand why Chance said they needed a plan, why he wasn’t willing to barge in guns blazing. There must’ve been a time, way back when, when he had tried just that and met the same crippling sadness that she did now.
Footsteps sounded nearby, and she lifted her head as a hand grasped her shoulder. Her heart quickened, sensing danger, before she realized it was Chance.
Lucky for me, I guess, since he already has claim on me.
“What are you doing out here?” he murmured, running a finger across the curve of her cheek as he crouched beside her.
“I-I had to find him…” she whispered, breaking eye contact as she slumped her head back to the cold Earth.
Chance sighed, circling around her prone form until she could see him. “We talked about this,” he said and grasped her elbow with one hand and her ribs with the other, helping her sit up as gently as he could manage.
“Yeah, but you don’t understand,” she said, staring down at the ground. Even the noticeable twig in her hair didn’t draw her attention.
“Then fill me in,” he urged, wiping the leaves and debris free from her raven locks before pushing her hair aside to catch a glimpse of the side of her face.
“I found Amanda…or rather where she was staying. She has Asher,” Luna replied, eyes on the ground.
Chance searched her face, using his fingers to push her head back up every time her gaze dropped to the ground. “And?”
“She was gone, maybe ten minutes before I got there. Asher’s bottle was still warm. I followed the trail, but I lost it in the woods and…I-I…”
“You did what you could,” Chance said, rubbing a soothing hand across her back.
“No, no I didn’t. If I did, I would’ve found them,” she argued.
“And you did, just not in the manner you wanted.”
Luna frowned, hating the certainty of his voice, hating him. She wanted him to go away, to be replaced with someone, anyone, who could understand her, her desperate need to pull this off. “We have to go…we have to—she can’t be too far. I have to find her,” she grunted, struggling to free herself from his grip.
Her legs didn’t obey her, bare feet sliding in the mud, and Luna didn’t think the moment could get any worse until she looked at Chance and saw the pity in his eyes. Chance smiled bitterly, holding on just a bit tighter to stop her struggle as he shook his head. “Luna, stop. You’re exhausted.”
She froze, slumping against him as she stared into his eyes. “I don’t care, Chance. It doesn’t matter. Nothing does.”
Chance clenched his jaw as he pulled her to her feet. “Yes, it does. What do you think you’re proving by pushing yourself like this?”
Luna pursed her lips. There was no way to explain it…not to anyone who didn’t already understand. For the largest portion of her life, she had felt as if she didn’t matter, a possession to someone else rather than a human being. She was her father’s daughter, she was Max’s friend, she was always somebody’s something, but this would give her a chance to change her title to something that mattered—mother.
The only time her mother had dared to call her as much, Luna had nearly lost her mind, but now, she craved it. Craved anything that would make her meaningless existence feel as if it had some point.
“Come on, let’s get you home. You need to rest,” Chance said, brushing a hand across her shoulders to remove the clinging dirt.
“No.”
Chance narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean no?”
“I don’t need to go home,” she said, feeling th
e spit build at the corners of her mouth. “I need to find her.”
Chance’s eye twitched, and Luna could see every ounce of his frustration in the tiny movement. “Well, you’re not going to. Not now. You’d do better to get some rest because I guarantee you won’t find her again anyway. At least not any time soon.”
“How do you know?” Luna demanded, for once initiating eye contact as she dug her heels in the ground.
Chance cursed, swiping his blond hair aside as he stared up at the sky, finally breaking his hold on her. “I’ve found her a few times,” he admitted. “And the result is always the same.”
Luna stared incredulously, taking one step backwards as she waited for him to continue.
“You can’t honestly think I’ve never taken the time to look before,” he said. She stayed silent, because that was exactly what she had thought, and Chance sighed. “I have. She’s always disappeared before I could even see if she still had Asher.”
“Well, she does so let’s stop wasting time and go get him,” Luna said, whisking on her heels to continue her journey when Chance’s hand shot out to grab her at the elbow, holding her in place. Luna frowned and stared at him, eyes wild and angry.
“Don’t. You won’t find her again,” Chance insisted.
“Why not?” Luna asked slowly. “You think I’m so incompetent that I can’t find my own friend? Is that it?”
“No,” Chance said. Compared to Luna’s voice, his was so calm, so rational, that it was hard to believe that he was the crazy one. “I know how your brain works. You’ll keep coming to this place, thinking that she’ll come back. But consider this: Why would she? If there’s even a hint of danger, would you come back if you were in her shoes?”
Luna jutted out her bottom lip, and Chance continued. “Every time she’s found, or close to it, she runs away. I think she changes places multiple times a week just to keep her location hidden from me—from us. They all work together to make sure she stays hidden, and pushing yourself to collapse won’t change that pattern.”
Luna stopped struggling against his grip, feeling all the fight leave her body like water soaking into dry soil. “Why would they go through all this trouble just to keep Asher away from you?”
“Isn’t it obvious? They’re doing it for the same reason they’re hunting you down. To hurt you, or more specifically, to hurt me.”
“I-I…hunting me down?” Luna asked, eyes wide. “Who’s hunting me down?”
She thought of the voice on the other side of the door when she had been pregnant with Asher and then the people that taught Chance everything he knows. Cody. They’re dangerous people, Chance’s sister had told Luna once, and she had no doubt about it.
It seemed odd that they would be after her now. After all, she had already technically died…what harm could she be to them now? What harm could she be to anyone?
Chance cocked his head to the side. “That’s a talk we need to have, but I’ll sum it up for you real quick. Don’t think this forest is without its perils.”
Luna frowned and wondered if maybe Chance’s people weren’t the people he was talking about at all. She remembered the look on Max’s face and found herself wondering if she had mistaken sorrow for something else, something dangerous?
“Why do they want to hurt me?”
“It’s not as if they really want to hurt you. Not really anyway. It’s just…this is a battlefield, a chess game if you will.”
“And I’m your queen?” she asked, voice dripping with loathing.
Chance smiled, and Luna didn’t have to ask to know that he was thinking back to the original set of dreams. “I told you, you would be eventually.”
Luna pursed her lips. She might be his queen, but he would never be her King. “Kings cherish their queens, not destroy them,” she said before she realized she had said it.
Chance cut his eyes at her, but his face hardly changed in expression. “You are my only weakness, and they know it.”
The thought made Luna sick. If she was his only weakness, what could she possibly do to end this, the strangeness she felt between them? The situation that she had landed herself in. “This is too much,” Luna murmured.
“I know, but you’re strong,” Chance said and slung his arm over her shoulders.
They took five steps across the clearing, in the direction of the cabin, and Luna let herself be comforted by the warmth of his body, the clean smell of his skin and clothes, before she let all of her thoughts climb right out of her mouth. “They know how much I love Asher, and they’re hurting me by doing this. How can they not care?”
Chance’s face was blank, and she knew what he was thinking—they’re wondering how you didn’t care about killing them. “They lost a lot of respect for you when you started listening to me…even more so when you woke up on my side of the Realm rather than theirs. They probably want to hurt you.”
Luna sniffled, thoughts again on Max.
Chance’s arm slipped from her shoulders to her waist, but he fell silent as they continued to walk. He was out of comforting words to say, and she was past the point where they would be of use anyway.
***
DIRTY AND TIRED, Luna yearned to be clean, to feel human again. That was made even stronger by the look Chance gave her when they returned to the cabin.
“You don’t have to look at me like that.”
He frowned, scrunching his nose as if she had said something particularly unpleasant. “Like what?”
“Like I’m made of glass, and you’re deciding where to put me that’ll damage me the least.”
Chance’s frown was immediately replaced with a smile. “You really do know me well.”
Luna clenched her teeth, feeling the tick in her jaw. “Yeah, so knock it off.”
Chance held his hands out. “Okay, okay. I’ll give you some peace.” He took two steps backward toward the kitchen before pausing and looking at her over his shoulder. “I’ll be out here if you need me.”
Luna nodded but couldn’t imagine herself in a situation where she would need him. The only thing she needed at the moment was to be alone, to have a chance to sit and gather her thoughts, and figure out just how gone she really was.
She thought of lying on the bed, but that didn’t seem secluded enough. Instead, she locked herself in the bathroom, turned the shower on and watched the warm water run into the tub, thinking about changing it to a bath. Before Asher, she used to love lying in a tub full of warm water, but she wasn’t sure if she could handle it. Her eyes dropped to the lines on her thigh, the rugged wounds she had inflicted on herself, before she looked at the blank skin on her wrist again and her grisly curiosity was back.
Crossing the bathroom, she stared at her reflection in the mirror, hardly recognizing the girl staring back at her. She looked thin, tired, ugly. Frustrated, Luna howled and punched out, knuckles digging into the smooth surface. A spiderweb of cracks radiated out from the point of impact before a few shards rained into the sink. Luna scooped up one of the larger ones, holding it up in the light to see just how sharp it really was.
With shaking fingers, she watched how the shard shone under the bathroom light, reminding her of the light whenever it caught on the blade of Chance’s dagger. Legs like jelly, she switched the shower to a bath and slipped into the water without removing her clothes, clutching the glass shard in her fingers the entire time. She held out her wrist and counted down from ten in her mind. When she made it to six, knocking sounded at the door.
“Luna, are you in there?” Chance’s voice called.
She was silent, focused on her mission. With any luck, it wouldn’t matter in a minute anyway.
“Luna!” he called again. “I heard a crash. I just need to know you’re okay!”
Luna pressed the shard to her skin, blocking everything out but the prick of pain as the glass broke the surface of her skin, just as the door burst open and Chance rushed in, wild-eyed. When he caught sight of her in the tub, fully clothed and arm exte
nded, he cursed, nearly tripping over his feet to be by her side.
“What in the Hell are you doing?” he snarled, ripping the shard from her fingers. She said nothing, just watched the single droplet of blood leak free as he whipped it across the room to where it shattered among the other broken pieces. “Answer me!” he said, eyes wide and frantic as his hand grabbed her other wrist, hoisting her right out of the water.
“I wanted to know,” she said quietly, staring off into space that only she could see as he held her face an inch from his own.
“If I could get any crazier?” Chance asked, pulling her over the edge of the tub. “This is a good way to see.”
“I wanted to know if we can die here,” she said, looking down at her feet and the way the water pooled onto the floor around her. “I wanted to know…what happens if we do.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Chance said, holding her body against his as if the water soaking into his clothes didn’t bother him a bit. Even though his words had been harsh, his face was soft, eyes bloodshot with stress, and it suddenly hit her then just how big of a change this was to both of them.
For as much as Chance hated being alone, it was what he was used to. Worrying about someone other than himself was not something he was used to doing, not something he was good at doing, and every action she did affected him regardless of whether or not she realized it.
“How?” she demanded, shivering in the sudden breeze created by him pulling away.
“Because what happens if you do die?” he asked, eyes breaking into her in ways they never had before. “What happens then?”
It didn’t seem ridiculous to her either way. She wanted to know, needed to know. She had seen Max and Amanda. She had seen Asher and Chance, and yet, she hadn’t seen Violet. Where is she? she wondered but feared asking for whatever answer she would receive.
