Relief flooded through Victoria’s veins. ‘Yes, sir, I hadn’t thought of that.’
Molly placed the book she was holding into the box. ‘I’ll go and stand at Alice’s, er Mrs Leybourne’s, counter.’
Mr Leadbetter nodded. ‘I know you three are as thick as thieves, and your thoughts won’t be far away from Mrs Leybourne, but she will be being looked after so please try not to worry.’
Molly giggled. ‘You always say that about us, but we are just really good friends that like to be there for each other.’
Mr Leadbetter chuckled. ‘Yes, that may well be true, but you have all given me cause for concern, at one time or another. Now, let’s get some work done.’ He marched towards a waiting customer.
Victoria watched Molly take herself off to Alice’s counter, realising how lucky they were to have each other. But what about Stephen and Ted and now there was John and her grandparents as well. Victoria turned and pulled another book off the shelf, and without looking at the title or the author she rubbed her rag over it and dropped it into the box. She glanced across at Molly, who was already smiling, as she served a customer. Victoria realised Molly had come a long way in the last couple of years, but she felt as though she was still in the same place. That’s because you haven’t dealt with anything, through to the end. You need to change the way you deal with things and stop running away from everything. Victoria shook her head. ‘It’s no good shouting at me; I’m just going to end up in an asylum, if I keep talking to myself.’
‘You and me, both.’ A young woman’s voice came from behind Victoria.
Victoria’s conscience immediately went quiet, as she turned to see Lily standing there. She frowned. ‘It’s Alice, isn’t it? Is she all right?’
Lily smiled and grabbed Victoria’s hands in hers. ‘Yes, and yes.’
‘Oh, thank God.’
Lily watched the emotions flicker across Victoria’s face, waiting for the penny to drop.
Victoria’s eyes widened. ‘Wait, has Alice had the baby?’
Lily’s face lit up, as she nodded her head.
Victoria gave a nervous laugh; Lily’s hands were grasping hers, and she shook them. ‘Well, what was it, a boy, or a girl?’
Lily giggled. ‘It was a boy; Arthur has a little brother. Isn’t that wonderful?’
Victoria jumped up and down, taking Lily’s arms with her. ‘Have they decided on his name? I think Alice always thought she was having a girl. Does she mind that it’s a boy?’
Lilly laughed, as the questions were fired at her. ‘No, they had girls’ names, but haven’t decided on a boy’s yet. They’re all thrilled, though. I don’t think it mattered to them what it was in the end, as long as it was healthy.’
Victoria took some deep breaths, trying to calm herself down, as she realised they were drawing attention to themselves. ‘That’s true, that is the most important thing.’ Victoria paused, as the news began to sink in. ‘I can’t believe Alice is a wife, and mother of two children.’ Her eyes began to well up.
Lily shook Victoria’s hand. ‘Don’t get upset; your time will come, as indeed will mine, once this damned war is over with.’
Victoria gave Lily a watery smile. ‘I’m not upset, I’m proud. I’m proud of Alice, and everyone around me.’ She hesitated, before continuing. ‘To be honest, I’m not worried about me, and everything else is out of my hands.’
Lily nodded. ‘I know what you mean, but we can try and influence outcomes, by the things that we say and do.’ It was Lily’s turn to hesitate. ‘You know, you could ask Ted to marry you, instead of waiting for him to ask, especially if he feels he has nothing to offer you.’
Colour crept up Victoria’s neck. ‘Oh, I could never do that. He might think I’m desperate.’
Lily shook her head. ‘Or he might think you love him so much, you don’t care about anything else, including what he thinks about you asking him. If the war should have taught us anything, it’s that life is too short, and that what we have can be ripped away from us in a moment. Look at Molly with Tony, and then she nearly lost Andrew as well.’ She paused. ‘Think about what Molly would have missed out on. Think about what Alice would have missed out on; two beautiful boys and a husband who adores her.’
Victoria slowly nodded her head. ‘What about you?’
Lily laughed. ‘I have to find someone first. I’m not madly in love like you are. Grab it with both your hands. If he says no, you don’t have to see him again, but I suspect he will say yes.’ She looked around her. ‘Sorry, I forgot for a moment you were in work, and I don’t want to get you into trouble. I know you all think I’m young and impetuous, but please think about what I said.’ She pulled Victoria towards her and gave her a hug. ‘I’ve got to go, but think about what I said. Oh, can you let Molly know, otherwise I’ll get shot.’
‘I will, and thank you.’
Lily nodded. ‘I almost forgot, but Ma says can you wait and visit Alice tomorrow, so she can get some rest?’
‘Of course.’
Lily waved, as she almost ran towards the door, just avoiding a little girl who came running around the corner, being chased by her mother.
Victoria shook her head. Fancy Lily thinking she should ask Ted to marry her. Whoever heard of such a thing? She smiled. Molly would think it was a good idea, but was she brave enough?
23
Victoria settled into the armchair opposite Daisy, in their basement, covering her legs with a blue blanket. They were down there earlier than usual, under the instruction of the policeman cycling along the road. Mr Leadbetter had mentioned earlier that London hadn’t been bombed for a few weeks, so we were probably due, but she had hoped he was wrong. When she walked home from Charing Cross Road to Percy Street, Victoria had noticed the moon shining through the thin mist that hung in the dark, inky sky. She picked up the knitting needles that were permanently by her chair, for exactly such occasions, wrapping the dark wool around her fingers, in preparation of knitting another pair of socks to send to the frontline. Hopefully, everyone would be safely taking cover in their basements, or the underground stations. ‘I hope the hospital doesn’t get hit; after they bombed that school in Poplar, earlier this year, it makes you realise they don’t care who they kill. Those poor children must have been terrified, and God only knows what the parents must have gone through, when they realised their children had died.’
Daisy nodded. ‘It must have been terrifying for them.’
Victoria clicked her knitting needles together for a moment, before pulling her wool free, to allow her to carry on. ‘I suppose, with Christmas just a week away, we should be making plans. Are you working on Christmas Day?’
‘No.’ Daisy sighed. ‘I am the day after, but I had to do one or the other. To be honest, I haven’t thought about Christmas at all.’
Victoria thinned her lips, for a second. ‘I’m the same, but I keep telling myself Stephen wouldn’t want us to be miserable.’ She rested her knitting on her lap. ‘Molly was saying that Grace has sent her a food parcel, so they have lots of fresh vegetables to eat.’
Daisy beamed. ‘Blimey, that’s worth its weight in gold, that is.’
Victoria laughed. ‘It is. Molly sent her a box of books to read. It’s lovely that they’re staying in touch still, but I suppose that’s friends for you, sometimes they are better than family.’
Daisy stared at her sister. ‘You’re thinking about Brighton, aren’t you?’
Victoria nodded. ‘I don’t understand why our grandfather is so against us, or why we weren’t told about them. I think the money in the box was for John, in case he had to be admitted into hospital.’ She paused. ‘I’ve tried to stop thinking about them, but I can’t let go of it, because I don’t understand, and now I can’t find the diary, which may have held some answers. On top of that, the key is missing from that chest, so we still have no idea what’s inside it. I feel like I’m going round the bend, between John and Ted, and that’s without me admitting something could hav
e happened to Stephen.’ She scowled. ‘And now, Lily thinks I should ask Ted to marry me; whoever heard of such a thing?’
‘Lily’s a modern woman.’ Daisy bit her lip. ‘I shook the chest and it didn’t sound like there was anything in it, to me.’
Victoria raised her eyebrows. ‘I suppose I’ve just got to stop worrying so much. You know, I haven’t even bought any Christmas presents yet.’
‘You work in a bookshop, so that’s one problem solved.’ Daisy gave Victoria a sideways glance, as she pulled her blanket aside and stood up. ‘Look, I have a confession to make, but first you have to promise you won’t be angry with me.’ She paced back and forth, wringing her hands together. ‘It’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now, but I’ve come to the conclusion I’m a coward.’
Confusion flitted across Victoria’s face, as she studied her sister. ‘I’m sure, whatever it is, we’ll be able to cope, so spit it out.’ She placed the knitting needles on the side table, next to her chair.
Daisy perched on the edge of the armchair, clinging tight to the blanket. ‘I want you to understand that, at the time, I thought I was doing the right thing.’ She stopped and peered up, as a familiar rumbling could be heard from above them. ‘It’s now or never, I don’t want to die, knowing I’ve been selfish.’
Victoria could feel the tension that sat between them. She reached out and took Daisy’s hand in hers. ‘I don’t understand. There’s nothing you could do that would come between us, and there’ll be no talk of us dying tonight, thank you.’
Daisy shook her head. ‘You don’t know what I’ve done.’
Fear ran down Victoria’s spine. She held herself rigid. ‘What is it?’
Daisy stood up, glancing over at Victoria with hooded eyes, before lifting the cushion that formed the seat of the chair.
Victoria gasped. ‘Why?’
Daisy allowed her tears to silently fall. She shrugged and shook her head. Her grief held her speechless.
Victoria didn’t take her eyes off the chair that her sister had been sat on. She moved the blanket to one side, before pushing herself out of the chair, unsure about what to do next. ‘Why? You know I’ve been looking for it. I thought it had been thrown away by mistake.’
Daisy sniffed.
Victoria glanced over, as Daisy brushed her fingers across her cheeks. ‘Come here.’ Victoria stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her sister. The crying got louder and she could feel Daisy’s body shaking with the pain of what she had done. ‘It doesn’t matter, it’s not important.’
Daisy lifted her tear stained face. ‘But it does. If I’d given it to you earlier, you would have found John sooner, and maybe, just maybe, we could have had a proper conversation with him. Instead, we’re facing the prospect of him dying, without having got to know us at all.’ She gasped for air. ‘I’ve been so selfish, and I’ve known that for some time, but I just didn’t want to lose you to them.’
Victoria squeezed her sister tight. ‘That would never, ever happen. I’ve told you that already.’
Daisy lifted her head. ‘I know, and since we had that talk, I’ve wanted to give you the diary, but I was too scared to admit what I’d done and the longer it went on, the more difficult it became.’
Victoria shook her head, before giving her sister another hug. ‘The main thing is that you didn’t throw it away. Have you read it?’
Daisy stepped back, rubbing her cheeks, leaving red blotches. ‘No, I felt you should be the one to read it first.’
Victoria closed her eyes for a second, wondering when life had got so complicated. The day your parents died on the train from Brighton, that’s when. She shook away the voice that seemed to be continually with her and glanced over at her sister. ‘We shall read it together.’
*
Daisy and Victoria had sat up all night in the basement, paging through their mother’s diary together, taking it in turns to read extracts, until their candles had died. Victoria could hear her mother’s voice, as they read each entry.
It broke my heart to leave John in Brighton; he’s only three years old, but I need to think of his health. Maybe we’ll be able to bring him home soon. I miss him so much. David’s father doesn’t make it any easier. Doesn’t he know, we would never willingly leave our child with him, or anyone else. The children are so young to be separated. Hopefully, Victoria will soon stop asking when their brother is coming home. I wish I had the answer, she gets so upset about him, maybe it’ll be easier for them if they no longer visit him.
In those few words, Victoria could feel her mother’s pain, and the tears that had marked the paper. She had flicked through to another entry, to find a lock of hair, wrapped in paper and pressed into the spine of the diary.
I’m heartbroken, not knowing when, or if, I’ll ever see my baby again. My father-in-law and husband have had the same argument that brought David to London in the first place. I wonder if he’ll ever accept that David is happy being an architect. I don’t understand why he can’t see that Edward, along with his father Arthur Gettin, has been so good to us. It’s time I started to think about Victoria, Daisy and Stephen, even though I’m desperate to bring John home, before his brother and sisters forget about him.
Victoria read the entry again. She hadn’t realised that Alice’s grandfather and great-grandfather had given her parents a helping hand in some way. She flicked through towards the end of the book, stopping at an entry that had her name all over it.
I am so angry right now. I’ve just discovered Herbert locked my Victoria in the basement for not jumping to it when he told her to. My poor little girl must have been terrified and I wasn’t there to help her. I’ve been told that was how his father punished him, but surely doesn’t that make it worse? Wouldn’t he know how scared she would have been? Instead he told my husband it didn’t do him any harm, it made him into the man he is today. I can’t think about leaving John there for a second longer, it just breaks my heart.
Victoria sucked in her breath as she realised her grandfather was just doing what his father had done to him. He didn’t know how else to behave because everyone was too scared to explain there was another way.
Daisy and Victoria had spent hours searching their minds for memories of John, but hadn’t come up with anything. They both remembered things about Stephen, but not John. In the dead of the night, long after Daisy had given in to the exhaustion they both felt, it dawned on Victoria that Stephen was only a year older than John, so maybe some of her memories were being given to the wrong brother.
Victoria gripped her handbag, not wishing to let the diary out of her grasp, now she had it. While Daisy was asleep, Victoria scribbled a note, donned her thick, woollen winter coat, hat, scarf and gloves, and quietly left the house. The heat in her cheeks was at odds with the cold air that hit and burnt into them. It was early; the air was damp. The streets were still enveloped in darkness, with only the moon to light the pavements that sparkled with the winter frost. The large buildings formed eerie shapes up ahead. It felt like London was still asleep. Victoria fleetingly wondered whether, if it snowed, the bright reflection in a dark sky would help the Germans find their targets. Her heels clipped the pavement, as she paced along. A dog could be heard barking, but she couldn’t tell where it was coming from. Something ran across her path, causing her to squeal in fright. Without realising it, she was in Soho Gardens. She was tempted to sit down for a few minutes, maybe read the diary again, but common sense told her that wouldn’t be a good idea. She needed to be inside, to read. She looked around, knowing this area wasn’t as bomb ravaged as some, although the road and the public house outside the Lyceum Theatre, near Covent Garden, had never really recovered, and neither had the road outside the Bedford Hotel, in Southampton Row. There were now craters and bomb-damaged buildings all over London. From what she’d heard, both north and south of the river had been hit, and probably the whole country, but she had given up reading the newspapers a long time ago; it was all too de
pressing.
Victoria carried on walking, glad to have a day off from Foyles, and had decided to go to the hospital to see Ted, whether he wanted to see her or not. Lily’s words bounded into her head. Could she propose to him? Laughter bubbled to the surface. Alice and Molly would be so shocked, if she told them what Lily had suggested.
‘Morning.’ An old man, pulling a barrow, walked past.
‘Morning.’ Victoria smiled at the man, but that quickly disappeared as she realised there was no point asking Ted, because he would probably never forgive her for not telling him who she was when she first saw him in hospital. How do you know that, if you don’t ask him? a voice screamed in her head. She tightened her lips, when she realised that was the advice she had given Molly. It was time she just got on with it. ‘Everything’s such a mess.’ The swirls of her breath disappeared into the night. ‘I just need to be honest, and if it doesn’t work, at least I know.’
‘You talking to yourself, luvvie?’ A woman’s voice came from behind Victoria.
Victoria blushed as she turned to face the woman.
‘Sorry luvvie, but couldn’t ’elp ’earing yer.’ The woman was leaning on a walking stick, as she shuffled along. ‘Yer need to be careful, ovawise they’ll be locking yer away in one of them there ’omes, and not many come out again, I can tell yer.’
Colour flooded Victoria’s cheeks, as she opened her mouth, but then she shut it again.
The old woman cackled. ‘What I will say is yer should always be ’onest, cos ’e won’t know yer love ’im if yer not, and life’s too short to be messing around.’
Victoria cleared her throat. ‘What makes you think it’s got anything to do with a man?’
Christmas at the Foyles Bookshop (The Foyles Girls) Page 29
