by Carol Ashby
“It mostly went smoothly getting her today. There was one moment with the robbers in Subura. You were right about taking a sword. I thought I was in for a real fight until she showed them what was in the box. I didn’t expect a pampered rich girl to be so cool-headed. She stopped them dead in their tracks when she held up the two scrolls.”
A crooked grin accompanied the shake of Hector’s head. “You should have seen the look on the leader’s face. Anyway, I’m sure your plan to get her away unseen worked.”
“Only because of you, Hector. I appreciate you taking the risk for me. It would have been the arena for both of us if we’d been caught. I wish I could have done it all myself, but my face would have put her and all of us in danger of discovery. Her brother’s a bad piece of work. I can’t understand a man getting his father killed just to become the patriarch or selling his own sister to an abusive womanizer, even for a small fortune.”
Philip rubbed his hand back and forth on the smooth wood of the railing.
“I am concerned about how much she cried today. I know she’s grieving her father’s death, but still... The Drusus steward asked Father to get her to her brother because she was about to kill herself rather than marry that old lecher. Telling her that he’d get her to Titus was the only thing that stopped her.”
He looked out at the waves again.
“She’s probably going to be fine now that she’s on the way to her brother, but I’d appreciate it if you’d help me keep an eye on her for a few days until we’re sure.”
“Of course.”
Philip placed his hands on the top of his head and arched his back. “It’s been a long day. I’m ready for a good night’s sleep.”
Hector nodded, and the two men walked back to the cabin to retire.
After closing his door, Philip lit the lamp and opened each of the boxes to extract the Christian Scriptures that he was carrying home for some of his friends. He repacked the Septuagint, several copies of each gospel, and three bound compilations of the letters of Paul into a single box. He placed it back against the wall at the foot of his upper bunk. She was too short to notice it back there.
Now she wouldn’t find anything related to Jesus when she looked through his boxes. He would hate to have her deliberately damage any of the Scriptures. They were hard to come by and precious, and his friends were eagerly awaiting these copies of the word of God.
It made it safer for Penelope, too. Claudia wasn’t ready to know that Penelope and he were believers. Hatred and a desire for vengeance can make people do what they normally wouldn’t. She might try to hurt any Christian she met because she hated the ones who led her father to new life at the cost of his old one.
Philip jerked awake in the middle of the night. The sounds of Claudia sobbing passed through the thin boards that formed the wall between them. He rolled from his side to his back and listened for what seemed a very long time. He was about to rise and knock on her door to see if he could get her something when the sobs finally died away.
He rubbed his scarred cheek. He hadn’t expected her to be so devastated by the loss of her father. She was truly suffering. Maybe he could figure out something tomorrow that would help. He rolled back onto his side and drifted off to sleep after one more prayer for her deliverance from the pain.
Chapter 22: Distractions
Philip had been up since the first hints of dawn. He loved the first full day at sea. After a few weeks ashore, it felt good to be in the company of his crew, all men he’d known for years. Only at sea was he free from the stares of curious strangers and the quickly averted eyes when he looked directly at someone.
As he stood with Hector by the poles that controlled the rudders from the roof of the cabin, Claudia came out the cabin door much earlier than he expected and went to the rail. She gripped the smooth wood and stared down into the water. The way she leaned over the rail―something wasn’t right. The look of desolation on her face―that triggered deeper concern.
He climbed down and joined her at the railing with her just to his left. He always stood to the right of people so he didn’t have to turn his whole body to see them.
For someone bothered by his appearance, it also gave less of his scarred face to look at. If looking away or down while talking made someone more comfortable, that’s what he did. While he’d mostly reconciled himself to how ugly his scars made him, he still saw how they repelled some people...especially young women.
It was too obvious that Claudia found him hard to look at. She’d tried not to look at his scars from the moment she met him. No surprise in that. Of course someone so beautiful would feel uncomfortable with ugliness.
The puffiness under her eyes showed she’d been crying again, but she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
She pulled her gaze from the deep water. A fleeting glance and smile at him, then she looked once more at the waves.
“Good morning, Claudia. I hope you slept well.”
Her smile was sad. “Not really, but thank you for asking.”
She was trying to veil the grief in her eyes. It was plain she didn’t want to talk about it.
“The first night out is hard for many people. I hope tonight will be better for you.”
She smiled again and nodded.
In silence, he stood beside her, leaning with his forearms on the railing, watching the ship cut through the waves.
She said nothing and continued staring at the deep water.
After many minutes, he spoke again. “Breakfast will be served soon. I hope you’ll enjoy it.”
As he rejoined Hector, something about her made him very uneasy. Watching her stare into the water had done nothing to reduce his concern. He continued to watch her from the cabin top.
After one final look at the deep water flowing past the ship, Claudia returned to the cabin to prepare for breakfast.
After breakfast, Philip walked the ship, checking on his crew before joining the three women under the canopy. Penelope and Junia were watching the shoreline move past the ship, each occasionally pointing out something interesting.
He focused on Claudia, whose eyes were pointed at the shore, but she seemed miles away. From the droop of her mouth and the dullness of her eyes, she was probably dwelling on the horrible things that had happened in Rome.
It was time to give her something else to think about.
“Claudia, I hope you enjoy games. Penelope is never interested in playing with me, but I hope you will.”
Penelope pulled her gaze from the shore to face him. “I never play with you, dear brother, because you’re just too smart for me and I lose every game. You know that’s not fun for me or you.”
She turned to Claudia. “Do indulge him in a few games. He really is a gracious winner. Maybe you can help me find out if he’s a gracious loser, too.”
Claudia shifted her gaze from the shore to Philip.
His hopeful smile and raised eyebrow should convey his desire for an opponent, but would she say yes? She could look at the board, not him, so maybe she’d be willing.
“I’d be happy to play with you, Philip. Father and I used to play Jackals and Hounds...”
The aura of sadness surrounding her deepened when she said “father.” It would be a bad idea to play a game that she’d often played with him.
“Let’s play something you don’t already know.” He grinned at her. “I’ll have a better chance of winning. Have you played Conquest?”
“No...”
“Good. I’ll teach you. It’s a strategy game from Macedonia. You try to conquer the world, like Alexander the Great. You’ll love it.” He grinned again. “But I must warn you that I’m famous for my skill at it. Well, maybe not exactly famous...”
Claudia forced a smile at Philip’s attempt to entertain her. Playing with him was the least she could do to show her appreciation for all he’d done, even though playing a game was the last thing she felt like doing. Af
ter so many sleepless nights, she barely had energy for anything. But it might help take her mind off Father and everything else she’d lost, and that could be worth the effort.
Her fake smile drew his genuine one in return. “I’ll get the board. It will only take a moment to set it up.”
She watched his back as he walked away. He was so muscular, and he moved like a trained athlete. It seemed odd that a man like him would be so fond of playing board games. Then again, maybe it wasn’t. It made sense for a man who loved reading to enjoy the challenge of matching wits with another person. She’d always enjoyed strategy games herself.
Several games later, Claudia was surprised by how much fun it had been to play with Philip. He was amazingly good at teaching her how to play. During the first game, he almost played both sides, explaining what her response to his moves ought to be and why. During the second game, he let her play mostly by herself with occasional explanations of why she just lost a battle and what she could have done to avoid it. The third game he didn’t help her at all. He did win, but he told her she was a worthy opponent.
Penelope leaned forward and stared at the board as the fourth game was coming to a close. “I can’t believe it, Claudia. You’re going to beat him.”
“Shhh, sister dear. I’m concentrating.”
Philip stared intently at the remaining pieces. His left hand rubbed the back of his neck as he scowled at the board. Finally, he sighed and moved his last piece.
“I hate to admit it, but you have me.” He looked up at her with a twinkle in his eye. “I could say that I let you beat me, but that would be a lie. Well done.”
Claudia’s smile started small and grew as she raised her gaze to his face. It was an excellent game, and he was a challenging opponent. Best of all, it really had taken her mind off everything else while they played.
“Perhaps we can play again later, and you can have a chance to regain your honor.” She grinned as she made the offer.
“Your challenge is accepted.”
As he spoke, the ship’s cook came from the galley with their lunch of bread and cheese. He nodded and smiled at the cook to acknowledge the arrival of their food.
“But first we eat. Maybe you won’t be quite so sharp when you’re relaxing after a good meal.”
As Claudia ate, she found herself feeling better than she had since the soldiers took Father, and it was all due to Philip. He was sitting with his scarred side toward her as he talked with his captain. She’d found his appearance repulsive when she first met him. Now that she’d spent so much time looking at him while they played, his scars weren’t so hard to look at. They hadn’t affected his smile at all.
After lunch, Philip excused himself and joined Hector on the cabin top. For a while, Claudia watched the passing shoreline with Penelope and Junia, but soon her thoughts returned to her father and what Lucius had done. The more she thought, the harder it became to hold back the tears.
Junia watched Claudia’s descent into silence and sadness. The poor girl was trying to bear her grief with no one and nothing to help her, and she appeared to be failing. When the tears began to pool in Claudia’s eyes, Junia decided it was time to do something.
“Excuse me, mistress. I need to walk a little.”
Penelope smiled and nodded her approval. Junia walked to the front of the cabin where Claudia couldn’t see and waved at Philip for him to come down. His brows dipped, then rose before he nodded. He climbed down the ladder and joined her. She motioned for him to follow her toward the bow of the ship, where their conversation wouldn’t be overheard.
“I’m worried about Claudia, master. She was so terribly sad last night. Now she’s been too quiet for too long, and she looks like she’s trying very hard not to cry. You cheered her up so well this morning. Can you maybe do something to distract her again?”
Philip rubbed his scars. “It’s good you told me. I think some poetry reading might be in order. That should prove an effective distraction.”
They returned to the stern. While Junia walked back to resume her seat beside Penelope, Philip went into the cabin to select something suitable. He chose a codex by a little-known poet who wrote elegant lyrical poetry on topics more uplifting than the odes glorifying licentious behavior and political satires of the most popular poets.
As he shuffled through the box, looking for a second codex, a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Claudia must have liked the one he’d seen her sleeping with before they sailed. What better to read to her?
The door to her room was open, and he could see it on the table. He stepped in and picked it up before heading out to the canopy.
He found her sitting in a chair, drooping as she gazed at the passing shoreline. Junia was right; Claudia definitely needed something to cheer her up.
Philip sat down in the chair just to her right. She turned slowly to look at him. Her eyes swam in tears that threatened to escape at any moment.
“Claudia, you promised me yesterday that we could read some poetry this afternoon. I hope now is a good time for you.”
Her smile wavered a little, but her eyes seemed eager for a distraction, any distraction, from the thoughts that were haunting her. “I would enjoy that very much, Philip.”
He handed her the codex by the new poet while keeping the one she’d liked yesterday to read himself.
“I haven’t read much by this poet, so we can explore the intricacy of his writing together. I did find the first poem striking when I was selecting this trip’s additions to my library. Would you like to read first?” His eyebrow rose and his entreating smile mirrored the request. “I would enjoy that.”
“As you wish, Philip.”
He leaned back in his chair, stretched his legs out, and rested his clasped hands on the back of his head. Elegant words for his ears and a vision of loveliness for his eye―the corner of his mouth lifted in anticipation.
Claudia had already seen Philip in that position several times. He looked so relaxed and content. How she wished she could be that way again.
She turned to the first page and the first poem. “Ever the beauty of sunrise graces my eyes, filling my heart with joy. Oh, for the peace of...”
As she read, she found the images striking and the choice of words sometimes surprising but always beautiful. She’d never heard of the poet before, but his writing was enchanting. She glanced at Philip. He had excellent taste in poetry. With his seaman’s tunic and his bulging muscles, he looked like a laborer, not a scholar. He was a surprising man.
She read several pages, savoring each line. Finally, she closed the codex and looked up at him. He was listening with his eye closed, the corners of his mouth turned up in a satisfied smile. He was a very ugly man, but he was not as unpleasant to look at when he was so obviously enjoying the poetry.
“Your turn, Philip.”
Philip picked up the codex he’d placed on the table and turned to a poem toward the middle. As he began to read, an icy hand gripped her heart and began squeezing. He’d chosen a poem that Father had read to her the day before his arrest.
When Philip glanced at her at the completion of the first eight lines, he was stunned by the anguish in her eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
A tear trickled down her cheek. “Father loved that poem. He read it to me often....” She flicked the teardrop away.
Philip closed the codex. “I’m certain no one can read it as well, so let me read something different.”
He set the codex aside and lifted the other one from her hands. He thumbed through until he found where she’d stopped and began to read. “The wind’s caress stirred the grass and made the flowers dance. Such grace...”
His voice was deep and resonant, and he read with feeling. Claudia tried to turn off her thoughts of death and focus on the beautiful visions of life in the poems. The tears dried, and she found herself caught up in the images so clearly drawn by his soothing voice.
His scars were too distracting if she watched him read, but if she kept her eyes closed, she could forget and be swept up in the images his rich voice was describing. She found herself smiling. Even though it was only a slight smile, it was still a smile.
Supper was a time of lively conversation for Penelope and Junia. Each had observed delightful sections of coastline that they described with enthusiasm.
Philip enjoyed watching Penelope’s happy face. She’d been much younger the last time she made the coastal voyage, and that made each cliff and gently sloped beach seem totally new to her.
He watched Claudia, too, and he was not as satisfied with his observations. She tried to listen and smile at all the right times, but it was clear her thoughts were elsewhere.
After supper, they all sat for a long while, watching the sunset blaze and then gradually fade.
Claudia was in no hurry to retire. Her bed had become the source of terrifying nightmares of lions and screams and blood. Every night since her father died, the horrible images had come to torment her.
Junia helped Penelope prepare for bed first, then came back out to where Claudia still sat under the canopy in the fading light.
“Are you ready for my help, mistress?”
As much as Claudia hated to retire, there was no choice. “Yes.”
She rose, sighed deeply, and followed Junia to her room.
Philip had remained with Claudia, watching the sky fade from orange to purple. She’d been lost in her thoughts and hadn’t realized he was watching her even more than the sky. What he saw was deeply disturbing. She was a tormented soul.
What could he do to help? She’d probably be angry if she even suspected that the ugly man who’d rescued her from her brother was praying to the God she now hated, asking Him to rescue her from her anguish and give her peace.
It was near midnight when Philip woke again to her muffled sobs. He lay awake for more than an hour, listening to the sound of her breaking heart and praying for her pain to end.
