by Willa Okati
Again, a kiss. “I know.”
Gavin tweaked Ford’s hair, wanting him to lie still. He needed to spin the lazy peace of this moment out just a little longer. Even with him gone, Gavin could still feel where Ford had been inside. Open, you leave me so open. Inside as well as out. Vulnerable. Gavin curled on his side, hoping Ford would take the hint and follow suit.
He supposed he didn’t have to ask. Ford would be the sort of man who spooned. Ford certainly settled in with a deeply contented sigh and wrapped himself around Gavin without complaint, holding him tight.
They fit together.
Maybe I’m starting to understand a little, Gavin thought, pillowing his head on Ford’s arm. For Donny, nothing had ever quite good enough, bright enough, exhilarating enough, and he’d run hell-bent for leather after the next mountain he saw. Always searching for happiness.
Ford lived his life as if he’d already found that good place.
Gavin pushed back against the comforting wall Ford made behind him and sighed. A night to remember, for certain. He didn’t know if there was such a thing as perfection, but if it existed, this was close. Fucked, adored, appreciated, cuddled. Treated like he was something special.
The trouble with perfection, though, was that Gavin knew it to be as fragile as a rose spun out of glass. He lay very still, afraid to break it with a word or even a breath.
Ford tucked his chin over Gavin’s shoulder. “Gotta ask,” he said, so deliberately casual Gavin knew it had to be the warm-up to a joke. “Was it good for you too?”
Gavin couldn’t help it. He laughed.
* * *
Ford couldn’t stop wanting to look. So much of Gavin had been laid bare for him to see, to care for.
Gavin curled up tight against him, the tension he always carried between his shoulders relaxed and the loll of his head on Ford’s arm almost boyish. Ford traced a line of sight down Gavin’s slim neck, the graceful arch of his spine, and -- Oh, hello. Granted, Ford had checked the heck out of Gavin’s ass before he had gotten up close and personal with it, but it hadn’t sunk in until now that Gavin did have one gorgeous ba-donk-a-donk. Round and firm, a perfect bubble that Ford wanted to take a bite out of.
Ford hummed in appreciation. If Gavin was ever willing, Ford would love to take it from him just so he could rest his feet on Gavin’s pretty ass, shaped just so by nature for that exact purpose.
Gavin stirred in his arms. “What?”
Ford pulled Gavin around, willing to bet his grumbling was just for show, then sure of it when Gavin lay fully on the side facing him. His eyes were still languid and dreamy, the roses in his cheeks from good old-fashioned exertion instead of shyness, and his smile…
Ford traced the Cupid’s bow of Gavin’s lips. Gavin watched him indulgently. “What?”
“You never did answer, but I guess it was good for you after all, hmm?”
“If you even have to ask --”
“C’mon,” Ford coaxed. “Say it.”
“You just want to hear me laugh again.” Gavin’s smile widened. Ford loved the way Gavin stared at him now. Still a dash of confusion, Gavin’s way of trying to figure out what the heck made Ford tick, but mostly just with dark sensuality. Ford would go so far as to say he looked happy.
Ford didn’t expect Gavin to answer, but Gavin surprised him again. “Yes,” Gavin said, though he tucked his face to Ford’s chest and hung on too tightly to be lifted up again. “Good. Better than… I don’t know. Just better than. Best.”
Ford hugged Gavin back as tightly as Gavin clung to him, and wished he never had to let go.
The flickering light of the candle burning down cast shadows on Gavin’s face, bringing him in and out of chiaroscuro. Ford glanced up to check the candle; if it came close to burning out, he’d have to go rummage for another, and he didn’t want to leave Gavin’s side.
He hadn’t looked at the candle earlier, not really. Better things to focus on at the time, right? Now, when Ford got a clear look at the pillar, he could see the color of the wax and smell pine. Green. Forever green.
Ford massaged Gavin’s back almost absently as he watched the candle flame dance. The green of the candle? An omen, no doubt about it. And where there was one, others followed fast on its heels. Usually in threes and sevens.
Hoping Gavin wouldn’t notice his distraction, Ford searched the room for anything else that would clue him in to what the big picture might mean.
Nothing at first. No problem. Just had to look a little harder. Hmm. The bedroom had a small window, unadorned by any curtains, blinds left with the slats open enough to see through. Birds flew past, hard to count at this time of night. He had to count flashes of reflected light from their eyes and the sound of their winds as they passed.
One. Two. Three. Four. Four for a wedding.
Ford caught his breath. Apparently unaware of what Ford was doing, Gavin had begun to trace idle patterns on Ford’s chest. Mostly squiggles, twirls without meaning, but always leading their way up to his heart.
And there, on the ceiling. A trick of the burning candle cast the shadow of a perfect circle within a circle, like two rings linked together.
The signs never lied. A green candle. Four for a wedding. Gavin’s shy touch that led from Gavin’s heart to his own, beating faster as his excitement grew. The linked rings on the ceiling.
Ford knew what he had to do. “Sh, lie there,” he soothed Gavin when he slid out of bed. “I’m not going far.”
Gavin frowned sleepily at him, then sighed in a resigned sort of way. Ford could tell Gavin didn’t believe him. Well, he’d just have to prove that assumption wrong. Now.
Given his height and the relative closeness of Gavin’s bed to the ground, Ford could still get down on one knee and reach to capture Gavin’s hand between both of his. He liked Gavin this way, pliant, perplexed, and sleepily indulgent at the same time.
“I love you,” Ford said. “You can believe that because it’s true.”
“Ford…”
“I feel what I feel. I. Love. You.”
Gavin shook his head. He didn’t rebut Ford this time. He could have chosen to look at that as resigned acceptance of not winning the argument, but Ford preferred to see it as an even better sign.
Ford thought Gavin might even have started to believe him.
“There’s something I want to tell you,” Ford said, keeping a firm hold on Gavin’s hand. “And ask you too.”
Gavin grew very still. Ford could see him listening with every ounce of concentration he had, still more focus returning as fast as the birds had flown by.
“Before the elevator, I’d known that something wonderful was going to happen that day. It was true. I met you.”
Gavin’s color darkened. “Because of an omen.”
Ford shifted so that he could balance on one knee without letting go of Gavin. The light shone over both of them for one perfect, golden moment. Yes, Gavin’s eyes were wet, his lashes spiky, but nothing spilling over. Yet.
“Yes.”
Gavin snorted. Ford expected laughter, maybe a little scoffing. Not the sharp viciousness with which he pounded his pillow, a thud that startled Ford into flinching away from him. “Ford. For God’s sake.” Gavin sat up, weary and wary all over again. “Don’t you get that it’s all crap? You make it all up as you go along. It’s not real.”
The hurt sank deep. “But… it is.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because it’s true.” Ford reached for Gavin, soothing himself by caressing Gavin’s smooth, soft skin. “It’s true that something wonderful happened when you came down that elevator.”
The candle flame flared brighter. The linked rings on the ceiling began to lose their shape. Uh-oh. Ford plunged in.
Maybe too fast, and not wisely but too well.
“Gavin, I saw something else before you got off the elevator.”
Gavin’s eyebrows drew together. In silence.
Ford took a deep breath. Here
it was -- the moment he’d been waiting for, and one he was sure he wanted with all his heart. “This is what I saw, and what I’ve wished a dozen times before now I could go ahead and ask.” He kissed Gavin once more for luck before settling back down on one knee. “Gavin Yamea, will you marry me?”
If Ford had thought Gavin had gone still before, he’d have been wrong. Barely breathing, he didn’t move, and underneath his freckles, he had gone as white as marble. Only his eyes were still alive, open, staring directly at Ford. So happy he couldn’t speak? Ford hoped so.
The yellow flame of the candle flared high. Uh-oh. Gavin pulled away from Ford with a rough jerk and stared, and his eyes weren’t wet at all now. They were angry.
Chapter Five
“No? He said no?” Kayla almost dropped her plastic cup of bubble tea.
“And then he -- well, he didn’t exactly kick me out. More like he pushed me away so hard here” -- Ford tapped his heart -- “that the rest of me got yanked along in the undertow. Before I knew it, I was out in the hallway in my underwear with one shoe on and most of the rest of my suit in my hands, trying to figure out what the heck just happened and where I went wrong.”
Kayla hugged him. “Ford, that sucks. I’m sorry.”
Ford hunched deeper into the windbreaker he’d put on to protect him from morning wind chill. Even in the summer, the early hours in the region could be surprisingly cold. Not to mention he felt a wee bit vulnerable after the unmitigated disaster that’d ended last night.
He hadn’t planned to end up meeting her near the museum, a chance encounter in passing. He’d meant to keep his distance until he got it straightened out in his head. Figured out how he’d read the signs wrong. He must have somewhere.
Too much introspection was never a great way to spend the time, though. Meeting Kayla turned out to be like finding a lucky penny all over again. A good sign. Made him feel better after an hour or two of looking up and not seeing Gavin on the terrace.
“After I asked him to marry me… That silence, Kayla. It was the loudest thing I ever heard. All the signs were there. I thought I knew. Besides, the sex… oh my God, Kayla -- the sex was --”
Kayla waved fast and frantic at him. “Single here! Unless you want me to sneak in and plant video cameras, stop teasing me. A vibrator’s only good for so much.”
Ford almost brought bubble tea up and out through his nose. Kayla grinned at him, unrepentant. “Made you smile.”
“That you did.” Ford gave her a one-armed hug that sent him overbalancing into the bike rack, which was luckily sturdy enough to bear his body weight.
He poked his straw through his own cup of bubble tea, squishing the little blobs of tapioca gel “I can’t stop wondering if… What if that was all he wanted? I mean, it fits. He didn’t want to hear ‘I love you.’ When I asked him to marry me…”
“Ford?” Kayla dodged around to stand in front of him, blocking off his avenue of escape. “I say this with a sisterly affection, so listen up, okay?”
Ford nodded.
“You’re a moron sometimes.”
“Ouch,” Ford said, that little lance crossing messily over the already tender hurt in his heart.
“Let me finish.” Kayla poked him in the chest. “I said it with love. Remember that. All those signs you listed?”
“Yeah?”
She raised her shoulders. “Call me crazy, but I think those were signs for you, dum-dum. Not for him. Say it again: what did you see when you looked at him?”
Yellow, the flaring of the flame. Ford tried to scowl at her. “Don’t go getting better at this than I am.”
Kayla laughed, her natural sunniness replacing the severity she’d put on long enough to get her point across. “Nope. But look at it this way: you made a believer out of me. Give Gavin some time. Give yourself some time. Oh, I’ve got it! Look for something blue.”
“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue?” Ford liked the sound of that. “And yellow and blue make green, right?”
Kayla poked him again. Ow. Sharp fingers on that one. “Gavin is not a Ziploc.”
“That much I did notice.” Impulsive and feeling free to indulge that side of himself, Ford smooched Kayla on the forehead and tousled her hair. “Thanks.”
“What are friends for? Just be yourself, Ford, and don’t give up. He’ll come around. I’m sure of it.”
Ford had to ask. “How?”
“Because you made a believer out of me, brother. Because whatever it is you’re seeing, it’s true. Or it will be. You’re a walking, talking fairy tale. You’ll get your happy-ever-after.”
“If you make a six-foot-nine man cry on a public sidewalk, I’ll blame the eternal loss of my man card on you.” Ford picked Kayla up and swung her around in a circle. She squealed and beat at him with her tiny fists, but he didn’t let go before he made sure she was good and dizzy.
“Thanks. Now you’re going to have to carry me to my next delivery,” Kayla said, wobbling on her feet. She’d dropped her bubble tea. So had Ford, leaping without looking. Oops. “And you owe me a refreshing beverage.”
“Hot cocoa?”
Kayla beamed at him. “A man after my own heart.”
Just for one second -- one traitorous second -- Ford kind of wished he’d fallen for Kayla instead. Life would be so much simpler then.
Ford pushed that thought as far and as firmly away as possible. Difficult as it might be and as high a hill as it’d be to pedal his way up to Gavin, getting there would be worth it. Gavin was still the man he was meant to marry.
He hoped.
For the first time in his life, Ford found himself… unsure. There was a strangeness in Gavin that Ford didn’t like. With it came the return of a thought that’d kept him awake the night before: what if he had read the signs wrong? And now, with what Kayla warned him of -- did caution mean this uneasy doubt was all part of the challenge? Or was it just the new strangeness of uncertainty?
Don’t go there, man. Keep the faith. Ford shook that off -- with effort -- and teased Kayla to distract himself. “You said something about me carrying you?”
Kayla snorted. Ford did like an unladylike lady. In a platonic sense. “Right. Just hold me still for a minute until I get my balance back.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” Ford crouched down leapfrog-style and wiggled his shoulders. “Hop on.”
“You’re not serious.”
“Absolutely! All aboard.”
Kayla hesitated, but Ford could see just how much she wanted to. “I’m not exactly a rag doll.”
That was another thing Ford didn’t get about women. Kayla had some nice curves that even Ford could appreciate from a purely aesthetic standpoint. She probably thought she was fat. Not so. They’d invented the phrase “pleasantly plump” for women like her. Pleasantly or not, did she honestly think she’d be too heavy? Pshaw.
“You’re a hummingbird,” he said, remembering with renewed fondness Gavin’s adorable puzzling over what kind of animal he was. “C’mon. I promise I won’t drop you.”
“I’m a what, now? And I’m not paying your chiropractor bills.” Kayla made up her mind and vaulted onto Ford’s back. Totally negligible weight; he could barely tell she was there, though she had to spread and cling like a spider monkey to stay on board. Ford helped out by catching her ankles and letting her wrap her arms around his neck.
Kayla risked losing her balance to tweak his ear after Ford had explained the animal-comparison thing. “Dork.”
“So it’s been said.”
She clung tighter, indeed hugging him around the neck. “One good turn deserves another. After what you’ve told me about Gavin, I’d say you’re making progress. You’ve already gotten to him, inside his head. The journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. Also, he came pretty close. You’re a dromedary.”
“Say again?”
“Dromedary. You know, a camel. Humps, humps.” Kayla hugged him when Ford cracked up.
&
nbsp; “So you’re saying I’m a giant, Bedouin-carrying, spitting desert beast of burden-slash-nymphomaniac? There’s a mental image for you.” Ford bounced her.
Kayla squealed. “You promised you wouldn’t drop me!”
“And I’m a man of my word. But hold on tight, missy. I feel like going for a run.”
“Ford! No, Ford, no -- Oh my God, whee!” Kayla hung on for all she was worth and squealed in his ear when Ford picked up the pace.
He didn’t mean to look up at the sun instead of the sidewalk in front of him. But when he did --
Gavin. On the terrace, balanced on the edge, one leg out over the street and one safely inside to keep him anchored. Oh. Ford saw it now. An omen as clear as the skies above. Kayla had been right. Gavin was on the fence. Time. Time and patience, and someday Gavin would learn to step out and fly without diving back into his private nest.
All disappointment forgotten, Ford slowed long enough to wave up at Gavin. He didn’t really expect anything in return.
But Gavin waved at him. Tiny but there. And although Gavin was far too high up for Ford to be sure, he thought Gavin might just have been losing the battle against one of his small, sweet smiles.
Chalk another one up for Kayla. Luckiest sign ever, running into her today exactly when he’d needed both a boost and a good kick in the ass.
There was still hope. Now all he had to do was figure out a way back inside Gavin’s shell. Hmm. Where to start, where to start…
* * *
Ford knew what he had in mind wasn’t the way most men would go about winning back a skittish lover. Then again, Ford guessed he never had been great about doing things by the book. As long as he reached his destination, he’d take any road that’d lead him there.
So when he passed by the tiny shop window on his way from delivery to delivery, and an even tinier display grabbed his attention, Ford saw no reason not to give in to impulse. Besides, the idea that display gave him? Ingenuity like that had to be a sign, a good one -- and frankly Ford was on the lookout for as many of those as he could find.
