by Beth Flynn
I laughed at this description. He was smart. That was interesting. I wondered if he had the mean streak I’d seen in the others, especially Grizz.
“So you’re Grunt. I like it. Especially now that I know what it means,” I teased.
“Yeah, I guess it’s easier than ‘Grown Up Runt,’ but it’s kind of an oxymoron if I ever heard one.”
“An oxy what?”
“An oxymoron. Here, look it up,” he said as he tossed me a dictionary.
I didn’t know then, as I innocently perused the dictionary looking for a word I wasn’t sure existed, that I hadn’t been invited to Grunt’s room to listen to records. I’d been invited to Grunt’s room to lose my virginity.
Chapter Ten
Grizz was ready to sleep with me. The problem was he didn’t want to force himself on me. He didn’t want to be the one to cause that initial hurt. I was going to be his, and he didn’t want every time he had sex with me to be a reminder that he’d taken my virginity. So he ordered Grunt to do it.
How he ordered Grunt to do it sickened me, but more than that, I was baffled by it. It would take me awhile to discover the reasoning behind Grizz’s strange request. But as time passed, it would make more sense.
Earlier that day, he’d called Grunt into number four. I don’t know where I was. Probably outside with Gwinny. He told Grunt to bring me into his room that night and slip me some kind of drug to make me pass out, and to take my virginity. But not with his body. He handed some kind of billy-club to Grunt and told him to cover it with some lotion or something and take care of it. He wanted me to be asleep. He didn’t want me to remember it.
Looking back now, it makes sense that Grizz didn’t ask one of the girls to do it. He didn’t want them to know he hadn’t been sleeping with me. As for the comment that no man would ever touch me, he wasn’t thinking of Grunt as a man. Grunt had been there since he was ten. Grizz just didn’t notice that he had grown into a healthy, virile, sixteen year old. He didn’t see Grunt as a threat. As to why Grizz didn’t do it himself, it was simple. He couldn’t bear to hurt me.
So I was there to be drugged and raped by someone I thought was my new friend.
I was getting drowsy. Grunt had offered me a soda earlier and I’d been drinking it as we talked and listened to his records. I didn’t recognize the drowsiness for what it was and stood up and told him I had to go back to number four. I was getting really sleepy.
He stood up and gently grabbed my arm. “Don’t leave yet, Kit. Stay here with me.”
“Why? I don’t think Grizz would like me to take a nap in your room, Grunt.”
He looked uncomfortable then, and I immediately sensed something was up, but I never imagined how deplorable it was.
“Please just sit down. Actually, lay down. You can fall asleep here. It’ll be okay. I promise.”
My senses were on alert and adrenaline kicked in, temporarily killing the buzz.
“What is this? Tell me what’s going on, Grunt. You have to tell me. Oh!” My mind went into overdrive, and I started to panic. “You’re going to kill me in my sleep, aren’t you? He’s decided he doesn’t want me, and he can’t let me leave. I’m going to die tonight, aren’t I?”
“Kit, I’m not going to kill you. Grizz doesn’t want you dead. I want you to sleep because I don’t want you to have an awful memory. Please don’t ask me anymore, just sleep. Trust me. You’re not going to die.” Grunt fisted his hands. “Fuck! I wish he’d handle this himself.”
“Handle what?” I blinked my eyes open, willing myself to stay coherent. “And no, I’m not laying down. Not until you tell me. I’m going to make myself stay awake. You put something in my drink, didn’t you? Well, I didn’t finish it and I’m not going to. You have to tell me.”
He sighed and walked over to his dresser. He pulled out the bottom drawer and removed what looked like some kind of stick. He told me it was an old billy-club. It was on the smallish side and had a strap at one end so it could be held on one’s wrist.
“You’re going to beat me with that stick?” If he was going to kill me it would take a lot of blows. I felt nausea rising in my stomach.
“No Kit. Grizz wants you to lose your virginity tonight. He didn’t want to do it. He told me to do it. With this.” He looked down at what he was holding. His face was flushed.
“And you have to do everything he tells you?” My voice rose.
“What do you think? If you’d just fallen asleep you would’ve woken up a little sore. I would have done my best not to hurt you.”
I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the floor. He just stood in front of the dresser still holding the offensive object. I wasn’t going to be able to stay awake forever. I had to make a decision.
“You do it.” I said to him. “You personally, not with the stick. Please, Grunt. I can’t lose my virginity to something so vile. You do it.”
“He would kill us both if he knew.”
“He’ll never hear it from me. I swear. Please, I can’t stand the thought of you sticking that in me. It’s awful. Please. We’ll never talk about it again after tonight. Please, Grunt.”
He didn’t say anything, so I added, “I’m on birth control so I won’t get pregnant. He’ll never have to know.”
Well, this was certainly something I never expected. Here I was begging to be raped. I still can’t get over the irony of how that happened, but it did.
He walked over to me then, and I stood up. Then he did something I never expected. He hugged me. He held me close to him for almost a full minute. I was shaky on my feet, and he eventually let go.
I started to undo my jeans and he undid his. I laid back on the bed and struggled to pull my pants off. The adrenaline was wearing off, and I was starting to get drowsy again. He helped me pull my jeans and panties down. I knew he took his off too, but I didn’t look. He reached for some hand cream that was on his nightstand and coated himself with it. Again, I didn’t look, but I could tell by his movements.
He was on top of me now and gently spread my legs with his knee. I just looked at him. We made eye contact then, and I said, “Can you call me by my name, just once? Can you call me Ginny?”
“I’ll try not to hurt you,” and then after a pause, he softly whispered, “Ginny.”
“Please. Please tell me your name. I’ll never tell. I swear,” I pleaded.
“I can’t do that. You know that. You shouldn’t have even told me your name.”
I was starting to pass out now. I could feel him slowly entering me. I closed my eyes. I opened them as he entered me fully. I registered some discomfort, a burning sensation, but no real pain.
I was starting to go under again. I quickly opened my eyes in an attempt to stay awake. But to no avail. They were slowly closing. As they were closing for the last time and I was losing consciousness, I was certain I saw tears in his eyes.
And I heard him say, “Tommy. My name is Tommy.”
Chapter Eleven
I don’t know how long it was before I woke up, but when I did, Grizz and Grunt were standing at the foot of the bed talking.
“What the fuck do you mean she was awake? She wasn’t supposed to know anything. Damn it, Grunt!”
“She didn’t drink enough and wanted to go back to your room to go to sleep.”
“So she was awake and felt it. You hurt her?”
“Fuck, I don’t know, Grizz. She was starting to pass out. I don’t know what she’ll remember, if anything.”
I stirred then and realized I’d been covered. I could tell Grunt must have managed to get my underwear back on me. They must have sensed I was awake because they both stopped talking and looked at me at the same time.
“I hate you both,” is all I said.
As I got myself off the bed and reached for my jeans, I noticed Grunt wouldn’t make eye contact with me. Grizz had no problem, though. With an expression on his face that I couldn’t read, he said, “You’ll be okay,” and left the room.
I
wouldn’t look at Grunt as I fidgeted with my jeans. I slipped my feet back into my sandals and said “thanks for the drink” with as much sarcasm as I could muster. I left the room. It was dark out. Exactly how long had I been in Grunt’s room? Well, it didn’t matter now. I’m certain that was one room I would never be seeing again.
I walked toward number four and found myself pausing just as I was ready to open the door. What if Grizz wanted me now? I wasn’t in pain, but I was sore. I closed my eyes, took a breath and opened the door.
He was on the phone when I went in. I saw Gwinny cuddled up in a corner of the couch. I went to check her litter box, and since it didn’t need cleaning, I went to the couch and picked her up.
Something occurred to me. What if I smelled like Grunt? He wore some kind of cologne. I thought he smelled good the few times I’d been around him. I needed to get a shower, but the last thing I wanted to do was take my clothes off anywhere near Grizz. I would just have to do it quickly.
I made a dash for the bedroom quickly shutting the door behind me. Once inside I stripped bare as fast as I could and went into the bathroom and started the shower. When it was warm enough I stepped in and started to wash myself. Just then the bathroom door opened and the shower curtain was pulled aside. I tried to cover myself with my hands. It was Grizz, and he just stared at me.
As far as I know, this was the first time he had seen me naked. What I saw in his eyes scared me to death. It wasn’t a violent look like I remember seeing on Johnny Tillman’s face. It was the look of a man that desired a woman. Grizz didn’t want to hurt me like Johnny, but it was obvious that he wanted me. I just stared back at him.
“You sore?”
“Yes, very. It hurt.”
“You remember then? You were awake?”
“I remember a little. I started falling asleep as it happened.”
That seemed to satisfy him because he didn’t say anything else and left the bathroom. I finished washing and dried off. I went out into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around me and got some clothes out of the dresser. I started to walk back toward the bathroom to change when he said, “You change in front of me from now on. No need to be hiding anything.”
He was letting me get dressed. So what if it was in front of him? I doubt he would be letting me get dressed if he intended to have sex with me.
I slipped my underwear up underneath the towel. Then I struggled to pull a nightshirt over my head while trying to keep the towel up. It wasn’t easy. I was shaky. I don’t know if it was nerves or the drug wearing off. Probably a combination of both. I reluctantly dropped the towel, put on the nightshirt as quickly as I could and went back into the bathroom to brush my teeth and comb my wet hair.
When I came out I noticed a small duffel bag on the bed. What was this? I could hear him talking outside the bedroom. I thought I heard Blue’s voice. Just then, Grizz came back into the bedroom and picked up the duffel bag.
“You have three days to get over being sore. I’ll be back on Wednesday. Blue is in charge. I told him Grunt could take you off the grounds. Same rules apply. You have any notions of getting away from him just know that I will find you, Kit. Have no doubt about that.”
I couldn’t believe it. I was getting a reprieve from sex with him and I was going to be allowed to leave the motel? This was the best thing to happen since he let me keep Gwinny.
“Where are you going?”
“Business.” he said as he walked to the bedroom door.
He stopped and turned around. He walked over to me and lifted my chin up to look in my eyes. He didn’t say anything right away, and I wasn’t sure if he was going to say something or maybe even kiss me.
“What I made Grunt do was for the best. You are never to tell anyone what he did to you. You hear me? And don’t forget Kit, you’re mine. Only mine. And I will have you when I get back.”
With that he kissed me lightly on the forehead, spun around and walked out the bedroom door. As he approached the front door, he yelled back to me, “Don’t forget to feed my dogs,” and then he was gone.
Chapter Twelve
I slept like a baby that night. I’d had number four to myself before, but Grizz was always still nearby. Now I had three whole days to myself. The next morning, I got up and pretty much played housewife. I wouldn’t let myself think about the night before. I pretended I was in my own little apartment as I did all the chores. I had started doing most of them anyway, and I think Chicky and Moe appreciated it, but Willow didn’t. Taking care of Grizz was the one thing she liked to do, though I think she was feeling somewhat self-conscious after losing that front tooth. She visited the pit regularly, but eventually stopped coming by number four. I busied myself with dusting, sweeping, scrubbing the bathroom. One of the units had a washer and dryer. I did some laundry. I even cleaned out the refrigerator.
After an hour and a half I was bored stiff. What was I going to do with myself? I knew Grizz said I could leave the grounds with Grunt, but I didn’t know if I could face him. My feelings were so conflicted.
But the more I thought about it, the madder I got. It occurred to me that maybe the only reason Grizz said I could leave with Grunt was because he didn’t think I would. After all, I’d told them both I hated them when I woke up. That was it. Grizz was certain my hatred wouldn’t let me take him up on the offer to leave. Well, I would show him.
I certainly wasn’t happy with Grunt. I mean, let’s face it. Was I supposed to thank him for “raping me nicely”? It sounded ludicrous. But my boredom and restlessness won out over anger and pride, and I found myself knocking on his door by ten o’clock that morning.
He answered wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. I was speechless. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t Grunt wearing only his jeans. I had never seen him with his shirt off before, and I guess I expected a skinny kid body. He wasn’t big, but he wasn’t skinny by any means. He was toned and had a taut stomach that showed his abs. His arms were not as gigantic as Grizz’s, but they were definitely muscular.
I hadn’t given much notice to Grunt’s looks before, but as I stared I realized he was really a good-looking guy. He was about five foot nine inches tall. I’d say he weighed around a hundred and seventy pounds. He had dark hair and brown eyes that had green flecks. He had a tall forehead like me, which had always been my reason for wearing bangs, but on him, it was nice. For the first time, I noticed two small silver hoop earrings in his left ear. I was certain he’d never worn them before. Grizz had an earring, too. I’d seen guys with earrings at Woodstock, but in the seventies it still wasn’t that common. Especially two.
But what caught my attention the most, though, was his tattoo. Grunt’s arms and neck weren’t covered in tattoos like everybody else’s—even the women. Grunt had one tattoo. It was of a huge bird, its head facing down the side of his right arm, not quite reaching his elbow. Its wings were fanned out down the inside of his arm and across his chest. They were massive and covered most of his chest in a sweeping arrangement. Right below the bird’s wing was a serious scar; I wondered if it was from his childhood abuse.
He didn’t say anything to me, just turned and walked back into the room. I followed and couldn’t help but notice the tattoo continued onto his back. It was like this bird had its wings wrapped around him. It was beautiful.
“Wow. Your tattoo is really nice,” I managed to say. He didn’t answer me but walked over to his stereo and turned it off. I hadn’t noticed anything was even playing. I had been so distracted by his body and tattoo.
He looked at me then. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine I guess.” Before he could say anything else, I added, “Grizz said you could take me out. Off the motel grounds. Did you know that?”
“Blue told me.”
“Will you? Will you take me out somewhere? Anywhere?”
“I don’t know. It could turn bad. Probably not a good idea.”
“Look, I thought we were friends. I thought we made a connection
.”
He raised an eyebrow at this. “Thought you hated me.”
“I thought I did too when I woke up. Look at it from my standpoint, Grunt. I woke up and you and Grizz were standing there. I knew you must have dressed me and covered me up. It was humiliating. But can’t we just forget it and move on? I’m dying to do something. Anything. Please?”
He smiled then and said to give him ten minutes to shower and change. He told me I could look through his albums and put on whatever I wanted.
Grunt had a ton of albums, and I settled on something from Fleetwood Mac. I sat on the edge of the bed and started to look around the room. The first time I was there I was fascinated by the bookshelf and didn’t pay much attention to anything else. Now my eye caught a stack of mail on his nightstand. Mail? He gets mail here?
I could still hear the shower running so I went and picked up the letters. They were all addressed to Michael Freeman. Michael Freeman? That’s his name? I could have sworn I heard a different name when I was losing consciousness. I noticed they all were from different educational institutions and addressed to a post office box in Davie. Davie wasn’t really developed back then. It was more like a little country town for people who loved horses. It was as rural as you were going to get in South Florida and was just east of where I was now. So Davie had a post office and that’s where he got his mail. My mind filed away the information. Interesting.
I didn’t realize the shower had turned off. I didn’t even hear him open the bathroom door and come out. When I realized he was watching me, I jumped and laid the mail back on his nightstand.
“Your real name is Michael Freeman? I thought you said it was—”
“It’s not Michael Freeman,” he said quickly, cutting me off. “It’s an alias, Kit. I needed to have an alias to be able to still exist. I couldn’t use my real name because, well, you know we don’t use real names here, but also because I’m the kid who’s been missing for six years. Probably presumed kidnapped and murdered by the person who killed my family.”
