by Willa Okati
“Do you believe in magic?”
Ford’s hands flexed around Oscar’s box. “Gavin.” The working of his throat; the hope and fear in those two small syllables.
Gavin took another step. “Do you believe in luck?”
Ford sat -- white, still, watching -- lips parted.
“Do you believe in omens? Do you believe in signs?” Gavin climbed a step with each question, each one bringing him closer. He didn’t bother with the safety rail. If he fell, Ford would catch him.
But he wouldn’t fall. The rain stopped, cool air sweeping in after it, washing away the smell of the storm.
Gavin saw the omen in that. He believed.
He stepped up closer, close enough to notice the fine tremors in Ford’s hands. So strange to see a man Ford’s size shaking. And to be brought there by a man like Gavin.
That’s the thing, though. Love is the great equalizer. It doesn’t matter who we are or how tall we stand. It brings us together like sea to shore. It brings us home.
Gavin could have reached out and touched Ford if he’d wanted to, but… not yet. He had to gather his own strength now, a handful from deep inside, and he had to look Ford in the eyes.
“Do you believe in love at first sight?”
“Gavin.” Ford sounded broken. Not in a way that couldn’t be mended, and well, Gavin was good with mending rare things. “My God, Gavin --”
Gavin touched the tips of his fingers to Ford’s lips. Warm and cold at the same time. Strange how much taller he felt, even though now when Ford sat and Gavin stood two steps below they were on eye level.
Ford fell silent, waiting. Watching, not quite daring to hope. Silly, stupid buck. Gavin had meant to move back -- he wasn’t done, but instead he took over the touch that’d done him in before, the backs of his knuckles drawn as light as a bird’s wing over Ford’s cheek.
Ford turned into the touch, his eyes closing.
“Ford,” Gavin said, keeping him there. He needed to say all of this. Ford needed to hear it.
Ford looked at him, the hope growing there almost too much to be borne. Gavin shouldered it without thinking about a protest.
He climbed the last step and stood over Ford, bent above him, his head atop Ford’s, and Oscar’s box digging into his legs and Oscar purring inside and Ford’s arms going around him, long enough to reach no matter what.
“Understand this. I love you.”
Color drained from Ford. “You love me?”
“Idiot. Yes. Of course I do. And I will always love you. And you cannot make me love you less if you’re afraid. If you run, I come after you. That’s how this works.”
“God, Gavin…” Ford held him by the wrist, swallowing him with the differences in their size, hanging on. Made Gavin’s arm ache, but it was a good, deep burn. “Gavin --”
“I love you.” The slurry of a rainy city night had never mattered less. Gavin trusted in Ford in catch him, and as Ford tried to pull him up, he let himself fall.
Fall, down to his knee, and then it was he who wouldn’t let go. Held on, to keep Ford with him.
“I love you,” Gavin said, as crystal clear as the strike of a hammer against a bell. “I always will. Ford… Ford, marry me. Please.”
And Ford -- that amazing, annoying, wonderful man -- began to laugh.
* * *
Below him -- so far below, too far below -- Gavin bristled up. He didn’t let go. God, Gavin, if you knew…
Maybe you do.
Gavin’s short-clipped nails, ragged tonight -- what had he done to those poor hands? -- dug into Ford’s hand. “What could you possibly find funny here?”
“You,” Ford said, helpless against the relief, the hope, the everything that had blown away the Jonah wind and everything else since that first wrong turn. He went to his knees in front of Gavin because he couldn’t look down on Gavin. Not in any sense. “You. Me. Life’s so damn funny.”
The hesitant but not annoyed smile Ford loved best teased its way onto Gavin’s lips. He put his arm around Ford’s neck and drew them closer. “Ford, I love you, but you’re not right in the head.”
So earnest. So adorable. So loved.
No more doubts. Ford pressed his forehead to Gavin’s and rolled their heads together. He let himself play with the soft, almost curly ends of hair that Gavin had let grow out since they’d met.
Gavin sighed. Small, content, nearly a purr. “I loved you for a long time,” he said. “I just didn’t know it. Guess everything does happen for a reason.”
Ford couldn’t speak. To hear Gavin say that…
Gavin moved to rest his head on Ford’s shoulder; that was okay. Ford had big, broad shoulders made for this; he saw that now. Resting places where Gavin belonged. “I love you,” he said, his lips against Ford’s throat. “All of you.”
Ford kissed him, the top of his head. Then, because he had to see Gavin eye to eye for this, he guided Gavin back up. He looked like hell; Ford knew he couldn’t look any better. They’d both earned themselves some scars tonight, reminders on the inside, even when the dirt smudged over them washed away.
Gavin waited, watched him. Clung tight and wouldn’t let go, hand to hand, knee to knee. Trusting him.
Ford did as Gavin had and cradled Gavin’s face in his palms. He could engulf all of Gavin if he wanted to. He did. “Say it one more time.”
Gavin’s eyebrows drew together; he didn’t question out loud. “I love you,” he said, more clearly than Ford had ever heard the words from him. No hitches. No reason for them. “I’ll say it as many times as you want to hear it.”
“I do. Always, I do. But…” Ford kissed the side of Gavin’s mouth. He traced with the pad of his thumb what he didn’t kiss. “Not that. The other.”
Gavin got it now. He knelt back, both Ford’s hands in his, in his lap. “Marry me.”
Ford lifted Gavin’s hands to his lips. “One more time?”
Gavin scowled. “Marry me, you giant idiot!”
Ford laughed and couldn’t stop. He wrapped Gavin up in the kind of bear hug he’d already missed giving him, and didn’t let go.
“So not right in the head,” Gavin mumbled, though Ford could hear the relief and feel it in the warm wet drops against his chest that chased away the chill of the rain. “I asked. You never answered.”
“Yes. My God. Yes.” Ford couldn’t last a minute longer without kissing Gavin. He didn’t have to. Gavin tasted as sweet as he remembered, sugary dark like gas station coffee, like rain and salt too. “Life is funny.”
Gavin blushed. Ford could see the love in there now. He should have from the start. He didn’t answer in words. There was no need for them.
Ford drew him back in and pressed Gavin’s head to his chest. “Feel that?”
“Like a drum,” Gavin murmured, his ear over Ford’s heart. “For me?”
“All for you. And the rest of me. I’m yours, you know.”
“I do.” Gavin shivered in Ford’s arms.
“You’re wet,” Ford said. He rubbed Gavin’s back. “God, you’re soaking.”
“And you’re not?” Gavin shivered harder. “We should get Oscar inside.”
Ford knew an invitation when he heard one. A hesitant teasing too. A hope laid out in sounds that fell off the tongue without pause. He chafed Gavin’s arms to warm him, though he would have the rest of his life for that.
“Then let’s get him inside,” Ford said. “Us too.”
“Us too,” Gavin said and surged up to kiss him. He wound his arms around Ford’s neck and pressed his lips to Ford’s. “Come inside, Ford. Come and stay.” His smile turned dark and wicked. “We can take the elevator up.”
The last of the clouds cleared away from a waxing moon. Ford took Gavin’s hand and raised him to his feet, Oscar balanced between them. Still purring.
“How could I say no to an offer like that?”
* * *
The ride up to Gavin’s apartment was nothing like the service elevator. Smooth saili
ng all the way. A good sign. Still, Ford wished they’d gone slower. Even stopped once or twice. That way he wouldn’t have had to think about letting go of Gavin. Sliding beneath Gavin’s soaked shirt to splay his fingers wide on Gavin’s stomach, to hear him hiss and feel the contracting flex of those lean muscles. Reaching around to find Gavin’s ass, that gorgeous shelf, and knead him as hard as he wanted. More time for Gavin to moan and lean into him, giving Ford room for everything he wanted.
Ford even reached for the Emergency Stop button. Gavin stopped him, but he was smiling -- almost grinning, a loopy, dazed bliss that made Ford willing to give him anything he wanted.
“Cameras,” Gavin said. Then, perhaps just to shock Ford, or to tease him, he explained. “When we make a tape, I don’t want anyone but us to see it.”
“My God.” Ford had to kiss him, and he made it last the rest of the ride up. “You’ve changed so much.”
“I know.” Gavin brushed Ford’s lips with his. “Because of you.”
“No regrets?”
“None.” Gavin backed through the elevator doors the second they opened, pulling Ford along with him. “And I won’t go looking for them.”
Ford kissed him again. It’d take them a while to get to Gavin’s apartment, he figured.
Then again, the destination was sometimes worth a good, long, slow journey.
“Slow” wasn’t what Gavin had in mind. Ford found it a little difficult to keep it in low gear himself. Still. Step-by-step, a chance to gather his control along the way. Helping Gavin slide the key into the lock, even though both their hands were shaking. Letting Oscar out of his box. The F1 cross shot beneath the bookcase from where he’d first let Ford pet him. Not all the way. Ford could see amber-green eyes watching him; better, he could hear the tug on the carpet as Oscar kneaded, and best of all the purr, a raspy rumble that rose even over the rattle of the radiator when Gavin turned it on with his elbow.
They’d been here before, and it had always been different. Always with Ford on the coaxing side. Not now. A heartbeat after Oscar was safe and sound, Gavin was on him. Love gave a man strength, power enough for Gavin to turn them around and push Ford to the wall, his hands roving everywhere he could reach.
“No rush,” Ford said, though he didn’t try to fight back; no, he couldn’t stop either, again.
He stripped his wet shirt off and fought for the right to do the same to Gavin, up and over. Gavin’s glasses were knocked badly askew, and Ford knew Gavin would have been annoyed enough by the wayward specs to have taken them off if he hadn’t righted them on Gavin’s nose.
“Leave them on,” he said to Gavin’s querying look. “I love sexy, smart men.”
Gavin blushed. Ford kissed that trace of bashfulness away and forgot about it when Gavin’s clever fingers began to work on Ford’s zipper, taking it slow only because he had to. Wet jeans with no underwear beneath to protect Ford’s hard-on required caution and a sure, slow hand.
Ford let the wall bear up his weight and watched Gavin work, his head bent in concentration and the light tickle of his touch -- maddening. Even the sticky pull of soaked denim away from his hips was to be savored.
He stepped out of them as soon as he could. Naked now, with Gavin still halfway there. “You’re wearing too many clothes.” Gavin would have gone to his knees, and Ford would have let him. Gavin had that dark light in his eyes, his lips open in hungry anticipation.
Ford wouldn’t say no to a blowjob. Later. Right now, this was… a troth, he decided. This needed everything.
“No,” he said, guiding Gavin back to his feet. All the better to turn Gavin around and see how he didn’t mind being crowded in, to watch him go sloe-eyed and shivering when Ford opened Gavin’s jeans. His hands were not made by nature to be gentle.
Gavin made it easy.
Ford reached inside Gavin’s jeans and fondled him, the heaviness of his swollen cock filling Ford’s hand. He squeezed just to hear Gavin moan and watch his eyelashes flutter over his cheeks. Squeezed softly, then stroked him nice and easy -- even if he wanted to go to his knees too.
“With my body, I thee worship,” Gavin said abruptly, laughter running in currents beneath his skin. He sifted Ford’s hair through his fingers. “I think they had you in mind when they came up with that one.”
“It’s like you know me.” Ford slid Gavin’s jeans off him. Looser and made of a lighter denim, they slipped away and left Ford able to lift him right out, up into his arms, where Gavin could wrap his legs around Ford’s waist and knot his hands behind Ford’s neck.
“I’m starting to know you,” Gavin said, still serious. “What I don’t know, I have the rest of my li --”
Ford knew what Gavin was going to say, and he wanted to hear it, but he wanted to kiss Gavin even more.
“With my body, I thee worship.”
He carried Gavin to the bedroom and didn’t stop until he’d dropped Gavin on the bed and closed the door behind him, shutting out the rest of the world.
Leaving them alone, together.
“You’re still cold.”
“Then come and warm me up,” Gavin said. He stretched on the bed, reminding Ford of a wildcat ready to play. His cock stood up red and stiff, begging for attention. Even as Ford watched, Gavin raised one knee to plant his foot on the bed and expose himself. No fear in love. No shame.
Where do I start? Ford climbed onto the bed over Gavin, shielding him -- no, keeping Gavin all to himself. No lights on. He wished he could see.
Maybe Gavin could read his mind. Maybe he just wanted the same. Maybe it was a sign. Gavin reached out with the awkward ease of learning practice and clicked on the bedside lamp.
“One better.” Ford took up the candle they’d left there and the matches. He turned off the lamp when he could replace it with the candle’s glow, looked at Gavin, and… stopped, breathless. “My God.”
Gavin laughed, almost a purr, and drew his hand up his chest. “You like what you see?” Still the tiniest bit shy. Still asking to make sure, wondering that it could be so.
Ford knew how to answer that. He always had. “More than you could know.”
“I think I have an idea.” Gavin tugged at Ford. “All the way down. Get me warm.”
“I’ll do more than that.” The first touch of skin on skin made them both draw in ragged breaths, and the first slide of Ford’s naked cock beside Gavin’s made Gavin shake and moan and Ford butt his head to Gavin’s chest to keep from just letting go. Rutting against Gavin like a mad thing. It would have been good. But not enough.
“What, then?” Gavin traced meaningless glyphs on Ford’s back and moaned into Ford’s kisses.
“Like this?” Ford moved down, scattering presses of his lips in the spaces he’d learned Gavin liked best, the ones that made him lose control. “Or do you want slow?”
Gavin nudged him; the man was soft and sleek, but he could make use of sharp bone when he wanted to, even in play. “I don’t want slow.”
The light in his eyes told Ford why Gavin protested. He was on fire, even if it wasn’t the kind of conflagration that could be seen for miles. It was all for Ford, wrapped up in a coal inside a body. No one else got this part of him but Ford.
“Why fast?” he asked, slipping up, sliding his cock next to Gavin’s for the fun of making him shudder and curse.
“Why not fast?” Gavin struggled not to laugh.
So did Ford. “Only us,” he said, knowing Gavin would understand him, but by God, it was getting hard to talk. His body drowned him out, demanding, More, more, more, now, now, now. He staved it off -- long enough to get this decided -- by tangling his fingers with Gavin’s and lacing both their hands around both cocks. Gavin grunted, straining up. He’d gone red in a slow roll from cheeks to chest, his lips slack and his moves first jerky, then languid. Choosing.
“You… tell me --”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Gavin. God, I never want to --”
Gavin growled. Less of a kitten, more of a l
ynx. He pushed Ford up and followed him over, slipping as easily into straddling Ford as if he knew, as Ford felt, this was where he belonged. He put their hands around their cocks again, guiding Ford in the stroke that drew sweat to both their bodies.
Cold? Cold was a distant memory.
“But I want your strength.” Gavin stretched over Ford to draw a bottle of lube from beneath the pillow beneath Ford’s head. “All of it. You won’t hurt me.” He slicked his own fingers and pushed them between his legs.
Oh… God. Ford bit his lip and gripped Gavin so hard by the hips that Gavin would wear a new set of handprints over the ones that had almost faded. “Up.” He pushed Gavin higher on his knees. “Want to see.”
Gavin’s smile was wicked. He knew what he was doing to Ford. And just to know that… dreams did come true. “Yes.” He knew what he was doing here, stretching himself open, fucking himself on his fingers.
Almost no prep at all. Was he that hungry for it? Yes. Gavin rose without asking for any help, already poised to sink down.
Ford caught him by the forearms and held him up. He shook his head, unbound and still-wet hair rustling on the pillow. Gavin slid down, Ford’s hold on him not tight enough to stop him, clever man, from using it to his advantage. He only hesitated when the swollen head of Ford’s cock brushed the rim of his hole. “Want you.”
Ford couldn’t say no. “What you can take,” he said, “I’ll give.”
Gavin’s eyes glittered, dark and drugged and not just lustful. Adoring. “Everything you have.” He slid down, spearing himself on Ford’s cock. He moaned, and his eyes rolled back in his head. Ford caught and held him so they could fall together and not apart.
“Always,” Gavin breathed and began to move. Not up nor down. Grinding clumsy figure eights that took Ford deeper. When there was no more to give, Gavin let his head fall backward and breathed shallowly.
Ford knew what he asked. Some signs any man knew how to read. Gavin wanted his strength. He could have it. He wouldn’t break.
He lifted Gavin off his cock, teasing him as long as he could bear -- almost a second -- and brought him down.
