I wanted that.
I took a seat next to Olivia. She reached for my hand. “Are you nervous?”
I nodded.
“Don’t be. They’ll give him a little bit of trouble, but he’ll be fine. From everything you’ve said about him, he’ll hold his own.”
“I hope so.” I glanced outside. “I thought he was going to be here by now.”
Olivia shook her head and gave me a look. “Relax. He’s coming. He promised you. Mandy and Carrie aren’t here yet. No one’s late until they’re here.”
I laughed. It was what everyone always said. I tried to sit back and enjoy the time with my friends.
“Olivia, are you ready to get married again?” Addi asked, giving me an out.
They talked about the wedding and being married. Peyton slipped in and took the seat on my other side, asking where Hunter was.
“Not here yet.”
“Uh oh,” she groaned. “I know that look. I just got here. Don’t freak out yet.”
I sighed. “I really thought he wasn’t going to let me down again, you know? I thought he’d be here.”
“Maybe something came up.”
I showed her my phone. “If something came up, he could have let me know.”
“Don’t start, Vick. You have no idea what’s going on.”
“Do you?” I asked suspiciously.
She shook her head. “No. Sorry. But I think you should give him a chance.”
“How many?”
“How many what?”
“How many chances? He said things were crazy when he couldn’t get into his studio. He’s in now. How many times does he have to blow me off before I take a hint and realize he just doesn’t want me?”
“He wants you,” she argued. “You know he does.”
I shrugged. “I can’t love him enough for both of us.”
“I know. But you can’t give up on him because of a mistake.”
“This is the third time. He was late twice. I told him he wasn’t going to show up. It’s what always happens.”
“What are you talking about?”
“First you’re late, just a little. Not enough for anyone to be really upset. Then you’re really late. Late enough that you’ve basically missed whatever you were supposed to be doing. Then you just don’t show up.”
“Are you talking hypothetical or are you talking about me?”
I heard the pain in her voice but couldn’t process it. I knew I shouldn’t say the next words, but I couldn’t stop them.
“I’ve never mattered to you, Pey. You’ve always put your career first, and I’ve never been able to compete. You’re doing amazing things for people, so I’m a bitch if I challenge you. If I whine and say I want to spend time with you, I feel guilty for taking you away from people who really need you. But you’re my big sister. You’re the person I’ve looked up to forever. You’re the person I wanted to be when I was growing up. Until I realized that you don’t have anything in your life except your work. You kill yourself to help people, and then you forget about them. When I first moved here, do you remember what happened?”
She shook her head, looking shell-shocked.
“You invited me out to meet your friends. The other residents you were hanging out with. You said you always went to the same place after your shift. So I went and I waited. And twenty minutes late, you finally texted me that you guys changed your plans and went somewhere else. So I was sitting at a table for eight by myself. Like an idiot. Then a few months later, you invited everyone over. Said they were going to come meet me. I felt special. Like you wanted me to be a part of your life. I was so excited. I got all dressed up and spent half the day cooking so your friends would have plenty to eat. I spent the last cash I had in my bank account on alcohol since you told me they liked to drink.”
“They all came,” she argued.
I nodded. “They did. An hour late you all showed up. They invaded the kitchen and demolished my food. But how many of them did you introduce me to?” She ducked her chin. “Yep. Zero. I didn’t meet any of your friends that night. I was so hurt that I spent half the night in my room so I wouldn’t feel even worse. I pretended that I didn’t want to meet them instead of the other way around. But that wasn’t even the worst one.”
Peyton’s eyes lifted to mine. She was confused. She had no idea what I was talking about. It didn’t surprise me. Not really. I didn’t know if that made it better or not.
“The last time I tried to make plans with you was about a year after I moved here. It was Thanksgiving. We decided not to go home but instead to have a quiet day, just the two of us. We were going to watch the parade on TV and eat all the food we loved all day. I was so excited to spend the day with you. But when I got up, you were gone. I called your phone and you were annoyed that I bothered you at work. Because you had stuff to catch up on. You went in to work instead of spending the day with me. I tried to watch the parade, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was so upset and hurt. I haven’t watched the parade, or trusted someone, since.”
“Vicki,” she breathed. “I had no idea.”
I forced a smile for her. “I know. And I think that’s the hardest part for me. I’m not even important enough to my own sister for you to realize how you hurt me.”
“Why do you live with me? Hang out with me? You obviously hate me.”
I shook my head. “I don’t. You’re my sister so I can’t hate you. But I don’t make plans with you. Asking you and Hunter to have dinner with me was a huge risk for me. It was hard to take that chance. And I was hurt again.”
“He apologized. I thought you forgave him.”
I nodded. “I did. But this is his third time. And just like you, and all the other guys who’ve put work before me, it starts with a little late, then a lot, then nothing. I’ve put up with it for too many years from too many people. I can’t sit back and let another person I love walk all over me and be okay with it.”
“Vicki-”
“I’m sorry. I just need to go.”
I got up and left, knowing I left a silent room behind me and feeling like shit for it.
Chapter 23
I didn’t talk to Peyton the rest of the week. I ignored Hunter’s phone calls. He even stopped by once, and the only reason I said anything to Peyton was because she wouldn’t let him in. She deserved a thanks for that.
Friday afternoon I left work early to go to Olivia’s to get ready. Ethan insisted on having a limo pick us up from the house. Becca was going to get dressed with us, but Kevin was hanging out with Ethan and the other guys for the afternoon.
I knocked on Olivia’s door and let myself in. Becca was sitting in front of the TV, but Olivia was nowhere to be seen.
“Hey Becca!” I said, going to hug her. “Where’s Mom?”
“She’s in her room. She said you would be here soon. I think Abby and Tara are coming, too.”
I nodded. “They are. We’re all going to get dressed up for Mom and Ethan’s wedding. Are you excited?”
Becca grinned. “I have such a pretty dress. Mommy even let me pick it out myself. Do you want to see it?”
“I’d love to,” I gushed. Becca was exactly what I needed to get through the day. She could lift anyone’s spirits with her energy and adorable smile. Everything excited her.
Becca ran up the stairs, leaving me to follow her. I found her in her room, standing on a chair and reaching for the dress hanging on her closet door.
“Whoa, let me get that,” I said, rushing to grab both Becca and the dress before we spent the wedding night in the hospital.
I set Becca down then handed her the dress, still in a tiny dress bag, probably so Ethan wouldn’t see it. Becca tugged at the zipper, getting it to budge a little, then tossed the dress on her bed so she could rip the zipper the rest of the way down.
Fearing the dress inside would get caught, I lifted the bag and held it in front of her. “Why don’t you try this way?”
She shrugged a
nd tugged, revealing a dress that bore a striking resemblance to Olivia’s dress, but made for a child. The top was all lace with a square neckline instead of the plunging one Olivia had. Tulle wrapped around her middle then flared out in a poofy skirt that was everything a little girl’s fantasies were made of.
Hell, they were the same as fantasies of women, too. I wanted to wear a dress like that. Find a man who wanted to be with me. Have some kids.
Instead of I was back to the drawing board, and two months closer to being a high risk pregnancy. Or, more likely, giving up my dream of being a mom altogether.
“Do you like it?” Becca asked, her bright blue eyes worried as they scanned my face.
I forced a grin and leaned down. “It’s beautiful. You’ll be the prettiest girl there. Aside from your mom, of course.”
“Mommy is supposed to be the prettiest. She’s getting married. Daddy, I mean Ethan, said she wears the most beautifulest dress because everyone is supposed to be looking at her. Mommy said she didn’t mind if my dress was beautifulest, too though.”
“You have a great mommy,” I said, pulling Becca into a hug. I held on a little too tight and a little too long, She gently pushed away and regarded me with eyes that were too knowing for such a little girl.
“Are you sad because Mommy is getting married?”
I shook my head. “No. Definitely not. I’m very happy for your mom.”
“So are you crying because you’re happy?”
I nodded, grasping onto the lifeline like it would save me. “I am.”
“Hey Becca,” Olivia said from the doorway behind me. “Will you go get a snack. We’ll get dressed in a little bit and no eating once you’re in your dress.”
“Okay, Mommy,” she said, bouncing from the room.
I did my best to regain my composure, but it didn’t matter. Olivia didn’t really mind that I was crying. I’d get my shit together before the wedding.
“Are you okay?” she asked gently, moving closer to me.
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m just stupid. Talking with Becca made me think I’ll never have a moment like that with my own daughter. I’ll never have a daughter.”
“You never know. I love both my kids. Each comes with challenges, but there are times I feel I have more in common with Kevin than Becca. No matter what, you’ll love your kids.”
I smiled, knowing she didn’t understand what I was saying. “I meant because I won’t have kids at all. Not because I’ll end up with a boy.”
“Why won’t you have kids?”
I shrugged. “It feels like it’s too late. I know women are getting pregnant later, but Peyton sees so many that just can’t. Even younger women. I’m almost thirty-four. Hunter and I are over. I’m starting from scratch again. And that’s not even the worst part.”
“What’s the worst part?”
I laughed mirthlessly. “I thought he was different. I fell for him. Hard. And I was convinced he felt the same. He told me one time that he wanted to have sex without condoms one day. I thought he meant so he could get me pregnant and we could have a family.”
“And you don’t now?”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t know what he meant, but he’s made it clear I’m not that important to him.”
“You really laid into Peyton the other day.”
I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry about that.”
“Did you tell her that?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m not sorry for what I said, just where I said it. I was hurt and I took it out on her. I know it wasn’t fair, but for years I haven’t been strong enough to give people more than three chances. And having her sit there and tell me I should look the other way and let Hunter walk all over me felt like she was making excuses for the things she did. I just lost it.”
Olivia nodded. “I get it. My ex was constantly going on business trips. I hated that he was always gone and left me alone with the kids. When I found out he was cheating on me and visiting the other woman, it felt like he’d been making fun of me. I did everything. I took care of the kids. I washed his laundry when he came home. I made myself available for him. I did everything to make him happy. When it came down to it, it didn’t matter what I said or did, he didn’t really love me.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“I get that. But that’s what I was going through when I was pushing Ethan away. You had to pull my head out of my butt and show me that I was being stupid. Maybe you need that same wake-up call.”
I shook my head. “No, I think that was my wake-up call. I was pretending he was the person I wanted him to be instead of the man he is. I know it’ll be a while before I get over being in love with him, but I know he’s not the right one for me. I need someone who will put me first. Someone who’s going to tell me and show me that he loves me. I’ve tried to be like you are and accept that there are going to be times when things come up, but I just can’t. I want to know when I ask him to be somewhere, he’ll be there. Or when I make plans, I won’t be alone. Maybe it’s not fair, but I can’t handle it another way.”
Olivia smiled. “I don’t think that’s too much to ask. It doesn’t mean he can’t work. Just that he has to respect your time. It makes perfect sense to me.”
We heard a knock downstairs and voices, telling us Abby or Tara or both were there.
“Let’s go down and start getting ready. If you’re up for this?”
I nodded. “Of course. This is your day. I’ll keep my drama out of it.”
Olivia had snacks out for all of us to munch on while we did our hair and make-up. She curled her own hair, leaving it in waves down her back. Olivia let Becca wear some eye shadow and lipgloss. You’d have thought Becca was given a tiara and scepter with the make-up.
We changed into our dresses once we were done snacking and had our make-up and hair done. We helped Olivia into her dress when she was ready. The lingerie Peyton and I bought her fit perfectly under her dress, vanishing amidst the lace. With her hair down her back and her make-up a little heavier than usual, she was stunning.
“Are you going to wait until we get there to fix your veil, or do you want to do it now?” Abby asked.
“I should probably go ahead now, right?”
“Yes,” we all agreed.
Olivia twisted chunks of hair from just above each ear and wound them until they were loosely spun. She brought them together and secured them with a barrette that nearly disappeared into her dark hair. Tara got the veil from the dress bag and brought it to Olivia. She took it and tried to thread the comb above the barrette, but since she couldn’t see it, she had trouble.
We all moved forward at once. Abby took the veil, Tara stood on the other side, and I lifted the fabric in the back so it didn’t catch on anything we were wearing. Tara and Abby slid the comb beneath the barrette, testing to make sure it would stay in place.
“Shake your head,” Tara said.
Olivia gave her head a little shake and the comb stayed put.
“Good. It’ll work.”
“Feels tight, so yeah. Perfect. Thanks.”
“What time is the limo coming?” I asked.
Olivia glanced over her shoulder at a clock and said, “Any minute.”
We left the bedroom and went into the living room so we could hear the driver knock. Olivia tested her heels, high white ones that wrapped around her feet and gave her a few extra inches of height. Becca pranced behind her mom, stomping her heels so they clicked on the floor.
A knock made us all smile. “You ready?”
Olivia grinned. “Absolutely.”
The ride to the church was quick and a little tense. I could tell Olivia was anxious and excited. I pushed all thoughts of Hunter away and focused on Olivia and getting my friend married.
We lined up in the back of the church shortly after we arrived, waiting for the signal. It wasn’t long before we were walking up the aisle toward a very handsome groom who only had eyes for Olivia. He nodded, barely acknowle
dging each of us, but when the music changed, his eyes were locked on her. The moment the doors opened and Olivia came into view, flanked by Kevin and Becca, I knew Ethan was done. His Adam’s apple bobbed, he shifted his feet, and his eyes sparkled. He was mesmerized by her.
As he should be.
The ceremony was quick, but very well done. They said their vows, ones they wrote themselves, and had the entire church reaching for tissues. When the officiant announced them husband and wife, Ethan didn’t even wait for permission to kiss her. He grabbed Olivia, one hand slipping behind her neck and the other possessively low on her back, and dragged her lips to his. He dipped her back, making the crowd cheer louder, before finally releasing her.
They walked down the aisle with broad grins. Kevin and Becca were right behind them, then Sawyer stepped over and offered me his arm.
“You look beautiful,” he said over the cheers of the crowd.
“Thank you. You clean up rather nicely.”
He smiled, a sexy grin that I knew made most panties melt. “Once in a while I can look the part of a decent guy.”
“You are a decent guy, Sawyer. You just don’t want people to know that.”
He shrugged, neither agreeing or denying. “And you’re sad and don’t want people to know it.”
I nearly tripped, shocked that he saw what I’d been working so hard to mask. “I’m fine.”
He gave me a slanted smile. “Yeah, I know what that means.”
“Today is about Olivia and Ethan, not me.”
“It just sucks to have to be so miserable in the face of their happiness.”
“Yeah, well, I’ll survive.”
We reached the end of the church and Sawyer pulled me to the side. “How about this? We’ll stick together tonight? I’m kind of avoiding my brother and you’re avoiding being sad. If we stick together, maybe the night won’t be so bad.”
“On one condition.”
“Hmm?”
“You tell me why you’re avoiding your brother.”
Stocky & Sumptuous Page 17
