‘To new friends.’ His voice is playful but his look says something else. He’s grateful, I think, to have finally heard himself say it out loud. ‘Isn’t it funny how you can meet a total stranger and yet immediately feel comfortable with them? Enough to say the things you usually keep hidden away.’
I look directly at him. ‘When will you take that big step forward with your parents?’
He shakes his head. ‘I’m thinking soon, now. Anyway, I can’t put it off for much longer because if I don’t commit then Ollie will think my heart isn’t really in it. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. I simply need to get up the courage to do the deed.’
I can see by the look in his eyes that he cares too much about this guy to risk losing him.
‘And for you? Is there no chance at all for you with Antonio?’
Swallowing the last of my wine, I savour the sweet, yet mellow, notes.
‘None at all. Antonio deserted Rosie and me; he left us with nothing except a mountain of debt. I can never forgive him for that because it’s taken seven years to be rid of the financial worries. But now, at least, I’m free of that.’
He raises his eyebrows. ‘But are you free enough of the past to really move on?’
I shrug my shoulders. ‘That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?’
I’m not ready to talk more about Antonio yet and Harrison can sense that, so he rather diplomatically changes the subject.
‘I don’t know about you, Leah, but I’m going to have to take a nap before I’m ready to tackle tonight’s agenda. Where would you like to eat this evening? Formal, informal … before the show, or after the show?’
Harrison has been so kind and accommodating that I feel the dinner choice should be in his hands.
‘I’m easy. It’s up to you.’
‘The Outdoor Grill by the pool it is, then. I’m in the mood for a big steak and plenty of French fries to set us up for the long night ahead.’
‘Mm, lovely.’
‘Right, let’s go find a taxi and maybe rendezvous at seven, at The Grill? That will give us plenty of time before we head off to the theatre for A Night at the Movies.’
‘Sounds perfect to me. What sort of show is it?’
‘An evening of celebration of some of the biggest hit songs associated with movies. It should be quite nostalgic, by the sound of it. Maybe afterwards we could head for the dancefloor.’
I grimace. ‘Maybe. Or maybe not.’
~
Rosie is having trouble with a homework assignment and I spend the best part of an hour on the phone to her, trying to help her decide how to approach it. The task is to learn a new skill and then write a detailed account about what was involved in the learning process. After throwing out what felt like a couple of dozen ideas, we seem to be going around and around in circles. It’s all ‘I don’t fancy that,’ or ‘It will take too long’ and I think the problem is more that she’s missing me and just doesn’t want to finish our conversation.
Eventually she decides that she’s going to ask Grandma to teach her how to make bread. It’s something my mum has always done and that I took for granted as a child. Rosie seems to perk up once she has a solution with which she’s happy and I remind her that I’ll be home tomorrow evening. I have a quick chat with Mum and then flop down onto the bed to rest for an hour.
It’s a good job that I set my alarm, because I fall into an exceptionally deep sleep. I haven’t dreamt about Antonio for a very long time and it’s a shock when I awaken with a start – his face still in the forefront of my mind. We always said we’d do a cruise one day. But then we said a lot of things that didn’t happen.
Guess it’s time for another trip to the rainforest, with the hope the water will wash away the anger that’s simmering below the surface. I still struggle with the knowledge that I fell in love with a conman really; I saw only what Antonio wanted to show me and that was charm and charisma. I was young and I let my heart overrule my head. Never again, I vow to myself. Never again.
A Night of Stars
I’m a little late and by the time I reach The Grill, Harrison is already waiting. Service is quick and after we’ve eaten we find ourselves with half an hour to spare so he suggests we take a stroll along to the Twilight Bar for a cocktail.
The ship set sail again a couple of hours ago and as we walk a light breeze catches my hair. I tentatively glance over the side and realise just how high up we are. The ship seems to be slicing through the water like a knife, sending out a turbulent trail of white–crested waves. I will admit that it is taking a little time for me to adjust. My legs wobble a little, but I think that’s more about my fear of heights than it is about finding my sea legs. You can hardly feel the ship moving, but then it is perfectly calm and we don’t seem to be travelling very fast at all – it’s surprisingly smooth. There is a slight vibration, like a humming that’s only slightly perceptible, but this evening I’m feeling it. It is a long way down, though, and now is not the time to have one of my hellish moments where vertigo takes over and I freeze. I suck it up in a determined manner, shaking off the moment.
‘That’s some dress, by the way and I recognised it instantly. I, um, looked you up online this afternoon,’ Harrison says.
‘Well, I hope what you read was all good. And you’re looking pretty damn smart, yourself. But then you have a great sense of style, Harrison.’ He pays attention to detail and I like that about him.
He pulls out a bar stool for me and I slip up onto it as elegantly as I can, given that I’m wearing the long silver-grey dress I bought for the awards ceremony.
The barman appears, a broad smile on his face and a cheery, ‘Good evening, what can I get you to drink, guys?’
He places a printed drinks menu in front of us and then fills two sparkling cut-glass tumblers with water. Placing them on coasters bearing the ship’s name, he slides them forward on the countertop. Harrison catches my eye.
‘Wine or a cocktail, Leah?’
The barman is hovering and I’m feeling playful, and quietly confident with my appearance tonight. Besides, I also have a rather good–looking, trustworthy and fun companion so what’s not to enjoy?
‘Surprise me.’
Harrison makes eye contact and laughs. ‘You trust me to order your drink?’ He turns his head to look at the barman. ‘Make that two Sex on the Beach cocktails, please.’
A small smile plays around my lips as I hold in a laugh and the guy clearly thinks there’s something going on between us. He’s trying to act as if he can’t hear the banter. We watch in silence as he turns mixing a drink into a piece of theatre. Tom Cruise eat your heart out; the Hippy Hippy Shakes bar scene from Cocktail has nothing on this guy.
When he places the highball glasses in front of us they’re half-filled with ice and sporting a liquid that is orange on the bottom half and red on the top. With mint leaves, orange segments and a slice of star fruit gracing the edge, it’s a work of art. We watch in amusement as he finishes off by adding a straw and a plastic stirrer sporting a cut–out heart to each glass.
His eyes are trained on us as we take a sip and in tandem our heads tip back, our eyebrows going up in surprise.
‘Hmm, that’s good.’ I manage to get out before I cough to clear my throat and Harrison nods to endorse it. The guy seems pleased and heads down the bar to another customer who has just arrived.
‘What on earth is in this thing? Is it even legal?’ Harrison half-whispers.
I can’t comment as the vodka in it is still catching in the back of my throat. It turns into a bit of a coughing fit and I have to swallow half a glass of water to quell the spasm.
‘Are you okay?’ Harrison asks, looking concerned. ‘I can taste peach schnapps, for sure.’
‘No, it’s the vodka that took my breath away as it’s pretty strong. Hmm … I like it, though.’
He raises his glass and I follow suit.
‘And a virtual slap, Harrison. Did you see that poor
guy’s face when you ordered a Sex on the Beach? He didn’t know where to look when you began flirting with me. And you kept a straight face! Shame on you. I bet you’ve never even had one of these before.’
He’s chuckling away to himself. ‘No, but there’s a first time for everything. I’m usually a G&T sort of guy.’
‘Truthfully, I am enjoying a little banter because it’s been such a long time. I sort of thought I’d lost my touch at being … frothy and frivolous. Or is that simply single and carefree, rather than in mum and breadwinner mode? You’ve reminded me that dating can be fun. Not that we’re dating, of course … oh, you know what I mean.’
Nothing could be more unexpected than sitting here with Harrison and the sound of a string quartet on the deck outside playing the haunting ‘Radioactive’ by Imagine Dragons. We sit in silence throughout the entire song and I know we’re both hating the fact that life is full of a stream of seemingly endless complications. Why can’t it just be easy?
When the music ends he gives me a sly, sideways glance.
‘So are you going to tell me what really happened with Antonio? The bits you’ve been leaving out?’
I focus on stirring my cocktail, my chin sinking to my chest as I try to stifle a sigh.
‘Well, for a start, he wasn’t alone when he disappeared. He took my twin sister, Kelly, with him.’
Harrison recoils as if I’ve just slapped him across the face. ‘He what?’
Hearing myself say those words and seeing his stunned reaction is like a razor-sharp stab to the heart. My seemingly unbreakable link with Kelly was severed that day and now there’s a hole in my heart because it feels like a little piece of me no longer functions.
‘I’m sorry, Leah. I had no idea … I didn’t mean to pry but I sensed there was something more to your story. God, how on earth did you get through that time?’
I have to steel myself to continue this conversation but in a strange way it helps to hear Harrison’s reaction. It has blighted my life for so long and yet, so few people know the full truth.
‘I had to make a pact with myself that the first thing I’d think of every morning when I opened my eyes was Rosie. Knowing I’m a mum keeps me moving forward. But the guilt constantly eats away at me.’
He’s watching me closely, the frown he’s wearing showing a genuine empathy for my loss that day.
‘The guilt? Why would you have any reason to feel guilty for what they did to you?’
‘Because I wasn’t the only one to lose so much that day. Rosie lost a dad and an aunt: Mum and Dad lost a daughter. I knew something wasn’t right with Antonio and, ironically, I was intending to sit down and talk to him that very evening. As for Kelly, well, she’d been avoiding me for a while and it all began after Rosie was born.
‘Shortly after I brought Rosie home from the hospital she told me that I had everything she wanted in life. I hugged her and said it would be her turn next, thinking she was talking about settling down, meeting the right man and starting a family. What she actually meant was that she wanted Antonio for herself.’
Harrison’s expression changes to anger and he vents his exasperation with a harsh sigh.
‘Jealousy is an ugly emotion. You’re the victim in all of this, Leah. It’s ridiculous that you regard yourself in any way as a part of the problem.’
I shake my head, reaching out to touch his arm to calm his look of agitation.
‘I didn’t want to face the fact that things weren’t right between us, Harrison, and that was a failing on my part. Antonio didn’t feel he could be honest with me, so what sort of wife was I?’
He drums his fingers on the countertop. ‘Leah, your thought processes are all mixed up here. Seriously, you need to speak to someone about this. A professional. From where I’m sitting it’s obvious this has left you with an inability to judge yourself fairly. You think you’re lacking in some way because this whole sorry experience has damaged your self-esteem.
‘Antonio chose not to talk to you and, as for your sister, well, I’m sorry but she knew the enormity of what she was doing. I know that’s hard to hear and probably hard to think about, too. That’s why you’re still not over it. You never will be until you get it all out and learn to love yourself again, as much as you love Rosie.’
I’m trembling as I sit here listening to his words and he suddenly throws an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him.
‘Hey, it’s okay. I’m here for you, lovely lady. We can be a crutch for each other, can’t we? You can kick my ass and I’ll kick yours when it’s needed. Now finish that drink and let’s have a fun evening. Life is too short to waste a moment of it and we’re both survivors. Watch out world, that’s all I can say.’
I look at Harrison with gratitude in my eyes and he smiles at me with a gentleness and understanding that makes me feel blessed. I realise that what I needed most wasn’t a romantic interlude but a friend to come into my life and show me the way forward.
‘I’ll enjoy kicking your ass,’ I smile and he tilts his head back and laughs, softly.
~
The entertainment is what you would expect from a West End show in London and is a lavish production. A Night at the Movies celebrates some of the biggest blockbuster films and their songs from the Sixties to the Nineties, which instantly transport you back to the storyline.
People are up on their feet dancing along and clapping to songs like Phil Collins’s ‘Two Hearts’ from Buster and ‘Maniac’ from Flashdance transports us all back to that infamous, on-stage dance scene. Seal’s ‘Kiss from a Rose’ celebrates the unforgettable Batman Forever, while Barbra Streisand’s ‘Evergreen’ recaptures the on-screen magic of A Star is Born. I don’t think there’s one person left sitting when the Bee Gees’ ‘Stayin’ Alive’ strikes up and no one can forget a young John Travolta strutting his stuff. But Lulu’s ‘To Sir with Love’ conjures up another era and it’s good to hear a classic oldie.
There’s a standing ovation at the end and I don’t know who enjoyed it more, Harrison or me.
‘Well, that was amazing and now I’m buzzing. But I’m going to be shattered in the morning, no doubt,’ I admit.
‘How about a walk along the deck before bed? There’s a beautiful sky tonight.’
As the crowd disperses we make our way up to the sports area on deck twelve. Harrison is right, it’s a beautiful, balmy night but there’s a lovely cool breeze coming off the water, making it very pleasant indeed. With a surprisingly light sky and no cloud at all, the three-quarter moon is light enough that only the biggest stars are distinguishable and twinkle like pinpricks on a huge canvas.
Harrison stops to lean on the railing, looking out towards the distant horizon.
‘Don’t mind me if I stand back a little. I have a bit of a fear of heights, I’m afraid. The ship is so huge I can even forget we’re afloat, but the moment I look over the side my legs turn to jelly,’ I admit apologetically.
Harrison immediately pulls back and we begin strolling along together, doing a circuit of the jogging track which is totally empty.
‘It’s almost 2 a.m. but onboard the night is still young.’
‘Well, that might be the case but I’m flagging. One circuit and I need to climb into bed as tomorrow I have a lot of travelling to do. I’m so grateful for meeting you, Harrison, thank you for understanding.’
‘I meant every single word I said earlier on tonight, Leah. I think that we were always destined to be friends and that’s why our paths crossed. The universe gives us what we need to move forward but it’s up to us to recognise that and act upon it.’
I nod in agreement. ‘I feel like I have a constant battle going on inside of me, Harrison and I’m fed up of it.’
He stops in his tracks and I spin around to face him.
‘We’re both capable of getting through that next step in our lives. We deserve to be loved. You get some therapy and I’ll find a way to come out to my parents. Deal? And if we falter we can be there for eac
h other, that listening ear; someone who understands all about living with a nightmare.’
I guess I’d be a real hypocrite if I thought that Harrison’s challenge is any easier than my own, but having therapy and thinking about loving a new someone? Thankfully I’m now too tired to do more than simply drop into bed, as the ship sails onwards to the port of Civitavecchia.
It’s Time to Head Home
I wake just as the ship is docking and I hop out of bed, drawing back the curtains to glance out over the port. There is only one other cruise ship moored up but there’s a wide range of smaller ships and boats as far as the eye can see. Civitavecchia is very spread out and it’s obviously a popular port, being so close to Rome.
In front of the ship is a jetty with a road leading up to a series of car parks. Parallel with that is a massive, off-white stone building. It’s twice as long as the jetty, with an imposing circular tower dominating the centre of it. It’s quite a beautiful building and with the sun glinting on the shiny white vessels all around, as ports go it’s pretty enough to resemble a luxury marina.
I’m conscious I don’t have a lot of time. I did my packing late yesterday afternoon but I still need to put the last-minute things in my case and get myself ready. The shuttle bus will be here at nine-thirty.
It’s just gone 8 a.m. when I make my way to the café to meet Harrison for our last breakfast together. He greets me with a big smile and I really appreciate that he has made this last couple of days an even better experience for me
‘Morning, lovely lady. You look good and rested. Did you sleep well?’
He kisses my cheek and pulls out a chair for me.
‘I did, surprisingly. How about you?’
He grimaces. ‘I spent most of the night having the conversation in my head and every time I stumbled. The words just wouldn’t flow and I kept imagining the look on people’s faces.’
The waitress appears and we order, then settle back in our chairs. I look at him and can feel the battle raging within.
A Greek Affair Page 6
