by Beth Flynn
“What about Grizz, though? Will Grunt be in trouble with him?”
“Don’t know. He’ll have some explaining to do. It’s up to Grizz.”
I didn’t understand. “But aren’t you scared or worried for him? I mean, he’s your brother.”
Blue just shrugged and spooned some more green beans onto his plate. “Grunt’s old enough to face the consequences. He knows what he can and can’t get away with. At some point, you have to let people fight their own battles and take responsibility for their choices.”
That night, as I tucked myself comfortably into the bed in Jan and Blue’s guestroom, I couldn’t help but worry about Grunt. My friend.
It turned out the police did raid Grizz’s rooms that night. If circumstances were different, I might have been rescued. If someone had remembered the girl who went missing was talking to a guy with a motorcycle out in front of the 7-Eleven. If someone had remembered seeing me climb on Monster’s bike, even if they didn’t see his jacket, it might have sparked some recognition in the officers who were combing through Grizz’s rooms. If there was even a hint that I could have been abducted by a motorcycle gang, then the police officers that searched Grizz’s rooms might have noticed some clues.
Like the three county library books sitting on top of the dresser with my brown peace choker draped across them.
Chapter Fifteen
But they didn’t notice. They weren’t looking for a kidnapping victim. They were looking for drugs or some other type of connection to Grizz’s illicit dealings. I wasn’t even on their radar.
The next morning Blue told me he would take me back to the motel before he went to work. It was clear. The police were gone.
Jan made a counter offer. “You know, Kit, you’re welcome to spend the day with us. I mean, Blue has to work, but the boys and I are home by ourselves. We could hang out and lay by the pool while Timmy and Kevin play. Just have some girlfriend time, if you want.”
I looked over at Blue to get his approval. Before he could say a word, Timmy started jumping up and down and yelling, “Kit! Kit can stay with us. Kit can swim in the pool and be here and be friends with mommy!”
Timmy looked like a miniature version of Blue. I glanced at the youngest, Kevin. I imagined this was how Grunt looked at his age. I could definitely see a family resemblance.
I smiled down at them. Grunt never told me he had two adorable nephews. As an only child myself, I was anxious to accept Jan’s offer. But it would be up to Blue.
Blue seemed hesitant at first, but then said, “Sure. I can bring you back tonight or send someone to get you. Just don’t leave the house, okay? We’ve had enough drama.”
He kissed Jan on the lips, then bent down and kissed each child on the head. He then ruffled their hair and went out the door. I didn’t hear the motorcycle start, and I walked over to the front window.
“Surprised, aren’t you?” Jan asked. She must have been reading my mind. “It’s not all about the gang, you know. A lot of them have families, like Blue. It’s not always about the motorcycles, either.”
She nodded at something out the window, and I noticed Blue driving away in a small gold pickup truck. I hadn’t noticed it when we pulled in yesterday.
She smiled at me then and said, “Want to help me get these monsters fed? I have a couple of things to do around the house, and then we can spend the rest of the day out back by the pool.”
I was only too eager to help, and before I knew it, we had fed the boys and cleaned up the kitchen. She told me to watch TV or relax while she did some chores. She took the children in the family room and went to a closet.
“Okay, boys, special toy time,” she said as she pulled what looked like a large laundry bag out of the closet. She proceeded to dump a huge pile of blocks on the floor. Timmy and Kevin were excited. They obviously loved playing with these blocks, and they jumped up and down and clapped. Jan smiled at me. “It’s amazing how just keeping back a little something from them makes it more special. They will spend hours stacking these blocks, knocking them down and then starting all over again.”
I decided I really liked Jan. I asked her if I could help do anything. I’d seen enough TV. I wanted to start some girlfriend time. We spent the morning chatting. We alternated between small chores and spending time with the kids. I would fold laundry while she ironed a couple of Blue’s shirts. I swept the kitchen floor while she emptied the dishwasher. I watered her houseplants while she stripped down the boys’ beds. It was an amicable and comfortable morning. She shared some things with me I should have known but never really gave much thought to.
For instance, I hadn’t paid much attention to the comings and goings of the gang. I was under the assumption almost all of them lived at the motel and their job was whatever gang activities they participated in. I was wrong. The only full-time residents of the motel were Grizz, Grunt, Moe and Chowder.
I interrupted her. “What about Willow? The first night I was there she said something to Grizz about waiting for him in their room.” Jan explained that Willow didn’t live at the motel full-time, but had use of the empty rooms whenever she wanted. They all did.
Chowder was a quiet, unassuming part of the gang. I’d not given him much thought. I’m not sure I ever even heard him speak. No, I wasn’t worried about his tongue. I’m pretty sure he was just a quiet guy. He was a master carpenter by trade, and he was the one responsible for remodeling Grizz’s units. He was the motel handyman and maintenance person. He took care of the yard and anything else that needed fixing—clogged toilets, broken windows, fuse boxes. He even made sure the light bulbs were replaced when they blew out. Of course, it was a rundown old motel, and there was only so much fixing he could do. It wasn’t necessary for him to concern himself with things like the playground equipment, the old gas pumps or the empty, cement pool.
Jan couldn’t tell me a whole lot about Moe. I tried to fish around for information on why she lost her tongue. I wasn’t going to outright ask so I tried dropping subtle hints about my curiosity. Either she didn’t take the bait, didn’t know or decided she wouldn’t be the one to tell me. She breezed over Moe and went right to her favorite of the group: her brother-in-law, Grunt.
Jan was really fond of Grunt. She told me how he had always been welcome to live with her and Blue, but had decided not to. He’d been so young when Blue had brought him to the motel. Blue used to live there then. Grunt was only there a year when Blue met Jan and moved out.
“Wasn’t he worried about leaving his little brother with Grizz?”
“No, never,” Jan said, her pretty brown eyes thoughtful. “Grizz was always good and fair to Grunt. I don’t think Grizz has any family, and just like that kitten of yours he rescued, he watched over Grunt when Blue wasn’t around. Yeah, I heard what happened with the kitten,” she said as I gave her a curious look.
She continued, “Grunt has always been an old soul. I think he’d been disillusioned with domestic life from his home experience and then foster care. I really believe he likes being on his own. But he’s always welcome here. I’ve loved him dearly from the beginning.”
From the little I knew about Grunt, I had to agree with her. An old soul? Delia once told me I was an old soul. I’d never heard anyone else ever called that before.
The chores were finally done and the little ones went down easily for their nap. Jan told me they were only thirteen months apart. They sure were cuties. She took me in the master bedroom and opened a dresser drawer and started pulling out bathing suits. “Let’s find you something to wear,” she said. “Pick out anything you like and try it on. I’ve got my favorite drying over the shower rod. I’ll be out in a few.”
She went into the bathroom and shut the door. I looked through the pile of suits and settled on a yellow bikini that tied at the hips. It was adjustable so it should fit. Jan was tall and slender. I was short and slender, but maybe just a little curvier. I put the bathing suit on. I was tying the straps at my left hip when she came ou
t.
Jan stopped and looked at me. “How old are you again?”
“Fifteen, why?” I was starting to feel a little self-conscious.
“You don’t look fifteen.”
I turned and looked at myself in the mirror over their dresser. I could see what she meant. The bikini bottom fit me perfectly. The top; however, was a little too small. I guess I had a bigger chest than she did and my breasts looked like they were struggling to break free of the yellow fabric.
“You look better in that than I do. You can keep it.”
I thanked her as we got some towels and headed for the backyard. We laid in the sun the rest of the afternoon. Jan left the boy’s bedroom window cracked, and when we heard Timmy and Kevin waking from their nap we went in and made them some lunch. Then we changed them into their swimming trunks and brought them out back. They were too small to go in the built-in pool by themselves, so they played in a little blow-up pool in the grass next to the concrete. When Jan and I wanted to cool off, we each took one in the pool with us.
I really enjoyed myself and was sorry when Blue got home. I guess Jan hadn’t realized the time, because she kept apologizing, saying she was sorry she didn’t think to fix me some dinner before I had to go back to the motel. I told her it was no problem. I had plenty to eat back there. She told Blue she would have dinner ready after he got back from returning me to the motel.
I went into the guest room to change. I was packing my bag when Jan knocked lightly and walked in. I smiled at her and told her I thought I’d gotten everything, but if I forgot something, maybe we could spend another day together and I could get it then. I was smiling at her and waiting for her to say something.
But Jan just stood there in her bathing suit, the towel wrapped tightly around her.
“Blue told me he sees Grunt watching you.” An icy look matched the tone in her voice. “You better not be leading him on. If you do anything, I mean anything, to make Grizz think there is anything between you and Grunt, and he hurts Grunt in any way, I will personally see to it that you suffer.”
I was so shocked by her change in personality, I couldn’t even respond.
She continued, “I know what you think. I’ve seen your kind. You think because you’re with that hulking ape you can get away with anything. Well, just know things don’t last. It won’t be long before Blue is running that show and your ass will be grass then. And if you’re even thinking about telling Grizz we had this conversation? Well, let’s just say, Kit”—she practically spat my name—“that accidents happen all the time. You understand? You know now who you’re dealing with?”
Yeah, I knew who I was dealing with. Psycho woman of the century, that’s who.
I’d had enough drama for one month. I picked my bag up and slung it over one shoulder. Then I looked her right in the eyes and with a tone that said she was nothing more than an ant to be stepped on, I said, “Fuck you, Jan.”
I walked past her, and as I headed down the hallway toward the front door I couldn’t resist one last parting shot.
“You know, Jan,” I said in as sweet a voice as I could muster. “If Blue’s late for supper, I’m sure it’s because he’s getting one of those fantastic blow jobs Chicky is famous for.”
And with that, I picked my helmet up off the bench by the front door and walked out.
Chapter Sixteen
Blue was revving his bike in the driveway. I put my helmet on and jumped on the back. We sped off. I didn’t look back.
It took us almost thirty minutes to get back to the motel, and I battled my inner demons the whole way. Who was that girl who’d spouted profanities at Jan? Did Jan deserve them? Absolutely. Was I the type to deliver them? No way. I didn’t even think curse words. That was not who I was.
As far as the Chicky comment was concerned, I had no idea of her specialties in or out of the bedroom. I made that up. If being with Grizz for one month had this kind of effect on me, what was being with him forever—as he had indicated more than once—going to do to me?
It didn’t matter. I’d had a lapse in judgment brought on by the shock of her sudden change in personality. I certainly was no mental health expert, but it was obvious that she had problems. Poor Timmy and Kevin. Poor Blue. The irony that I was feeling sorry for a man who’d killed his sister and her husband without a second thought wasn’t lost on me.
But then again, maybe Jan didn’t suffer from any mental illness. Maybe she was just a witch. Well, she picked the wrong girl to victimize with her maliciousness and threats. I was no victim. Never had been. Never would be.
I’m certain someone would look at my situation and disagree. I had two major indiscretions in my past. One was letting Johnny Tillman in the front door. The other was climbing on the back of Monster’s bike. But each time, I’d known the risk and made a conscious choice. Both times, my brain had calculated the odds of something bad happening as a result of my choice. I’m not saying they were the right choices or smart ones. But I’m saying I knew the risks I was taking at the time. The odds ended up not being in my favor. I accept that.
I was also not the naïve virgin someone might think. I was sexually inexperienced by choice, yes. But I was definitely educated about the most intimate details of a sexual relationship. Remember, I’d lived with Delia. I had been at Woodstock. I’d seen things there that would make even Grizz blush.
Delia had encouraged me long before Grizz came along to explore my sexuality. She thought I should have a lover. She insisted I go on the pill. Yes, the birth control pill really did help with cramps, but that wasn’t Delia’s motive. I think what she really wanted was for me to be out of the house. The sooner I had a guy in my life, the sooner I wouldn’t be her problem. Well, I guess she got that wish.
Something else occurred to me as Blue and I barreled along Flamingo Road back toward the motel. I wondered if Grizz swooped in and took me when he did not because of Matthew, but because of Delia? Did he realize how flighty she was and that my virginity may have been in peril?
Well, I knew it wasn’t in peril. You might be surprised to know I’d planned on waiting until I was married. I wanted a life completely opposite of the one I had with Delia.
I was also a Christian. No thanks to Delia there, either. I first started going to church with a neighborhood friend, Cathy, when I was in the second grade. Delia loved it because that gave her and Vince Sunday mornings to stay in bed, get high, make love and do whatever else they wanted. Don’t get me wrong, they did that when I was there, too, but maybe she just liked the freedom of Sunday mornings. My absence caused her to forget for a few hours that I was her responsibility.
After a few years, Cathy moved away. I started riding my bike to the closest church in the neighborhood, Sacred Heart. It was a large, impressive Catholic church near my elementary school. I attended Mass every Sunday by myself until the day Monster took me.
No, I wasn’t the type of girl who’d lash out at someone’s crazy wife. Yet I had.
I snapped back into the present as Blue rolled into the motel. I looked for Grizz’s bike. It was still gone. It’s only Tuesday night. I guess he’ll be back tomorrow like he originally said. I think I was actually disappointed that he didn’t return sooner.
Blue let me off the bike first. He got off, too, and was walking me toward number four when he stopped.
“Aw, shit.” He was looking down at his pager.
I kept walking. He followed me into number four and to the phone, dialing a number. I could hear his side of the conversation as I went to the bedroom and started to unpack my things.
“Calm down, Jan. No, she didn’t say anything to me. What did you say to her? Shut the fuck up and tell me what you said.” A pause. “Because I have no doubt that you opened your fucking mouth first.” Another longer pause. “No, Chicky is not going to blow me.”
I moved so I was standing in the bedroom doorway facing him. He glanced over at me as he talked; I couldn’t tell if he was angry with his wife or with me. I
didn’t care. I walked past him and into the small living room and started picking up the remnants of my dinner, which I had left on the coffee table less than twenty-four hours ago.
After some more yelling, Blue hung up. I felt him watching me.
“You wanna tell me?” is all he said.
“Yeah.” I set my bowl on the kitchen counter. “I’ll tell you.”
And I did. I told him everything that was said, word for word. I apologized for the Chicky comment, because I felt some guilt at involving her without her knowledge.
Blue sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “Well, I guess you know the real reason Grunt doesn’t live with us.”
I didn’t respond.
“You gonna tell Grizz?”
“Why wouldn’t I? Sounds to me like with all the precautions this group takes to remain anonymous, your wife is the biggest threat to that.”
“Well, you wouldn’t be telling him something he doesn’t already know.”
This surprised me.
Just then, Moe knocked and walked in. She was holding Gwinny, and Damien and Lucifer were behind her. She motioned to me that she’d already fed them. I thanked her and took Gwinny from her. She left as quickly as she had come in, and the two dogs went with her.
Damien and Lucifer loved Moe. She always brought them in her room and spoiled them with treats. They would even sleep with her sometimes. She let them lay on the bed with her, and they loved that.
After Moe left, I turned back to Blue. I couldn’t tell where I stood with him. And as I looked at him, I decided that, quite frankly, I didn’t care.
I excused myself to go get a shower, and I heard him leave as I went into the bedroom. The shower was long and hot, and I tried to luxuriate in it, doing my best to erase the memories of the past few days: the loss of my virginity, Grunt’s attack on the fence guy, Blue’s psychotic wife.
