by Jenna Reed
Safe and warm. I could sympathize with that.
The instructor moved on to the next topic. Every time we came to a participation activity, she migrated back to my table and showed me what I was doing wrong. Even though she was incredibly patient and kind, I was nearing my limit of frustration by the end of the class. When she wrapped up the class, I got up to leave, more than ready to get out of there. The instructor made her way toward me, blocking my escape route.
“You did good today,” she said with a warm smile.
I scoffed. “I screwed up every task you gave me.”
She chuckled. “You didn’t screw up anything. You’re brand new to this and still learning, but you’re a fast learner. Once I showed you what to do, you picked it up right away.”
I contemplated that statement. If she was right, maybe I wasn’t as hopeless as I’d convinced myself I was. “You think I’ll be able to learn all of this stuff before the baby’s born?”
“When will that be?” she asked.
“Four months.”
She grinned. “That gives you plenty of time.” She patted my shoulder. “The fact that you’re here, trying to learn says a lot about your chances.”
Her smile faltered a bit. “This session, I have mostly couples, which is awesome. Normally, I get a fair amount of single moms with disinterested partners. This class really doesn’t teach anything most people won’t figure out on their own over time, but showing up and taking part in the preparation phase instead of sticking your head in the sand makes a big difference in how those first few weeks with the baby will go.”
Frowning, I said, “I guess I never thought about it like that.”
“It’s normal to be freaked out about having a baby for the first time. Of course you’re going to be nervous and doubt your abilities. We all do,” she said.
“There’s just so much to learn,” I argued, “and I’ve never really been around kids or babies before.”
She nodded. “Which makes this all seem even more overwhelming, right?” When I nodded, she smiled. “The most important part of being a parent isn’t knowing how to swaddle or change a diaper. It’s caring enough to be involved and take part in their lives. Everything else usually works itself out.”
I wasn’t completely convinced she was right, but I trusted her judgment enough to acknowledge the possibility that I wasn’t going to fail as badly as I’d been telling myself I would.
Katherine started back toward her desk to collect her things. As she walked away, she said, “If your partner ever wants to join you, she’s welcome. Learning all of this together helps tremendously with nerves and self-doubt.”
Again, I wasn’t sure she was right, but something about her patient and knowing manner told me I should trust her.
Pulling up to Erica’s apartment, I debated the wisdom of bringing up the classes. She knew something was up. She’d pulled back, been much more wary about discussing the baby or involving me in planning since the ultrasound appointment. Over the past two weeks, I’d had to turn down her invitations to talk or help her with something because of the classes. I hadn’t told her why, just that I was busy that night.
I had no doubt she was beginning to suspect I was seeing someone or just plain avoiding her, but I wasn’t as confident as I wanted to be about caring for the baby yet. If she saw how much I was struggling in the class, her doubts about me would only increase. Thinking I was dating someone else, or back to my old ways of endless one night stands wasn’t any better. When it came down to it, I’d rather risk her thinking I was going to be a lousy father than that I didn’t care about her and was making a fool of her.
Getting out of the car, I walked toward Erica’s building. The three blocks I had to walk to get to the main entrance irritated me. I wanted to insist Erica move somewhere better, somewhere bigger and safer. There was no way she’d listen. Moving would mean letting me help her. I already knew what the answer to that would be.
By the time I finally reached her building, I was in luck when another resident was entering at the same time and let me in. I wasn’t quite ready to face Erica yet, so not having to buzz up to her apartment was a relief. Every step I took up the stairs inched my worry up a little higher. What would she say about the classes? Would she think they were stupid? Would she laugh at me for needing to learn how to do the simplest of things? I hadn’t figured out the answer by the time I reached her door, so I knocked and hoped for the best.
The door opened, and a surprised Erica stared out at me. “Rhett, hi. I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I know,” I said, stuffing my hands in my pocket. “Do you mind if I come in?”
Her expression shuttered. “Sure. I guess.” She stepped away from the door and opened it wider to let me in.
Once inside, we walked toward the couch and sat down in silence. Erica twisted her hands together and took a deep breath. “What’s this about?”
Her tone made it obvious she wasn’t expecting anything good. I wanted to rush to reassure her, but part of me said her doubts were reasonable and I shouldn’t make any more promises I couldn’t keep. I couldn’t let her think I was walking away because I didn’t care, though.
“I’ve been, uh, taking this class,” I began.
Erica’s expression crinkled in confusion. “A class?” She frowned. “What kind of class?”
I hated how stupid this was going to sound. “A, um, parenting class.”
I watched as Erica’s eyebrows rose. She didn’t say anything at first, and I couldn’t read the emotions that flashed through her eyes. I worried she thought I was an idiot for having to take a class about swaddling and changing diapers. Weren’t those things every parent should just know? I didn’t know what to think when the corner of her mouth began to edge up.
“That’s why you’ve been so scarce lately?” she asked. “A parenting class?”
Expecting her to start laughing any second, I nodded and my gaze dropped. “My mom recommended it.”
“You’re really taking a parenting class?” she asked again.
My shoulders dropped. She did think I was an idiot. “Yeah.”
“Wow,” she said softly. “That’s not what I expected when I opened the door and saw you there, unannounced and looking nervous as hell.”
Even though I was pretty sure I knew the answer, I asked anyway. “What did you think I was going to say?”
She scoffed. “That you were over the whole being a father thing, or that you’d found someone else who wasn’t getting fatter by the day and cramping your love life.”
Pulling my gaze back to hers, I frowned. “You’re not getting fat, and I couldn’t give a shit about how this has changed my social life. You’re carrying my child, and I think you’re more beautiful than you’ve ever been. I don’t want to be out with other women, either.”
A skeptical expression twisted her mouth. “Somehow I doubt that.”
Huffing in irritation, I said, “Doubt all you want. I know you said the sex didn’t mean anything, and that’s fine, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve enjoyed spending so much time with you and there isn’t anyone else I’d ever want to do all this domestic shit with.”
She seemed taken aback by either my words or the heat behind them, but I wasn’t about to apologize. What I’d said was the truth. There wasn’t another person on the planet I wanted to stay in and watch a movie with on a Friday night. Maybe she didn’t want me as more than the father of our child right now. I didn’t know if that would ever change. I was fucking determined to try, though.
After a few moments, Erica seemed to regain her composure. “You’ve really been taking a parenting class?” When I nodded, she studied me. “How’s it been going?”
I groaned. “Fucking awful,” I admitted. “I’m lost half the time and the instructor is always having to help me with stuff. Honestly, I don’t know if I’m cut out for all of this, and I’m freaked out about the idea of having a little girl I’m going to have to protect
from all the assholes in the world, but…I’ll be damned if I’m not determined to try to do it right.”
Erica’s posture and expression softened. “I’m scared, too, Rhett. I don’t know everything, either. I’m the baby of my family, and I was never that girl who liked to babysit. I’m afraid of failing just as much as you are.”
“But you’re not going to fail,” I said. “You’ll be an amazing mom.”
“Maybe with your help,” she said quietly.
I stared at her, trying to gauge her honesty. Was she just saying that to be nice? Did she really have faith in me? “Do you really think we can do this?”
She smiled and slid her hands into mine. “I’ll think we’ll have a better chance at not fucking things up if we do it together.”
I laughed a little. It was hard to argue with that. “Would you want to come to the next class with me?”
The last bit of the tension she’d been holding drained away. “Yeah, I would.”
Erica, the baby, me…somewhere along the way, we’d become a family in my mind. I still doubted my abilities, but truly sharing the load with Erica gave me a sense of calm. The moment I found out about the baby, she was mine and I knew I could never abandon her. I wasn’t sure when that had become true of Erica, too.
19
Erica
As we walked out of the parenting class together, the thoughts that had been crowding my mind all week shoved their way back in. We were nearing the end of the classes, and I was impressed by how quickly Rhett was picking everything up. When he’d first told me about the class and how horrible he was doing in it, my expectations of his abilities had been extremely low. I’d come to realize that Rhett simply wasn’t used to not being instantly amazing at something. If he couldn’t do it right on the first attempt, he assumed he had failed. It was an interesting insight into how his mind worked.
At first, I’d been resistant to my family meeting Rhett because I hadn’t been convinced that he’d stick around long enough for it to matter. There was still a lingering worry that he’d bail, but my biggest reason I hadn’t introduced him to my family was because I knew how my brothers would treat him. Neither of my brothers had warmed to the idea of Rhett being involved, and had made open threats against him if he so much as stepped a toe out of line with me. I was almost positive, at this point, that my brothers scaring Rhett off would be a bad thing.
Taking the parent class together had shown me how hard he was working, and how committed he was to being a good dad, even if he doubted his own abilities. I was seven months along now. If I didn’t introduce Rhett soon, it would only get harder to do it later. My parents, at least, were interested in meeting him and open to the idea of us co-parenting and not rushing into a hasty marriage. Maybe I could start with them.
When we were seated in the car, I decided it was now or never. “So, I’ve been thinking,” I said without looking directly at Rhett, “that it’s about time you met my family.”
Rhett glanced over at me. His brows were knit together, though I couldn’t determine whether it was in thought or fear. “Really?”
“Well, I’ve met your parents several times now, and I’d prefer the first time my parents meet you isn’t in the delivery room,” I said. “We’re only six weeks away from my due date. It’s time to meet them.”
His expression crinkled. “You’re going to let them in the delivery room?”
I shrugged. “My mom, at least. I think. I haven’t decided yet.” Actually, I hadn’t put much thought at all into it so far. Back when I thought Rhett was going to vanish on me, I’d just assumed my parents and Sophia would be there to help me. Now, I wasn’t sure.
Frowning, Rhett said, “You’re sure you want me to meet your family?”
I nodded with surety.
His frown deepened. “How much do your brothers still hate me?”
Cringing, I stared out the window. “The same amount as before.”
Rhett sighed. “Well, I guess meeting them will either change that or they’ll beat the shit out of me and we’ll figure it out from there.” He signaled to turn onto the street that would lead us back to my apartment building. “When do you want to do this?”
“This weekend?” I asked. “We get together once a month for family dinner. Very casual. We wouldn’t need to stay long if things are tense.”
Rhett didn’t look particularly excited about the prospect of meeting my family, but a look of determination settled on his features. “This weekend. Okay. Should I pick you up?”
He probably would have preferred to drive separate, so if it went badly, he could make his escape. It was a leap of faith to go together, a leap we needed to take together. “Sure. Six o’clock?”
Nodding, Rhett went quiet after that. It only gave him two days to prepare to meet my brothers. His well-known reputation wasn’t going to be easy to overcome. My brothers were too much like Rhett to believe his change of heart without proof. One dinner wasn’t going to cut it. It would be a start, though.
We pulled up to my parents’ house and Rhett shifted into park with a sharp movement. His body had been tense the whole drive. Glancing over at me, he asked, “Any last minute advice?”
I considered his question. “With my parents, not really. They’re going to like you. When it comes to my brothers…just stay focused on the baby, I guess. I’m not going to lie, they’re not going to like you right away. They’ll be polite enough in front of my parents, but if they get you alone, it might not be pleasant.”
“Stick near your parents then,” he said seriously.
“That’s probably best,” I agreed.
He nodded. After one last glance at each other, we both got out of the car. I walked around to meet Rhett and was surprised when he took my hand. I knew I should probably shake him off, especially considering that I’d made it abundantly clear to my family that we were not in a relationship, but I knew Rhett needed a little reassurance in that moment. So did I, to be perfectly honest. It wasn’t until we made it up to the front door that he reluctantly released me.
“Should I knock?” he asked.
I chuckled and pushed the door open. The empty living room gave me pause until I heard voices coming from the kitchen. I’d expected my parents to ambush us as soon as we got here. They were ecstatic when I told them I was bringing Rhett to family dinner. It sounded like they were too busy arguing over the barbecue sauce to pay attention to the time. I gestured for Rhett to follow me and headed for the kitchen.
We walked in on my mom trying to add more pepper to the sauce and my dad blocking her efforts with his entire body. Despite their spice battle, both were laughing and smiling when I interrupted. “At this rate, it looks like we won’t be eating for quite a while.”
They both froze and turned to face me. My mom’s face lit up immediately. She set the pepper grinder down without another thought and made a beeline for Rhett. My dad wasn’t quite as eager, hanging back a bit, but didn’t look at all hostile. So far so good.
“You must be Rhett,” my mom gushed. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. Erica’s told us so much about you, but I was beginning to think you were a ghost.”
Rhett tried to keep a pleasant smile. He seemed to interpret that statement the way I did. My mom had been half-convinced Rhett had already bailed and I wouldn’t admit the truth. Rhett stuffed away his discomfort and smiled. “It’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Roberts. Thank you for having me.”
“You’re welcome any time,” she said. “We’re old, but we’re not old fashioned. The important thing is that my little granddaughter knows she’s loved when she’s born. We’ll figure everything else out together, right?”
Rhett’s shoulders relaxed a little. “Right.”
Finally, my dad stepped up. “Rhett, glad to have you. We appreciate you taking the time to come out and meet us. I hope you like ribs.”
“I do,” Rhett said with the first genuine smile I’d seen on him since I’d suggested this field trip. “A
nd the pleasure is all mine. You have a beautiful home.”
My dad laughed. “It’s taken about thirty years to get it this way, and there’s still a list of things to do, but we enjoy it. You know anything about tile?”
Panic flashed in Rhett’s eyes. “Unfortunately, no.”
Dad sighed. “That’s too bad. Neither does Jackson or Carson.”
“Which means you should call someone to do it for you,” my mom chided.
My dad waved off the suggestion and both me and my mom grimaced. There were a lot of things my dad could do. He was quite handy and had remodeled most of the house largely on his own. There were a few things, however, that he had no skill at all with and routinely screwed up. Tile was one, electrical was another. After electrocuting himself trying to switch out a clothes dryer plug, my mom had put a ban on home electrical projects. She’d tried to ban him from using a wet saw, but he was convinced he couldn’t hurt himself badly enough to justify that.
Attempting to distract my dad from thoughts of tiling anything, my mom said, “Why don’t you go put the ribs on the grill?”
My dad snatched up the plate of ribs and the sauce before my mom could add anything else to it, and headed for the backyard. It was almost too cold to be grilling outside for most people. My dad would be out there in a parka all winter. Shaking my head at him, I refocused on my mom and Rhett.
“So, have you come up with any names yet?” my mom asked with a bright smile.
Rhett and I glanced at each other and laughed. “Not that we can agree on,” I said.
“There’s a few we both like,” he argued.
“But we can’t decide on the order, even for those.” I smirked at him, remembering our last conversation about names. He’d insisted Greta Marie sounded better than Katie Marie, while I liked Marie for a first name, but couldn’t choose anything that sounded right for a middle name.
My mom laughed. “What are the top choices, then?”
