The whole acting like a grown woman thing deserted me when I got to the building and suddenly feared Caine outright rejecting me by refusing to allow me up to the penthouse.
So I’d called up to Effie instead and explained the situation.
As Caine had warned me, Effie knew we were having an affair. She was also smart enough to know I was angling for more and she also liked me enough to want me for Caine.
Effie was on my side.
It was a small comfort, but one nonetheless.
Effie sighed at my less than inspiring performance of “a woman on a mission to win her man.” “You don’t know that. Now knock on the goddamn door before I do it for you.”
Realizing she would do just that, I pressed the buzzer. As soon as I did, Effie hurried back to her penthouse. She could certainly move for an old lady.
I was still staring after her in amusement when Caine’s door opened.
My head jerked forward and my gaze raked over him. He was unshaven, unkempt, and wearing a black Def Leppard T-shirt and well-worn jeans.
Yum.
“Hey.” I gave him a small wave.
In return he frowned at me but stepped aside to let me in. “What are you doing here?”
His tone was definitely less than welcoming.
I imagined a dozen metal sheets of armor flying across the room and clipping on around my body like Iron Man. I was going to need all the protection I could get to defend against the sting of Caine’s possible rejection. And considering his tone, that rejection was becoming more and more of a possibility.
“I just thought I’d stop by.” I shrugged. My gaze moved to his breakfast bar. It was covered in paperwork.
He’d been working.
“And you never thought to call first?” He stood in front of me with his legs braced and his arms folded over his chest.
Yes, there was absolutely nothing about him that said welcome.
I tried not to flinch. “It’s okay for you to drop by my place unannounced, but it’s not okay for me to do the same thing?”
“Not when you’re here looking for something.” His eyes narrowed. “What, you didn’t hear from me, so you presume the worst? Did you think you’d come over here unannounced and catch me fucking someone else?”
My eyes grew round at the accusation. It seemed to come from nowhere. “Excuse me?” I huffed. “First of all, if that had been my intention I would have come around unannounced in the morning when I would have had a better chance of catching you fucking someone else. And second of all, don’t put whatever jealous, stalkerish, creepy shit that other women have done to you on me. I came around for coffee or sex. Possibly both. Now I’m not in the mood for either.” I threw him a disgusted look and made to stride past him.
Caine wrapped a hand around my upper arm, halting me.
I looked up at him warily.
“I don’t mean to be a bastard, okay? I’m just busy today.” He nodded in the direction of his work.
I pulled gently at my arm, but Caine wouldn’t release me.
He tugged me closer, his eyes warmer. “I really want to fuck you and make you some coffee afterward, but unfortunately I have to get this work done today. There’s tonight, though.” Wickedness glinted in his eyes. “I could come to your place.”
Although my body instantly liquefied at his suggestion, I found some small satisfaction in being able to turn him down. “I can’t tonight. I made plans with an old work colleague.” And I wasn’t lying just to be peevish. Sofie had lost her internship from Benito and had called me looking for sympathy from someone who understood. I’d offered to take her out on the town to take her mind off it for a few hours. “We’re going dancing.”
Caine’s grip tightened imperceptibly. “To a nightclub?”
I gently extricated myself, not sure why the fact that I was going dancing was a cause for concern. “Possibly several.”
Caine stepped back from me. He was shutting down.
I sighed heavily. This visit had not gone at all to plan. “So we’ll talk tomorrow?”
“Sure.”
He was turning away, about to head back to his paperwork, quite ready to forget my existence already, when the impulse to pull him out from whatever wall he’d just slammed up took over me. I placed a hand on his arm and went up on tiptoes to press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. As I pulled back I smiled into his now-arrested face. “Bye, Caine.”
Before I could move away I found myself tugged against him. I let out a little gasp of surprise seconds before his mouth fell on mine.
He wrapped his arms tight around me and kissed me with a passion that flooded molten heat into my blood. I held on for dear life, returning the deep kiss with my own.
It grew hotter and wetter as he crushed me as tight against him as he could. I could feel his hard-on digging into me. My skin flushed into a greater blaze.
When Caine eventually lifted his lips from mine and gently released me, I was too lost in a lust-filled fog to say anything.
The kiss had come out of nowhere.
“We’ll talk later,” Caine said, his words thick with arousal.
“Later,” I croaked, smoothing my hair with trembling fingers.
Satisfaction gleamed in his eyes.
The waitress placed another mojito in front of me and gave me a knowing grin. “From the cute blond in the navy suit by the bar.” She nodded in the bar’s direction.
I glanced over and caught sight of a good-looking guy in said navy suit. As soon as my gaze hit him he smiled and raised his glass to me.
“Ooh, he is cute,” Sofie said, nudging my elbow with hers.
I pushed the drink toward the waitress. “Sorry. Can you take this back?”
She smiled and removed the mojito from our table. “Gotcha.”
“What are you doing?” Sofie narrowed her eyes on me as the waitress walked away. “You just turned that cute guy down. Why? I thought you hadn’t gotten laid in, like, a year and a half.”
I frowned at that calculation, counting back to when I’d last been in a relationship. To my shock I discovered Sofie was right. Before Caine the last guy I’d slept with had been my boyfriend Pete. We’d only dated for three months and the relationship naturally fizzled out because neither of us was that into it.
But yeah, that was eighteen months ago.
The last time I had sex, however, was of course a totally different story.
I sipped the mojito I’d paid for and avoided Sofie’s eyes, pretending to innocently inspect the bar. We were at Brick & Mortar in Cambridge and as always it was packed.
“It was a year and a half ago, right?” Sofie sounded suspicious.
“Mmm-hmm.”
She grabbed my arm, forcing me around to look at her. “Oh my God. Who are you sleeping with? You have to tell me! It will totally take my mind off the fact that I just lost my internship. Please, please, pretty please.”
“All right, all right,” I huffed. “I met someone at work, but I can’t tell you his name because there’s this whole employee fraternization thing, and plus, you know, we’re not serious. It’s just sex.”
Sofie’s eyes were round. “I’ve never done casual sex before. Is it hot?”
I wouldn’t know. There was nothing casual about sex with Caine despite his silent protestations that what was between us was the epitome of casual. “Uh, sure.”
“Wow. Getting engaged young is a good thing, but at the same time I feel like I’m missing out on loads.” She lifted her hand and stared at her simple but pretty engagement ring.
I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Trust me, you’re not.”
She smiled. “So you can’t even give me a clue who it is?”
“Nope.”
Her eyebrows drew together in concentration. “The only person I even know that works there is the man himself, Caine Carraway, but I know it’s not him because he kind of hates you.”
I flinched on the inside but somehow managed to give
a small smile. “Yeah, boy, does he ever.”
“So you’re really going to turn down hot guys all night? Because you’re having a casual fling with someone? I mean …” Sofie looked around. “I’m getting married but I’d still like to dance with someone. Dancing is okay as long as the guy doesn’t get handsy.”
I grinned. “Okay, you find us two nonhandsy guys to dance with and you’re on.”
I hugged Sofie good-bye in the taxi, but she wasn’t done.
“I had so much fun!” she cried. “I missed you so much, Lex. We gotta do this like more. Like a lot more. ’Cause I love you, Lexie.”
I smiled at her drunken affection. “Love you too, babe.”
Relief moved through me when her fiancé, Joe, opened the driver’s door. Although I was tipsy, Sofie was smashed. I’d forgotten what a lightweight she was. After we’d danced the night away in a few bars in Cambridge, changing dance partners when they got too “handsy,” I’d tumbled Sofie into a taxi and had the driver drop her off first even though she lived in Southie. My worry had been that I’d have to carry her into her apartment, but Joe had obviously been keeping an eye out for us.
“Joe!” Sofie cried, her whole face lighting up at the tall, handsome redhead. “I love you, Joe.”
“I love you too, Sofie. I’ll love you even more if you keep it down.” He reached for her, helping her out. He shot me a smile. “Thanks for bringing her home, Alexa. What do I owe you for the cab?”
I shook my head. “It’s on me.”
He smiled gratefully. “On us next time, okay?”
“Sure.”
“Bye.”
“Night.”
“Bye, Lexie!” Sofie shouted, and I laughed as Joe tried unsuccessfully to shush her and half carry her into the house.
As the driver drove back toward my place, I contemplated directing him to Arlington Street. I was still wide-awake and Caine had suggested we get together tonight.
I chewed my lip, thinking it over.
Eventually I decided against it, wishing it could be easier between us, wishing we could trust each other enough not to feel so insecure around each other. For all I knew, Caine didn’t even feel that way. I was probably projecting my neurosis onto him.
He’d been so busy that day that he’d more than likely passed out surrounded by paperwork. I decided he’d be even less amused than he had been earlier if I showed up unannounced again.
It was a shock, then, when I stepped out of the cab and found Caine sitting on my stoop.
I stared at him as the cabdriver pulled away, taken aback to see Caine sitting there in a sweater and jeans, his phone dangling between his hands. He looked like an ordinary guy. A very hot, ordinary guy, obviously, but gone was the impressive, intimidating businessman. Right then Caine was just a guy waiting on his girl.
Except … I wasn’t really his.
“Did you have fun?” he asked quietly in the hush of the very early morning.
“I danced a bit,” I replied, my voice as soft.
He nodded and looked away, staring off into the distance. “Alone?”
I stared at his handsome profile, trying to work out what was going on here. “No,” I admitted.
After a few seconds he looked at me. “May I come up to your apartment?”
In answer I strode toward him, my heels clicking loudly on the sidewalk. Caine stood up as I approached and he held out his hand to help me up the stoop.
I curled my fingers around his, shivering at the slide of skin against skin.
We were silent as I let us into the building, and we were silent as we climbed the stairs to the first floor. We were silent as we walked into my apartment and I locked the door behind us, and we were silent as I threw my purse on the sofa and kicked off my shoes.
No words passed between us at all as Caine reached for me.
The only noise that filled my apartment was the rustling of clothes, the panting of breaths against lips, and our groans as Caine took me hard on the floor of my living room. We were so frantic to have each other that we couldn’t even make it to the sofa, never mind the bedroom.
I was nearing climax when he pinned my hands above my head and stopped thrusting into me.
“Caine?” I gasped, the first word spoken between us since the stoop.
Fierceness tightened his features along with his impending orgasm. Something primal glittered in his gaze, something thrilling but terrifying that I’d never seen there before. “Say you’re mine. Right here, right now, you’re mine,” he growled.
I pushed my hips against his, desperate for him to move again. I was so close. So, so, so close. I whimpered, “Caine.”
“Say it.” He almost slid all the way out of me. “Say you’re mine.”
“I’m yours, I’m yours,” I agreed, barely cognizant of what I was agreeing to. “Please.”
He crushed his mouth over mine and started to pump harder into me.
It wasn’t until long after, after we came in unison, after he picked me up and carried me to bed, and after I woke up in the early hours of the morning to discover he’d left, that I realized what Caine had asked of me.
And if he hadn’t snuck out on me and ignored my call a few hours later, I would have said his caveman request was a turning point.
Maybe it still was.
Or maybe it had him running scared instead.
CHAPTER 16
I didn’t hear from Caine on Sunday at all.
Whether it was the mixed signals—the back–and-forth “I want you, I don’t want you” shit—or the fact that I’d gotten my period, the truth was I was feeling highly emotional about the state of our “relationship.” I even avoided calls from Rachel and I definitely avoided my grandfather’s calls. I knew if I picked up the phone to him that I’d just spew my accusations at him, and I was still wary of the fallout of that confrontation. Until I sorted my feelings out about his part in Caine’s father’s death, I couldn’t talk to him. Instead I did what I’d been good at doing since I discovered the truth—I pushed it to the back of my mind. Instead I thought about Caine and wondered if it was silly and possibly dangerous to my heart to keep seeing him when so far he was showing no signs of wanting to deepen the connection between us.
By the time I walked into work on Monday, my feelings were hurt. Again. I was unsure whether I should let things continue between us. I’d never thought I was a particularly sensitive person, but I guessed Caine had a way of getting under my skin.
I didn’t know what to expect from him when I got into the office, and what I got was Caine being his usual self. He wasn’t cold or impatient, but he wasn’t overly warm either. He was professional and cordial.
Such blah little words.
I, on the other hand … Well, I was distant.
It wasn’t like I’d had any intention of going into work and deliberately throwing a very obvious wall up between us. It just naturally happened. I walked into his office, took in his handsome face, and felt this horrible, jagged melancholy overwhelm me.
The only way not to feel like that was to have as little interaction with him as possible until I had the feeling under control.
“Here are the photocopies you needed,” I said after knocking on Caine’s door.
He waved me in. “Thanks.”
I placed them on his desk, feeling his eyes on my face. “Do you need anything else?”
“May I have another coffee?” he said, his question quiet.
“Of course.” I began to walk away, but he stopped me, calling out my name. “Yes?” I whipped around to face him.
Caine stared at me, his mood seeming contemplative. “Did you have a good Sunday?”
I was surprised by the question. And honestly I didn’t like it. It was a question that reminded me I’d woken up alone, thus ensuring that the rest of my Sunday would be utter crap. There was nothing quite like a guy sneaking out on you after sex to diminish your confidence. “It was fine.”
“Did you do anything n
ice?”
I wept like a dumb-ass little girl when I woke up alone, and then I spent the rest of the day curled up on the sofa feeling bloated, fat, and tired, as is normal on the first day of my period. I also ate a ton of chocolate. But that part was nice. “I did.” I moved to walk out and he called my name again.
I looked back at him, exuding calm and patience. “Yes?”
“So, what did you do?”
“I hung out. Let me get that coffee for you.”
Upon my returning with his coffee, Caine halted me again by wrapping his hand around my wrist as I placed his coffee on his desk. He seemed troubled.
“Is everything okay, Lexie?” His fingers tightened their grip.
“Everything is fine.” I shrugged and gently pried my hand from his hold.
“You would tell me otherwise?”
“Of course.” At that bald-faced lie I walked out, but I could feel Caine watching me the whole time.
By the time I got back to my desk, I exhaled, letting go of all the air I’d been holding in in his presence.
It was pretty easy to avoid Caine after that, because he was busy with a couple of conference calls. I was buried with work, which took my mind off how I was feeling. Part of me felt more in control being distant with Caine, but there was another part of me that wished my period would fuck off so I could return to my more rational, easygoing self. I had to keep reminding myself that as far as Caine was concerned this was just sex, and I’d agreed with him. Just sex meant emotional distance and I needed to get used to that.
For at least an hour I wasn’t really thinking about the state of things between me and Caine, but that all changed when Security called up to announce a Darcy Hale had arrived hoping to catch a moment with my boss. I had never heard of her, but when I checked in with Caine he recognized the name and told me to let her up.
When the tall, elegant blonde sashayed down the corridor toward me, it took everything within me not to narrow my eyes in suspicion. Everything about her was sophisticated, from her wide-tailored dove gray trousers and cream silk camisole, to the stylish black Gucci sunglasses sitting perched on top of her head. Her blond hair was pulled back sleekly in a high-fashion ponytail that accentuated her sharp bone structure.
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