by Jackie Lau
Though Zach was usually the chattier of the two, it was Sebastian who broke the silence.
“You’re probably wondering why I didn’t text you earlier,” Sebastian said. “Honestly, I was avoiding you.”
Zach wasn’t sure how to respond.
“Why?” he finally managed.
“Because I hadn’t been back for long when I started...well.” Sebastian took a pull on his beer. “Seeing your sister.”
“You’re seeing Amber?”
“Last I checked, you only had one sister.”
“Thanks, smart ass. Are you, like, officially her boyfriend?”
“What is this?” Sebastian grunted. “High school again?”
“You know what I mean.”
Are you just sleeping together? Is there any kind of commitment?
Sebastian shrugged.
It seemed Sebastian wasn’t quite sure what was going on with Amber, just like Zach wasn’t sure what was going on with Jo.
Except that wasn’t true, right? They were friends who were sleeping together and faking a relationship. It was simple, really. He knew exactly what was going on.
Then why does it feel like I’ve been pushed into the deep end?
Zach shook his head to clear his thoughts.
“Okay,” he said to Sebastian. “You’re seeing my sister. You’re less of a bastard than her exes, so...cool. You don’t know exactly where you stand, but you’ll sort it out, I’m sure. You were worried about telling me this?”
Yes, it was a little weird and it would take time to wrap his mind around it. Especially since Sebastian and Amber were such different people. Amber was...not precisely irresponsible, but free-spirited, and more artsy than the rest of them, despite her poor Pictionary skills. Sebastian was nothing like her.
But Zach was fine with this. Truly.
“I figured you’d be cool about it, but Amber wasn’t sure.” Sebastian paused. “Thanks.”
Zach wanted to pry, but he didn’t.
“I hear your parents tried to set you up with my sister at Thanksgiving,” Sebastian said, a little smirk on his face.
“Yeah, they did. It was a disaster.”
Sebastian’s smirk widened. “Can’t believe your parents found dates for all of you. And Nick is now dating Greg’s date?”
Zach nodded.
“Thank God my parents have never attempted anything like that.”
“Do your parents know about you and Amber?” Zach asked, then realized what he was saying. “No, of course they don’t, or they would have immediately called up my parents, who would have then knocked on my door.”
Sebastian chuckled. “Yup, exactly, which is why I don’t want you to tell them.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t.”
“I’ll figure this out soon, I promise.”
Zach wanted to tell Sebastian to treat his sister right and all that fun stuff, but he knew it didn’t need to be said. His friend was a good guy.
“What’s this I hear about you and Jo MacGregor?” Sebastian asked, clearly having had enough of talking about his own dating life.
“We’ve been seeing each other for a month.” Zach looked down at his beer and tried to hide his goofy smile. Where did that come from?
He didn’t end up telling Sebastian the truth.
For some reason he liked the idea of Sebastian thinking it was real.
* * *
“One last Friday, and that’s it,” Jo said to Tiffany. They were at the bakery, each with a hot chocolate in hand. “You were right. Nothing more is going to happen with Zach. He just doesn’t see me that way.”
She choked up on the last words. She hated admitting it out loud. Hated that she’d spent so long in love with someone who wouldn’t love her back.
And yet, in the middle of the night when he...
She shut down that train of thought. It wasn’t going anywhere productive.
She wouldn’t regret the last few weeks, though. Wouldn’t regret knowing what it was like to go on dates with Zach and kiss him and wake up with him.
But it was time to move on. She’d allow herself one more night, and that was it.
“Oh, Jo,” Tiffany said, squeezing her hand. “I hate that I was right. You know that.”
Jo blinked back tears and forced herself to laugh instead. “I can’t believe I was in a fake relationship. Doesn’t it sound ridiculous?”
Before Tiffany could answer, an older woman approached their table.
It was Shelly Sanderson. Shit. Had she heard what Jo said?
If she had, she gave no indication of it.
“Just want to congratulate you on your fabulous goal in the hockey game, dear,” she said before bustling off to the front of the bakery.
* * *
When Jo arrived at her parents’ house that night, Mom, Dad, and Becky looked at her with sad smiles, even though Jo had scored the game-winning goal against Ashton Corners.
They knew. They had to know.
Jo couldn’t help but be annoyed with their pitying looks. Poor Jo, she’s already thirty-three and she can’t get more than a fake relationship.
“Shelly Sanderson overheard you and Tiffany at the bakery earlier,” Mom said as she steered Jo into the kitchen. “Apparently you weren’t really in a relationship with Zach? You were just pretending?”
Jo nodded. She didn’t see the point in trying to lie now. “He had reasons for wanting his family to think he had a girlfriend, and I said I’d play along.”
“Why didn’t you tell us the truth?”
“It wouldn’t be a good fake relationship if lots of people knew it wasn’t real, would it?”
Ugh. If only Shelly would go back to making her coconut lemon squares and stop gossiping so much.
“You have a good career,” Mom said. “And a house and friends and hobbies—”
“I know,” Jo snapped, even though she never snapped at her mother. “I have a great life. I just want someone to share it with. I won’t apologize for wanting more.”
She didn’t admit she had a crush on Zach, and she certainly didn’t admit how intimate their fake relationship had become.
“Maybe you shouldn’t have broken things off with Matt, then,” Mom said.
“No, I absolutely should have. I regret not ending it earlier. It’s not unreasonable to...”
...to want a man who looks at me the way Zach does.
She would end things with him and put this behind her. She would not settle for less than she deserved. Maybe it would take her a long time to find the right guy, but that was okay.
“Excuse me for a minute,” she said.
She needed a moment to compose herself, and she needed to do one more thing.
Sorry, I can’t see you this Friday, she texted Zach. Something came up.
Spending one last night with him would be too painful, and she should start the process of moving on as soon as possible.
Shelly Sanderson overheard me telling Tiffany that our relationship was fake, so if your family finds out the truth, I’m sorry about that, too.
She couldn’t bring herself to tell him that their friendship was over. Besides, she owed him more than a text. She didn’t see how she could face him this week, though; she needed a little more time.
Jo walked out of the washroom with her head held high.
If she could score that great goal, she could handle dinner with her family and a Friday night alone.
Chapter 11
Ouch.
Zach rubbed his cheek, where he’d just been hit with a basketball.
“What’s wrong, Mr. Wong?”
“Why aren’t you paying attention?”
The senior boys’ basketball team came to stand in a group around him. Seven thirty in the morning was too early for this, especially since he hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep last night.
In fact, he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in a while now, and he constantly found himself reaching for Jo, even though she wasn’
t there. He wished he would wake up cold, without blankets, because at least that would mean she was in his bed to steal them.
“Lady troubles?” asked one of the boys.
“Apparently he’s dating Dr. MacGregor.”
“No, they were just pretending, didn’t you hear?”
“Enough,” Zach said in an unusually stern voice. “I’m going outside for a minute, and when I get back, you guys better be doing drills, not gossiping about my personal life, okay?”
He exited through the doors that led to the parking lot and breathed in the cold air. It was below freezing, and the snow was falling lightly. It reminded him of the day he and Jo had gone to the skating trail up near Goderich.
Goddammit. Today was Friday, and he always looked forward to Friday night. It was his time to hang out with Jo.
Strangely, though, she’d said she had plans today.
She never had plans on Friday night, except with him.
He couldn’t help feeling a bit bereft.
He’d been looking forward to seeing her at the bar, and maybe afterward, they’d go back to his place and have sex, then wake up wrapped around each other and do it again. That was what he’d become accustomed to in the past couple weeks.
And the Friday nights at Finn’s—he’d been accustomed to those for the past four years.
Fuck, it was cold out here, though it was nice to feel something other than the pain of not seeing her.
He’d slowly been realizing it over the past week or two, but now, it was crystal clear.
He wished their relationship were real.
Zach hadn’t thought love could work this way for him, and he’d done his best to protect his heart ever since Marianne left. But it had snuck up on him.
He loved Jo’s intelligence and athleticism. Her laugh, her smile. The way she could make people feel at ease. The way she could be strong and vulnerable with him at the same time.
It had never been “just sex” with Jo.
He needed her back in his life. He needed to wake up with her again and again. He needed to watch her draw more phallic objects in front of his family and score more game-winning goals.
Except he didn’t want another relationship. He’d sworn them off—and for good reason.
He scrubbed his hand over his face.
Screw it. He was heading out of town tonight.
* * *
At nine o’clock that night, Zach was in Toronto with Nick, Lily, Greg, and Tasha. They were sitting around a table at a busy restaurant on King Street, drinking Thai iced tea and eating grabong, a Thai version of deep-fried shredded vegetables. Zach picked up a piece of squash and dipped it in the sauce—he had no idea what was in the sauce, but it was tasty.
“So, what’s with the sudden decision to come to Toronto for the weekend?” Nick asked.
“I missed you guys.”
His brothers looked at him skeptically.
“You saw us at Chinese New Year,” Greg said.
“I know.” Zach took a deep breath. “I’m falling for Jo, but I was in denial. You two were right.”
“Sounds like it pained you a lot to say that,” Nick said. “Hard to admit we’re smarter than you, I guess?”
Zach gave him a look. “Yeah. But worse, I swore I’d never fall in love again.”
Nick turned to Lily. “He was engaged once, but his fiancée left him.”
“She didn’t want to live in Mosquito Bay anymore,” Zach said.
“I don’t blame her,” Nick said, “but Jo’s made a life in Mosquito Bay. I doubt she has any intention of leaving. It’s not the same.”
“Still. The idea of having a relationship again, giving someone the power to hurt me that much...” Zach helped himself to more deep-fried squash.
There wasn’t any food like this in Mosquito Bay. The only Thai food in town was the recent addition of pad Thai to the menu at Wong’s Wok.
But Zach was content to take the occasional trip to the city to enjoy such things. He didn’t need them all the time. He enjoyed visiting Toronto, but he wouldn’t want to live here. It was too much, and everyone you passed on the street was a stranger.
“A lot of things that are worth having involve risk,” Lily said.
“Very true,” Greg agreed.
“What if she doesn’t feel the same way?” Zach asked.
“You feel like a fool in front of one person,” Nick said. “Are you more scared of telling her and being rejected, or of what could happen if you started a relationship and it doesn’t work out later on?”
“The second. But also the first.”
“I’m not sure you need to worry about that one,” Tasha said. “It was pretty clear at Chinese New Year that she had feelings for you. When Greg told me you guys were faking it, I had a hard time believing it. I bet she’s been in love with you for a long time, Zach, and that’s why it was so easy for her to act as your girlfriend. And you’ve been unable to see what was right in front of you until now.”
He felt a burst of hope. Had Jo really been in love with him before their fake relationship? For how long? Why had she never said anything?
The answer was obvious. She would have known he’d shoot her down.
They’d started sleeping together, but he’d only said he wanted to extend their fake relationship, and now she was trying to step back before she got hurt more.
His heart clenched. He felt terribly for her.
Or maybe she hadn’t been in love with him before, and he just liked Tasha’s explanation because it assuaged some of his fears.
But even if Jo returned his feelings, and even though he was pretty sure she wanted the same future as he did, what if they broke up?
“That’s no guarantee,” he said hoarsely as the waitress set his khao soi in front of him. He took a bite of the crispy noodles on top, then dipped his chopsticks into the broth and stirred the beef and noodles.
“No,” Nick said, “but like Lily said, sometimes you have to take risk. Which is something you’re not great at doing. You live in your hometown. You work at the high school you attended.”
Zach enjoyed his simple life, and he didn’t like having to defend his choices. There wasn’t somewhere else he’d rather live, another career he’d rather have.
Except now there was another person he wanted.
Jo.
His brothers had a point. His life hadn’t made him very good at taking risks, and this felt like a huge risk. His last relationship had failed, and his feelings for Jo were quite strong, if he was honest with himself.
“How do I do it?” he asked.
“Well, you could try Greg’s snow fort idea,” Nick said, “but you’ll just have Mom and Dad to help you, not us.”
“That’s not what I mean. How do you mentally prepare yourself to do something scary?”
God, he felt like a wuss.
“Roller coasters,” Greg said cryptically.
“Roller coasters?”
“You liked them when you were young, even though you’d always freak out a bit when we were in line at the amusement park.”
“And horror movies,” Nick said.
“I wouldn’t compare Jo to a horror movie.”
“I just mean,” Greg said, “that sometimes scary things are great experiences. You have to remind yourself of that. I know you’re afraid of rejection and of it not working out, but won’t you regret it even more if you never try?”
That was a good point.
“I’m fucked either way,” Zach said, but at the same time, hope fluttered in his chest.
“Basically, yeah,” Greg grunted.
But Zach looked at his brothers and their partners—Tasha sneaking a shrimp off Greg’s plate, which Greg didn’t fail to notice, and Nick resting his hand on Lily’s shoulder—and felt an intense longing to have the same thing with Jo.
Just her. He didn’t want a relationship if it was with anyone else.
There was no guarantee, but he’d gotten through heartbre
ak once before. It had sucked, but he’d done it. He had to try.
* * *
After spending the night in Nick’s guest room, Zach drove back to Mosquito Bay. Instead of going to his place, he went to his grandparents’ house—the one they’d bought five years after arriving from Hong Kong and had lived in for decades—and parked in the driveway.
He knocked on the door, hoping only his grandfather would be home, and he could ask a little favor without too much drama.
Alas, after five minutes, he sighed and had to accept the truth.
Nobody was here, which almost certainly meant Ah Yeh and Ah Ma were visiting Zach’s parents. So Zach headed to his parents’ house.
“We were just talking about you,” Mom said when he stepped inside.
“Good things?” Zach inquired.
Ah Ma marched into the front hall and pointed a menacing finger at him. “You lied to us. You were not dating Jo. You were faking it!”
Oh, dear. The gossip had reached his family.
Zach ran his hands through his hair. “It’s true.”
“Really?” Mom said. “I was convinced Shelly was wrong.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s true. I asked Jo to pretend to be my girlfriend because I was afraid of the matchmaking you guys would attempt for Chinese New Year, after what happened at Thanksgiving.”
“Yes, we did overstep there a little...” Mom admitted.
Ah Ma, however, did not feel the same way. “Don’t worry, I will set you up with four women at Easter to make up for it. I am glad you are not with Jo.” She clucked her tongue. “I don’t approve of her.”
Anger coursed through Zach’s veins. “Why not? Jo’s great.”
“Hmph. She made inappropriate drawings.”
Oh. Ah Ma was still upset about the dick pic.
“I thought it was hilarious,” Dad said. “Though your mother and I would have won if Jo hadn’t drawn such a clear picture of a shaft.”
“Enough,” Zach said. “I’m actually here to see Ah Yeh.”
At that, Ah Yeh walked into the front hall. “What is it?”
“I want to learn how to make ginger beef. It’s Jo’s favorite, and I want to ask her to be with me. For real.”
Some part of him protested, reminding him of all the ways this could go wrong.
