Strange Situation The renowned and pivotal experiment created by Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby to study attachment between mothers and toddlers. It involves separating a child from its mother in an unfamiliar environment where the child is likely to feel uncertain or anxious, and coding the child’s emotional response when the mother returns.
symbiosis In psychological theory, a state in which one person is mentally and emotionally fused with another. Originally, for example, it was believed that a baby experienced him- or herself as part of the mother’s body. Growing up was thought to be primarily a process of becoming more and more separate and autonomous. Inability to separate could lead to mental illness. For example, schizophrenia once was seen as the result of being symbiotically fused, usually with one’s mother. The idea is part of the “dependency and closeness are dangerous for your mental health” school of thought. More recent theories question the validity of this concept.
synchrony A state of mutual emotional attunement and responsiveness.
2 Ds A term used to refer to two universal relationship sensitivities or raw spots, namely the sense of being deprived of connection or emotionally starved, and the feeling of being deserted or rejected as unlovable by loved ones. Both result in our feeling alone and vulnerable.
undifferentiated A concept used in family therapy indicating that a person cannot distinguish between feelings and rational thought and is reactive in relationships rather than able to make self-directed choices. The implication is that this person is too dependent on others for his or her sense of self-worth. If a therapist believes that a lack of differentiation is the problem in a distressed relationship, then improvement involves helping the partners to create clear boundaries with each other and focus on making independent decisions.
vasopressin A hormone produced in the brain, closely related to oxytocin, which has similar effects. In research with male prairie voles, vasopressin peaks during arousal and oxytocin peaks during ejaculation. Vasopressin seems to trigger a preference for a particular partner and a tendency to aggressively guard that partner from other suitors. It also appears to trigger more intense parental care.
For more information on EFT or to find a therapist trained in EFT, go to www.eft.ca.
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PART ONE: A New Light on Love
Love — A Revolutionary New View
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PART TWO: Seven Transforming Conversations
Conversation 2: Finding the Raw Spots
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Conversation 4: Hold Me Tight — Engaging and Connecting
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PART THREE: The Power of Hold Me Tight
Healing Traumatic Wounds — The Power of Love
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Ultimate Connection — Love as the Final Frontier
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
DR. SUE JOHNSON is director of the Ottawa (Canada) Couple and Family Institute and International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy as well as professor of clinical psychology at the University of Ottawa and research professor at Alliant University in San Diego, California. She is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association and has received numerous honors for her work, including the Outstanding Contribution to the Field of Couple and Family Therapy award from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and the Research in Family Therapy award from the American Family Therapy Academy. She trains counselors in EFT worldwide and consults to the U.S. and Canadian military and the New York City Fire Department. She lives in Ottawa with her husband, two children, and dog. She adores Gilbert and Sullivan, Monty Python, Argentine tango, and kayaking on Canada’s northern lakes.
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