4
Seth leaned on the bar, giving the bartender a devilish grin as he asked for another round for the group of us. After a morning of golf and an afternoon at a favorite Japanese restaurant eating our fill, the beers weren’t hitting me. I was still sober, which made all this small talk when I was already mentally preoccupied so much more complicated. Vince, our other buddy, was busy attempting to get a number from a woman further down the bar. And Chad, our super busy friend that rounded out our tight friend group had disappeared for a call from his wife thirty minutes before. Seth raked a hand through the hair that hung in front of his face and exhaled as he slid into the seat beside me. “You okay, man?” he asked, clapping me on the back. And just as suddenly as his hand left my back he breathed in through his teeth. “Fuck. Of course you’re not okay. None of us are. It doesn’t feel right. It’s hard to remember that things are different now.”
“Don’t I know it.” I tipped the beer back, taking a mouthful. “He should be here, conning unsuspecting patrons into bar games or challenging us to a game of pool that he already knows he’ll win.”
“Or talking us into jumping out of an airplane. Again.”
Laughing, I rubbed at the condensation on the side of my dark bottle. “Have you been by his mom’s?”
Seth grinned at the bartender and slid a five across the bar toward her before he turned his attention back to me. “No. The guys and I were going to go Sunday after breakfast. See what they need.”
The guys he referred to were the other two currently busy members of our friend group. I didn’t miss his wince when he said, “The guys and I,”—which did not include me.
“Mind if I come along?” I couldn’t sit in my hotel room on my laptop for the next three days, waiting for the service. Sunday was two days away. I could manage it.
“You sure you want to? I know you’re busy.”
Busy. The word I used far too often with Seth, Vince, Chad, and especially Will. Too busy for the guys’ trip to the Caymans. Too busy to go paragliding, to go cave diving, or to surf in Australia. But the truth of it was that I was in charge of my work schedule, for the most part. I could do those things with them. Instead, I chose to avoid things that were inherently risky—like the trip I’d bailed on at the last minute, Will’s final trip.
Before my mom died, I did everything with them. But becoming essentially orphaned at twenty-two and being dumped with every fucking adult thing I was ill-equipped for had turned me into the dad of the group. It was always, “That sounds fun, but work has been rough lately, so…” The truth was, it was easier to make up bullshit like that than to admit that I was too afraid to take the risk.
“I can come,” I said, avoiding looking at him as I stared into the bottle. Did he and the other guys harbor some resentment toward me for not going on the trip with Will? I wouldn’t blame them if they did. Because I certainly blamed myself.
Vince joined our group, flapping a piece of paper in his hand, a smug grin on his face. “She’s a yoga instructor.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Flexible.”
“It’s only sexy if you’re as flexible,” Seth said and tipped his beer. “Trust me.”
“Her friends are single, Liam.” Vince sandwiched me between him and Seth as he slid on the bar and picked up the beer Seth had bought for him. “And they’re all hot.”
I didn’t even bother glancing over. I wasn’t interested; I wasn’t here for that. And besides, Vince liked temporary things—I didn’t.
“Big surprise,” Vince muttered when I didn’t say anything. He jutted his chin outward and offered a quick wave to the group of women that were on the other end of the bar.
“Come on, Vince,” Seth said, leaning over the bar so he could better see Vince. “We’re not in town to pick up ladies.”
“No shit.” Vince drained his beer and waved for another. “Think I don’t know that?” His shoulders tensed, causing his elbow to bump into me. “Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a distraction. Fuck, we all could.”
“I’m engaged,” Seth reminded him. “And Chad’s married. And Liam—”
“Is still boring. I know.”
I let it roll off my back. Vince was the most abrasive of all of us. Having served three tours in Iraq and Afghanistan only to lose one of his legs in a motorcycle accident on U.S. soil had made him angrier than he’d been when we were younger. Back in high school—and even the early years of college—the five of us had run around town wreaking all kinds of havoc. Will’s parents usually bailed us out—literally or figuratively—but ever since we all graduated and grew up, things were tenser between us than they’d ever been. Vince had gotten angrier. Chad had married and had kids—settling down. Seth had moved across the country, making him physically absent. Will had begun to take bigger risks—crazy, elaborate trips that most people wouldn’t dare to do. And I’d stopped spending time with all of them. Our twice-yearly guy vacations had turned into once a year, and still, I hadn’t joined for most of them.
I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me. After my mom died, Will didn’t leave. He stepped up. And I’d stepped back. From all of them. It was clearly not just a defining moment in my life, but a defining moment for all of our friendships. Seth had moved away after graduation for a job. Vince had gone off to Afghanistan. Chad had married his longtime sweetheart. And I’d quietly and slowly distanced myself from them all—emotionally and physically. I felt like I didn’t even recognize Vince anymore—like I was holding onto him because of our shared memories with Will, but not because I particularly liked him anymore.
And just thinking that made me feel like fucking shit.
“Liam isn’t boring,” Seth said. I’d forgotten Vince had said that. “He’s got responsibilities.”
Vince set his beer down and leaned over the bar, talking to Seth like I wasn’t even here. “Yeah? More than us? Chad’s married and has twin baby Chads, and he’s here. You’re getting married in a month and you live in fucking Maine, but you’re here. Liam isn’t married. Doesn’t have any spawn. Lives the closest to the city. But we had to drag him out here.”
Always the peacemaker, Seth held up his hand, but it was too late. “You didn’t have to drag me anywhere,” I said, quietly. Vince was quick to anger, and his angry voice had led to many bouncers removing us from bars. “If I didn’t want to come out tonight, I wouldn’t.”
Vince scoffed. “Some company you are, peeling off the label of your beer bottle instead of actually talking. Jesus, do you have anything to say?”
I set my jaw. “You think this is easy for me? Will should be here. He should be convincing us to take tequila shots and go off roading in the desert. Am I supposed to act like his absence isn’t all the more obvious right now?”
Something about that made Vince soften. “I don’t know if it’s easy for you. You’ve been M.I.A. for months. You don’t reach out to see how we’re doing. He was our friend too. He was our brother too.”
“I know. That’s why this shit isn’t easy.”
Chad returned, settling down next to Seth. “What’d I miss?”
“Just me getting a number,” Vince said, waving it in front of my face like a flag. “How’s the wife?”
Chad ran a hand over his face and sighed. “Tired. Elijah is having some sleep regressions, he kept her up all night. She’s not thrilled to be caring for two four-month-olds by herself.”
The rest of us nodded like we understood, but we didn’t. None of us were parents, and for the moment, Chad was still the only married one.
As if that was a fact he realized all of a sudden, he turned to Seth. “How about you and Nicole? Going to make a bunch of baby Chapmans?”
“A fucking basketball team,” Seth said with a grin.
“What’s Nicole say about that?” Vince asked.
“That I need to grow a vagina if I want that many.” He laughed and finished his beer. “No, she wants kids. But she’s got to get her masters first. Then we’ll plan.”
At
that, Chad laughed. “Good luck with planning. We planned for one and got two. And now Naomi has moments where she’s like, ‘let’s have a handful of them.’”
“But not tonight,” I quipped.
Chad laughed and shook his head. “Definitely not tonight. Her sister is going to come over so she can hopefully sleep in tomorrow.”
Vince was growing restless at my side. I could tell he was bored by this conversation because Vince had no plans at all to marry and have kids. He’d grown up in a troubled house, his parents constantly having all-out, drag-out fights that usually ended up with the cops at his door. I knew, because for most of my life he had been my neighbor. He was my first best friend, but when Will came along, and then Seth and Chad, we all just sort of became one big unit. Incomplete without all members present.
“What about you, Liam?” Chad asked, settling on his stool and picking up the pub snack bowl. “Any ladies tying you down?”
At that, Vince perked up with a laugh.
“Come on, Vince,” Seth said from beside me. It was a warning, a gentle one, but Vince ignored him and turned to face me.
“Am I wrong? You’ve got no one tying you down. Still boring ol’ Liam Best.”
If Vince and I had been as close as we had years ago, it might’ve hurt to hear him say this shit. But Seth and Chad’s ensuing silence—which I took as their quiet agreement with Vince—hit me. It wasn’t their fault we weren’t as close as we’d once been. It was all me. I’d declined many invites for the last year or so. I’d said no when I should have said yes.
“Is your silence confirmation or are you just going to ignore us again?” Vince was poking me, hoping to get a rise out of me. Of the group of us, Vince and I were the only ones who frequently butted heads.
“I don’t ignore you guys.”
“You don’t exactly reach out. After Chad’s wedding, you ducked out before they even cut the fucking cake. And you missed Seth’s engagement party. And when I had my accident, who drove me to and from physical therapy? Oh, it was Will.”
Vince was on one tonight. I saw Seth’s subtle shake of his head at the bartender when she picked up Vince’s empty beer and gestured for a refill. “You didn’t ask me for rides.”
Vince smacked his fist on the bar, rattling what bottles remained so that we all reached to steady them. “I shouldn’t have to fucking ask, Liam. You know—better than anyone—I didn’t have family helping me.”
He had me there. Shame slid into me, becoming friends with the guilt I’d been carrying.
“And when Will invited you on the trip, you didn’t fucking go.”
There it was. I had been waiting for it. That fact had existed between the four of us in a quiet corner of our brains. We were all conscious of it, but all four of us had tiptoed around it since reuniting.
But there was nothing I could say or do to take back my mistake.
“Maybe we should all get to our rooms,” Chad said, checking his watch. “It’s been a long day for all of us.”
“Just what I thought,” Vince said, ignoring him. “You don’t have some witty remark to that, do you? Boring Liam Best, as I expected.”
“Phone calls and texts work both ways,” I mumbled and shoved my beer away from me. “You haven’t asked how I’ve been doing. As you said, we all lost Will.”
“Well, am I wrong? You don’t have anyone tying you down. You don’t have anything going on in your life.” He pressed a finger to my chest, and Seth and Chad move to potentially pull Vince away if this got bad. “You have no good reason for bailing on us all the time. But still you do.”
Vince and I had gotten into scraps before—including one memorable one in high school over a girl. I’d won, because Will had backed me up. I didn’t have that kind of ammunition now. I knew I needed to get away from Vince before things escalated.
I pulled out my wallet and dropped a couple twenties before moving away without a goodbye.
5
I had a weak moment. That was the only explanation for my confession about what my mom had said to me before I left for Vegas. I blamed the way too strong mojitos for the way my words exploded from of my mouth like I was Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Gross visual, but it’s exactly how I felt.
It started when Bekka had checked in with her and Katy’s mom on the status of Bekka’s three dogs. After video chatting her dogs, Bekka collapsed into the chaise that separated the two bedrooms in our suite. She had a sunburn on her nose and her eyes were bloodshot from a combination of lack of sleep and copious amounts of alcohol. A day spent at a rooftop pool had sounded crazy fun at the time, but it was a miracle that any of us were sober and awake enough to hail our Uber back to the hotel. It was our third day in Vegas, the last night of the trip (praise the Lord), and Bekka was talking about her dogs like she hadn’t seen them in a hundred years. And then she wailed about how overbearing and overprotective her mom was being. Bekka still allowed her mother access to her bank account, which meant Bekka and Katy’s mom had monitored the expenditures of this entire trip so far.
Bekka was past the point of buzzed and full on drunk—crying all over herself about missing the dogs, about her mom calling her every hour. Katy was making reservations at that night’s restaurant—Katy’s choice, naturally—and I cuddled up next to Bekka on the too firm chaise and rested my head against the headrest.
I closed my eyes for a moment, letting Bekka prattle drunkenly on about one of her dogs who got insecure if she wasn’t around him constantly. And another dog that piddled every time the microwave went off—gross—and how her mom wasn’t the most sympathetic to their needs or quirks. And then somehow, the conversation turned to how her mom once put a tracker on Bekka’s car, to make sure Bekka was being safe.
“Do you have a dog?” she asked, gently nudging me.
“I have a brother,” I said, not opening my eyes. “That counts, right? He’s basically a dog.”
Lauren hiccupped a laugh and slid to the floor at the foot of the chaise, her hair spilling over my bare legs. We were all in that post-drinking sleepy phase, and I’d be shocked if any of us made it to dinner at this rate. I could sleep for a week if I had the choice. Sun plus alcohol all day long had that effect on you.
“Is he hot?” Lauren asked, but thanks to her heavy tongue thanks to copious amounts of sangria, it sounded like “he’s snot?” which made me laugh.
“His girlfriends think he is, I guess.”
“He has more than one?” Bekka mumbled, her head finding my shoulder as her breaths evened out.
“Not at once, but there’s hardly ever a break between them.”
“How come you never have a boyfriend?” Bekka asked. “Guys like you. You’re funny and approachable and cool. You have nice shoes.”
I opened one eye to peer at my bare feet. “I don’t like having boyfriends,” I said. “Too much work.”
“Oh, they’re not all work. What’s your type?” Bekka asked.
“In high school, she usually went for older dudes,” Lauren chimed in.
“Really?” This seemed to give Bekka more energy. “I guess that makes sense.”
I scrunched my forehead. “Keane isn’t older. He was in our grade,” I reminded Lauren.
Lauren shifted on the floor, nearly knocking over a lamp in her carelessness. “Yeah, okay, not him. But the teacher.”
My blood instantly ran cold, awakening me yet freezing me still on the spot.
“Oh, you were hot for the teachers?” Katy asked, reminding me she was within hearing distance.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I needed to halt this train before it went off the rails, before I couldn’t lie my way away from it.
“Just one teacher. Uh, the English teacher. What was his name?”
“Speaking of overbearing moms,” I said casually, ignoring Lauren and sitting up so that I could draw Bekka and Lauren’s attention away from the topic Lauren had brought up. “My mom gave me a list of rules before I came here.”
“Really?” Bek
ka asked, her eyes hungry for more. I felt bad for her, that she needed validation that her mom wasn’t the only crazy one. Unfortunately, my mom wasn’t as overbearing and smothering as hers, but I’d embellish what I could if it made Bekka feel better.
“Oh yeah.” I caught Lauren’s eye. “Let’s see if I remember… No sketchy drugs, no getting arrested, no streaking…”
At that last one, Lauren burst out laughing—no doubt wanting to launch into the story of the time I did it, but I barreled on before she could change the course of the conversation again.
“No getting married, and then she threw in a no getting pregnant in there too.”
“That’s it,” Katy said, hanging up the phone and turning fully to us. The three of us shifted to look at her. “That’s your dare.”
We were silent for a minute. “What? I’m not getting pregnant. That’s crazy, even for me.” I didn’t think purposefully bringing a human into the world was great dare material myself, but Katy wasn’t exactly the most level-headed thinker of the group of us. Which wasn’t saying much, considering my list of shenanigans.
“Not that one, duh. We only have one night left. But you could get married. Oh my god, think of how funny that would be.”
Given the mess I’d left behind to come to Vegas, all I could think about was how exceptionally unfunny that was.
When I didn’t say anything, Katy plowed on. “Come on. We need to up the ante on these dares. You’re the only one doing them, and they’ve all been pretty boring.” She looked meaningfully at her sister and Lauren, like it was all their fault for giving me lame dares. “And you’re the only one of us who could get away with it.”
“I’m not sure what you mean by that,” I said. “Get away with it?”
“You’re the one who has the guts to do it,” Lauren said, and I felt a twinge of betrayal from her. Lauren was going along with Katy’s asinine dare? “Bekka is already getting married. I’ve got a boyfriend, so I can’t do it…”
“And no one would want to marry Katy,” Bekka said, shocking all of us. Mentally, I gave Bekka a high five for that not-so-subtle dig at her sister. But that high five fell flat when Bekka continued. “And I agree. It’s our last night. Let’s go out with a bang.”
One Little Dare Page 4
