by SJ McCoy
She made a face. “You made it clear that we’re not going to the Boathouse, but where are we going?”
A wave of relief rushed over him. She only wanted to know where they were going to have lunch! That was a bit easier to answer. “Well, when was the last time you got out of town?”
“I don’t know, not for weeks, probably months, now that I think about it. Why? What are you planning?”
“I thought we could go out Route Twenty, hit the mall, have lunch there and maybe do some window shopping. I thought it’d make a nice change.”
She smiled. “And make it a bit easier to go unnoticed by prying eyes?”
“No! I’m not trying to sneak around if that’s what you mean.”
“Don’t worry. If anything, I was thinking that way myself.”
“You’re ashamed to be seen out with me?”
“No. I just don’t want to hear all the opinions about it.”
He blew out a sigh and pulled the truck out into the street. “Yeah, sorry, I didn’t think about that. It’ll be easier for me—I’ll hear how glad everyone is that I’m out with a nice girl like you. You’ll get all the warnings about wasting time with a loser like me.”
“You’re not a loser!”
He chuckled. “I know. I just thought it was a better way to put it than admitting what people are really going to say if they think you’ve fallen for my wicked ways.”
She smiled through pursed lips. “What do you think they’d say?”
He laughed. “That your virtue is at risk.”
She laughed with him. “Who says I’m so virtuous?”
He shot a quick glance over at her. “I do, but I’d love it if you want to prove me wrong.”
She shook her head. “I’m not going to play coy with you—after last night, you’d know it was a lie if I told you that I wouldn’t want to … prove you wrong. But …” She shook her head. “I’m not good at being anything other than straight with people. I’m not interested in being just another girl you’ve slept with.”
He nodded and kept his gaze fixed on the road ahead while he figured out how he should answer that. He wanted to be as honest with her as she was being with him, but that would mean admitting that he was thinking about whether there could be more between them.
He turned to her when she blew out a sigh. “Don’t go all silent on me. If you’re disappointed at me spelling it out like that, you should just turn the truck around. I don’t want to waste your time if that’s all you’re looking for.”
“It’s not! I didn’t answer because I don’t know what to say. I’m tying myself up in knots here, Rox. I don’t know what I’m doing, or where we’re going. I want us to go somewhere, but I don’t know how—what that looks like. You might need to help me out.”
“I wouldn’t know how. In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have much experience with relationships. You’re the expert.”
He chuckled. “That’s my point, I have next to zero experience with relationships. I don’t do them.”
She let out a harsh little laugh. “Come on, you’re always … oh! I see what you mean.”
He nodded. “See. I can’t deny that I get a lot of practice at one thing, but that doesn’t make for a relationship. At least, not in my case. In my case, it’s a way to avoid relationships.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “I can’t say I’ve ever really thought about why before. I don’t have some tragic past or a broken heart that’s made me reluctant to get involved with someone. I just …” Zack’s words came back to him. “I never met anyone who made me want to. Till now.”
He felt her turn to look at him when he added those last two words. He almost wished he could take them back, but he didn’t. It was true, and he was starting to understand that the only way they were going to get anywhere was if he would follow her example and be completely honest with her.
“Why now?”
He laughed. “You need me to spell it out? Because of you. You’re doing weird things to me.”
He could tell she liked that, but she pressed on. “But I’ll say it again; why now? We’ve known each other for a couple of years. I’ve never had this effect on you before.”
“Haven’t you?”
“I have? I’d never have guessed.”
He shrugged. “You shoot me down pretty much every time I open my mouth. I know it’s just banter, but you’ve never exactly been approachable. I didn’t think you had the slightest interest.”
“You didn’t?”
“You did?” His heart was racing again. The way she said it sounded as though she was interested in him and couldn’t believe that he didn’t know it.
She gave him a rueful smile. “Of course! Have you ever met a woman who wasn’t interested in you?”
“Ah.” He was perfectly aware that he was blessed in the looks department. He’d spent most of his life using his looks to his advantage. Hearing that she liked him that way was nice, but it didn’t mean much.
“I told you I haven’t had much experience with relationships—in fact, now that I think about it, my behavior hasn’t been much different than a grade-school kid with a crush. I like you, so I call you out on your behavior all the time.”
He laughed. “Wow. That hadn’t occurred to me.”
“Me neither. But I can see it now. I’m like the quiet kid who has a crush on the popular boy, and who tries to hide it so no one—especially him—realizes and makes fun of her.”
He turned to look over at her. “I’d never make fun of you, Rox. I wish I’d understood.”
“Why? It would have just made things awkward—for both of us.” She shook her head. “It probably still will. I mean, now you know, it’ll be weird when we’re all out, and you go off hooking up.”
He shook his head slowly. “I won’t.”
She laughed at that. “Come on. It’s who you are.”
“It’s who I’ve been. It was never who I planned to be for my whole life.”
“Maybe, but you shouldn’t pin yourself down to changing just because we’re having a heart to heart.”
“I’m not pinning myself down to it. I’m telling you it’s what I want.”
“Maybe it is, right now.” She blew out a sigh. “We should probably slow this down. Who knows what’s going to happen? We might hate each other by the time we get home this afternoon.”
“Maybe.” Logan had a feeling that, far from hating her, he’d like her even more than he did right now, even though that was hard to imagine.
~ ~ ~
“Do you want to have lunch first and then we can take a walk around afterward?”
“Sure.” Roxy didn’t know quite what to think about this little trip to the mall. She was glad that they weren’t going to eat lunch at the Boathouse, where they’d be on full display for the whole town to see, and no doubt gossip about, but coming all the way out here almost made it feel as though they were sneaking around.
She climbed out of the truck and came around to meet Logan in front. He grinned at her. “I’m nervous, Rox. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
He looked almost boyish, and she had to smile. “I say we should just be us. We don’t need to make a big thing out of it. We’ve been around each other enough in the past couple of years. We might not have done much, just the two of us, but it’s no different than most weekends—we hang out and do something.”
“I want it to be different, though.” He offered her his hand.
She looked down at it for a moment and then looked up at him.
He gave her an earnest look. “You can refuse to hold my hand, and we can go in there as friends and just hang out like we always do. Or you can take my hand, and we can step into something new and different.”
Her chest filled with warmth. She loved the idea of stepping into something new and different with him. She took hold of his hand with a smile. “Let’s give it a go.”
It felt strange to walk across the parking lot hand-in-ha
nd with him. Strange, but good. His hand was big and warm wrapped around hers. It felt right. She glanced up at him, and he grinned at her. “I reckon we could get the hang of this, don’t you?”
“Maybe, I like it so far, but there’s a long way between holding hands and …” She didn’t know what she meant to say.
“I know, but I have faith in us. We’re smart, we’ll figure it out.”
She nodded. She’d love to figure out how to be a couple with him. But being a couple was about more than holding hands and making out. It dawned on her that she really didn’t know him that well. She didn’t know what was important to him—what his values were. All she knew was that he joked—and slept around—a lot. He was good to the people that he cared about, but he didn’t seem to care about many.
He held the door open for her when they reached the mall entrance, and a blast of warm air ruffled her hair.
“Do you want to eat at Henri’s?”
She nodded in surprise. She loved that place but thought of it as somewhere for a special evening meal, not just lunch.
He raised an eyebrow at her. “Why do you look so surprised? I thought you liked it there?” He pursed his lips. “Don’t tell me, you thought I was going to treat you to lunch at the food court?”
She tried to hide a smile but didn’t succeed. “In my defense, it is the mall. It’s only lunch.”
He shook his head. “True, but it’s also our first date. Give me a little credit, would you?”
“Sorry.” She did feel bad for underestimating him, but then she felt kind of justified, too. She hadn’t realized that he saw this as a first date. When he’d arrived to pick her up, she hadn’t been sure if this was just a lunch date to set the record straight about last night’s wayward kiss.
“That’s okay. I was about to ask how you could think so little of me, but it doesn’t matter. All I need to know is that you do—and I need to show you who I really am.”
“I’d like that. I think I’ve just painted you as the stereotypical …” She thought better of using the word she’d been thinking—manwhore.
He nodded. “I know. You don’t need to say it. And I suppose it’s fair. It’s who I’ve been. I won’t deny it. But it’s not all I am. You’ll see.”
They’d reached the escalator, which would take them to the second floor where there was a row of upscale restaurants. He put his arm around her as they went up, and she let herself lean against him. She closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the feeling. He was a big guy, solid. His presence felt reassuring. Standing there so close to him made her hope that this could go somewhere. She could happily get used to this.
~ ~ ~
Logan was surprised how much he enjoyed eating lunch with her. She was easy company, and she laughed a lot. He knew that about her, but he rarely got to experience her smiles and laughter directed at him. She joked around with their group of friends, but usually had a sharp word for him. He smiled at the way she’d described it—that she was like a little kid who had a crush and didn’t know what to do with it.
He got to his feet when she returned to their table after visiting the ladies’ room. “Do you want to go shop?”
“Sure. Do you need to get anything, or are we just browsing?”
He shrugged. “Just window shopping.” He didn’t need to buy anything, but he was hoping that she might spot something she liked, and he could buy it for her. He wasn’t sure how the dating thing worked, but he knew that all girls liked gifts.
They spent the next hour wandering through the stores. She made him laugh with her observations about the people around them. When they came to the jewelry store, he tugged her hand and pulled her inside.
She gave him a puzzled look, but he just shrugged. “We’ve looked in every kind of store—why not this one, too?
She nodded and turned to look over the display of necklaces in the window beside her.
“Are you a jewelry kind of girl?”
“Not really. I have a few pieces that I wear, but not all the time.”
He glanced at her ears, she was wearing little gold hoops, nothing fancy.
She smiled. “I do have some crazy earrings, but I save them for nights out.”
It dawned on Logan that he’d never noticed her wearing crazy earrings—or any kind of jewelry, for that matter. It bothered him that he hadn’t taken the time to notice details like that about her. The more time he spent with her, the more he liked her. He was enjoying walking around the mall with her much more than he’d enjoyed spending time with a woman in a long time. And that was saying something about her—in his mind, the mall didn’t compare to the bedroom, and that was where he spent most time with women.
He watched her as she eyed all the trinkets that sparkled under the cleverly positioned lights. He loved that he could tell which ones she liked just by the expression on her face. She moved slowly along, looking at everything.
When she paused, and her eyes widened, he knew something had caught her interest, and came to stand beside her. “What have you spotted?”
She smiled and shook her head. “They’re all so pretty.”
“I know, but you just saw something that you really like.”
She nodded. “You should probably know that I get sentimental sometimes. See that?” She pointed.
“Which one?” It was a display of necklaces with heart pendants.
“The battered one.”
He laughed, understanding exactly which one she meant. It was silver and looked as though it had been hammered to give it what she so rightly called a battered appearance.
“My mom used to wear one after she and my dad got divorced.”
He hesitated, not sure from the way she said it, whether her mom was still around. He didn’t like to ask. He should know that about her. But he didn’t.
She didn’t notice his dilemma. She smiled. “She stopped wearing it after she met Ged. He’s a good guy, they’re married now, and happy. But I remember that battered heart of hers. I used to play with it when I was a kid. It just reminds me how strong she was and how she always used to tell me that hearts can take a hammering, but if they’re full of love, they keep on beating.” She gave him an embarrassed smile. “Sorry, that’s probably too much information, but I love my mom. I’m so proud of how strong she always was for us when we were little, and happy for her that now she has Ged.”
“Has she been with him for a long time? Was he part of your life growing up?”
“She met him in my senior year of high school. My dad left when I was eight. Mom had it hard raising us by herself.”
Logan realized he didn’t even know how many siblings she had. He’d heard those mean girls say that one of them liked her brother, but he didn’t know if there was just the one. “How many of you are there?”
“Just me and my big brother. What about you? You only have older sisters, don’t you?”
“Yeah. Three of them. Much older. I was an oops baby. I came along a lot later.”
Roxy laughed. “An oops baby?”
He smiled. “You know—oops, we’re pregnant again? They were supposed to be too old to have any more kids, and then I came along.”
“I didn’t know that.” She frowned, and he guessed that she was feeling the same way he had a moment ago—wondering whether she should ask if his parents were still around.
“They live in Arizona now. In one of those oldie communities. They love it,” he explained, to save her having to ask.
“It’s weird that I don’t even know that much about you. I knew you grew up here, and I’d heard you mention your sisters, but I’d never asked about your parents before.”
“It’s not so weird. You had no reason to know—just like I had no reason to know about yours. Till now.” He looked at the necklace she’d been admiring. “Do you want it?”
She gave him a puzzled look.
“The necklace.”
“Oh! No. That’s sweet of you. But no. Even if I wanted you to buy me a gif
t—which I don’t—I wouldn’t want it to be a reminder of how much battering a heart can take.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, sorry. I didn’t think of it that way. You’re right. I’d like to get you something, though.”
She shook her head. “No. Thanks. It wouldn’t feel right. Maybe if we get the hang of this and see each other for a while, you can get me something for Christmas.”
He nodded, knowing that he’d screwed that up. “Or maybe just as a surprise, just because.”
“I wouldn’t say no to that either.” She took hold of his hand and led him out of the store. “But for now, I’d rather have an ice cream.”
He smiled as he followed her toward the food court, grateful that she was happy to gloss over the fact that he wasn’t too great at this dating thing and its finer points.
Chapter Eight
Roxy stared out of the truck window on the drive back. The sky was gray and heavy, but she felt as though the sun was shining down on her. She was happy. Their afternoon out had been a lot of fun.
Logan looked over at her. “You’ll get me paranoid, smiling away to yourself like that.”
“Paranoid? About what?”
“You’ve got me thinking that you’re really happy to be going home so you can get shot of me.”
She laughed. “You couldn’t be more wrong. I was smiling about what a nice day it’s been.”
He grinned. “Yeah? I’m glad you think so. I enjoyed it, too.”
She nodded, wondering where it left them. She didn’t have long to wonder.
“So, do you think you could stand to go out with me again?”
“Yeah, I think I could stand it if you can.”
“I was thinking about tonight.”
“Oh.”
“You don’t want to?”
“It’s not that … it’s just. I didn’t expect that.” Her heart sank. She’d been so caught up in enjoying the moment she’d forgotten about reality. She hadn’t been thinking ahead to what might—or might not—happen next.
